MALENKO'S WOMEN

RAW IS WAR, FEBRUARY 12TH, 2001

"You know, Jeff, if you were smart…" Matt started.

"But I’m not," Jeff cut in.

"That’s right. But if you were, you wouldn’t stop trying to get Angel just because she’s got some boyfriend thousands of miles away."

Jeff sighed. "What’s the point? You said yourself that she doesn’t think of me in that way. I only just got her friendship back, I really don’t need to be turning all Malenko on her."

"Actually, I think here’s a situation where you could learn something from Malenko."

Jeff gave Matt a look. "You have to be kidding me."

"Believe it or not," Matt shrugged. "Malenko knows how to get into a woman’s mind. Persistence is the key. If you do what Malenko does, just not as offensively, you’ll have it made."

"Not sure I follow you."

"You have to be there all the time, but not like a stalker, like a friend and then some. You have to have so much fun with her that she can’t wait to hang with you again. You already have an advantage over Malenko because Angel actually likes you. You have to make sure that the last thing on her mind when she goes to sleep and the first when she wakes up is Jeff Hardy, not Tim or Tom or whatever his name is."

"Oh, that’s all," Jeff said sarcastically. "I don’t think we should be forgetting about Tom. Angel sure won’t."

"Jeff, you know as good as anyone how hard it is to have a relationship with someone outside the business, and that’s when you’re in the same country. I don’t advise you to tell Angel that her thing with Jim isn’t going to last, but it won’t. It’s going to take Angel forever to get good enough to face Richards and in that time, maybe Stan will find someone else and Angel will realize that what she wanted all along was right in front of her the whole time, and it had multicolored hair and wore pantyhose on its arms."

"Hey," Jeff protested. "My armbands are cool."

Matt grinned and gripped Jeff’s shoulder. "Just hang in there, kid. I mean, how could she resist you? You’re a Hardy." Jeff smiled at him but Matt wasn’t done yet. "Angel’s about to check into Temptation Island and you, my brother, are the hottest whore there."

Jeff gave Matt a look. "Thanks, I guess."

"You’re welcome." Matt gave Jeff a little shove towards the door. "Now go for it."

* * * *

"So, it turned out she was just some school services lady I’d never seen before, but everyone else was getting it done so I thought, why not? As soon as I sat down she looked at me long and hard and then said, ‘I feel that your name starts with a J.’ And I’m like ‘yeah’ and she says, ‘it’s J…J…Jack’. But before I could reply, she grabbed my wrists like this…"

"Ow, that hurts," Angel said.

"Yeah, I know. So, she grabbed me and screamed out, ‘no, no, it’s Jeff!’"

Angel grinned. "She worked your name out. That’s cool."

"Yeah, but that was practically the only thing she got right, and I realized later that I’d been wearing my varsity jacket, so the whole world could have worked out my name if they’d been looking."

Angel laughed. "So, what happened with the palm reading?"

Jeff grinned, glad she was still interested. "Okay, so she’s still holding my wrists, she lets go of the left hand and now she’s holding just my right hand. She looks really closely and I start getting kind of uncomfortable because mine weren’t the cleanest hands known to man…though yours are, huh. So anyway, she’s looking and running her finger down the lines like this and then she suddenly looks up, right into my eyes and says, ‘you’re a country boy, right, Jeff?’ And I nodded. I mean, that one wasn’t too hard, we were in Cameron, after all. Then she said, ‘you have strong family ties. Family is very important to you’. And by now I was starting to think, hey, maybe this isn’t bogus. So then she says, ‘you’re going to stay in Cameron forever, Jeff, because you’re happy here. All of your lines are good and strong, but the tie to family and home is undeniable. I see you settling down while you’re still young with a comfortable job, probably similar to your father’s. You live a long and happy life, one, no, two children, right here in Cameron, with a special girl you already know. She might even be your girlfriend already.’ So, I was pretty surprised. I mean, I’d already been working for Indy feds for almost two years, touring around the south on most weekends. I mean, I loved my pops and I loved my brother, but I knew where I was going. I mean, I’ve got my own place in Cameron now but I’m hardly ever there. And as for the girl." He sighed deeply, shrugging his shoulders. "Well, you know how single I am. But then, I don’t know if Id have liked it if she was a real psychic and had said, ‘well, Jeff, all your dreams are going to come true. You’ll be a pro wrestler and you’ll love it, it’ll be an absolute blast, but you’ll be really lonely, sometimes like you wouldn’t believe." He shrugged at Angel. "But that’s this business for you. And besides, I have my friends to keep me from getting too homesick, right?"

"Oh, Jeff, of course!" Angel cried, hugging him. Jeff held her tightly, one hand on her back and the other on the back of her head. When they broke apart they were suddenly aware that they weren’t alone.

A man Angel recognized as Essa Rios stood in front of the table. His head was cocked as he read the nameplate. He looked up at Angel.

"Torres," he said, pronouncing it exactly as it was supposed to be pronounced.

"Yes," Angel replied.

"Angel Torres," Essa repeated, making Angel smile with the way he called her ‘Ahn-hail’. She hadn’t heard that in a while.

"That’s me."

Essa stared at her curiously. "¿Eres una latina?"

Angel gave him a dazzling smile. "Sí." Well, only on her father’s side, but he didn’t have to know that.

Essa broke into a slow sexy smile, nodding to himself. Angel felt Jeff getting restless next to her so she put her hand on his to stop him doing anything stupid.

Essa was still smiling and nodding. He looked up and spotted her sign, then looked back at her. "¿Quieres me acom…?"

He was cut off as Jeff leaped to his feet and got right in his face. "Essa, what’s Spanish for get the hell out of here?"

Hands in the air, Essa backed off. He already planned asking Vince McMahon for a rematch with Kurt Angle, he didn’t need a jealous Hardy on his back.

"Hasta luego, Angel," he said with a shrug, turning to leave.

"Luego," Angel echoed.

Essa nodded at her and, as he left, she heard him muttering something in Spanish under his breath. She couldn’t be sure, because it was actually a long time since she’d spoken Spanish, but she thought he’d said, "I should’ve finished you off when I had the chance, you psychotic piece of dog’s vomit." Angel tried not to smile.

"What did he say?" Jeff asked testily.

Angel shrugged. "I don’t know." She turned to him. "But he was a prospective client and you scared him off."

Jeff stared at her incredulously. "That was Essa Rios. Surely you know that story."

Angel nodded. She’d actually had no intention whatsoever of being Essa’s valet. After all, he was Lita’s ex and it hadn’t been the friendliest of breakups. Still, Essa hadn’t been the first person to walk past the office that night and he probably wasn’t going to be the last. She couldn’t prove that Jeff was scaring them all away, but it sure seemed like it. And it wasn’t as though she didn’t like hanging out with him, he was a lot of fun, but he did have a match of his own to prepare for.

As if reading her thoughts, Jeff spoke. "Well, I guess I better go get ready, huh? I’ll see you later."

"Bye," Angel smiled, watching him climb from the office and enter the locker room. She was sad to see him go, but she was trying to run a business and if Jeff stopped her from getting work, well, he had to go.

* * * *

Jeff entered the locker room, a smile on his face.

"About time you got in here," Matt greeted him.

"Sorry," Jeff shrugged. "I had some stuff to take care of."

Matt nodded knowingly. "Fortune teller story?"

"You got it."

"A classic. It’s got hand holding, looking deep into her eyes, it’s a sob story. Nice work, Jeff. I might have saved it for later but still – how’d she like it?"

"Well, she didn’t complain."

Matt broke into a grin. "Oh yeah!" he cried, shoving Jeff lightly. "It’s all about you, Jeff. It’s all about you."

* * * *

"Why, hello there. Even up close you’re a pretty young thing."

Angel looked up from her notebook into the beady eyes of Dean Malenko. Despite the repulsion she was feeling, she broke into a bright smile.

"Hi," she flirted. "What can I do for you?"

Malenko rested his fists on the table and leaned over towards Angel. "Baby, you can do anything you like."

Angel tried not to dry retch. "Really? Did you come here for a real reason or just to give me some luscious eye candy?" She ran her tongue over her lips to prove the point.

Malenko raised his eyebrows and couldn’t hide his grin. "You know, there was some reason, but the sight of your beautiful face has made me forget all about it."

Angel held his gaze. "It couldn’t have been too important, then."

"No, it couldn’t have." He stared at her for a long time.

"Did you come to hire me?" Angel asked, breaking the silence.

"Huh?"

"I’m a valet. If you have a match you can hire me and I’ll accompany you to the ring. Do you have a match tonight?"

"Well, actually, yes. Yes, I do," Malenko lied.

Angel saw right through him. She stared at him and batted her eyes innocently. "Would you like to hire me? I’d just die if a good looking man like you refused my services."

"Your services, huh? Well, I’d hate for you to die because of me. I’d love for you to be on my arm when I go to the ring."

Angel grinned. "I knew you’d say yes!" she cried excitedly. "Thank you so much!"

She leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek but he turned his head and it became a full liplock. Angel fought the urge to push him away, knowing that if she did he’d work out what she was doing, so she had to wait until Malenko had had enough. When he had, he stared at her, very pleased with himself. Angel decided to play along.

"Wow," she sighed.

"Pretty fantastic, huh?" Malenko gloated.

"Yeah," Angel replied, still in her trance. "You know, I don’t even know your name."

"My name?" Malenko questioned. "Malenko. Dean Malenko."

It was all Angel could do to keep from laughing. "You mean like James Bond?"

Malenko nodded self-importantly. "Many people ask me that. I suppose the similarities are uncanny."

Angel looked at him carefully, knowing she couldn’t keep this up much longer. "Definitely. So, I’ll see you later on, then."

"You bet, baby." Malenko finally stepped back and noticed the nameplate. "Until then, my Angel." He reached out and caressed her face, then finally walked down the hall.

Angel shuddered and rolled her eyes. "What a sleazy asshole. Lita, you’d better appreciate this."

* * * *

"Guess who convinced a sexy young thing to accompany him to the ring?" Malenko announced as he entered the Radicalz locker room.

"Oh, I don’t know," Eddie Guerrero replied. "Rikishi, maybe?"

"A broad is a broad is a broad," Chris Benoit said with a shrug.

"Not this one," Malenko protested. "This one is special."

Benoit smirked. "Malenko, who’s going to be stupid enough to be in the same space as both you and Lita?"

"Lita’s cousin."

"She has a cousin?" Terri cried. "As if one of her wasn’t enough."

"Saturn, for once I agree with your bitch," Benoit announced.

"Hey!" Terri cried. "Perry, are you going to let him say that?"

Benoit laughed evilly as Saturn tried to comfort his girlfriend. "Baby, you know Benoit’s just jealous because he doesn’t have a hot looking woman like you." Within seconds they had their tongues down each other’s throats.

Benoit and Guerrero turned back to Malenko.

"So, who is this cousin, eh?" Eddie asked. "Is she lookin’ anything like Lita?"

"You guys have seen her," Malenko informed them. "The girl I made out with on Smackdown. Just another woman who couldn’t resist the charm and experience of Malenko." He shrugged. "I can’t help it. I’m a ladies man."

Guerrero and Benoit were both frowning.

"That little girl?" Eddie asked. "She’s a baby, man."

"She’s a babe, more like it. And she wants me. Trust me, if I asked her to, she’d accompany me a lot further than just the ring."

"And you don’t even have Latino Heat," Eddie said, amazed. "Imagine what the little mamacita will be willing to do when she meets me, huh? I can have her when you’re done with her, right, essa?"

Malenko frowned. "Eddie, I don’t even want her. She’s just going to help me get Lita."

"How are you figuring that’s about to happen?" Eddie asked. "Essa, the chick don’t like you. I know, she’s loco, but what can you do, eh?"

"Shut the hell up," Malenko scowled. "And she will be mine. Once she sees how well I treat her cousin, she’ll realize what she’s missing and come crawling to my side. Of course, I might take her back, and then I might not. It all depends how nice I’m feeling."

Benoit was strangely silent. Malenko addressed him.

"Benoit, you saw her, right? She’s a hot one."

"Huh? Yeah, whatever. That’s enough chatting about broads. Saturn, you me and the bitch have a match to win."

"Perry!" Terri cried, making Benoit regain his good humor. Terri was just too easy, on so many levels.

* * * *

Lita and the Hardyz had just left for the match when Malenko arrived at Angel’s office.

"Are you ready to go?"

Angel grinned. "You bet your fine ass, stud."

Malenko pulled his hands from behind his back and handed her flowers and a heart-shaped box of chocolates. "I know Valentine’s Day isn’t until Wednesday, but I couldn’t resist trying to find some things that match your amazing beauty. I tried, but I didn’t even come close."

"Thanks," Angel cooed. "That’s really sweet of you. I’ll just leave them here, okay?"

"No!" Malenko cried. "I mean, you should bring them to the ring so the world can see what a great guy I am, and so all the ladies will be even more jealous that you’re on the arm of the sexiest man there."

"You’re right, of course," Angel agreed.

"Here, give me your hand." Malenko helped her climb from her office and, grabbing her carefully, placed her from the table and on to the floor, his hands lingering far too long on her backside.

Malenko took the chocolates from her and offered his arm. "Shall we?"

"We shall," Angel smiled, picking up the flowers and linking her other arm through his.

* * * *

The fight had already started when Dean Malenko’s music played and he and Angel made their entrance.

"I thought you said you had a match," Angel said, feigning confusion.

"I do. Or rather, we do. You and me. It’s no coincidence that your name is Angel, because baby, you and me are a match made in heaven."

Lita had just left the ring and was headed for her corner when she spotted them.

"What the hell?" she cried, staring at Angel.

"Trust me," Angel mouthed in reply. "Revenge."

"Did you say something?" Malenko asked.

Angel looked at him innocently. "No."

Malenko shrugged. "Must have been the voice of love." He hadn’t removed his eyes from Lita, who was doing her best to ignore him.

Angel cringed as Benoit beat the crap out of Jeff, then brought in Saturn for the double team, but she was acting and had to stay in character. Her plan wouldn’t work unless everyone could see – the Radicalz, Lita, Matt, Jeff, the crowd and the world. So that meant the end of the match. She had to sit tight.

Angel couldn’t help the words that escaped her lips as she watched her friend getting annihilated. "Come on, Je…uh, Saturn!"

Malenko didn’t notice her mistake. He hadn’t noticed much since he’d seen Lita.

Jeff finally caught Saturn with a corkscrew moonsault. Angel cried out. "Yea – ow! That must’ve hurt."

Jeff tagged in Matt, who continued the assault on Saturn until Benoit broke up the three count. He ran at Matt, who elevated him out of the ring. Seconds later, Jeff took Benoit down again with a flying clothesline. Angel bit her lip to stop from shouting her approval, but she still squealed quietly.

Back in the ring, Matt hit his leg drop on Saturn and removed his shirt, but Terri jumped on his back. Matt shoved her off, then dragged her to her feet.

"Lita!" he cried, pointing to the corner and bringing Terri closer. Lita climbed to the top rope for the hurricanrana but Saturn had gotten to his feet and pushed Terri out of the way, only to have the move performed on him. Matt clotheslined Saturn from the ring as Lita hit the Twist of Fate on Terri. On the ground, Benoit and Saturn had both started on Jeff, so Matt leaped at them from the top rope, taking out all three. Lita also climbed the ropes for a moonsault, landed it and hooked Terri’s leg. The referee made the count, one…two…three and the match was over.

"Stay right here," Malenko told Angel, shoving the candy at her and starting down the ramp. Silently, Angel tracked him the whole way.

Saturn jumped into the ring, furious at what had happened to Terri. He lifted Lita into the air and gave her a backbreaker.

Angel dropped her gifts. Now she was mad.

Malenko had made it into the ring and shoved Saturn. "Perry, that’s my woman. Don’t touch her."

Saturn scowled at him. "I thought the other one was your woman, you piece of…"

"Cut it out!" Benoit cried, stepping between them.

"But that son of a…" Malenko started.

"I don’t wanna hear it," Benoit told him. "They’re just broads. You can hit em all you want, for all I care. They ain’t worth it."

Terri stepped to Saturn’s side and Benoit tried to calm him down as Malenko helped Lita to her feet. He gave her a long look, then shoved her back to the ground.

Angel had been watching just outside the ring. "Oh, now you pay, jackass," she scowled, taking out her sticks and rolling into the ring. One shot to the legs brought Malenko down, but Angel wasn’t done, leaping onto his fallen body and pounding him with the sticks as if she was playing the drums. "Don’t you ever…ever touch my cousin again. Do you hear me? Ever!"

Suddenly she was grabbed from behind by both Saturn and Benoit, causing her to drop the sticks. They pulled her off Malenko and Saturn had just lifted her for the powerbomb, when Benoit grabbed her away. He stood her on her feet in front of him, glaring deep into her eyes, deciding what to do with her. She had taken down his friend and now she had to pay. Everything else faded away and there was just him and her. Retribution was his, whatever he wanted to do. He was breathing heavily, his hands were on her throat. He was taking too long and he knew it.

"Kill the bitch," Saturn’s voice filtered through the haze.

Yes, kill her. Kill the traitorous little whore. The little whore with fearless eyes. Eyes of blue AND green AND brown AND grey.

"Benoit, I swear to God, if you do anything…"

Jeff Hardy. Green eyes, too fearful to even attack and try to release the girl. Still glaring, Benoit’s mouth broke into a grimace, then his whole face contorted as if he was struck down by great pain. Breathing loudly, he tightened his hands around her neck, twisted her and threw her in the direction of Jeff Hardy’s voice. The whole exchange had taken only a few seconds. To Benoit it seemed like an hour. He was defeated. Not even looking to see if his throw had been accurate, Benoit turned, rolled from the ring and started up the ramp, alone.

Jeff helped Angel to her feet. "You okay?"

Confused, Angel turned to watch Benoit’s exit, lifting her hands to her throat.

"Yeah, I’m fine," she murmured, her voice full of surprise.

In other areas of the ring, Matt was crouched over Lita and Saturn was helping Malenko to stand.

"Thanks," Malenko said, kicking his legs out to make sure they were working okay. "Saturn, are we cool, man?"

Saturn patted Malenko on the back. "Yeah, we’re cool." Together with Terri, the two of them left the ring.

* * * *

After the match, Matt took Lita to the trainer’s room and Jeff didn’t leave Angel’s side. She let him hold her hand, knowing he was worried about her.

"You want to go back to the hotel?" he asked as they reached the locker room.

Angel shook her head. "I better stick around and see if I can get another job. Besides, that way I can make sure Lita’s okay."

Jeff nodded. "You know, that wasn’t too smart what you did back there, but I’m glad you did it. It was a good plan, even if it did almost come unstuck."

Angel shrugged. "Lita got hurt and I sort of did. I think kissing him worked much better."

Jeff shook his head. "But wasn’t beating the crap out of Malenko a whole lot more fun?"

Angel grinned. "It sure was. I might even make it my new hobby."

Jeff laughed and put his arm around her as they reached Angel’s office.

"Blackman!" Angel cried. "What can I do for you?"

"Al wants to see you in our locker room. I’m not sure what’s going on. You know Al."

Angel grinned. "You bet I do. We better go then. See you, Jeff," she smiled, giving him a hug.

"Bye, Angel. Be careful."

"Always!" Angel called over her shoulder as she ran to keep up with Blackman.

* * * *

Billy Gunn walked down the hall and stopped at Angel’s office. The sign was there, but no one seemed to be around.

"Hello?" he called. "Angel, you here? Guess not," he shrugged, continuing towards the ring. Angel probably would have liked this match, too. It was a big one, against Billy’s former best friend, one Hunter Hearst Helmsley. Hunter would no doubt be bringing the wife along, so it’d be a good chance for Angel to get herself noticed by the McMahons.

"Not tonight, apparently," Billy murmured.

* * * *

"Hey Al, you wanted to see me?"

"Yeah, I did, that’s right," Al replied, sizing her up. "Hmm, it’s probably going to be too big."

Al himself was barely recognizable in a huge white dress shirt with a pillow shoved up it. Over the shirt he wore a black tie and an open red flannel vest and on his right hand was a gym sock with a face drawn on it. He reached for a pile of clothes and picked up a black T-shirt.

"Here, put this on over what you’re wearing."

Angel took the shirt from him. It had a picture of a large hairy man and the words ‘Wanted: Dead’. Angel slipped it over her head.

"Yeah, a little big," Al confirmed. "Oh well, doesn’t matter. Here, put this on top. Don’t do it up." He took off the vest and handed it to her, then watched as she put it on. He nodded slowly. "Yeah, you can wear those pants, just…" he stepped over to her, reached out and mussed up her hair. "There you go, that’s pretty good."

"What’s going on, Al?" Angel asked, deciding that her friend was having one of his psychotic spells.

"You’re my valet, right?"

Angel nodded. "You have another match? Who this time? Big Show?"

Al shook his head. "No, no match. But I do need you to join me in the ring. You up for it?"

Angel nodded.

"Great. Here," he said, handing her a pair of round sunglasses and a tie dye headband. "Head was being moody before and didn’t want to get dressed. Can you try?"

Angel grinned. "Sure."

"Thanks, Angel. I don’t know what I’d do without you." He turned back to the mirror and put on a mask and a wig, which were integrated together. He stared into the mirror, then gave himself a double thumbs up. "Are you two ready?"

Angel held up Head, which was now wearing the headband and shades.

"You both look great," Al confirmed. "Let’s go."

"Al, what are the costumes about?"

Al stared at her. "A tribute. To a great man."

* * * *

Al counseled Angel on their way to the backstage area. "Okay, what I want you to do, during the music, is make guns with your fingers, like your friends the Hardyz, and say ‘bang bang’."

Angel tried it with one hand, holding Head with the other. "Bang bang!"

"There you go," Al grinned. "Okay, let’s do this."

"What does everybody want?"

"Bang bang!" cried Angel, posing on the stage.

"What does everybody need?"

"Bang bang!"

"What does everybody love?"

"Bang bang!"

"JR, I don’t believe this," Jerry Lawler was saying. "Why would Angel Torres want to look like Cactus Jack? Yeesh!"

"Al Snow looks a lot more like Mankind," JR replied. "That’s for certain."

"And is that Head meant to be Dude Love? What’s wrong with Al Snow? He’s sick, JR."

"Well, King, it seems to me that this is a tribute to Mick Foley, in which case I don’t think it’s crazy at all."

Al made an impassioned plea for Vince McMahon to come to the ring and discuss the unfair firing of Mick Foley while Al had been out injured. The crowd got into it, chanting "Foley! Foley! Foley!"

Al Snow vowed a sit down strike until Vince promised to discuss Foley’s firing. Of course, Vince had to respond, strolling down the ramp as his music played. "No chance, that’s what you got, no chance in hell."

"Al," Angel murmured. "Is that the boss?"

Al nodded. "Yeah, it is."

Angel’s eyes widened. "See you later, Al." She dove from the ring and made her way to the announce table. "Hey."

"Hi Angel," King cooed. "You’re not foul-smelling, are you?"

Angel bent her head and sniffed her arm. "I don’t think so."

"Well, sit by me then. Woo hoo!"

"Easy there, Tiger," JR called. "We’re about to find out what Mr. McMahon has to say. And I have a feeling Al’s not going to like it one bit."

"Yeah, Angel, why would you come out here dressed like Mick Foley?" King asked.

Angel shrugged. "Any friend of Al’s is a friend of mine."

"But surely you must know what Mr. McMahon thinks about Foley. He hates him!"

"Well, King. Al Snow is my teacher, my mentor and my friend. Of course I’m going to support him. Although I could do without the boss getting mad at me, considering I don’t ‘officially’ work here."

Vince got right in Al’s face and ordered him out of the ring or he’d personally throw him out. Al was unmoved. Vince put the microphone down, only to be stopped by the entrance of William Regal. Regal told Vince not to resort to violence, then distracted Al, allowing Vince to give him a low blow.

"Al!" Angel cried as Al fell to the ground and was pounced upon by Regal. "I have to help him!" She jumped to her feet.

"Don’t forget about Mr. McMahon," King called after her.

She grabbed the apron and watched in dismay as Regal hit Snow over and over, knowing there wasn’t anything she could do to help him. Eventually Vince and Regal decided that Al had had enough. They exited the ring, allowing Angel to jump up by her friend’s side. She grabbed him around the shoulders.

"Al, are you okay?"

"No, I’m really not." Al sat up painfully. "I have to do something about this."

"You tried, Al. What can you do? He literally owns you."

Al turned his head and stared at Angel, his dark eyes filled with inspiration. "I can get Mick Foley. He’ll know what to do."