AUTHOR'S NOTES: All Final Fantasy VII characters, vehicles and themes © Squaresoft, and no infringement is intended.
Repressed Memories
Chapter 4: Fire and Ice
Written by Cloud
     We finally reached the resort town of Costa del Sol as the sun was hanging low over the sandy beaches. The smell of salt and the tide coming in were a welcome thing to Zack and I, who were exhausted and not a little angry at the fact that we had to walk. We walked through the busy streets to the Inn where we would stay. It was extremely expensive, and although I was often jealous of Zack's finances, it was great in times like these when I was being a leech and I knew it. It didn't bother me much- he had far more gil than he needed. Was it wrong to share a little with those of us who were not so fortunate? I though not. Suddenly, a shadow of a thought came over me, and I grabbed Zack by the collar before he could enter the Inn.      "Listen up, alright? There will be no assaulting people for liquor this time, understand?" I asked him in a somewhat offensive tone of voice.
     "Will you relax?" He asked, almost shouted, back at me. "I wouldn't do anything to embarrass myself in front of the lady." I scowled at him,
     "What about Aeris?" I asked, suddenly feeling sorry for this girl I'd never even met. Zack's head dipped a bit in shame, and he didn't answer me. I only sighed and strode into the Inn. The place was really nice, a large bathroom aligned the sidewall and everything seemed brand new both inside and out. There was no attendant in sight; I didn't hear a sound from the entire place until the cracking of pool balls snapped into my senses. I walked into a room and down a couple of steps to the origin of the sounds to see a man shooting on a green pool table without a care in the world. It must be great to live a dream world where you could just play pool all day long. "Hey," I addressed him, "I'd like a room, if it wouldn't be too much trouble."
     "Mr. Strife?" He asked. I nodded, a bit surprised. "A young lady has already paid for your rooms and is out on the beach now, I believe." I shrugged,
     "Works for me. I'm going to make use of your bathroom." I shot Zack a glance, daring him to go to the beach. My words earlier must have done the trick though, as he expressed,
     "I'm going to use the phone to call Aeris and see how she's doing." I smiled slightly- my defense of the girl seemed to have paid off a bit.
     "That's what I like to hear, Zack." I said, giving him a mock salute and heading to the bathroom for a much-needed shower.

     The water was just the right temperature, not quite hot enough to scald you, but hot enough to burn you if you moved too suddenly. I let the mist spray over me, healing me in ways that a potion never would. My tired muscles went lax as my thoughts faded to oblivion. The water seemed like a balm, everything that was good and warm and safe rushed over my body, revitalizing me mentally as well as physically. I was so out of that I didn't notice the door open and shut until it was already too late. An armored figure locked the door after entering, the clanking of metal boots against the tile floor chilling me just as much as the sudden invasion of my privacy did. Astfirie lifted her helmet off her head, taking her armor off piece by piece without even seeming to notice I was there.
     "Hey, what do you think you're doing!?" I shouted over the rush of water.
     "I need a shower," Astfirie said simply, removing her breastplate so that her fiery red hair fell to the swell of her breasts. She was a voluptuous woman, I noticed, as I began to see less and less of her armor and more of her body. Her long legs pulled gracefully out of the fatigues that she had been wearing under her armor.
     "Maybe you do things differently with the Marauders," I explained, "But the rest of us take showers separately, and only when the last person has left the bathroom. The woman- or girl it seemed- giggled hysterically.
     "I know how to behave properly, Cloud. I'm not an animal."
     "Then why are you…?" I asked, cutting off my question as a giant lump formed in my throat. She began to giggle again,
     "Because I don't want to behave properly right now." She freed herself from the remainder of her clothing, standing completely nude in front of the shower before pushing the curtain aside an joining me inside. God she was beautiful. Her delicate hands caressed my face as she filled my mouth with her tongue- the first kiss I had ever had. She pulled her perfect body ever closer to me, her chest pressing against mine until I felt that my breath would leave me. I pulled away, my arms restraining her,
     "Why are you doing this?" I asked angrily.
     "You saved my life, Cloud!" Came her answer.
     "That doesn't mean…besides, you saved my life too!" My reply was half-hearted as my heart and my mind fought for control. I couldn't do this! What about Tifa? Tifa never loved you, Cloud! You owe her nothing, absolutely nothing! My head was spinning again, and I refused to do this to myself again. The pain, the regrets, everything would overwhelm me again, and I wouldn't allow it! I pulled Astfirie close to me again as the water rushed over us. Our lips met again in a fiery kiss as my past slowly began to die. For an instant I pulled away from her,
     "This is my first time…" I confessed. She playfully nibbled my nose,
     "Mine too. Guess we're just two kids fooling around in a shower, huh?" I smiled as my world was filled with nothing but her- for the first time in fourteen years, I was happy.

     The shower had been shut down for quite some time, beads of water littering the tile walls that seemed to encompass reality. Astfirie's dripping body was wrapped in a white towel. She sat on top of my lap, her wet hair falling all around my neck as we sat there in silence, cheek to cheek. I kissed her naked shoulder, the soft flesh giving a little under my touch. Her breathing was deafening in the awkward silence. I rested my chin on her wet shoulder, my arms pulling tighter around her slender waist.
     "So now what happens?" I asked myself aloud.
     "Huh?" The startled girl answered. She began to tremble in my arms, but that only made me pull her closer.
     "What I meant was…Do we go out together now? Do we become a couple, or was this just an act of lust?" Astfirie turned her head towards me, our noses brushing together. Her words were like honey on my lips as I fell into the pools of violet that were her eyes.
     "I would be honored to be your girlfriend, Cloud Strife." Her slender finger stroked the back of my mussed hair as she filled my mouth with fire. The kiss was short lived as a violent banging on the door startled the two of us. I felt hot liquid fill my mouth, the taste of copper overwhelming my senses. Astfirie's face was filled with concern,
     "I'm sorry Cloud! It just scared me and…" I stroked her cheek, gently silencing her.
     "I didn't know you were a biter." I joked, smiling through the pain. I guessed that after all I'd just done, a little blood was a small price to pay. The banging on the door persisted,
     "Open up!" A gruff male voice shouted angrily, "I ain't got all day!" Astfirie laughed at his rage.      "I'll handle this…" She whispered, kissing my cheek. I reluctantly released her from my grasp. Straightening her towel, my girlfriend stalked over to the door, unlocked and opened it just enough to stick her head out, and shouted at the man.
     "DO YOU MIND?!" She exclaimed. The other only muttered an apology before he left the spirited girl to return to my arms.
     "We can't stay in here much longer." I stated, "We'd better get back to our rooms before Zack wonders what happened to us." Of course I would tell Zack everything, but she didn't need to know that. She only nodded, a mischievous grin spreading across her face.
     "I'll go first in case the management sees."
     "Just don't put your helmet on or they'll think…" I was interrupted by another passionate kiss before she playfully pulled away again.
     "Relax." She commanded. "Now dress me." I froze,
     "Dress you?" I asked in a colder voice than I had intended to use. She laughed, grinning from ear to ear and dropped her towel. I'm sure the surprise on my face was pretty evident as I caught myself turning beat red in the mirror. I had to laugh,
     "We're never getting out of this bathroom, are we?"

     As I lay there on my bed in the hotel room, my mind began its destructive tirade on every event that had happened today. It alarmed me that everything had moved so fast, I didn't really even know the mysterious girl that had walked into my life. I had fought her, spared her life, been saved by her, kissed her, made love to her, and committed myself to her all in the course of a single day! I was only fourteen years old! She was only fifteen, although at first I thought she was at least eighteen, probably twenty. I felt so cheap, so used. I mean it wasn't like she could love me, nobody ever had before. It was a dream in the reaches of her heart, and I suddenly found myself afraid that she would wake up.
     I tried to picture her in my mind, her softly tanned skin, her gentle curves, her gorgeous face, and most of all those big, sad violet eyes whose vision seared my soul. But I couldn't even picture her! All I could see was Tifa, Tifa with tears in her eyes asking me why. It wasn't like Tifa was my girlfriend or ever had been! She had her boyfriends, dammit! Why the hell should I suffer when I knew it was totally hopeless? Hadn't I suffered enough?
     A tentative knock at the door interrupted the onslaught of my thoughts. Forcing myself up, I walked to the door and turned the copper knob. There she stood- a black bathing suit in place of the thick armor that served to hide her figure. She smiled brightly, and her eyes seemed to be on fire.
     "I tried to book us in the same room, but the manager wouldn't let me. Said I was too young for that sorta thing." I must've frowned,
     "But you booked the rooms before we even…" She began to laugh,
     "Yeah, I know." The reality hit me like a bullet,
     "You mean you planned all this?" I asked. She quickly nodded,
     "But it backfired a little, so I kinda had to alter the plan…Cloud, what's wrong?" My words exploded before I could even begin to restrain them.
     "You don't even know me! How can you know that I'm worth anything? You don't know anything about me!" She touched my arm with long fingers,
     "Yes I do! I know that you've been hurt!" She shouted back.
     "How?"
     "I can see it in your eyes…and you're right, I don't know everything about you. But Cloud, I want to. I've never been in love before and I'm sure this is it. I'm not going to hurt you, ever. I swear this to you, all you have to do is trust me." I nodded, tears welling in my eyes. I felt so weak, so powerless…but she didn't care. She took my hand, squeezing it tenderly. "Cloud, listen to me carefully. If I know anything at all, it's this. It's our faults that make us human, and oftentimes, it's our faults that make us special. Stop doubting yourself, and come spend some time with me at the beach. Zack's already waiting." I nodded as she embraced me, chasing my fears away. I just stood there in her arms for what seemed like hours, not caring about the past or even the future. All I cared about was Astfirie, and that was the way it was going to stay. She gave me peace, she gave me hope, and most of all she gave me love. And of all these startling things that I was experiencing for the first time in my life, the greatest of these is love.
     I lifted her into the air, reveling in her laughter as I carried her out to the beach. The look on Zack's face was worth a million gil when he saw her kiss me. I set her down gently near the water, stroking her cheek with clumsy fingers. Her scent intoxicated me, I felt light on my feet, and even more so in my head. Although most would call it a weakness, it was a nice change as my mind was a dwelling of misery. Maybe now that could finally change. Zack ran after us, a grin on his face. He shamelessly asked,
     "You mean you guys are…?" Astfirie nodded in response, and she looked so happy that I wanted to pinch myself. I wondered how anyone could see so much in a person like me.
     "I'm going to get a drink." Astfirie announced. "You guys want something?" Zack grinned evilly,      "Only if it's alcoholic!" I burst out laughing as she winked at me and headed for the juice vendor. Zack put an arm on my shoulder, "I thought you said you'd never even been kissed before!" I smiled,
     "Yeah, but I'm a lot farther along then that now. But…" For some reason, my demeanor was lost again, the clouded conscious wishing to consume my mind for its own. Zack saw the look and stopped me,
     "Listen Cloud. Trust her, be with her, and don't think about Tifa. The past is gone, you can only live in the here and now. Pain is no excuse for making another mistake."
     "Thanks Zack." I said, gaining control of the demons in my head. Astfirie was on her way back, her bright smile lighting up the night sky. I was being a fool and I knew it. As the waves hit the beach and the stars shone in the night sky, I took my new love in my arms and let the whole world melt away. If I am the unloved, troubled loner from Nibelhiem, reality would never know.