Hey guys,
Here's what I'd do if I was in charge of SmackDown this week. Let me know what you think about it, okay? This is show one of my 2-3 month plan, my quest to prove that anyone can be a WWE writer.
My first SmackDown
Okay, bearing in mind that it's already been taped and I have no idea what happened because I didn't read the spoilers. This is entirely my show. Seven matches, just like last week. Ad breaks are suggested, but you can take them when you want them, but NOT in the middle of a damn match. I HATE that!!! Oh, and I'd just like to let you know that I actually like Paul Heyman's booking efforts. It's Raw I have the real problem with.
1. We have Jamie Noble in the ring (with Nidia and Tajiri) cutting a promo about last week's defeat of Crash Holly and we hear allusions to the fact that Crash wants a rematch. But of course, that ain't good enough, boy! Because, like with Nidia, Tajiri wants a piece of the action, so if Crash wants to come down, he better find himself a tag team partner real quick! They've also decided to enter themselves in the tag team tournament so Crash had better be up to the challenge. Crash appears on the stage with a typically hyperactive promo that yeah, he had a feeling this would happen and we'll all see his tag team partner right about now. Some music plays and here comes Rikishi. There's a little confusion with Noble reminding us all (and Rikishi) that 'didn't you already lose in the tournament, boy?' And we find out there's nothing in the rules that says you can't enter twice with different teams.
MATCH: Jamie Noble and Tajiri (with Nidia) vs Crash Holly and Rikishi
Rikishi pins Noble after a Banzai drop (I forget its new name), followed by a possible stinkface, but Nidia and Tajiri probably save Noble just in time.
WINNERS: Rikishi and Crash Holly
During the match (and throughout the night), we have Michael Cole and Tazz hyping the night's main event, which will feature the unlikely duo of Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit against another great tag team, with the winner to advance in the tag team tournament. They speculate over whether the two technicals will be able to coexist. Also, they hype Brock Lesnar's attack on Taker and the resulting broken hand, although they hear that Taker is in the building.
2. Backstage, we see Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore watching a tape of last week's miraculous victory for Matt Hardy Version 1 over the Undertaker. Of course, all the parts with Brock's interference have been clumsily edited out so what we mostly get is the one...two...three over and over again. Matt gets to talking and he tells Shannon that, since they go back a long way, he's decided to take him under his wing and that's why he's organized the same opportunity for Shannon that Matt had last week - that's right - a match with the Undertaker. Shannon is none too impressed, acting like Matt's crazy more than that he's scared, but Matt tells him not to worry, he's gonna find him some backup - with Mattitude.
AD BREAK
3. SmackDown's ace reporter Funaki is once again trying to get an interview with Brock Lesnar (although he looks a little more scared than he did last time). We see Matt pushing past as though he owns the place and we follow him into the room, where Paul Heyman is in the middle of an inspiration session for Brock, which Matt duly interrupts. We hear him tell Brock that his life-long friend Shannon has a match with the Undertaker tonight and therefore, is not only in need of some Mattitude, but if Brock would like to help out with a little Mattack, that'd be great. Heyman and Brock are looking at him like he's a moron and then neatly change the subject by suggesting that, since Matt has been so impressive in his battles with the Undertaker lately, he really does deserve the Deadman's shot at the title, but why wait for No Mercy? Why not do it tonight? Matt accepts, because he thinks he can win it this time, but mostly because he really is a moron, lol.
4. MATCH: Undertaker vs Shannon Moore - Despite Taker's busted hand,Shanny gets crushed, of course. Matt runs in for the interference, but Taker squashes him too. Taker hits the Last Ride and is just about to go for the cover when he spots Heyman on the ramp, staring at him intently. He realizes that he's supposed to follow, but he's not that stupid, so he rolls his eyes and makes the pin on Shannon for the three. He gets up and turns around, only to find Brock standing there with a similar tank to that which was used to break the Phenom's hand. Bam, shot to the gut, bam, shot to the back and Taker hits the deck. Evil grin and much posturing from Brock before the tank is lifted high, in the perfect position to come down on the hand again. But, just as that's about to happen, Taker rises and grabs Brock by the throat. Then we get a couple of tank shots to Taker's gut again, flattening him once more. Brock's just about to again go for the hand, but this time a whole plethora of refs (and Dean Malenko) who have gathered managed to shepherd him away and the last thing we see before the commercial break is Taker rolling in pain yet again.
WINNER: Undertaker, though it's a moot point
AD BREAK
5. Another mini promo featuring Taker's lack of medical help seeking behaviour. He's doing a bunch of cussing but not really cussing (we *are* on UPN) and vowing revenge. Then we see Matt and Shannon walking past having an argument. Matt, of course tells Shannon that, because he didn't manage to win, he just hasn't reched the level of Mattitude required to be a real main event superstar like Matt Hardy, Version 1
6. MATCH: Eddie Guerrero vs Mark Henry - look, I know, Mark Henry *shudder* but I needed 7 matches! We can have a mini promo before it, with Eddie cockily telling us that he can beat Mark Henry, 'the world's strongest man' in any kinda match. Tag team or singles. Chavo can be in Eddie's corner, but the idea of this match is for Eddie to keep Henry grounded much like last week. Submissions are good, but a little lucha libre won't go astray, especially if they feature double-teaming Guerreros being beaten down at once. A couple of early Henry throws and presses with Eddie's great selling abilities should work well, too. Our ending sees Chavo steal the camera from the cameraman and place it under the ropes, then distract the ref long enough for Eddie to use it. The ref comes in for the one-two-three.
WINNER: Eddie Guerrero
7. Stephanie is in her office, listening to Dawn Marie whine about losing the bikini contest to *snarled* Torrie Wilson when her body is by far superior. Stephanie is trying not to listen, concentrating instead on the rest of her card for the night ahead. Suddenly, in walks D-Von. Although his team advanced last week, he complains about being forced to tag with Faarooq again tonight when only about a month ago, he was trying to show him the light! Stephanie turns on him, angry about the fact that SmackDown lost Batista when he was supposed to make sure that didn't happen and says if he doesn't want to tag with Faarooq, that's fine, how about he has a one on one match and, since Raw wants to play with Raw Roullette and TLC matches, why don't we make it a table match against his old friend Edge? Oh yeah, and it's up next. D-Von tells her that he and the good Lord won't stand for much more of this twisted sinning (or something like that) and storms out. Dawn Marie is still whining so Stephanie snaps and tells her, fine, she can have her rematch with Torrie Wilson and this time, why don't we make it a straight out wrestling match, just to see how good she really is?
AD BREAK
7. MATCH - Edge vs D-Von (table match) - Well, we all know D-Von's about as far from over as you can get right now, but surely a table match against one of the company's biggest faces ain't gonna hurt things. It also helps that these guys have a history. D-Von, get the table. I know it won't be as good as Eddie/Edge of a couple of weeks back, but I'm still hoping there'll be some carnage. It's also a little bit different since you don't really see singles tables matches. There may be a good reason for that, but I'm willing to chance it. This is MY SmackDown.
WINNER: Edge
AD BREAK
8. Stumbling backstage after a tough match, Edge runs into Matt Hardy, who proclaims that he's going to win the WWE title in just a few minutes, but he knows that not everyone can rise above the mid card and tables, ladders and chairs to reach the top of the WWE. He keeps on going until Edge smacks him in the face, then stumbles off again.
9. Stephanie is checking with Dawn to make sure everything's in order before she (Dawn) steps out for her match (what the heck is the chick now? Paralegal? Personal assistant? Ah well, doesn't matter, the point is that she's Steph's personal bitch) when in walks Kurt Angle, still bitching and moaning about having to team up with Chris Benoit tonight, especially when he doesn't even know their opponents. Steph informs him that one of them's Rey Mysterio, which of course upsets him even more. We get a few short jokes, with Kurt trying to impress both women until Stephanie loses it and reminds him of the penalty for not coexisting with Benoit - supsension without pay. Sulking, Kurt walks away, muttering about both Benoit and Mysterio
10. We see Heyman and Brock walking through backstage and we know the title match is upon us, right after the break. They pass by Torrie Wilson and of course the camera now follows her as she arrives at Chuck and Billy's locker room, asking them if they'd like to accompany her to the ring so she can beat Dawn Marie's ass! Of course, the duo, who were much better when they were gay, immediately agree.
AD BREAK
11. MATCH - Brock Lesnar (with Paul Heyman) vs Matt Hardy for the WWE championship - Matt's actually going to get a couple of shots in here, if only because it then allows Brock to make fun of him, but this isn't going to last long before Taker rushes the ring and shoves Brock over the ropes and up the ramp. Heyman tries to interfere, but Taker shoves him aside. Once they're backstage, Brock begins fighting back and the two brawl all over the place, but eventually Brock throws Taker through a plate glass window (because I'm sick and I love it when that happens). He climbs through into the room and points at the shattered window, saying 'that was for Unforgiven, but this is for No Mercy, Dead Man'. Then we get an F-5 and once again leave Taker, writhing in pain.
WINNER: Well, either Brock via DQ or Matt via countout. Doesn't really matter.
AD BREAK
12. We get a recap of what happened before the break and then hear that Undertaker's been taken to a local medical facility (again) as the camera changes to the ring and we have Dawn Marie's entrance. But, just as we're about to see Torrie, the shot changes to the backstage area, where Torrie is screaming while two men clad in black (plus they're in shadows so we can't see their faces) are beating up her new friends, Chuck and Billy. When the officials arrive, the two assailants flee but it still takes a few moments to calm Torrie down. Once she's okay, she actually scowls and storms off to the ring, to start her match.
13. MATCH: Torrie Wilson vs Dawn Marie - yes, I know, this is banking on the fact that Lance Storm actually taught Dawn Marie a little something back in ECW, but anyway, this match works on the premise that Torrie - yes, Torrie - is the better wrestler. We get some rolling around, rollups, porno looking pins, maybe even some hair pulling to keep the guys happy. Towards the end (ie, about three mins in, this match couldn't go much longer), both girls run into the ref, making his night but then knocking him out. They carry on fighting regardless, but, just as Torrie hits a high impact move (like a scoop slam, lol) and goes for the pin, one of the dark-clad men appears and attacks her. Oh my God, it's John Cena!!! John Cena!!! Beat down complete, the ref revives to call the three and with Dawn Marie gloating, she and Cena leave the ring, arm in arm. SWERVE!!!
WINNER: Dawn Marie
AD BREAK
14. More recapping of the night's events to fill in time, then we have Angle and Benoit in the locker room, almost ready for their match. They have a little conversation about the consequences of beating each other up instead, but we get the distinct impression that this is what they'd rather be doing. Finally, they're ready to go, Benoit smirks at Kurt, pops him one, then walks off without him.
AD BREAK
15. MATCH: Chris Benoit/Kurt Angle vs Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman - the good guys both enter on Rey's music. Yeah, this would have been a great match for the PPV itself, but my show needed a main event and who wouldn't want this? Kidman is kinda like Jeff Hardy - decent by himself but great as a tag team. And, of course, he's brilliant with Rey. We see the guys going wild - suplexes, high flying, lucha libre, submissions with Kurt and Benoit pulling many a blind tag and generally struggling to get along. They even come to blows once or twice and I see Kidman trying to capitalize, only to be belted down by both guys who just go straight on with their argument. Rey nearly pulls the Frankensteiner...ahem...West Coast Pop on Benoit again, but Kurt saves him just in time. We get a bit of high risk, maybe with a missed spot, leading to both guys on the ground. Rey tags Kidman, but Benoit only just manages to crawl over to Kurt, who jumps off the apron, refusing the tag. Kidman and Benoit grapple, until Benoit tries to powerbomb Kidman (forgetting that you just don't do that). Kidman reverses into a pinning predicament, but Benoit rolls out and locks on the crossface. Tap...tap...tap. This sucker's over. Benoit releases crossface earlier than he would have only to find Kurt cheering and standing next to him, grabbing his left arm and hoisting it into the air. Benoit responds by sucker punching his opponent and then leaves him there for a double team from Kidman and Rey and laughing as he goes up the ramp.
END OF SHOW
MATCHES
1. Jamie Noble/Tajiri (with Nidia) vs Crash Holly/Rikishi
2. Undertaker vs Shannon Moore
3. Eddie Guerrero vs Mark Henry
4. Edge vs D-Von - tables match
5. Brock Lesnar vs Matt Hardy (WWE Title)
6. Torrie Wilson vs Dawn Marie
7. Kurt Angle/Chris Benoit vs Rey Mysterio/Billy Kidman
VELOCITY MATCHES
1. John Cena vs Bill DeMott *the artist formerly known as Hugh Morrus* (if he's okay enough to wrestle. I mean, Al's back, but Hugh was in a car crash). Cena to win.
2. Chavo Guerrero vs Doug Basham. Chavo to win
3. Billy & Chuck vs Albert/Faarooq (it's a velocity match - it don't have to make sense). B&C to win (no upsets EVER happen on Velocity!)
So, what did you think? I used everyone on the entire roster I think, for either SmackDown or Velocity...there's a severe lack of SmackDown superstars, has anyone noticed? So yeah, the hard part is figuring out who faces who. The easy part is thinking of interesting stuff to happen. That's my SmackDown! And you know what? I think it's pretty cool.