Chapter 1: Meet the Monkey
Author: Panther

Once upon a time, deep within the reaches of the Amazon, there lived a young monkey. This particular little monkey was born to a male silverback gorilla and a slightly retarded female chimp. Since his father, Billie Wee, was a strong understanding gorilla, he allowed his wife, Moo-Moo, to name their young monkey child. Moo-Moo thought long and hard for three full seconds before namely the little primate. "Monkey", she grunted. Hence our little monkey friend was retardedly named Monkey. "What a dumb chimp bitch", thought Mr. Wee.

Monkey had a normal monkey childhood. He was well-liked by most of the other monkey children. Monkey was particularly good at climbing (even for a monkey). Monkey would always show off for the other children during recess. "Look at me", Monkey would boast. "I can climb all of these trees with my eyes closed". Most of the other little monkeys were impressed, but one monkey was not. Nuts, the biggest monkey-bully in the Amazon hated Monkey. So one day, Nuts dared Monkey to climb the most dangerous tree in all the Amazon... The Tree of Monkey-Death. The Tree of Monkey-Death hung over the edge of a ginormous cliff bordering the edge of the Amazon forest.

Fearing that his failure to complete this monkey-challenge would result in the loss of all his monkey friends, Monkey wanted to take Nuts up on his dare. But, Monkey also knew of the dangers of The Tree of Monkey-Death. Monkey loved his family very much and did not want to die a horrific monkey-death. He had finally decided not to take the dare when Smurf, the sexist little female monkey in all the Amazon turned his way. "Hey Monkey", Smurf whispered gently. "If you climb The Tree of Monkey-Death, i'll take you to the monkey-prom... and i'll go naked". "But we're all monkeys", Monkey stated. "We're always naked". Then after realizing that it really did not matter, he allowed himself to be talked into climbing the tree.

He jumped onto the first limb with ease. Then he continued to the second and third. "This is easy", he thought. "I'm sure to get me some monkey-ass now". Just as the thought of steamy monkey-sex with Smurf crossed his mind, he lost focus of his climbing. His monkey feet missed the next limb, and his monkey tail failed to grasp the limb below it. Suddenly, all hope was lost as Monkey began to fall from The Tree of Monkey-Death. As his tiny little paws grasped for anything they could get his hands on, he simply continued to fall... now hundreds of yards from the dot that used to look like the tree he had fallen from. Only one thought crossed Monkey's mind as he fell toward certain doom and splatterage... "What a dumb chimp bitch."

Chapter 2: The Fall of Monkey
Author: Reaper

After what seems to be the worst and longest dream of his life, Monkey awakens to find himself seemingly unharmed by his fall. As far as he knew, no monkey has ever lived after falling from the Tree of Monkey-Death. Monkey is befundled. "What the bajeezelfuck is going on here?" exclaimed Monkey. "One minute I am falling to my death and the next I wake up perfectly fine. Did I bounce? And what is this wierd white substance on my back?" Something told Monkey that it had something to do with the blood running out of his ass. He was gonna get to the bottom of this.

As Monkey looked ahead he saw giant mountains of fresh bananas. "Ooooooo BANANA" said Monkey. He quickly jumped up and ran towards the treasure. But as Monkey ran faster, the further away the mountains were and the more hungry he became. This really frustrated monkey. "I'll spank it for a while and give this some thought." So he did. He spanked and spanked and spanked and spanked and......well you get the picture. Eventually Monkey got very angry because he could not get it up. "I try to get food and I only get more hungry, I spank it and I only get more frustrated. Wassup wit dat?" Then Monkey had an epiphany........and lost it. "Shit!" said Monkey. "I'm about tired of this place, wherever it is."

No sooner than when Monkey ended his spankathon, a man in a black jumpsuit flips out of the bushes. "Hiiiiyaaaa!" Monkey can't help but laugh at the douchebag. "Man, what a douchebag!" thought Monkey. But with one came five more. They all carried torches and had a large bulge in their crouches. Monkey ran like a scared monkey should. The angry mob only got closer and closer. Eventually Monkey got so exausted that he had to stop. In that instant, the men lit Monkey on fire, anal raped him and only stopped when the semen put out the fire on Monkey's back. "Holy shit dude!" said Monkey. "Now this is what I call a sticky situation." Monkey now realized that what he felt when he awoke wasn't soreness from the fall, it was the anal rape he recieved while he was unconsious.

Monkey laid bleeding for several minutes pondering his predicament. "What the hell?" thought Monkey. But just then, he knew what was going on. "Exactly! I'm in Hell!" Monkey was dead after all. "This is how I am supposed to spend eternity? Fuck them shits!" Monkey's first instinct was to climb, so he did. He decided to find the biggest tree and climb all the way up so that maybe he could get out of Hell. Monkey hurridly found the tallest tree he could and started climbing. "This tree is bigger than the Tree of Monkey-Death back home" Monkey thought. "This should definitely take me out of this terrible place." Suddenly Monkey hears a familiar sound......"Hiiiiyaaaa!" Monkey climed like he had never climbed before;leaping upward away from the quick horny priests with torches as fast as he could. The pain of the last anal rape was all the motivation Monkey needed. The Ninjas had never chased such a fast climber before and eventually gave up on their chase. "Whew" said Monkey. "I sure am glad I don't have to deal with them anymore."

Now that the Ninjas were disposed of, all Monkey had to do is climb. After several hours of climbing, Monkey came to the top. There was a path that led to a huge structure that appeared to be a house. As Monkey came closer, fear started to grow inside him. "I'm callin balls right now" said Monkey to himself. "I bet there's a big motherfucker that lives there. I hope he is friendly." Monkey finally reached the door and it opened by itself as Monkey drew close. And from inside Monkey hears a loud booming voice exclaiming "Enter dead one, and be judged before the ruler of Hell!" As Monkey entered, all he could ponder was "why did I ever listen to that dumb chimp bitch?"

Chapter 3: Return of the Monkey
Author: Stalker

Monkey entered the large door to find Morpheus doing the Monkey dance. Now monkey just happened to be an expert of the monkey dance, and he decided to join in. Monkey started to show-off pulling super monkey moves, this made the large black man very jealous and through him into a monkey ass kicking rage. Monkey realized what was happening and started to apologize.

Morpheus wouldn't accept any apology, Morpheus snapped his fingers, and that all too familiar sound arose, Hiyaaaaaaa! "Hell naw..." thought monkey, those ninja bastards are with Morpheus. Well you know what came next, only this time, it was for ten long years...

After ten years of anal monkey rapeage, monkey decided that he needed to escape, mainly due to the fact that his badonk-a-donk was as sore as a mother. So after 6 months monkey came up with a plan of escape...

"Hiyaaaaa! Huh, the monkey has escpaped, inform Morpheus immediately. Wataa!" When Morpheus was informed of the monkey predicament, he was not pleased, "How did this happend?" then one of the smarter ninjas responded, "Well sir, we believe that one day he just got high, and wandered off. Nin!" Morpheus had only one word of reply, " Damnit..."

Monkey wandered in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights, the whole time coming across the strangest of things, a flaming bush that talked, an old man with a deep voice rambling on about his people, until one day, Monkey ran into a giant lion talking about the monkey in the rough. "Hmmmm" Thought monkey, "This looks pretty normal."

So Monkey entered the cave looking at all of the riches that surrounded him. After about the third j, a naked black man fell from the sky. He said that he was there to deliver a message to Monkey, "Who is it from?" asked Monkey, "Yo momma..." replied the black man. Monkey took the message as the black man drank a red bull and flew off, after reading the message, the Monkey found out that the mystical monkey bong was located inside the cave, and that Monkey must retrieve, hit it, and then search for the key to the Monkey Box of hidden Monkey thangs, all the monkey could say was, "All this for some chimp bitch ass?"

Chapter 4: Monkey Resurrection
Author: Panther

Monkey sat on a pile of cave moss to ponder what the hell was going on...

He was dead. The ruler of Hell turned out to be Morpheus. His final judgement consisted of The Monkey Dance. And 10 years, 6 months, and 40 days and nights later, he had arrived at this Cave of Monkey Wonders. He also reflected on his brilliant 6 month plan of getting high and wandering off. "Six months of planning and that's all i came up with... shit", Monkey thought. Finally, his pondering brought him to his current situation. He was to retrieve the Mystical Monkey Bong, hit it, and then search for the Key to the Monkey Box of Hidden Monkey Thangs. "Yes", thought Monkey. "All of this makes perfect fuckin' since."

In any case, Monkey had heard of the Mystical Monkey Bong before. The elder Baboons who had founded his home town werre rumored to have used this bong to talk to the spirits of the living. This, of course, would require that the elder Baboons werre dead... which they werre... since they werre so elder and shit. As Monkey processed this information, he realized that his momma Moo-Moo must really have sent the message via the naked black man. Moo-Moo apparently needed to get in touch with Monkey who (as we all remember) was in fact dead. So he was determined to find the Mystical Monkey Bong.

Monkey confidently crept thru the cracks and curves of the cramped cave. He dodged droves of dead dragon skeletons, debating on the durability of his determination. Bed Bugs and Brutish Beetles bashed into his fur... beating and bludgeoning Monkey with their badly burned bodies. Focusing on his final frontier, Monkey forgot about the flaming fuckers... trying to forget the fact that his foes where on fire due to the fire-breathers that freckled this forbidden fortress. Whilst walking, Monkey wandered within a wave's length of a water washed wall. Surprizingly, several symbols splashed along the site... seeming to spell out a specific location of the simmian's special spirit-seeing bong. Monkey managed to manuever thru a maze of monstrous traps, meander meticulously down a slow moving mote, and march to the foot of the Mystical Mountain in which his Mystical Monkey Bong was mounted.

Then, Monkey took a break for a few minutes. He had a terrible headache, and realized he would never do what he had done in that last paragraph ever again...

Finally, Monkey climbed the tall mountain and reached the Mystical Monkey Bong. "Balls!", called Monkey. He had no way to light the damn bong. Then Monkey remembered that the cave was full of dragons who had apparently been hiding in the shadows. Monkey let out a ferocious towel call, "Habeeegah!" Then corrected himself, and let out an even more ferocious dragon call, "Yaaaarrr Blaaaar Biiiing!". Almost instantly, the shadow of a HUGE dragon washed the walls with darkness. As Monkey turned around, he was met face to face with a blast of flames spit from the dragon's mouth. As the pain increased and Monkey's skin started to melt from his body... he realized that he was indeed a Flaming Monkey. He also realized that a Flaming Monkey could easily light a bong. "Shit Yeah!", shouted Monkey. This shout was followed by two or three more shouts of agony however, as Monkey lit the Mystical Monkey Bong with his own flaming tail.

As the Mystical Monkey Bong began to take effect, a cool breeze surged thru the cave putting out Monkey and distracting the large Dragon. A light-encircled Moo-Moo appeared and began talking to Monkey. "Monkey...", the living spirit of Moo-Moo stated. "Monkey, Mooonkey, Mon Key, Onkee, Munk-Munk...", she continued. Luckily for Monkey, just as his retarded mother was gonna finish her sentence... the ginormous Dragon swooped down and devowered her spiritual body. In a flash of light and Bong Mist... the Dragon, Monkey, and Moo-Moo disappeard.

The three had used the powers of the Mystical Monkey Bong for Evil. It was only supposed to allow others to view living spirits. Unfortunately, it had now brought Monkey and the Dragon into the living world thru a Vortex of Doom. The Dragon looked around for a few moments and let out a cry of accomplishment. "Finally", boomed the Dragon. "I Nogard, king of all Dead Hell-Dragons, has been released from my curse." Nogard continued, "I have waited 18,000 years for a monkey to light that damned bong. And now that the we have opened the Vortex of Doom, all of my Hell-Dragons can enter the world of the living. We will destroy your pathetic existance and take the World For OURSELVES. YAAARRR HAHAHA HAAAA!"

As Nogard's evil laugh echoed thru the Amazon's Monkey Valley, a dark swirl of dragons began to filter into the world of the living. Dragon after dragon appeared... blackening the sky with their terrible evil. All of the monkies froze in fear. The Dragons began slaughtering and devouring each and every monkey. Monkey himself hid underneath a small rock and watched as his fellow monkies werre butchered like baby kittens. He saw his mother, Moo-Moo, get torn to shreds by Nogard. He shuddered as Billie Wee, his father, was crushed and mutilated by dueling dragons as if they werre playing a game with his dead body. A herd of screaming dragons knocked down and burnt the great Tree of Monkey Death. Ironic how they had been scared of a tree up until this moment. Everyone Monkey had ever known and loved (or even heard of) was being smashed, eaten, or gutted. He watched as even Nuts and Smurf werre beaten against rocks and trees until their insides splashed thru the air.

Monkey's rock shelter suddenly shattered into a million fragments as he wimpered at the site of his fallen monkies. 4 extremely large dragons stood staring at Monkey breathing fire and blood thru their mouths and nostrils. Luckily for Monkey, the burns from Nogard's initial flame rendered his body unmonkeylike. All of his flesh and fur had been melted off, leaving only the gleam of blood and tissue. One of his lungs showed thru the goo along with several ribs and an assortment of other bones. Monkey had lost the vision in his right eye and noticed that it was trickling down his cheek. He no longer had any remnants of a tail, and the shattering of his hiding rock had broken both of his arms and one knee. As all of this pain caught up to Monkey, he passed out. The Dragons mistook him for a dead albino gerbil/platapus/thing and decided to move on to the next village.

Chapter 5: A New Monkey
Author: Stalker

"Holy shit this hurts!" thought Munkey. He awoke finding himself lyeing in a pile of dead monkey debris, his own body melted and most of his skin and muscle tissure gone, his beloved tail, singed to the badonka-donk. "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Monkey suddenly felt a rush of pain, power, and goo, flow through what was left of his monkey body. Monkey starting floating in mid-air, his body quickly healed, what once was fur was now replaced by hard scales, Monkey breath turned to fire, large wings sprouted from his back, his head grew horns and was protected by a helm of scales, and his tail grew back, but now long, pointy, and deadly. Yeap, you guessed it, Monkey drank Dragon's blood, more importantly, Nogard's blood. A fragment of Monkey' s mother's body flew into his mouth, which had some Nograd blood on it, turning Monkey, into...well...Monkey.

With Monkey's new found powers he left to try to find any survivors, he found one, a small baby monkey, rathering than this Monkey having to grow up in a world without other Monkeys, he ate it.

Now with a full stomach, Monkey decided to go and track down Nogard and avenge the death of his mother and friends. But along the way he met Yenoh, the runaway Shinobi. Monkey spent some time with Yenoh, and on the first date, he moneky raped her, and with one swift donkey punch, gave her his mystical Dragon Monkey Goo. What came next was three Ninja Dragon Monkeys, who venturned with Monkey, their names were Nesferatu, Alucard, and Langsuyar.

So the for followed the trail of devastion and feces left by the Dragons, and finally caught up with the Dragons becuase the Dragons decided to start building their kingdom. Immediately the Monkeys started slaughtering the Dragons, skull rapeing, burning, crucification, the whole nine yards, the Dragons were dieing quickly. While Nesferatu, Alucard, and Langsuyar was applying ninja whoop ass moves, Monkey went after Nogard. But when Monkey enountered Nogard's throne room, he was astonished so badly that he shat himself. Thousands of Dragon eggs where everywhere, an army hundreds of times larger than the current, Monkey that he must destroy the eggs. He approached Nograd who was eating some tortillas sold to him by a little boy from Austria man.

"Drop those tortillas!" Nogard was surprised to see the little monkey alive, and so much more powerful. Nogard was eager to fight Monkey. Monkey let out a Monkey cry to call his sons forth to help him, but he got no response. So Monkey decided to go for it. He chaged Nogard but Nogard easily swiped him away. His face scratched and bloody, Monkey once again rose to fight Nogard, "You may have drank my blood Monkey, but you are still not even close to my power." And Nogard was right. Monkey was soon a bloody pulp, Nogard threw his remains outside, where they were found by his sons. They took him elsewhere to recover. Monkey fell into a coma, the only thing that ever came out of his mouth was, "all of those eggs...all of those eggs..." and "Oh yea baby, that feels sooooo good..." Perhaps Monkey will be able to return and one day defeat Nogard and his army, or perhaps not...