Announcer: Hello, and welcome to an all new episode of "World's Best of Radio". Here with us this evening is Robbie Woods, the self proclaimed world's best radio ventriloquist. Robbie, tell me, how long have you been doing radio ventriloquism?

Robbie: Well, it's been a good five months now.

Announcer: Fascinating. Did you always dream of becoming a world famous radio ventriloquist?

Robbie: No, sir. Can't say I did.

Announcer: Incredible. And why is that?

Robbie: Why is what?

Announcer: Why is it you always dreamed of becoming a radio ventriloquist?

Robbie: I said I didn't.

Announcer: What an inspiration!

Robbie: I wanted to be a peach farmer, really.

Melinda: Yes, but business was the pits.

Announcer: Terrific! And I see you brought a dummy with you.

Robbie: No, no....that's just my wife.

Melinda: (jabs Robbie in the stomach) He was taklin' 'bout Wally.

Robbie: Oh, right. This here is Wally Number Three.

Announcer: And why did you give him that name?

Robbie: Well, the missus here wanted to remodel the dining room, so we done tore out the wall 'tween it an' the kitchen.

Announcer; How does this relate to the dummy?

Robbie: I tole you, she wanted me to remodel the dinin' room.

Melinda: (jabs Robbie in the stomach then speaks to announcer) Ya see, Robbie here used that wall to make his dummy.

Robbie: Raght. So we called him Wally.

Melinda: That was Wally Number One.

Announcer: And what happened to him?

Robbie: Well, as it turned out, that wall wasn't in such good shape. (leans in close to Announcer) Termites.

Announcer: What did you do?

Robbie: We burned 'im.

Melinda: Poor lil' Wally Number One.

Announcer: So, then you got a new dummy.

Robbie: I've only been married once, sir.

Melinda: (jabs Robbie in the stomach) He's talkin' 'bout Wally Number Two.

Robbie: Oh. Well, we done 'sterminated them termites, and made Wally Number Two.

Melinda: But he left us.

Announcer: What do you mean he left you?

Robbie: Ran off with the washing board.

Melinda: They send postcards sometimes.

Announcer: So, when did you get the dummy you have with you this evening?

Robbie: We been married twenty-two years now.

Melinda: (jabs Robbie in the stomach) He's talkin' 'bout Wally Number Three.

Robbie: Oh, right. I had Wally Number Three for 'bout a month and a half now.

Announcer: Great! Well, how about a demonstration by the world's best radio ventriloquist.

Robbie: Sure thing. Alls I gotta do is take Wally Number Three and stick my hand up.. (Melinda makes a noise to interrupt. Robbie looks at her, then continues) ...up this here handhold and go like this. (Robbie moves Wally's mouth as he talks - but isn't even trying to hide the fact that his mouth is moving) Hi there, fellers. My name is Wally Number Three. Boy, is ma back stiff!

Announcer: (Announcer is dumbfounded. Takes a few seconds before he finds his voice) That was pathetic! You call yourself the world's best? That was the worst bit of ventriloquism I've ever seen.

Melinda: Hey, boy. You watch how you talk about my husband.

Announcer: Well, I'm sorry miss...but the whole point of ventriloquism is to make it appear that you're not the one talking.

Robbie: Right.

Announcer: Right.....well....

Robbie: An' I'll bet that not one of yer listeners out there seen my lips move.

Announcer: (dumbfounded for a second again) Get out of my studio! Get!

Announcer: Thank you for joining us on "The World's Best of Radio" Be sure to tune in tomorrow for an interview with Nancy Groves, the world's best radio mime.