Part I: Player Information
Your Name: Jessi
Web Page: http://fade.to/nori
Part II: Character Information
Character Position: Sailor Salacia
Character Name: Kyra Dorian
Name Meaning:
Kyra- Greek; Lady
Dorian; Greek; Sea
Birth date and Age / Zodiacal Sign: July 5th,
1996-17/Cancer
Dissy Says: Is that what age she’ll be in 1996? Or does that say she was
born in 1996…it’s wrong if it’s the latter, and you really shouldn’t give the
year they were born if it is,
Vessy: No year please. :)
Physical Details:
Height- 5’6
Weight- 143 (maybe…I’m not good at height-weight
correspondences)
Vessy: maybe somewhere more around 120-130lbs she's a bit on the chunky-ish
side there.
Hair Color and Style- Kyra’s hair is a long, midnight black color, reaching
down to about mid-back. She usually wears it down but sometimes braids it to
keep it out of her face during an activity.
Dissy Says: Bif! Tad more here darling, does she have bangs? If so, what do
they look like? Or what, is there some huge void in the center of her head? That
would not be good…*pictures character with no forehead*
Eye Color- Her eyes are narrow (the type you’d see on the outer senshi
opposed to the big, bright ones the inner senshi seem to have in the series).
They are a bluish green, lighter in hue almost making them seem an aquamarine
color.
Vessy: wouldn't lighter in color make them a lighter blue? Just say a pale
green hue makes them seem almost aquamarin...
Distinguishing marks (scars, tattoos, etc.)- None. She’s not really a
physical person so it’s unlikely she would have any long-term scars and no
tattoos.
Vessy: birthmarks?
Build- Kyra has a build of an average 18 year old girl, curvy…but not
overdone. Her long, slender legs make her seem more feminine than she really is.
She is generally thin, being a little underweight though not dangerously so. Her
skin is slightly tanned from being outside a lot, spending a lot of her time
near the beach, when deciding to travel to the shore. Kyra’s skin is also
smooth, inheriting her mother’s creamy tone.
Vessy: yeah for weight if she's a little under weight around 120lbs would
be good.
Dissy: Ooooo…creamy tone….whipped cream…hot chocolate *mindless
dribble*
Clothes- When not in her school’s traditional uniform (if
any), she wears a series of dresses. Most are light and flowing and dark in
color. Kyra’s favorite one (the one she’s seen in the most) would be a dark aqua
dress, reaching down to just past her knees. It’s tight fitting to the waist,
and then flares out in the billowy material her dresses are known for. It has a
square collar, leaving the top of her chest bare, not daring to go past the
beginning of her breasts. The sleeves are long, and have a sudden teardrop at
the wrist. The shoes are black sandals, small black strings keeping them to her
feet and crisscrossing their way to her calves. She usually wears no makeup,
clear gloss on her lips if any. Kyra wears some silver jewelry, a ring on each
hand, a few bracelets. Her favorite pieces have to be her necklace and earrings.
The earrings are teardrops of shimmering pearls, matched by the one on the Y
necklace she wears. In the winter, her dresses tend to get thicker and longer,
sometimes wearing a nice sweater.
Bloodtype: A+
Gemstone: Aquamarine
Dissy Says: Of course
Likes- Besides anything that could present itself for art,
she has a soft spot for Greek, Roman & Celtic mythology. She usually
incorporates some of it into her works, whichever it may be. Kyra also likes to
read horror, mythology, science fiction, and fantasy novels and see movies of
those genres. Swimming is another thing that Kyra loves, preferring the ocean to
pools and lakes
Dislikes: Critics. Kyra despises critics. The main reason
being they critique work, and to her…they judge stuff that shouldn’t be. Time
after time they have socially burned her work. Another is physical fighting.
Kyra isn’t a strong girl, therefore couldn’t get out of a fight with less than a
few bruises, unless the other person was even weaker. She also hates being
teased. Some big shot "bullies" have given her a few hard times because she was
too quiet, too smart, or even because she was a vegetarian. In her diary, she
even has a small hit list containing the names of those that have earned her
dislike.
Vessy: Hitlist? well isn't that just a bit... creepy... o.o I alittle
"creepy stalker trench coat mafia-ish"
Dissy: *cringes* yeah, I’d say a little creep
Hobbies: - Since Kyra is an artist, she spends the
majority of her time sculpting, painting, or sketching various scenes of
disturbing and haunting images. She’s also been known to write horror-fiction
stories and short, dark pieces of music
Personality: Kyra isn’t an extremely outgoing
person…trying to avoid large social gatherings whenever possible. She’s
confident in herself and her abilities, giving off a strong aura of
independence. She gives herself off to be a nice, creative, quieter type of girl
to hide her true nature. Her artwork is the epitome of herself, morbid and dark
in nature. Of course, almost everyone seems to put it off by explaining her as a
"tortured artist." Kyra is a manipulative person, using people to their full
extent. She has a small circle of friends, some as bad as she is…others just
ignorant. Being a celebrant, she enjoys what she does…art, messing with others’
heads for her enjoyment. Her voice is another part that can show her true self.
Kyra’s voice is soft and dark with a seductive tone hidden within. She uses this
with her beauty to bend others to her will if she decides they are of enough use
to her. Kyra doesn’t manipulate others frequently, only occasionally to reach a
specific goal or purpose. Kyra is also very intelligent, using that against
other people and to protect herself. Generally, she’s slightly manipulative,
quiet, not very social, she’s a celebrant, somewhat morbid, artist, musical, and
nice to those who earn her dislike.
Vessy: Okay. she's shy, quiet, self confident, independent, morbid,
manipulative, intelligent, artistic and anti-social? well that's a riddle in a
conundrum wrapped in a towl. usually people who are self confident and
independent aren't shy and quiet and anti-social. Why is she morbid? is it
morbid like any of these? "*insane giggle* your all gonna die" or "oh haha they
killed kenny" "hey a dead bird lets poke at it with a stick" "I'm going to slit
my wrists to see my own blood" how morbid? Morbid artist? (which is technically
almost any guy artist ^-^;; or at least in my art class)how is she manipulative?
is she like evil-overlord? Hey look over there a bird *swipes pudding*? could
you help me with my homework *and then leaves all the work to the other guy*?
This whole personality doesn't seem very sea like at all. The sea has a huge
personality. It's warm and inviting. but can be cold. secretive and tempermental
but often serene. all sorts of stuff. but a self confident, anti-social,
manipulative artist doesn't really fit my picture of the
sea...
Dissy: when *I* think sea, I think a lot like what Kirren said, over all
friendly and serene, but with a really dark side which could "cause death" and I
put this is quotes for a reason. Ex: I told my parents that if I didn’t get a
certain DVD for X-mas, that there would be deaths. I didn’t mean it of course,
but it’s my morbid side. When people bother me or they just need to be
threatened I generally feed them the "if you wake up in the morning with a knife
in your chest, it was me." Line. It’s really a matter of telling us how much and
why, not just saying that she is. And aside from that, the personality you gave
doesn’t really say sea to me.
History: Kyra was born to Julius and Nora Dorian in Greece. Two years
behind her is her little sister, Ianthe. Kyra had gotten to second grade before
they moved to Rome, Italy, where they continue to live. Her mother was a
scientist, and her work led the to the family’s migrating. There, Kyra and her
sister went to St. Tarcissius Private Academy and both continue to attend the
school. Kyra has been able to fit in the school fairly well even though the
slightly lower status of her parent’s jobs. Her friends all come from that
school, she has made no effort in befriending those from other
schools.
Vessy: WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY too short!!! Okay so she was born in
greece. where in greece? in a dumpster? in a hospital in some tiny fisher
village? off the coast in a dingy? why did they move to Italy? what does being a
sceintist have to do with migrating? And moving once isn't really migrating.
What kind of scientist is she? what does her dad do? *looks below* oh he owns a
shop! You should have said that. Why St. T? how can a scientist and a shop owner
put their kids in private school? Unless its a prominate scientist... but then
she wouldn't be Low status? well it's hard to befriend people from other schools
when there's little or no interaction. where'd she get her morbid personality.
Where'd she get her artistic spark? Any horrific childhood events? any child
hood events at all? what did she do wehn she was little? what schools did she go
to? I thought you said she was anti-social wouldn't that negate the whole
fitting in thing? Basically we want MORE!
Dissy: While All Vessy’s points are valid, there are a few things I also
feel the need to mention. It’s one of my pet peeves to have people move from a
different country and feel any culture shock. It just doesn’t happen. Did you
know in Japan it’s considered very rude if you let the bathwater out of the tub
after you use it? It’s supposed to be left there for other people to use. Weird,
no? all the same, it’s culture and all countries have their cultures. If you’re
wondering why Larae doesn’t suffer from culture shock, it’s because she moved
when she was to young to know the difference between Celtic culture and Italian
Culture. Simple as that. Now, you can find other ways to get around that. If you
take Vessy’s advice and make her Mother a prominent scientists and raise her up
to a higher social level, then you could explain that since her mother had
traveled around a lot when she was younger, she was fluent in many languages and
cultures. It’s just one idea out of many, but please come up with a way to fix
the history. Aside form all this it’s way too short.
NPCs:
Julius Dorian- This is Kyra’s 43-year-old father. He works
at a smaller shop in town (a bookstore or something…if you want…you guys can
pick if it’ll do anything for the storyline.) Julius’s hair is short, not short
enough for a buzz cut however. It’s brown in color, going along with his dark
brown eyes. Julius is less humorous than his wife, taking the role of the
"serious paternal figure," which he takes a little too seriously in Kyra’s eyes.
He’s usually found wearing nice, white peasant shirts (I love those J) and black
or brown pants.
Nora Dorian- Yep, Kyra’s 39-year-old mother. She as a
"Scientist" just outside of Rome. Her main field of work is genetics, her shifts
running from early in the morning to late evening, leaving the father to keep
the kids fed and such. Kyra gets along with her mother better than her father,
being they that are more alike. Nora has shoulder length black hair, usually
tied back in a loose ponytail. She’s usually found in nice blouses and slacks,
occasionally coming home with her lab coat.
Vessy: since the roles are kind of switched I would think it would make
sense to switch the personalitys? it would be neat. cheery dad making pancakes.
mum reading the paper and rushing out the door to get to work on
time.
Ianthe Dorian- Ianthe is Kyra’s little sister, two years younger than
herself. Ianthe is a happy, social, bouncy teenager whose best friend is the
telephone. Instead of really looking up to her older sister like she should, she
likes to create all kinds of tricks and trouble for her. Ianthe is about 5’4
with lighter brown hair than her father and matching brown eyes. Her hair is
longer than Kyra’s and the front is held back with little sparkly clips. Kyra
looks to her as the type of girl that could easily be a teenybopper energizer
bunny. They don’t get along well, with both being almost complete opposites, but
Kyra is still protective over Ianthe. That’s her job, right?
Vessy: how can she be protective? she doesn't fight and is quite
anti-social. I was just wondering...
Dissy: maybe she’s the strong silent type…well, it’s possible. Yes, clarify
this please.
Lucia Aguilissia- Kyra’s best friend. Lucia is about 3 months older than
Kyra and a bit more physically built. Lucia also goes to St. Tarcissius, where
those two met when Kyra moved to Rome. Lucia always has a plan or wicked idea in
her head, dragging Kyra along with her almost everywhere she goes. Lucia is
Italian and American, living in Rome all her life. She inherited her light
blonde hair and blue eyes from her American mother. She’s usually seen in a
sweater (winter) and nice tank tops (summer) with skirts ranging in length.
Vessy: American mother? she'd probably have some german or northern
european heritage, so maybe say that.
Dissy: or she could be native American in which case this is all well and
good. See the argument happening here Jessi? This confirms that we’re confused
and clarification is needed.
Part III: Senshi Information
Special Skills: Kyra, being imbued with power of
water…especially the sea, can move smaller bodies of water, causing them to move
or take shape. (i.e.- she can create a water statue of a woman from a glass of
water or cause a puddle to move from out of her walking
path.)
Vessy: she doesn't really have power over water she has power over LARGE
bodies of water. such as the sea. camise has power over water. So I think maybe
parting the red sea and making statues out of salt water (by controlling the
crystalline salt structure to make sculptures.
Dissy: Yet again I must clarify. The special skills are not magical skills
If you senshi has power of the sea, then maybe she’s incedably good at swimming,
or maybe she has some sort of sixth sense about where large bodies of water lay,
and a good idea of the distance to them. But either way, Special Skills are not
magical skills, in fact, there are all quite normal.
Henshin Item: Her brooch is worn as a medieval slave bracelet. The brooch
itself is attached firmly to a silver bracelet loop, with a chain extending to a
silver ring on her middle finger.
Transformation: " Salacia Deus Power, Make-Up!"
Kyra holds her arm with the brooch/bracelet on (usually right) into the air,
yelling her henshin phrase. The symbol inside glows, thick ribbons of water extending from the brooch,
surrounding her. Her clothes disappear, the image of her body becoming a dark
silhouette. Multiple colored strings of water wrap around her as she brings her
other hand up. Black for the bodysuit and boots, followed by silver for the
braces, breastplate and skirt strips, then aquamarine for the remaining parts.
The image of the brooch moves to the joint of the armor and her symbol appears
on her forehead. She brings her two upheld arms down while moving as if she was
twirling a staff of something. Silver light appears where the staff should be,
forming a solid trident as her hands stop, one hand grasping the upper half at
her shoulder level, the other down past her hips. Her eyes open as she henshin
sequence is finished.
Color: Aquamarine
Symbol: A triangle pointing down with a circle in
the center of the top line. Symbol for "salt water".
Fuku/Costume: In her forehead is the symbol in
aqua, matching the choker and the collar. The bodysuit is black, covered by a
silver breastplate that reaches across her chest, under one arm, over the other
by a shoulder guard and attaches to the front again by her henshin brooch. The
brooch is her symbol within an aqua gem, held by a silver casing. The belt is
aqua, in an straight line instead of the classic V. Her skirt is short and
pleated while an aqua color. Over each strip of the skirt is a silver strip of
leather, which reaches about an inch past the skirt. Instead of gloves, there
are silver braces, starting at the wrist and ending juts below the elbow.
Salacia’s boots, in the back, start just below the knee. The front is angled up
above the knee, the boot itself clinging to her leg until her feet, making her a
few inches taller with the heels.
Powers/Attacks: "Aqueous Orb"
Salacia spins her trident so that its prongs are
pointed up, calling the attack phrase. Her body bends backwards, an orb of water
forming at the joint of the prongs. Gravity seems to defy her as she leans back,
her feet lifted slightly off the ground (It would really hurt if you were to
bend all the way back if your feet were still placed firmly on the ground, ne?).
As if a trap was sprung, she throws herself forward as soon as the orb was
pretty large (3-4’ in radius, size varies depending on how much time she has to
prepare the attack. Doesn’t get much larger than about 5’ radius…any bigger and
that’s a little ridiculous, or it is until she levels up),sending it flying at
her target.
The orb can be dodged, given the target has enough
time to react. Also, depending on how close her target is to others…it may hit
those that are near if target dodged, way close to another, or by the domino
effect. She can cast this as many times she feels until she is either too
wounded or has no energy to do so. The orb itself does a decent amount of damage
(on a scale of 1-10, 10 being uber-painful, it’d score…about a 7 at
largest.).
Vessy: Yay... *sighs* *blows noise maker* another go boom attack...this
reminds me ALOT of sailor neptune’s attack.
Dissy: alright, where as this doesn’t actually strike me as a "go boom" I
am confused by what the ball of water actually does. Ooo! But it’d be soo cool
if it trapped the demon inside it and drowned them…or at least partially,
depending on the oponnent’s amount of power (like maybe nymph = partial
drowning, demon = complete drowning) something like that would be
cool!
Additional note – Uhm…^^*
Weapons: Trident. Silver, three pronged traditional
trident with her symbol in the center where the three prongs join.
Dissy: Surprisingly detailed for one sentence. Try and lengthen it a bit
and give us a more in depth description.
Guardian: None…too complicated.
Part IV: Miscellaneous Information
Why you: Well…I like to role-play. I do so online a
lot, as well as tabletop such as D&D or Vampires (among a heavy amount of
others.). I’m pretty good at it…or so I’ve been told anyhow. I run two online
ones, which are sort of slow at the moment, and I’m involved in 8 (I think)
others. I picked Salacia because I haven’t played an original water senshi yet,
and I seem to be better at the anti-hero (not necessarily the villains…even
though I like them too ^^) characters. And why this game? The plot line was
original, you don’t find a lot of decent RPGs whose story line doesn’t take
place in Tokyo or doesn’t have anything to do with the original senshi.
Miscellaneous: Well…I’m usually on only 4 days a
week…so posting will be a little spaced.
Part V: The Writing Sample
Kyra gazed from her balcony window into the dark
night sky. She watched the stars in galaxies far, far away shimmering endlessly,
like a thousand raging suns. She looked back down at the sketch pad beneath her,
that was laying on the window seat. Kyra stared at the oil drawing and frowned.
Nothing was good enough for her anymore. She took the blue oil stick from it’s
case and finished coloring the deep blue of the lake. She blew away the excess
shavings and the small breeze that blew past her carried the bits of oil crayon
out into the city. Tomorrow was the annual art show at her high school, and she
didn’t have all that much to enter this year. Regretfully, she closed her window
and set the sketchbook back onto her desk for tomorrow. She laid down to sleep,
worrying about what tomorrow may bring.
The sun shone brightly into Kyra’s window the next
morning and she rolled over, to face the remaining darkness of her not-so-dark
room. Pulling the sheets over her head, she heard the sounds of her bedroom door
being opened. Footsteps marked their way across the carpeted floor to Kyra’s bed
and the springs moaned as more weight was added. Kyra could feel her little
sister moving around on top of her, and wondered what her sister was doing. "Mom
says it’s time to get up." A soft voice whispered through the sheets. Kyra
rolled over, knocking Ianthe off of the bed. Ianthe crawled onto her knees and
sat beside the bed. "Get up." She demanded. A hand pushed it’s way from under
the sheets and found Ianthe’s head, and disappeared after it shoved the body
backwards onto the floor again. The girl pulled herself to her feet and
scrambled for the door, leaving it wide open.
Kyra sat in her usual seat at the breakfast table
and looked at the eggs that sat in front of her. She frowned and looked around
at the messy dishes of the family that sat there before her and pushed her
breakfast away from her and headed back to her room. Kyra dressed herself in a
nice black dress, and her favorite sandals. She grabbed her sketchbook and two
canvases that lay beside the desk and headed back downstairs. She walked briskly
past her family and out to the car, carefully placing her artwork in the
backseat. Her father walked out of the door as she sat herself in the passenger
seat. Julius slid into the driver’s seat and pulled onto the street and headed
towards the school for his daughter’s art show.
Vessy: Well it was well written but I just found
way to many contradictions on nowhere near enough history/background. The attack
was un-original and rather "orb of light now you go boom" I didn't really like
it very much...while no MAJOR Blaring problems I just didn't really like
this...It didn't seem to have much personal relation to the sea or water period.
and the hit list thing was a bit... weird...
Verdict: Reject, revise
Dissy: while I agree with a lot of what Vessy’s
said, I think you did a pretty good job on what was okay. Also, the character
didn’t seem to be like every other tom dick and harry we’ve rejected so far.
Kyra’s no Mary Sue and that deffinately gets a lot of bonus points with me, but
at this point not enough to accept you. There was a lot that still needed
fixing, but I look forward to what you have after you fix it ^^v
Verdict: Revise or Die
Final Veridct = Revise or Die! Hope to here from
you again soon! ^^