Quotes From Me
"Don't worry, I know exactly what I'm doing...kind of...not really...but that's okay!"
"Remember! It's not what the battery is! It's what the battery does!"
"Be like the shinobi."
"I hate stupid people."
"That's what Jews do, they...Jew."
"You didn't see that! It was all an illusion! An illusion I tell you!"
"You know, sometimes I just walk into a room and I'm like 'I know I came in here to do something, but what was it?'"
"Waaaaaaaait....we have a test?"
"Waaaaait...what was I doing?"
"You know, everything just sort of flew out of my head just now..."
"...You know, I think I have short term memory loss or something...cause I, like, can't remember anything..."
"I know I'm cute! I'm also conceited and lazy! But people love me anyways!"
"Wait...where am I?"
"I'll never get to Jerusalem this way!"
-Playing Assassin's Creed.
"I hate my life but I love myself!"
"I really hope you aren't as stupid as you look, cause if you are you must be pretty damn stupid."
"Look, if your miniscule brain can't comprehend what I'm saying that's not my fault, now is it?"
"I'd rather just sit here and contemplate the meaning of life if that's okay with you."
"Who are you and what do you want from me?!"
"If you don't leave me alone I will cut open your stomach with my fingernails, rip out your intestines, and use them to strangle you and hang you from a tree!"
"The gods only know..."
"Noija Taat!!!"
"Gasp!!"
"Plug me in, Scottie!"
"I'm not late! I refuse to be late!!"
"Ohhhhh...my homework?...Well, you know, there's a funny story about that....."
"Dude!! My cat ate my frickin' homework!! No, look!! Look at it! It's been savaged!!"
"Help! The pygmies are attacking! And they've got cows!!! There are only a few of us left...But they are coming! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"
-Me screaming at Dean on Karly's phone.
"Who what when where how and why?!"
"Gods..."
"It's the ghost of farmer BoOoOoOob!"
"Meepers Creepers!"
"Well, I was hoping to kill you, but I guess I missed."
"Those aren't tears, they're like those things they find on Mars, you know?"
-Talking about my friend's leather jacket
"I'm ready to shape minds! Into my own twisted creations of incomprehensible doom!"
"I totally walked in on Sarah Fife in the bathroom this morning...It was so exciting, it was the highlight of my day!
"Oh, I'm so witty, I have to have my shirt make comments for me!"
"Violence is always the answer...Unless the other person is bigger than you are."
"Well...I'm cute, right?"
"I could take him(her/it)!"
"You've been claimed by the great Zippo lighter in the sky!"
"Pancreatic -ducks-?"
"Hold on, Caller 19, let us take this question to our resident Jew. Jane, how does that make you feel?"
"Distress call!! Mraaaaaaaablat!!!"
"My God, Sir, our ivy seems to be defective."
"A is for Aftershave!"
"Billy! Bring me the electrical outlet! Now!"
"We really do have too much fun, you know that? I figure something will come and eat us in the end, just to stop us from having so much fun."
"Gouda! Oh my God, they found my cheese!"
Chedder. Cheddar. England! Oo, I want cheese news."
"You bented my book!"
"I don't eat very much and I take up very little space. And I'm potty trained."
"I think it's kinda ridiculous that you have to brush your chicken...I mean, who ever heard of brushing a chicken? It's just appalling! I've never heard of something so ridiculous as brushing chickens!"
"My face is expressing a strong desire to reenact Desert Storm."
Sara Dager: "The only cartoon woman I like is Betty Boop, because she's just so hardcore."
Me: "Hardcore, huh?"
Sara: "Well she is! She stands on her own two feet and everything!"
Dessa: "That's because she's bi-pedal."
"I am trying very hard to give my snake a gender identity crisis."
"I'm sorry, you have to get enslaved squirrels to do your graph for you."
"There was an old man named Michael Flannagin
He grew whiskers on his channagin
They fell out and grew back annagin
Poor old Michael Flannagin, beganagin"
-Singing about Sarah Fife's teacher's fiance
Casey (singing): "...Anna keeps a Jesus in her closet..."
Me: "Does that mean Jesus is gay?"
