Word on the street's been telling us that it's the year 4000 or something...so what are YOU gonna do to      better yourself in this 5th millenium?
This month, we were able to get a hold of Osama "The Bin" Laden's.  No, we were not actually in his presence.  If we were, we would have killed that bastard on the spot.  He was careless and left his list lying around on the streets of Kabul.

My Resolutions for the New (Fascist) Year 4000
--Destroy America
--Abolish freedom, Christianity and capitalism everywhere
--Bring the Al'Queda back to power
--Increase profits on opium sales by at least 20%
--Put George W. Bush O.O.B.
--Crack the American CIA's codes (note to self-try A=1, B=2, C=3, etcetera)
--Develop biological warfare germ strong enough to cause America to crumble due to lack of population
--Stop smoking
--Ally with more countries housing nuclear arms