Your ‘fight them on the beaches’ speeches make me despair

‘Cause if there’s one thing we can guarantee is you will not be there

Tidying your room, making up your bed

And if your diary’s full that week you’ll send us lot instead

Send us lot instead, put a poppy by my lovers bed

We believe you when you say you’ve hurt your back

Have you ever been away?

Where were you when we took Calais?

You don’t know, you don’t care

You’re just glad that you wasn’t there

Have you ever been away

I’m afraid your Rule Britannia mania doesn’t ring so true

If I were captain of the waves I’d turn the gun on you

Any last requests before you join the dead?

I’ll crap into your Union Jack and wrap it round your head

Wrap it round your head, take a look at all the blood we’ve shed

We’ll believe you when you say it was worth it

Liberate the streets of Europe give our kids a chance

Give them Beaujolais by tap and cheap day trips to France

But you have never seen or smelt this ungodly death

It’s like the stench of roasted lamb upon your father’s breath