Voice Mail

 

Characters:            Caller

                        Voice Mail (voice heard only)

                        William (voice heard only)

 

Props:              Touch Tone Phone

 

 

 

(Caller dials a phone number)

 

Voice Mail:  You have reached the offices of William and William.  If you know the name of the person you intend to reach, please enter the last name, using your touch tone keys.  If you have a rotary dial phone, please stay on the line for assistance.

 

Caller:  (speaks as pushes buttons)  J – E – N – S

 

William:  William Jenson.

 

Voice Mail:  If this is the person that you have intended to call, please press the pound key for confirmation.  If not, please press the 3 key for additional options.  If you are not interested in the additional options, please press the 5 key to indicate your disinterest.

 

(Caller presses the pound key)

 

Voice Mail:  You have confirmed that you intended to call…

 

William:  William Jenson.

 

Voice Mail:  If you wish to leave a message for…

 

William:  William Jenson

 

Voice Mail:  please press the 6 key.  If you wish to hang up, please press the pound key, followed by the pound key again, and then followed by the pound key.  If you wish to order a pizza, please press the yellow key, followed by the pi key.  And if you wish to not order a pizza, please remove your socks and press the 2 key.

 

Caller:  How odd.  (presses the 6 key)

 

Voice Mail:  You have chosen to leave a message for…

 

William:  William Jenson.

 

Voice Mail:  If you wish to leave a nice message, please touch the 4 key.  If you wish to leave a mean message, please select the 5 key.  If you wish to leave a message neither nice nor mean, select the 7 key.  If you wish to select the 2 key, please select the 9 key.  If you wish to select the 9 key in order to select the 2 key, please select the pound key.

 

Caller:  Huh?

 

Voice Mail:  If you wish to say..

 

William:  Huh?

 

Voice Mail:  Please select the 3 key.  If you wish to not utter…

 

William:  Huh?

 

Voice Mail:  Please select the 3 key.

 

Caller:  But those are the same keys!

 

Voice Mail:  If you realize that the previous selection did not make sense, please select the 8 key.  If you do not realize that the previous selection did not make sense, please select the 7 key.

 

Caller:  This is ridiculous.  (presses the 8 key)

 

Voice Mail:  Thank you for calling.  Good day.

 

(the phone connection ends and dial tone begins.  The caller redials the number)

 

Voice Mail:  You have reached the offices of William and William.  If you were just hung  up on, please select 3.

 

(The caller selects 3)

 

Voice Mail:  Thank you for calling.  Good day.

 

(connection ends and dial tone begins)

 

Caller:  Forget it!!!  I’m writing a letter.