Alone
                       

     You said you didn't want them, their little voices and hands.
     From the moment I realized it, you said it'd ruin your plans.
     Lots of other options, more time later you claimed.
     But I found solace in the quietness of a baby yet unnamed.

     In time a son was born, a bearer of hopes and dreams.
     Beaming pride and happiness, it was never what it seemed.
     You couldn't stay though in a home which held you down.
     So I rocked him gently in silence, our hearts tightly bound.
     And in the darkness of his room... I quietly cried alone.

     Something brought you back, love or pride or need.
     And in our joyous reconciling planted another seed.
     She was the blossom of our love, a little girl fair.
     I held her tight alone at night, you didn't bother to care.

     In short time you found another, your heart full in love.
     It wasn't me after all that you'd been dreaming of.
     A family life's too much to carry when reaching for the stars.
     Off you went on your own lives path, freedome of family cares.
     And in the darkness of our lost home... I quietly cried alone.
     
     Time has come and past, hearts heal slow with painfulness.
     You love again and plan to marry, I wished you happiness.
     I told you that i'd also found the answer to my prayers,
     A tender loving man, a family man, a lover who really cares.

     Then came the hurtfull lies, the twists of words and deeds.
     You said you'd done your share of the childrens wants and needs.
     Strangers asking questions, following me at night,
     Without feeling you suddenly said you deserve your rights.
     At nigth in my families home... I quietly cry alone.

     I just don't understand, how a man who has everything,
     Wants to hurt a family, who'd learned to live with nothing.
     Who's survived upon a shoe string taut, mother love can't suffice.
     You want our home, our memories, so you can have a life.

     I never meant you any hurt, I loved you too much for that.
     I didn't fight you through our divorce, I conceded what you asked.
     Now I sit in confusion, wondering when the hurting will end,
     Where we will go, what we will do... only whispers on the wind.

     I sit in quiet, or move through our home the children sleeping tight.
     The tears run down my face, scared and alone this night.
     But I'm used to the lonely silence... at night I cry alone.     

10/94
---------
all poems copywrited by Becky Goodrich
all rights reserved, not to be used without
expressed written consent