Lindsey

"Hi.  You probably don't remember me.  Cordelia.  I know you're evil and everything but that was amazing."

I remember you.  God, I remember you.  Sitting at your desk as I came in, bloodstains on my shirt.  You were, typing or something.  Looking pretty incredible.  I had a little bit of a school boy crush on you, y'know.  OK, I thought you were hot.  Incredibly hot.  With this smirk on your face as I smiled at you briefly

Which is why it's even weirder for you to be standing in front of me in the Caritas parking lot.  I really don't know what the Hell you want or need and the whole 'If I see you outside the club, I'll kill you' threat didn't really faze you.

That impresses me by the way.

I wish I could freeze frame this whole moment, just so I could concentrate on how great you look right now.  I love the way your hair is right now, short and cute.  But sexy and alluring.  The way you smirk at Angel.  And when I was singing, I saw you, watching me.  I caught your eye for a second until I looked away, embarrassed.  I can't believe that you can turn me into a thirteen year old again and make me blush.

Darla who?

I never imagined that you'd be standing in front of me right now.  Never.  Which is why I can't think of a thing to say.  And I'm a lawyer.  I NEVER know nothing to say.

Cordelia
 
 

"I see you outside the club, I'll kill you."

He didn't mean me?  Did he?  He meant Angel.  Obviously not me, right?  So it wouldn't hurt to y'know, go after him and tell him *just* how incredible he is.

"So we what?  Go track down them prints?" Gunn asks.

My train of thought includes Lindsey Lindsey Lindsey Lindsey Lindsey.  God, I'm pathetic.

"Yes.  That would be the course of action.  However we can get into the Crime database," Wesley nods.

"Yeah I'll take care of that," Angel says sniffing Lindsey's drink and screwing up his face in distaste.  Gingerly he poured out the drink, careful not to damage the prints.

"Yeah I'll, um, stay here.  Get a drink," I suggest staring after Lindsey through the door.

"Your head still troubling you?" Wesley asks softly.

"Huh?  I mean yeah.  Yeah," I nod earnestly.  "So I'll stay in the hope that alcohol can calm it."

"Sure that's the best thing?" Angel asks concerned.  Great!  Now he's worried.  When he goes all Psycho Vamp and I need him to worry, he doesn't.  The one time when I need them all to skedaddle and they're hanging around like the smell of demon entrails.

"Yeah, yeah I'll be fine.  I've got a full bar to drink, nice.. demons to meet, sometimes good singing.  I'll be fine."

"I'll check on you later?" Angel offers.

"Nah, go.  Find the hand owner," I dismiss.  Angel would go insane if he even caught the way I was looking at Lindsey.

They all nod and leave Caritas.  I leave it a second before rushing out the door, hoping to catch Lindsey McDonald before his car leaves the lot.  I just see the tail lights of the Angel mobile.  I hear an electronic beep and run towards the direction of a black mercedes with the door open.

"Wait!  Wait!" I holler and run across to him.  At least I hope it's him.  The figure gets out of the Merc and closes the door over lightly.  "Hey," I say breathlessly.  It is him.  Oh my god he's looking so fine in that shirt.  And God it's my luck to be standing in front of him, out of breath, head still aching and for once with nothing to say.  Well nothing rational to say.

I could say 'Hey, you have a great voice, let's go have mad passionate sex'?  No, I really couldn't.  I mean, after I dumped Harmony and everyone a few years back in Sunnydale, calling her a sheep and going off with Xander 'I'm the president of the dork club' Harris, I still held my head up high.  I still rampaged through the halls of Hellmouth High, putting everyone around me down so I could feel important.  My father lost all our money.  All of it.  My car had to go. My clothes.  And I couldn't skip town and crawl into a dark place that vampires frequent because I wanted to graduate.  Even after then, I walked through Sunnydale acting totally superior.  And I believed it.  That was the thing about me.  I had this incredible reserve of strength.  And character.  And finesse.  I was the undisputed queen for 18 years running.  I was dressing up in crowns and robes when I was five weeks old and my mom entered me in this Cutest New-born competition.  I, of course, came first.

So what the Hell is wrong with me now?  I'm nervous and shaky and I can feel my palms greasing off of each other.  It's Lindsey McDonald.  Where's the big?

I know.  It's Lindsey McDonald.

I'll admit it, I've had an incredible crush on him since I first noticed him when he joined forces with Angel last year for like a nano second.  Sure, Angel talked about him and called him Evil Lawyer Demon Spawn, cursed his name and all.  I'd seen him in the paper but trust me, black and white does not do him justice.

So back to the anxiety.

"Hi.  Cordelia," he remembers.

"Yeah.  Me.  Cordelia.  I'm not here for Angel if that's what you're thinking.  I just wanted to tell you, again, how great you are.  At singing I mean.  You're really... good.  And the guitar hand is looking good as new.  And good.  Uh," I blush looking down.  "I already said good didn't I?  Adjectives.. Failing me.."

"Never noticed," he murmurs mesmerized.  By me?  He snaps out of it and nods.  "Thank you," he says graciously, chewing his lip.  "Feels good to be playing again."

What is his accent?  It's so husky and beautiful and oh my god I'm falling into the Unsuitable Guy Trap yet again.  Must walk away.. Walk away Cordelia.  Damn legs, why won't you work?

Maybe cuz your brain doesn't want them to.  Or your ears since his voice is like silk.  That accent mixed with his soft tones and the way it rises slightly and..

"It's criminal you haven't sang even without the guitar because.. listening to you.. Let's just say I feel as warm and fuzzy when people talk about money and tax rebates.  And that's a good thing," I grin stupidly.  I feel so light headed and foolish and like a kid again.  Weird.

Wrong, I never felt like this as a kid.  I think I was born with maturity and finesse coming up to my armpits way beyond my years.

I do remember feeling all stupid like this.  Back in the seventh grade, Graham Philips liked me.  He was the male me in my class.  He was as popular as I was and there was a rumour going around that he wanted to invite to Spring Fling.  He sat in front of me in geometry.  He pretended to turn for an eraser while Mr No Personality continued to yammer on about triangles and stupid geometric stuff.

He grinned and his brown hair flopped over his eyes as he cool interior-slash-exterior held and he opened his mouth to speak.

So I freaked, but acted the way I do, by dropping my pencil on the floor and when I looked back up, he'd backed out.

He wasn't that easy to get rid of, of course.  He came back.  A lunch, he took his tray from the Popular Guy table, off shoot of the Popular Girl table and came to sit.  Of course, Harm went nuts and started blabbering on about something.  I wasn't listening.  I was just gazing at him, feeling my mouth turn into a smirk, finding more confidence.  He sat across from me and everyone departed; like in the Westerns where the town suddenly clears and everyone puts down their shutters, peering out from behind barrels and horses or whatever.  A hush claimed the whole of the lunchroom as he reached across and nervously took my hand.

"Cordelia, you know that I like you.  Everyone's been saying and all.."

"Have they?  Didn't notice," I shrug and his face fell flatter than Angel's heartbeat.  I picked up my water and sipped it.  "Must have been a rumour I missed."

"Anyway.  Thing is, it wasn't a rumour.  Cordelia, let's go to Spring Fling together," he continued, really threatened by my new Man-eater stance.

"To what?  Stand next to each other uncomfortably while we shuffle our feet to the sooo over music?  Tell you what Graham.  I'll go out somewhere with you if you show me fun.  Otherwise, forget it.  I'll be busy winning the crown at Spring Fling anyway."

"We'd have fun," he says earnestly.  Like putty, my friends.

"All right.  Get a limo and a tuxedo and you're on."

Remember I'm only twelve at this point.

"A t-t-tuxedo?"

"What's wrong Graham? Do I intimidate you?"

He shook his head and agreed.  That year, everyone rushed to book limos (In seventh grade) and get formal wear because of that thing.  I won Spring Queen and at the end of the night, Graham Phillips, dressed in a tuxedo at my request, gave me my first kiss.

From then on I was different.  Everything was different.  It was all about boys.

It hasn't been about boys since.. Well.. Wilson.  Asshole.  And this here, isn't about a boy.

It's about one mighty fine man.  And his guitar.

Lindsey
 

"It doesn't feel right, singing, without playing my guitar.  Just strumming.  Making the notes flow and come together and.. Sorry," I smile shyly.  "I don't mean to go off on a music passion tangent like that."

"I'm just sorry Angel cut off your hand and I haven't heard you til now."

"I feel kind of weird talking to you about the hand and all.  Angel did cut it off because he needed to save you."

"So it was like between my life and your hand?"

I nod, looking down.  "Yeah.  I guess I should apologize for that."

"I guess you should.  But you could always play me another song.."

She's flirting with me

"The thing with the hand is that it's, uh, evil.  I need to find out who it belongs to and all."

"So you're going there now?"

"No.  I need to find out who before I can get to them."

"I'll help."

"Really?  What about.." I gesture in a wild direction that could be her boss and her buddies.

"Angel?  Well you heard Mojo guy.  This is all the same case.  Angel won't mind if I go at it from a different angle."

"At what?" I couldn't resist making her uncomfortable.  She just seems so unflappable.

"At-At-At you know what at.  The case!  Yes I mean the case!" She says triumphantly.  "Angel won't mind if I go at the case from another angle."

"I suppose not," I agree.

"I have to admit, I've never seen you like this.  With the singing and all.. It wasn't just the Host you bared your Soul to, I seen it as well.  And I know there's someone that wants to do right in there."

Do I?  Want to do right?  I've been numb to 'right' and 'wrong'.

"How can you tell Cordelia, I don't even know," I say quietly.  In this moment, I feel like I've known her forever.  I feel she knows every inch of me.  She knows how I take my eggs and she knows I like a lot of sugar in black coffee for the contrast.  She knows how I feel and how I think.  She knows that when I have a crease in my chin it's because I'm worried or upset or anxious.  I see this whole life flash before my eyes.

A future life of the one I'm living right now.  And it's with Cordelia.  We get up in the morning and I go into the bathroom to shave.  She comes up behind me and slips her arms through my armpits and takes the brush to apply the shaving foam.  She slaps it on and before I know it, we're having a Shaving foam fight.  After we stop it, she turns me to her and shaves for me, touching my skin ever so often and kissing the nick on my chin she accidentally made.  I kiss her and shaving foam rubs off onto her cheek.  I cook pancakes for her and we never run out of things to say to each other.

Flash forward to years later and we're in the kitchen again and I'm making pancakes.  For her and our three kids; two girls and a boy.  Cordelia's pregnant with the fourth and she's never looked more beautiful.  Radiant, glowing.  A really great mother, coaxing the youngest girl to find her sneaker...

"I know.  And if you don't believe that, believe this," she says softly, tilting my chin.  It sounds weird but I feel everything rushing through me at 120 miles per hour.  My blood, adrenaline and a cold shiver zings down my spine.  "Every person has evil in them.  But everyone has good in them too.  Lindsey, you can be good."

"I don't know how.." I say with difficulty.

"Then I'll help," she suggests.  "I'll do whatever."

There's an electric atmosphere between us.  "Are you helping me because it's your job or because you want to?"

She smiles confidently, and brushing a hair out of her face.  "Well one more Soul saved and I get a set of steak knives."

"So you're.. sort of counting on me?" I grin, opening the passenger door for her.

"You could look at it like that," she laughs, getting in.
 

Cordelia
 

"So where we going first?" I ask him.

"Wolfram and Hart.  Dig up where the hand came from."

"We're going to Wolfram and Hart?"

"If you promise to be on your best behaviour."

"Yes sir," I smirk.  He looks so amazing in that shirt.  And the way he looks at me, and the way he talks to me, it's like I'm the only person in the whole world.  The rest is silence and no one else exists.  He looks straight in me and only in me.  He's not thinking about anything else, or anyone else.  Just me.  And him.  I love that.  I love the way it makes me shiver with excitement.  No one has ever looked at me like I'm the only one.

Could I be the only one?  I don't know if he dates or is married or anything.  But the way he brushes my hand as he changes gear, it feels like I'm the only one.  Being around him makes me feel that way.

Is he like this with everyone?  Really warm and kind and gentleman like.  Opening doors and grinning occasionally with a cute boyish air about him.  He looks at me as we exit the covered parking lot and smiles.

"Are you sure?" He questions, bringing me back to earth.  But the thing is, earth is exactly like the heaven I was dreaming of.  We're still in the car together.  The only people in the world.

"Sure about what?"

"Wolfram and Hart.  Going there."

"Totally," I convince him.

"Good," he reaches over and gently slips his hand into mine.

"Good," I confirm.
 

Lindsey
 

It was all too surreal.  Going to Wolfram and Hart with Cordelia.  She was the lookout as I raided Nathan's computer for the address, or any information.  She suggested looking in the paper files.  So there we were, sitting on the floor of the reference library, with tonnes of files in our laps.  When Cordelia found it -She's pretty good at research- I heard a voice and some people.  We grabbed the file and threw the rest in the cabinet and I grabbed Cordelia wrist and lead her behind some more towers of paper.  We stayed there quietly as two people - Lilah and someone else - came in.  We were breathing deeply and Cordelia caught me gazing at her.  She smiled as I blushed.  Then Lilah walked over to the stack where we were hiding and Cordelia yanked me in her direction.  She found a gap for us to hide.  We ended up, her back to the file cabinets and me up against her.  Lilah said thanks to the guy and then left the room.  We collapsed into giggles and sidled out.  After a few minutes, waiting for the all clear, we ran out the library and calmly made our way to the elevator.  We got out without a hitch after that.

There's nothing like adrenaline.  I drove us both to my apartment and we stood.  Staring at each other.  In perfect silence.  Just looking and smiling.

Well that was before she spoke...
 

Cordelia
 

"So what happens now?  You know where the parole officer is, you can get to your hand giver, things seem to be looking up.  We're a regular Starsky and Hutch," I smile.

"Cordelia.. I want you to stay here," he tells me sincerely.

"Huh?  No no no no.  Don't tell me you think you're putting me in danger," I shake my head angrily.  "Because me and danger are like that," I say, holding up my crossed fingers for a visual.

"It's not that.  It's something I need to do myself.  Find out myself.  And not be distracted.  You, Cor, are a distraction," he grins recklessly.  Stay steady knees.

"OK.  So what do I do?"

"Stay here," Lindsey suggests.  "Order takeout.  Watch a little TV.  Do anything you want.  I have these nice.. bath oils," he gestures to the bathroom.  I make fake sound of shock.

"Are you trying to get me naked in your apartment Mr McDonald?"

"Yeah," he laughs.  "Just a shame I won't be here."

"Oh I'll give you a private showing," I blurt out before realizing what the Hell I'm saying and who to.  I could do this all day.  Flirty jibe to flirty jibe.

"So you'll be here?"

"Oh yeah," I grin as he leaves.

He came back to his place a few hours later, exhausted and seemingly defeated.  I stood up as soon as the handle turned and walked over to him.  He closed the door and back up against it.  He slid down the door and buried his head in his hands, weeping loudly.  I knelt down with him and pulled him to me.  He slid his arms around my neck like a child and cried into my shirt.  I could feel his tears against my skin, hurting me.

"Lindsey.." I whispered as he pulled back and looked at me with puffy eyes.  "You don't have to tell me.. It's OK.. You don't," I tell him, kissing two of my fingers and placing them on his forehead.  Then he rubs my ear gently, tracing down my neck with his fingers.  I lean in, never been so sure of anything before and he meets me in the middle.  We exchange a look before we close our eyes and have our first kiss.  I can't explain how great and explosive it was.  It just.. Was.  On the level of an atomic explosion and everything inside me came alive and stood up in that moment.  They say humans only use 10% of our brains.  Well it felt like up until I kissed him, I'd only been using 10% of me and the other 90 was waking up and getting into gear.  I'd never been so aware of every cell in my body and feeling his warmth against my body was enough to send me blissfully to my grave.

When the kiss ended, I touched away his salty tears left over with my lips and another kiss began.  And we never parted as we got off the floor.  He pressed his full palm against mine and then entwined our fingers.

Have you ever loved someone so much you feel choked up with tears and you can't breathe?  If you do, you'll know what we both felt at that moment.  And hopefully all the time after.  I just didn't want him to stop kissing me.

I stood and leaned against the door as he kissed me deeper.  I wish this moment could be suspended over time and I'd always know what it's like to feel this with him.

I turn both of us round and tug his hand towards his bedroom.  He glances at it and then at me.  It was the look in his eyes.  The look that seems decades old.  As if he'd used it every day of our lives together already, telling me something I already knew - That we're the only one's in the world.  I knew what his touch meant.  When he held me tightly, he never wanted this to end.  When he brushed my lips sensually, he wanted to make me feel so special and so good inside.  And when he pressed out hands together and then wove our fingers, he wanted to be with me forever.  He wanted me to want everything from him that he wanted from me.  When he whispered to me, he needed me as much as I need him.  He wanted us to be best friends, lovers, girlfriend/boyfriend, husband/wife and Soulmates.  Everything that anyone could be to another person.

As we tumbled onto the bed, I remember a haze around us.  A bubble.  Something temporary, making sure nothing wrong or bad could happen to us tonight.  Everything would be amazing and in the morning, I'd wake up with the most beautiful man on the face of the earth, and under it, and know what it was like to feel.
 
 

Lindsey
 
 

I never thought I'd see her again.  She left before I woke up.  Then I went to the board meeting, shot a guard in the foot, ruffled Charlie's hair several times, pretended to attempt a shot at Nathan, got Lilah promoted instead of me and felt her up.  For the hell of it of course.  Evil hand.

I come home to pack and there she is.  The first thing I see when the elevator doors open on my floor.  She was leaning against the wall, head in her knees.  Her head bobs up quickly when she hears the ping of the elevator and she sees me.  she slowly climbs up the wall with her hands, and smiles at me.  It's been such a long time since anyone smiled at me like that.  Warmth.  Maybe we're meant to be.  I tell myself we can't be.  It's not even in the same vicinity, same state as Possible, but she's the warmth to my cold.  I can feel it inside me.  The coldness.  Protecting assassins in court, getting vampires off with mass murder.. It's made me numb to good and evil.  Knowing what's right and wrong.

Maybe she's the One that brings me back;  My Humanity.  My Saviour.

"Where did you go this morning?"

"I wanted to stay," she told me honestly.  "I had this big national audition and you're such a late sleeper.  I came straight back after.  You were gone."

"Noon board meeting.  How was the audition?" I ask lightly.  I really wish she didn't know the other side of me.  The Wolfram and Hart side.  I wish we could of just met as I quit.  And I could be something else... But I think she doesn't hate that side of me.  She doesn't run from it.  I don't even think she cares.  If she doesn't, I don't know if I should.  But it's not something I can run from.

"The audition.. Went good.  It was this play.  So.. What happened?" She asks, brushing her hair back as I unlock the door.  "That is.. If you wanna talk about what happened last night as well as that."

I throw my keys down and turn to her.  "I found whose hand it was."

"And?"

"He wanted me to kill him."

"Oh," Cordelia said softly.  "And you did?" She asks gently.  I take her hand with my Good One and bring her to the sofa where I turn to her.

"I..I had to," I finish weakly.  "I have to go away for a while.  I quit Wolfram and Hart.  I'm not running.  I just need a little--"

"Time?"

"Yeah.  Time.  To figure out what I am, what I was and what I've become."

Cordelia nods understanding, as ever and leans forward.  She kisses my cheek lingerly and then further to my ear.

"I could tell what you are right now."

"What?" I say, my voice on the edge of a whisper.

"Someone," she starts, putting a hand on my jaw and kissing my neck tenderly.  She slips my jacket off.  "Someone who lost his way for a while there."  She unbuttons three on my shirt and switches to the other side and kisses my jaw line and forehead, letting her hands wander to my hair.  "And someone who wants to do good.  Someone who's.." She breathes lightly as her finger slip round to undo all of my shirt.  "Good on the inside."

"How do you know this?" I ask her lightly.  She draws back to study my expression and then cracks a sad smile.

"I am a Seer Mr McDonald."

"I forgot about that," I admit as our heads meet and I relish having my skin on hers.  Then I roll forward and meet my lips with hers.  It feels better than anything I've ever felt.  Feels better than $4000 dollar suits, feels better than a six figure salary, feels better than victory, feels so much better than hate.

"Let me come with you," she murmurs softly, so softly I almost don't hear.

"What?" I ask her.  Cordelia Chase.  In the past two days, you have become the God of my Idolatry.  And I'd hope you'd be impressed that Soul Sucking Lawyers, such as I, can quote Shakespeare.

"Let me come with you," she repeats.

"B-but what about visions?  And Angel?"

"They'll manage.  I can call them if I get one.. I don't know Lindsey.  I just know that I've never felt this about anyone before and I'm not about to let it walk out of town.  What if we were two normal people?  Could you l-love me?"

"Cordelia.. I could love you anyway.  I could love you if you were a vampire.  Or a demon.  Or a lawyer.  Or if you worked for the man my firm's intent on destroying."  She smiles.  "I could love you anyway you could be Cordelia."

"So why don't you?" She asks me, a pained expression that makes me cry inside.

"Who says I don't?" I challenge.  "Huh?  I don't recall saying that I didn't love you in the recent past."

"Lindsey.. I just know I don't want to be without you for the next part of your life that'll be tied up and put in the Wilderness Years box when you're old and grey."

"I'll never be grey.  I'll use dye."

"Say yes or no.  Lindsey, I could walk out of here at any minute.  And if you felt what I feel; About not letting you go, then you wouldn't let me go."

"I know you won't walk out of here."

"How do you know that?" She scowls.

"Because we both feel it," I tell her, holding her face in one hand and brushing my cheek with hers.  "I can feel everything now, Cordelia.  I love the way you're skin feels against my fingertips.  I love the way you're hair feel so soft against my cheek.  I love the way that you brushing your hand across my leg makes my whole body shiver.  And when you do, I see our future.  Our life together," I murmur into her silky skin.

"So let me come."

"You want to pack up.  Leave.  For God knows where and for Hell knows how long?"

"Yes."

"This is crazy," I tell her.

"Crazy would be letting you go.  Letting you drive off alone."

"No that would be sane," I say with difficulty.  "You have such a great life Cor.  You are so beautiful and talented and you don't need a road trip with your best friends worst enemy."

Cordelia did something so unexpected.  I'm not saying she never does it but in this situation I really didn't think she would.  She laughed.  I asked her what she was laughing about since I was serious as a lawsuit.

"No offence Lindsey.  But you're not as Bad as you think you are," she says, cracking up.

"Huh?"

"Angel hates a lot of people a whole more than he does you.  Yeah sure, he despises you until the cows come home and when they come home he could despise them but.. He hates himself more than he hates you."

"Oh," I say confused.  "So all that wanting to kill me--"

"Oh no that was real."

"Oh."

"100 percent."

"So anyway.. We're--"

"Wait," she stops me.  "You're gonna say we're too different.  It'd never work.  And blah blah blah blah blah.  I never knew you were such a coward Lindsey."

"I-I.."

"You know what?  Forget it!  Forget I ever suggested it!  Forget I ever came here!  Forget I ever fell for you!  Forget I ever had a crush on you a year ago!  Forget I felt everything come back to me when I heard you sing!  Forget that whenever you look at me, I feel everything slide away!  Forget we ever slept together!  Just forget it all Lindsey!" She fumes and gets up.  She storms out.  I know my Soul and my heart stormed out with her because that's where they lie, but I'm sitting here.  For the life of me, I have no idea why I couldn't move.  Why I let her leave.  Open the door, go down the corridor and get in the elevator with Frank the busboy and an expensive shoe buffer.

I just sat there.  And after a few seconds, I started hiccuping with tears.  I have this awful overwhelming feeling I would never see her again.  It decimated my insides, killing off any hope or glimmer of redemption.  Unofficially, I just let Cordelia Chase go.

I let her go.

I'm not ready to do that.  I want her.  I want everything we can have.  I want shaving foam fights.  I want pancakes.  I want our four kids.  I want her to love me like I love her.

I think she already does.

Which brings me back to the question.  Why did I let her walk out of here?

I have to go after her.

I run out of my apartment and see the elevator doors close with a glimmer of Cordelia.  I take to the stairs, tearing down them like a demon possessed.  When I reach the bottom, I jump over the banister and push the revolving doors out of my apartment building.  I see Cordelia walking along the sidewalk and a limousine pull up next to her.  A limo with WH7 as the license plate.

"CORDELIA!" I shriek in terror.  She's too far away, I can only watch as she turns round at hearing my voice only to be grabbed by a man in a black suit coming out of the limo.  Another helps pick her up and throw her in like a rag doll.  The limo tyres screeched away as I sprinted up beside it.

I just watch as it drove recklessly off.  I just watched and felt numb.
 

// People gonna beg and crawl...//
 

The Hyperion hotel stares me down as I gaze up at it, knowing what I need to do.  I walk inside and through the well crafted lobby, seeing Angel Investigations hard at work.

"Excuse me," I clear my throat.  Wesley, Angel and another guy look up at me.  Angel seems different towards me since last night.  A inch of respect almost.  His stare isn't threatening or murdering.  Just bewildered and curious.

"I need your help," I say shakily.

"Again?  Good God, your cross back and forth from evil to good is a bit too much to take," Wesley says.

"It's Cordelia."

They all stand up at once.

"What about Cordelia?  What did you do to her?" The other guy says.  "Huh?!  WHAT?"

"Gunn, stop," Angel orders.  "Lindsey what about Cordelia?  Why would you know anything about her?  She's got an audition today."

"After you guys left the club, she came after me.  We talked and we.. We.. I care about her," I swallow.  "I left Wolfram and Hart this morning.  They came after me.  They saw Cordelia leave my apartment and they took her.  To get to me.  I need your help to get her back," I explain.

"Where?" Angel demands, throwing Wesley the car keys.

"I think they've taken her to the main building.  They'll want me there."

"You're coming," he tells me as they all head out to the car lot.

"I know."
 

Cordelia
 

When I opened my eyes I realised how much I wanted them to close again.  I'm not at work fighting with Gunn or a demon, or in my bed, or beside Lindsey.  I'm in a Wolfram and Hart boardroom.  With some bald guy at the end of the table and several lawyers sprinkled around the table.  I'm at the bottom in a really nice leather chair.

Remember, Cordelia, that's not the issue.  They kidnapped me.  But they didn't tie me down.  I look to both of my sides and there's bodyguards.  Or just guards.  I don't think they want to guard my body, just make sure it stays.

And I can only think of two reasons why I'm here - why they brought me here.

Lindsey.  Or Angel.

"It's nice to see you've woken up Ms Chase," the bald guy says.

"Yeah.  Can't say I was enjoying being knocked out much either.  Who are you?"

"You can call me Nathan."

"I feel honoured.  Why am I here?" I scowl.

"In around ten minutes, Lindsey will arrive," Nathan says, looking at his Rolex.  Well I can't see from away down here but I'm guessing that it's a gold rolex.

"Why?"

"To save you," this woman interjects.

"Why would he do that and who the Hell are you?"

"Lilah Morgan.  Friend of Lindsey's.  You and Lindsey are.. together aren't you?  Our mistake.  So we didn't pick you up outside Lindsey's apartment?  And you two weren't in here late last night?  And you never stay at his apartment last night, leaving in the morning only to return?  You are together."

"How--  How did you know?" My jaw drops.

"Surveillance pictures," Nathan spreads them out.  

"Why?"

"Lindsey McDonald is a powerful asset.  We don't need him quitting because his girlfriend told him to."

"I didn't tell him to.  I never even knew," I defend.  "I don't care if he works for you guys or not.  Sure I'd prefer if he didn't but I'd love him either way.  It wasn't my decision!  And what, you think you're gonna scare him into coming back?"

"You are the only person that Lindsey values in his life.  Even if it has only been a night.  He will do anything to prot--"

Nathan was interrupted by a crash coming through the window behind him.  The glass sprayed everywhere and four people came through, grabbing onto ropes.  At the same time, the two guards grab onto my upper arms and yank me up.

"Hey!" I growl.

Lindsey.  And Angel, Wesley and Gunn.

"Told you it was easy," Angel says to the others.  He draws out his sword from his back and rests the blade on Nathan's throat.  "Hey.  Did you think I'd forgotten about all of you here?" He smiles around at them.  "Because I have.  This is how it's going to be.  You two guys are gonna let Cordelia go before I kill your boss here.  And I have no problem about doing so.  Do it now before your building security comes in and everyone walks away," Angel snarls shifting into game face.  I wriggled about in their grip but their not letting me go anytime soon.

"Let her go," Lindsey enforces, walking up to the end of the table.  "Or you won't like what I'm about to do."

He makes eye contact with me, telling me exactly what to do when he does.  I nod back.  

"So?" Lindsey waits for an answer.

"Boss?" The guard asks Nathan, sword to throat and all.

"I'm getting impatient," Angel warns.

Nathan stays silent and the whole room is claimed by a hush before Lindsey punches the guard on my right.  It free my right fist which collides with the guard on my left.  He falls back and Lindsey trips over the right guard's body before grasping for my hand.  In that moment, Angel pushes Nathan's chair to the side and he, Gunn and Wesley run after us.  

"Come on," he breathes, running for the door.  Behind me, I see Angel jump onto the table and run along it.  Lindsey and I stumble out the door, seeing the building patrol to the right of us.  We skid to a halt and Lindsey pulls me in the other direction, towards the stairs.

I push open the stairwell access, checking for the guys behind us.  Angel, ever the show off, stopped, and opened the first office door.  He pulled it off it's hinges and threw it at the W&H cops, stopping them in a bundle on the floor.

"I'm sorry!" Lindsey yells to me as we race down the stairs, making my legs turn to jelly.  

"Why?"

"For letting you walk out," he tells me, pulling me further.  If it wasn't for his grip, I would have fallen.

"It's in the past.  On one condition," I grin as much as I can as we reach the third floor.  

"This way!" Lindsey says, getting out onto the third floor and running along the corridor with me, all the Wolfram and Hart clerks in contracts department watching.  "they'll cut us off at the bottom otherwise."  He slams his body through a fire door and we start the familiar rhythm of running down the stairs.  "What condition?" He returns to the previous conversation.

"That you don't leave.  Don't leave LA.  And if you have to, I'm coming.  Don't leave me just as this is starting," I shout, and it echoes in the fire escape passage.  There's two flights of stairs left and my ankle collapses.  It just falls apart and I tumble down the stairs, taking Lindsey with me.  We're in a heap at the bottom and he turns to me.

"Cordelia! Are you OK?" He asks desperately, with a small cut on his forehead.

"Stupid, stupid, clumsy," I mutter, through tears.  "My ankle.. It feels like it's broken."

"Don't worry about it Cor," he tells me, his chin creasing like he does when he's worried or anxious.  "Come on, we need to keep going," he says as the rest of them catch up with us.  Lindsey helps me up and spreads my arm over his shoulder.  Angel catches up and drapes my other arm over his and looks at Lindsey.

"Ready?" Angel nods to Lindsey.  

"Ready."  Then they float me down the last flight of steps and we finally reach the fire door at the back of the Wolfram and Hart.  Gunn opens the door and holds it as we get out.  

"Where's the lot?" Angel asks Lindsey. 

"This way," Lindsey decides.

"It'll be quicker if I--" Angel says with difficulty to Lindsey.

"Yes, yes.  Sure.  If we can get out of here quicker," Lindsey nods surely.  Angel sweeps me up in his arms and starts run.

I can't believe they're co-operating.  For me.  Lindsey.  And Angel.  Both for me.  Lindsey looks at me and Angel observes the glance.  The kind of look that makes me feel like my ankle doesn't ache like Hell.  The kind of look that lets everyone know that Lindsey and I are more than One Hell Of A Night.

He accepts it silently, running faster.  We catch sight of Angel's car speeding towards us with Gunn and Wesley already in there.  It stops and Angel lifts me into the back seat.  Lindsey goes round the other side and jumps in next to me, and Angel fits in the other side.

And Gunn, the worlds worst and most reckless driver for five years running, speeds us away from Wolfram and Hart and back to marginal safety.
 

Lindsey
 

I was so scared tonight.  I was so petrified that my heart was bruising my ribcage, I don't think anything I said made sense and I wanted to cry if I stopped moving because I thought I'd lose Cordelia.  I'd lose the chance at everything I seen.

I've been letting life go on as normal.  through the motions, never knowing anything.  Never feeling really great or euphoric but never feeling terrified or sad.  Not feeling at all.  It's not living.  It's just being.  I never thought of the future but what tie I was going to wear for the big trial in a week.

And then I got a glimpse of something so much better.  Cordelia.  And so soon, I thought it was gone.  How could I go on knowing that kind of feeling?  How could I go on knowing that I had felt something?  I couldn't lose her.  And that was what I was terrified of.

Sounds crazy doesn't it?  If anyone read my mind, what I'm thinking about Cordelia right now, they'd think 'Her's crazy.  He's known the girl properly for what, two days and he thinks he in love with her?  Insane and not real'.

But it's not.  It's all real.  Living colour, surround sound, 3D - all real.  And that night in her arms has made me feel more than my entire life has.  More emotion in her touch than my life has ever seen.  Maybe it's insane, but it is.  I can't change being in love with her like this.  Like crazy, insane, floaty feelings of passion and love.

Knowing her for a second, you could feel this way about Cordelia Chase.  It's not that hard to fall in love with her; it's incredibly easy when she talks or moves.  When she smiles and when she laughs.  Everything she does is.. Amazing.  There's no time limit on love.

Well, except forever.
 

Cordelia
 

It's been a few days now and I'm just getting out of hospital, cast on foot.  Looks like I won't be getting that part even though they called me and said I had.  Maybe they'd take me crippled.

Tell the truth, I don't really wanna do it just now.  I wanna be with Lindsey.  He's looking for something that he can do now - and with a law degree, everything's open to him, but I want to just be with him.  Get to know him despite the fact I feel I know him better than I know myself.

Yesterday, Angel came first thing in the morning.  He'd been coming with Gunn and Wesley and he'd also been there with Lindsey but this is the first chance we've had to talk.

Of course this chance had to happen when I was sedated up to my armpits and very sleepy.

"Cordelia, Cordelia," he murmured, resting his chin on the metal bars, pulling up a blue plastic chair.  Thank god I have a private room and the curtains were drawn shut.

"What.." I yawned, knowing he wouldn't go away.  Angel doesn't give up.  He never does.  I remember hoping that he hadn't gave up on me.

"We need to talk.."

"I know.  But at this ungodly hour?" I moaned, wanting to put of the inevitable.

"It's 10am."

"Your point being?  Is Gunn or Wes here?"

"No."

"How'd you?"

"You're not gonna love the answer.  Anyway, I just wanted to talk.. About Lindsey," he squirmed.

"OK.  So talk," I said, sleepily pushing myself up.

"Do you love him?"

"Direct as a bullseye," I snort.  I straightened my hair a little and then took a breath.  "Yes."

"How long has this been going on?"

"A few days."

He nodded, silently and looked down.

"You're not gonna comment on the lack of days to love ratio?"

"No," Angel said, holding his hands together.  

"Why?"

"Because I know.  Because I loved Buffy from the first moment I saw her," he whispered.

"Good," I smile sadly.  I took my hand and placed it under his chin, tilting it upwards.  "Angel I know things between me and you are shaky but you are my best friend.  I love you.  And I really want you to be OK with this."

"I'm OK with this Cordelia," he smiled faintly.  "I'm OK."

"Good.  Come here," I murmured and he stood up, hugging me close.  My IV got in the way and he chuckled softly, sitting back down.

"You're my best friend too.  Which meant I had to issue the standard Best Friend Disclaimer," he laughs, sitting back.  He seems so much better these days.

"Which is?" I ask confused.

"If he hurts you in anyway, Gunn, Wes and I have the god given right to strike him down," he smiles.

"I'll agree to that."

"But he won't Cor," Angel says, again finding the floor fascinating.  "I can see the way he looks at you.  Like you're the only person in the room, the only person on the face of the earth.  And you deserve that."

"Thanks.  And I also wanted to thank you for being nice to him as we were escaping out of the building.  How'd you guys get together anyway?"

"Lindsey came to us.  Told us you were in trouble.  He was a big enough man to ask for help from his enemies and that's a good man."

"Thanks Yoda of Good Souls," I giggle before sincerely adding another, "Thank you."

"Anytime Cordelia.  Just promise, wherever this relationship takes you, you won't forget about Angel Investigations.  And that goes for stardom as well."

"Promise," I say, laying my hand on top of his.
 

It wasn't at all bad and I felt so much better.  Angel left when the nurse came in and insisted on opening the windows and curtains - much to my annoyance.  

Lindsey and I - I haven't a clue how it works or why.  Truth?  I don't care.  I just care that it does.  And we the forever these cheesy movies are promising.  Loving him is crazy.

It's all roller coaster.  Up, down, corkscrew, upside down.  But the best thing of all is that he'll be there.  If he's with me, I think I can handle everything else in life.  Which is a good thing.  Most of all, I love the way I feel when I'm with him and I know he feels the same.  That's what it's all about isn't it?