2300hrs (CDT)  ((I know that since "JAG" hit the tv screens "Zulu" time is the standard on such time stamps, but most of you don't even know (or care) what Zulu time is, and I'm really not in the mood to explain it!! ;~D ))

Wisconsin National Guard Troop talking to a friend on the phone: "What do you mean my unit is being activated for deployment to New Orleans?  I think I would have heard about it before you!"

Friend: All I'm saying is they announced it on the news....

::::: 10 minutes later:::::

NG Troop IMing with retired vet:  I'm not saying you won't be deployed, but the only thing faster than a hurricane is the military rumor mill...

:::::15 minutes later::::::

NG Troop: My squad leader just called, we're leaving in at 0700 tomorrow morning.

Retired Vet: Well, I guess that answers that.  Good luck!  Wish I was going with you!

NG Troop: Sure you do!  I got to get packing.

::::: Sometime around 0700hrs (but more like 0745, after the troops have been laying around wondering why they had to be there so early::::::

1st SGT calls unit into formation, troops line up all nice and "dress-right-dress", the 1st SGT calls "post" and the whole "NCO to Command Waltz" magically brings the callout to official status.

Commander in her best command voice: "Attention to Orders" (troops who are already at attention continue in that position wondering why they have to be called to attention when they are already in that vaunted and honored (yet excruciatingly inhuman) position.... The commander then reads the official orders magically transforming them from weekend "citizen soldiers" to hardcore, highly motivated, highly dedicated, life takers and heartbreakers.  The Commander Continues....

"People, as you probably already know, Hurricane Katrina and a subsequent breach of the levees have caused a state of emergency in the state of Louisiana.  We have been ordered by Governor Doyle to convoy down to New Orleans to assist in the recovery efforts."  Then there are a lot of blah, blah, blahs about "SAFETY FIRST PEOPLE ALWAYS" and "We know we're needed and proud to do all we can to help out" and other things that the commander spent half the night making sound as motivating as possible, but all the troops are thinking is...

:::"Convoying down to New Orleans, that shouldn't be too bad, I wonder what kind of bus we'll ride in while the truckers move our 5 tons to New Orleans":::::  which is promptly (almost as if the commander could read their minds) interrupted by....

Commander: Make sure you get with your NCO chain to receive your vehicle assignments in the unit vehicle convoy!!!

:::::Suddenly it hits the formation (with almost exactly the opposite impact an announcement that it was all just a Emergency Deployment Readiness Exercise (EDRE) and instead of deploying to New Orleans they were throwing a "Mardi Gras in Madison" party at the armory would have hit them with, had that been the announcement) that they weren't getting ready to load up onto charter busses, they were getting ready to spend the next 4 days going 50 mph all the way to New Orleans....  and there wasn't much rejoicing!::::::

After countless "leaders briefings" and more time wasted by troops than a recruiting commercial dare admit to, the troops have their assignments, the drivers and co-drivers have completed their "before operation Preventative Maintenance Checks and Services" (PMCS) (Which my reliable source in the Wisconsin Army National Guard who inspired this tale of Whoa shocked this retired NCO by bragging that the PMCSs were done so well that not one vehicle broke down on the convoy down, or back! Which I'm here to tell you is almost unheard of...)) and the convoy makes like Willie Nelson and gets "On the Road Again"....   

1100 miles later and 4 days later....

Company Commander to troops:  "People you did great on the convoy, we had no breakdowns (which is a minor miracle), all-in-all this deployment is going well... It's hot so DRINK WATER!  ((Company commander turns troops over to 1st SGT who then tells the Platoon Sergeants what they already knew.  The Platoon Sergeants then execute dynamite "about faces", pass the obvious on to the squad leaders, salutes are rendered and "FALLOUT" is called.

Commander Checks in with folks who Company Commanders check in with on this kind of mission:  "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE IS NO MISSION FOR US?  I just moved my unit down here from Wisconsin, in 5 Ton trucks... I'll tell you what I'm parking my butt right here until you come up with a mission for us!!! 

:::::A few hours later, after the folks who the company commander reported to figured out something for all her troops to do as long as they're in the neighborhood::::::

 Commander Speaking to the troops, this time without bothering to call them to formation:  "People, we have our mission and we've been assigned an area in one of the stadiums here in New Orleans.  Unfortunately, the stadium is Air Conditioned and that will restrict your body's transition to this hot environment, so we're going to set up tents.  The uniform for the mission is Kevlar Helmets, Load Bearing Vests (LBV) and protective vests (Bullet proof vests).  :::Turning to the Platoon Sergeants:::: Get your vehicles downloaded, your living quarters squared away and  prepare for the mission::::

After the troops have the sleep tents set up, and the living areas squared away, they start pulling out their books, decks of cards, dominoes, Ipods, Cell phones (which they are excited to find out, they get signal, but only if they stand on top of their trucks), and all the other things troops bring to get them through Phase II of any operation (Phase I being "Hurry Up!"... Phase II being, "and wait!").  As the nothing drags on for another day, they start to get a little more active with their Phase II operation.  Out of nowhere, footballs, soccer balls and other activities find themselves occurring.   A few reporters who must have really pissed off someone pretty bad to get "imbedded" with this unit start their constitutionally protected job of misrepresenting the news.  Only this time they pretty much reported exactly what was going on.... Which of course, was then seen by King Doyle.

Now, if you were a Governor, and you saw a report of your National Guardsmen, in another state 1100 miles away, NOT gainfully employed in rescuing, recovering and other acts of domestic heroism, what would you do?  My guess is you would get on the phone and have a full contact Heart to Heart with the Governor of the State of Emergency who not long ago pleaded with you, every other Governor and even the President to "Send everything you can!"  Of course, you and I aren't King Doyle of the Great State of Wisconsin.  Our great and fearful leader stood up to that kind of abuse of state assets by making another call, to the folks who Company Commanders report to in situation like these.  His phone call was not to recall his troops since they don't seem to be needed after all.  His call was to put out an order...

King Doyle:  Company Commander!  I am ordering you to quit allowing the Wisconsin National Guard troops to play football, soccer and otherwise look suspiciously un-gainfully employed while you are stuck in New Orleans with no apparent purpose in life!  You are embarrassing me!!!  So, the troops were dutifully ordered to not do anything while they were sitting around not doing anything.... an all was well with the world.

~~~~~     ~~~~~     ~~~~~

Folks, with a few embellishments to enhance your reading experience, this is basically the report I got from one of my buddies in the Wisconsin National Guard.  When Gov. Blanco made her ever so informed request, epitomizing professionalism and class... "Just send everything you can" the request was granted and Governors responded.  This represents a few million dollars in total waste.  The National Guard Troops (who are mostly college students) were pulled out of 14 days of school.  All to pay homage to Gov. Blanco's, Mayor Nagin's, FEMA's and since he so respectfully and thoughtfully took responsibility for it all.. Prs. Bush's emergency response to Hurricane Katrina and the levee breach floods that resulted from it.  I have been on more than my share of emergency callouts in my military career.  If this was how my first had gone, I don't know if I would have been so up for re-enlisting for more of the same. 

I've heard it said that "you don't need a plan for a rescue and recovery mission, you only need boats, helicopters and people able to run them!"  I can't think of a better example than this waste of time, money and resources than this Wisconsin Army National Guard callout.

Oh By the Way... Yes, they did get a mission.  One that was rewarding and important.  They served food to evacuees in a shelter, and some of them even went to the downtown area to help with some actual rescues.  Both parts of their mission was done well... out of the 14 days they were on active orders... 4 of them were spent working.