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| In a press conference yesterday the school board announced its plan for overcoming the impending budget crisis. "We're going to cut the freshmen," said the spokesperson. This decision came as a surprise to many students, who expected the freshmen to be at least second in line after the golf team. To the members of the school board, however, there was hardly a choice. "Many key programs were suggested," said an administrator. "But we just couldn't afford to lose any of them. For example, WOW uses a good chunk of budget, but they're necessary for the upkeep of high morale and self-esteem at our school. Reflections encourages creativity and originality among some students, and allows the rest to vent their feelings through bad poetry. And Amnesty International... well, I guess we don't really need Amnesty International. That will be the next to go." But all those involved agree that the Class of 2006 was the right choice - especially the incoming freshmen. "This is super," said Johny Jinn, a bright-eyed eighth-grader. "We get a whole year off! Yippee!" The parents of the Class of 2006 were less enthusiastic. "Well, we sure don't want them," said one upon hearing the news. "Why do you think we gave them to the school in the first place?" The present freshmen voiced the loudest concerns, complaining that the decision meant a second year of swirlies and locker-stuffings. "I don't want to be the younghpbth-" one anguished student sobbed while being duct-taped to the wall. The extra budget money will be distributed equally among the depatments, with the majority of the funding going to the sports program. When reached for comment on this seeming paradox, a school official was quick to point out that some departments are "more equal than others." |
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| School Board holds hearings on what to cut; settles on freshmen "Well, we sure don't want them," say parents |