J Lo: "I don't eat snots"
Article by: SVT

        It's been rumored around Hollywood lately that Jennifer Lopez eats her boogers. This rumor was further spread when a series of paparazzi photos surfaced showing Jennifer with her finger up her nose to nearly the third knuckle and then licking her finger clean. 
        We, at TeenWhore magazine set out to find out to find the truth behind Jennifer Lopez and her new protein diet. 

The interview went as follows:


TW: Hello, Ms Lopez err ahh Mrs. Affleck
JLo: It's still Lopez
TW: Whew
JLo: (giggles)
TW: Well, let's not beat around the bush. What's the deal with you picking your nose out in public and then eating your boogers?
JLo: I wasn't eating my boogers
TW: Then what on earth were you doing? 
JLo: I don't know, but I don't eat snots
TW: You must have been doing something
JLo: All right, all right I was snorting crack
TW: Well, why were you licking your fingers?
JLo: Because I wasn't getting high fast enough, and wanted to make sure it was crack.
TW: Well, that makes sense, was it crack?
JLo: No, it was sugar from a Pixie stick
TW: Oh my
JLo: Oh my, my ass! That bitch Whitney Houston stole my stash and left me with pixie sticks
TW: I'm sorry to hear that
JLo: Now my secret is out thanks to that crackhead, that I'm a crackhead too; oh God, wait until Ben finds out. Jesus Christ! I'll be on divorce number 3!
TW: Can't really say I feel sorry for you
JLo: (expletives deleted)
TW: Well, best of luck, with all of that.

And so, TeenWhore magazine solves another Hollywood mystery. JLo in fact does not eat her snot. She does in fact snort pixie sticks, and has a fowl mouth. Let's all wish Mr. Affleck the best of luck. 

The Sexorcist 2003