(Brian's EX, Sam, whom he MARRIED in college, shows up out of NOWHERE.)
Sam Brian, I still love you! Get back together with me!
Brian Well, even though you broke my heart 16 years ago, I never had our union dissolved. Instead of telling you to fuck off, I will ponder whether or not I still love you.
(For some reason, Justin is a TOTAL PUSSY, and tells Brian to go on VACATION with his HUSBAND to see if they still love each other. ALSO, there may have been some UNPROTECTED SEX in there somewhere, but I couldn't bring myself to READ it.)
Sam Brian, have sex with me!
(Brian WON'T. Back in PITTSBURGH, Justin is severely INJURED while saving Daphne from a random VICIOUS ATTACKER. Sam HIDES this from Brian.)
Brian While I admire the heartless bastard angle you're working, Sam, I can't choose you over Justin. You just don't have as nice an ass.
(They return HOME, where everything is RESOLVED stupidly, and everyone is COMPLETELY SPINELESS, except Daphne, who YELLS a lot.)
THE END