Character Name: Alfreda Oliva DeVito (goes by Olivia)
Name
Meaning: Alfreda (fem. Of Alfred); supernaturally wise, Olivia; Olive, DeVito;
of life-giving, so, um, supernaturally wise olive of life-giving?
riiight…)
Vessy: I will NOT comment on any
gangster related films… *smothers fits of laughter*
Birth date and Age / Zodiacal Sign:
Age: 17,
Date of
birth: November 9
Sign: Scorpio, (Rising Sign 22 degrees in Taurus, Moon 12
Degrees in Pisces)
Vessy: ENOUGH WITH THE
Scorpio’s! It’s getting so every single character in this RPG is a moldy
introverted foreign Scorpio! *laughs*
Blood type: AB (proud, diplomatic, discriminating…well, maybe not so
diplomatic In her case…)
Gemstone: Tiger‘s eye. A stone worn by
Roman soldiers for protection during battle, it also symbolizes courage and
divination. Olivia just thinks its pretty. If she ever takes the time to find
out more about it, she’d be thrilled…
Appearance:
Oliva stands at 5’7”, and weighs in at 136
lbs. She is athletically built with long, shapely legs, and toned arms, and 18BB
chest size. She has deep mahogany hair that falls down her back to her waist in
tight ringlets framing her heart-shaped face, and serious deep gray eyes that
constantly flitter about as she takes in her surroundings. She has no
piercing whatsoever, or tattoos, and the only jewelry she wears is a thin gold
chain on her wrist, with her henshin stone attached to it.
She isn’t one for
fashion or makeup and all the primping and styling that are the norm for girls
these days, and she keeps her appearance very simplistic. She normally wears a
pair of jeans, and a top. She has one or two skirts, all ankle length, a few
shorts, and maybe one dress…she thinks….that she keeps in the back of her
closet. Four pairs of tennis shoes, one or two sandals, and no pumps make up her
shoe collection. She feels awkward all dressed up and stuff, and anything
that makes her feel awkward she avoids like the plague. As far as make-up goes,
it takes too much time to apply, and requires too much attention to maintain.
And it has a nasty habit of running or smearing when you begin to sweat. The
most she’ll ever be caught with is a little lip gloss, untinted. The only
perfume she owns is…not really perfume. It’s a body spray called Ocean Mist and
she wears it when she wants to fell “pretty.”
She’s quite attractive all on
her own, but she doesn’t do anything to accent it or play it up, and for the
people who notice her out the rest of the crowd, not many of them approach her
because she carries herself so proud and (seemingly) aloof. The ones who work up
enough nerve though, or who she approaches herself, are pleasantly surprised.
Likes:
first and foremost, Olivia likes to be around intelligent
people, or at least someone willing to put up a good argument. To her, one of
the best things around is to simply hold and intelligent conversation; feel out
another persons views, and then discuss why they believe it. In her opinion,
there are few people able to actually do that successfully, and she actively
seeks them out. She also values the trait of common sense-- she’s seen some of
the brightest things occur from the most average person because they had common
sense, and on the flip-side, the most intellectual people make complete asses of
themselves. It’s her humble opinion that the world would be a lot better if
common sense were more…well…common.
She also *loves* olives--especially the tangy black ones. She’s been
stuck on them ever since she was three, when she tasted her first one. Ever
since then, she eats them whenever possible, straight out the jar if necessary.
To her, there is no greater food…versatile, tasty, and bite size. What more can
you ask for?
Lastly, Olivia loves scented candles, and her room is
full of them--all colors shapes and sizes. At last count, she’d topped 40. Her
favorite scent is blackberry, and she has eight different blackberry scented
candles. Don’t bother asking her why she collects candles, she doesn’t really
get it herself. She just knows that they appeal to her for some inexplicable
reason, and, as illogical as it is, there’s something relaxing about them. Her
father and stepmother harbored some worries about her burning the base down one
day, but they figure she‘s too smart to do something that stupid. Her cousin’s
sure they’re in some sort of violation of her housing contract, and made her
swear not to light any of them--she’s in a nice apartment in an nice part of
town, and doesn’t want to lose it because of Olivia’s little obsession.
Vessy: So she has candles but doesn’t burn
them… o.O
Dislikes: Olivia is usually understanding of the occasional personality
quirks, or at least, tries to be, but there is one thing she cannot abide by:
braggarts. She hates them with a passion. Sure, it’s all well and good to be
talented, but there’s always someone better, or equally as good. And the ones
who do all the bragging usually have over inflated opinions of their second rate
work anyway…Often, when confronted with a braggart, she likes nothing better
than to completely humiliate them, or, if it goes on long enough, she’ll likely
beat the crap out of them. Especially if they’re bragging over beating her at
something…She’s a bit…jealous of her talents, and it irks her beyond belief when
anything she does comes under criticism, or someone she considers less talented
outshines her. On no less than three occasions, she’s gotten into fights over
someone gloating. Hasty, yes. A bit extreme, perhaps. But it’s not like
she struck them down or turned them into a creature, though it does sound
tempting. She doesn’t really see what she does as wrong--she just carries out
what most people want to do to them, but don’t. Besides, they had it
coming…
The only thing she hates as much, if not more so, than a
braggart is…well…kinda embarrassing. Olivia really, really, really, hates
earthworms. -_-;;; Pretty pathetic for sure, but something about them just gives
her the creeps…the way they’re all slimy and grimy and pale….how they keep
squirming….and no matter how many times you cut them in half, they never
die……..ewww. It’s rather embarrassing to Olivia, and she would deny it if ever
confronted about it to save face, but it’s most noticeable when she’s actually
around them from the way she cringes and turns her head as she steps over them.
If it ever got though…she’d likely have a stroke, or beat the living daylights
out of anyone who brought it up…
Lastly, Olivia *really* hates
clowns. There’s just something about her that drives her up the wall. Maybe it’s
their sheer annoyance factor, with their weird antics and 3rd rate tricks, or
those painted faces, but whenever ones around, they either a.) bugs the heck out
of her, b.) they don’t get around her because she’s evacuated the
premises, or c.) suffering because she’s clobbered them.
Hobbies:
Chess, arguing diplomacy and discussing military tactics and battles with her
father, or anybody else who’s willing. She also developed a healthy interest for
philosophy, and can often be found toting a worn copy of Plato’s Republic or
Sophie’s World somewhere on her. She’s also developed an intense liking for RISK
and paintball. RISK gives her a chance to exercise her strategic ideas and newly
learned tricks, plus it‘s fun laying waste to someone‘s armies… Her father often
accuses her of outright cheating or being in league with the devil every time he
loses or she wins what should have been a losing battle. While she claims such
occasions are luck, it’s actually a mixture of raw talent combined with the
wisdom to take every opportunity she’s presented. She’d never really heard of
paintball till two years ago when she’d gone to visit her family in Texas and
they took her on an excursion. She got the hang of it rather quickly, and
emerged after the round with one or two blue and yellow paint splotches here and
there. Her cousins were covered head to toe in red paint. Needless to say, it’s
a little guilty pleasure she has, and she looks forward to the visits back home
not only for family, but for the now ritual paintball games. She’s also recently
taken up embroidery and sewing lessons, but only because her father insisted. He
said her step-mother would enjoy the time together. Olivia rather likes her, so
she agreed. It bored her to pieces at first, but she’s grown to like it. That,
and she‘s surprisingly good at it….
Personality:
Olivia tends to be quiet, reserved, secretive and, at times, quite
difficult to understand. Those who actually work up the nerve to approach her
find that she’s quite nice and hardly aloof. She won’t talk much unless it’s a
subject that she really likes or worth a debate. Till then, she’s mostly a few
sentences here and there. Once you get her talking, she’s a much easier to
befriend. The hesitant smiles become more frequent, and the conversation begins
to move along more smoothly. She won’t proclaim to the world that so and so’s
her friend, and it may take a while for her to actually say it herself, but
you’ll know early on whether she likes you or not. After the initial
contact, she’ll go out of her way to say hello or check up on you--even offer
advice on odd little problems here or there. She’s not really chatty, and
prefers to sit back, listen and observe. Don’t think she’s not paying
attention--very few things get by her gray eyes or escape her hearing.
Olivia has extremely strong emotional reactions to most
situations, but since her feelings are often very difficult for her to
verbalize, she has a tendency to be quiet so as not to embarrass herself- - and
broods and thinks a lot. She’s more of a show-er than a teller. (Cheesy, but
it’s the best way to put it…) She seldom gets overtly angry, but, when she
does…wow. Olivia has a nasty temper once it’s set off. It takes a lot to get her
to that point, so whoever sets her off has had it coming for a long time. She’s
very resourceful and formidable when she becomes angered or upset about
something--usually it‘s because someone‘s offended her, or managed to piss her
off (three things guaranteed to do that right off the bat are bragging, teasing
her, or hurting someone she cares for). When her temper finally frays, she
lashes out at everyone (and thing) around--verbally and physically--till she’s
back under control. It’s best to just leave her alone and let her calm herself
down for a few hours. After that, she’ll be perfectly polite, apologize for her
display, and try to soften the blows she’s dealt out to innocent bystanders.
Olivia also hates to be embarrassed, and avoids anything that
would seemingly affect her dignity. Hence, she hates to loses, avoids anything
she’s not good at, and refuses to be seen doing certain things (like dancing
(not that good) singing, (ummm….no), etc…) Because of her reluctance to do some
things, she misses out on a lot of fun, if frivolous, parts of life that she
would have enjoyed.
Olivia’s quietness isn’t to mistaken for
shyness--she has no qualms about saying what she wants or doing what she wants.
She just prefers to play it lo-key. She’s the sort who’d show up to wild party
and hang out on the sofa with two or three people and talk politics or
something…if she ever got invited to one, that is…^_^;;
Vessy: Okay well I really liked that personality, it
was nicely written. I would A) like to make note that she’s seriously entering
Mary Sue harsh zones. She’s a little too perfect. Secondly I’m also thinking
your not quite getting the vibe of wisdom. Wisdom is more cerebral and deeper
than just being intellectual or smart. Yes smart is part of it but wisdom goes
much deeper. It’s more knowing rather than thinking or learning. Or at least
that’s how I think of this.
The way this personality is going, you started
out well I guess had an idea then ran with it. But you started off trying to
make her nervous and introverted, that nervous introversion is more a sign of
seeking wisdom rather than already possessing it. That nervous introversion also
clashes with the high emotional reactions in a way. Wisdom is more
temperance, balance and knowing rather than seeking knowledge. Calm and
collected rather than research-ey. The are bragging, teasing her, or hurting
someone she cares for is fairly typical of anyone with the slightest backbone or
ounce of self-confidence. The history is mildly sob-story-ish in ways and
again with book smarts not wisdom. You could be the most book smarts person in
the world 13 time ruling champ of jeopardy but it’s knowing when to move on that
is wisdom, understanding rather than knowing. Take Hermione from Harry potter
year three she takes on like triple the number of courses possible with magical
help of course and then she starts to burn out and become stressed and useless.
Sure she’s really incredibly smart but she’s not all that wise. Yes she’s young;
yes she’s a hard worker. But in that same book is dumbledor. He looks at
everything rationally, he knows and understands stuff instinctually rather than
by rote. He is wise and in control. So he may not be the best wizard of all time
nitpicking skill and form and all that stuff but it’s knowing how to use what
you have to the best of your ability that provides that distinction. Now usually
introverted shy type people have lower self-confidence or self worth. This isn’t
really something I’d attribute as wise, because it’s usually mental boundaries
holding them back. There’s a difference between being introverted and secretive
or unrevealing. Sometimes the wisest thing you can do is laugh at your own
embarrassments. I suggest considering that in revisions.
History:
5:30 a.m., November 9, a new life entered the world.
After she was born, Olivia's mother penned a Dear John letter, and left her in
her ex-boyfriend’s bedroom before taking off, never to be heard from again. Her
father was understandably enraged by her actions, but decided to keep the child,
and tried to raise her as best he could. Right from the start, there was
something different about Olivia. Her dislike of the name Alfreda (her mother’s
name) was just the beginning. She kept calling herself "Alfwed", and so her
father, in exasperation, began to call her Olivia, instead. The name stuck.
She refused to play with any of the soft plushy toys her father
gave her--
she always played with his numerous books and chess pieces,
knocking them about, stacking them... the real fun started when she actually
picked up the books and began to try to read them. Being a child, she had no
idea what the words meant, or how to pronounce them, but with a little help from
her father...two things were discovered: she was a quick learner, and her
favorites were books of military history , much to her father's chagrin. True,
her father was glad to see her reading at an early age, but...most kids read
Doctor Seuss or some equivalent. The histories of Rome and Byzantium were a bit
much.
What Olivia couldn't figure out herself, her father read to her. Soon,
Olivia was having her father read to her because she enjoyed it, and not
because she needed him to. At five, the charade ended, and the bedtime
stories were replaced with bedtime lectures. By the time she was 7, she could
hold her own in a conversation about the rise and fall of the Roman Empire
as
well as many historic wars and skirmishes. She was even worse on her toys. She
would dissect them to see how they worked, and performed mock biology
experiments on her stuffed animals, then complained that they weren't
biologically accurate. Eventually, her relatives started sending her books
instead of toys, and her room became a miniature library, without a single toy
in sight.
At 10, Olivia began to follow her father around the base
when she wasn't in class. It became increasingly harder for the men her father
was training to avoid laughing during PT, when Olivia would often join her
father in yelling dire threats at the soldiers-in-training. Deciding to humor
his little warrior-princess, he began to take her with him on his morning PT,
and let her watch some of their drills. Two times around the track grew into
four, then a full circle around the base. She grew stronger, more healthy,
and shamed many of the soldiers by being able to outlast them in every exercise.
Her father began to treat Olivia as the son he never had... daily
PT before class, self-defense as well as some hand to hand combat. The one
thing that her father never taught her was how to use a gun, and he always
warned her to stay away from them no matter what. Her dad didn't want her
becoming a statistic, and felt that war was a waste of good men. On a whim, her
father introduced her to the game, RISK. Olivia was surprisingly good at Risk.
Well, maybe not so surprisingly...She enjoyed smashing her enemies, conquering
nations, and commanding grand armies. It made her feel satisfied when she won at
Risk. And she usually did. The game grew into a nightly ritual, with the two of
them accusing the other of all sorts of things--her father was accused of
outright cheating, and she, of being in league with the devil. It was all in
good fun…usually. Going to bed angry over some minor loss became a common part
of their life.
Then, her father met up with the company
doctor, Natale, after a training accident. It was lust at first sight.
Olivia had noticed that many of the female officers on base went out the way to
speak to her father, and he had a number of lady friends, but she’d never
thought much of it (or the implications). As for the doc…her clinic was never
lacking a patient or too. Needless to say, she took good care of him. Yet,
lust gave way to more…refined feelings, and the two married a year later. Olivia
didn’t have too much to complain about-- Natale was nice enough, and she knew a
lot of nifty medical tricks that she passed on. Plus, she was a great cook and
put olives in everything. For Olivia, who was still at an impressionable (read,
bribable) age, Natale was a welcome addition.
Then she hit
puberty. It took a bit for Olivia to realize she wasn’t dying or had down
something horribly wrong to be bleeding down there, but, as Natale
explained with strained patience at 1:30 a.m., she was a young lady now. Soon,
Olivia began to notice strange things about herself--she felt awkward, was
clumsier, her curves were beginning to show, and she was growing breasts. The 13
year old tearing around base in began to attract attention, for different
reasons. Olivia was entirely oblivious to them all. As she grew older, her
obliviousness to the opposite sex when it came to love was taken as aloofness,
or just plain weird, given her parents’ reputations…
Eventually, she found
herself saddled with the reputation of being a prude, and a real ice queen,
though it was far from the truth. She just didn’t really care about all that
stuff…
Then, a few days after her 17th birthday, her father made an
announcement. He had been promoted, and was being transferred to a new
military base overseas. Olivia was happy for him, but she flat out refused to
move. She didn’t want to be uprooted so late in her life…Her father, knowing
full well her stubborn streak, offered her a choice: find a better solution, or
come with them. Olivia spent the rest of the night calling her relatives, and
the next morning, approached her parents with a modest proposal.
To give her credit, they really hadn’t expected her to follow
through with it…but then again, she’d never been one to turn down a challenge.
She presented them with a fully outlined plan that involved her moving in with
her cousin in Rome, finishing out high school, and getting a job.
Seeing as her cousin was desperate for a roommate, and would be glad to have
Olivia, they couldn’t really turn her down. So, three weeks later, she was
shipped off to Rome to stay with her cousin, and her father and Natale to
a new base nearly 5 hours away.
Vessy: *Is in awe* someone actually finished a real
life ARMY brat senshi. *looks out window* Yes yes hell IS! A snow globe! Okay
you said her dad was being posted over seas but then you said him and Natale
were being posted 5 hours away. 5 hours away is not overseas. Overseas is a term
coined in WW1 WW2 when American soldiers were sent to fight in Europe or Asia.
Over the seas. That’s more like 10 hours away by plane. 5 hours away would be
like… northern Italy. And why was she fighting so hard to not be moved and end
up moving to Rome? That’s just kind of odd, I mean if your gonna move why would
you leave the life you grew up in/love to a life in Rome where you know no one
and lack some of the social skills? How on earth did they manage to last 17-ish
years without being transferred? That’s just odd…
NPCs:
Father: Sergeant. Paul DeVito: (Aten-hut!)
Olivia’s father is a drill sergeant who was stationed on a base about a two hour
drive from Rome, but was recently moved to a different base nearly 6 hours from
Rome. Olivia loves him very much, and tries her best to be like
him--disciplined, intelligent, cunning, and brave. He finds it flattering that
his daughter’s modeling himself after her and considers her the son he never
had, but he’s beginning to regret letting her go so wild when she was
young…she’s tomboyish--too much so for his tastes. Still…she *is* daddy’s little
girl…he just hopes his niece can help out…
Stepmother: Dr. Natale
DeVito (This won’t hurt at all…) Natale is the new woman in Paul and
Olivia’s life, and they both love her to pieces. She’s every bit the lady Paul
wishes his daughter would be, and then some. For her part, Natale loves
her stepdaughter’s spunk, as she calls it, and encourages it. Yet…she’s still
figuring out how Paul got her to give Olivia all those sewing and fashion
lessons…She’ll admit that that Olivia is a great sewer--a natural talent if ever
she’s seen one, but the fashion lessons are a waste, and the day Olivia wears
makeup, the world will end.
Cousin: Liliana DeVito: Olivia’s cousin and
new roommate since she moved to Rome, these two get along. Somehow. Liliana’s
everything Olivia’s not--sexy, popular, and a bit…fluffy. At least, in Olivia’s
opinion. Liliana’s a very sweet (but, unfortunately, ditzy) young woman who
needed a roommate, and Olivia needed a place to stay since she didn’t want to
move…the choice was easy. Liliana seems to know how to handle her cousin and
seems to be the only one who can really bring her out of her serious persona
without trying. Olivia swears it’s because she’s family, but they both know it’s
a lie. Forever committed to finding her cousin a boyfriend.
Part
III: Senshi Information
Special Skills:
Immunity
Aura: Olivia doesn’t get sick--she’s never caught the flu, never had chickenpox,
measles, or any other childhood disease, and it doesn’t look like she ever will.
The girl has a charmed life, and some of it seems to wash over anyone in
her company for a prolonged period of time. Allergies get a little more
bearable, fever’s break, coughs goes away…people just feel better when she’s
around. Recently, it seems as if it’s spreading to include animal bites--if they
bite her at all, she gets none of the swelling, itching, or rashes that would
normally accompany them. Lucky girl…(For reference, this was based on the
healing persona of Minerva…)
Fan-o-meter: Olivia has an innate
ability to know when it’s about to hit the fan…she’s rarely caught of guard.
It’s nothing flashy--no pressure on the mind, no “spider sense, tingling”. Just
a feeling in the pit of her stomach that things are about to suck…and then they
do. (Note: This pre-cog usually covers anywhere from 3 minutes-to the immediate,
and a range of 4 yards in any given direction from her. )
Mad
Fighting Skillz: As a result of all the fighting styles and self-defense her
father taught her, as well as random officers on the base, Olivia is a very
skilled opponent when it comes to hand to hand combat, and proficient in two
forms: kick boxing, and karate. She doesn’t tell anyone about her skills,
choosing to let them speak for themselves. By the time she was 15, only a
handful of people on the base could really go head to head with her, and she’s
only gotten better since then. Any blow she delivers *really* hurts…and
she knows just where and how to land them to make it just that much more
effective.
Henshin Item: A warm amber stone surrounding her symbol,
which is made of metal. She wears it disguised as a stone on her
bracelet.
Transformation: Olivia wraps her arms across her torso
and shouts, “Minerva Deus Power Make-Up!” Her henshin stone flashes, her hair
breaks loose of her standard bun, and whips around in the wind. Two gray eyes
appear behind her, and strands of lightning bolt sparks out of them, entwining
around her from head to toe as the eyes fade out. The lightning bolts continue
winding down her body, which now is clothed in a white bodice and panty. When
the lightning bolts reach her feet, they spark up, and completely engulf her.
After they fade out of existence, she is left standing in full uniform. On
her left arm she bears a round shield and in her right hand she carriers a
spear.
Color: Dark amber
Symbol: a spear entwined
with an olive branch
Fuku/Costume: Her collar, choker, skirt, and
knee length booths are brownish-amber, and her gauntlets, skirt flaps, and chest
plate are gray. Her choker bears her symbol inside a tiny tear shaped tiger’s
eye that dangles from it. The flaps on her skirt bear feather shaped studs at
the bottom, mottled deep brown and white, like an owl’s feathers, and lined in
gold.
Weapons:
Aegis: Her shield, Aegis, is covered with small
marbled brown and white scales, with thin warm amber serpents surrounding the
hub. The hub itself is well….there’s something vaguely wrong with it. On first
glance, it looks like the hub is nothing more than a raised, wrinkled, ugly
metal thing. From a different angle, it looks like it could almost be an
engraving of a head…or maybe it’s not. It’s impossible to tell really. It’s
just…unsettling. The only who can really look at it for an extended period of
time and not be bothered is Olivia herself. Anyone else can take it for a bit,
as long as they don’t look directly at it…not that anyone really wants too. It
weighs 13 lbs., but Olivia wields it as if it where nearly weightless. It has
one magic power, but it‘s only used in her attack.
Sapientia:
(Latin, wisdom) her spear, which stands about 5’4, and is made of gold, and
adorned with ivory olive branches. The tip is engraved with an owl head
clutching an olive branch in its beak. It weighs 9 lbs, which she wields like it
was nearly weightless. No powers or special abilities. Just a nice looking
spear.
Powers/Attacks:
Horrific Web (Visual): Olivia
holds her shield in front of her, and whispers, “Horrific Weave” and the hub on
the shield morphs into a more recognizable form, albeit excruciatingly dreadful:
the head of the Gorgon Medusa. If her target directly looks at the shield, they
are stunned, and can’t move at all. They basically become like stone for a few
moments. While they are frozen, the snakes that make up Medusa’s head come
to life, and extend to snare her target in their coils delivering a brief
electrical jolt before disappearing.
Horrific Weave: (The boring
yet necessary technical stuff): Olivia’s attack is two parts: the first
part is a mental(I guess…) attack. The mere sight of Medusa was said to turn the
unfortunate onlooker to stone. The attack carries the same effect, only to a
lesser degree. Instead of turning a nymph to stone, it completely stuns them
anywhere from one to five minutes, depending on the strength of will of the
nymph. If the nymph doesn’t look directly at it, they won’t be stunned,
but a deeper sense of revulsion will come over them, that could very well
distract them during battle. (i.e. to busy trying to avoid looking at it or
overcoming revulsion that they leave themselves open for another
attack.)
The other half ensnares a nymph in snake coils that have a
maximum reach of 3 yards. They deliver a brief yet powerful electric volt
throughout their targets body, then disappear. Aegis goes back into it’s normal
vaguely ugly mode, ready for the next use.
This attack is not very
draining on Olivia, and she can use it three or four times before it starts to
wear on her. It can’t be dodged or reflected or shielded as you’re stunned, BUT
(and boy is it a big one) for it to work, you have to look directly at the
thing. Something which nobody really wants to do in the first place, and getting
slightly repulsed off a shield and briefly averting your gaze isn’t really major
as far as doing battle goes. Therefore, Olivia relies on surprise or
cunning to use her attack, because if they don’t see it coming, they don’t have
time to look away.
Vessy: Okay, I’m not really sure of your reasoning for
this attack. It’s a little go boom-ish,/restrainy for wisdom sphere… I would
suggest something along the lines of a mental attack. Like (ah pop culture
reference) in “hitchhikers guide to the galaxy” they have this machine where
when you go into it you see the WHOLE entire extremely huge universe with a
little tiny arrow pointing to the planet saying “You are here” and it supposedly
blows the mind with the immensity. I would say something similar-ish would be
appropriate.
Guardian: nah. None of that for
her.
Part IV: Miscellaneous Information
Why me? Well, that’s
quite simple. I’ve brought you lunch--subs with extra…*ahem* lettuce…(yeah, I’ve
been watching that Quiznos commercial too much…^_^) Seriously though, I’ve had
lots of experience with rpgs, including 3 Sailor Moon ones…I like to think I
write well, and I‘m, very creative….erm….I absolutely love Minerva/Athena (my
fave goddess…outside of the Egyptian Pantheon, anyway…), and I really liked the
concept for this RPG…muy interesante…oh yeah…did I mention the fresh, crisp
lettuce? ^_^ P.S. Have mercy on my writing sample…it sux, I
know…
Part V: The
Writing Sample
Olivia stared at the risk board sitting on her
table, and picked up the dice to complete her turn. *And thus goes another
Friday night, at home, playing yourself at RISK. Congrats…you have no life…*
Olivia tossed the thought aside. It wasn’t her fault--she just hadn’t come
across anyone worth her time, really, male or female. The only friend she had in
the city at all was her cousin…
“You know…that games pretty boring
unless you have another player.”
And speak of the devil… Olivia
shrugged. She had to admit her cousin had a point, but sheesh…she had to have
something to do, and her father was a couple hundred miles away.
“You know, it’s Friday. I’m going out for a while. Wanna
come with?”
“What boy are you meeting?” Olivia asked
patiently as she drew a card.
“Santa Maria…you assume too much. I
just want to spend time with my cousin, that‘s all.”
“Who’s the
guy?”
Liliana stared into her cousins gray eyes, and sighed. No
use arguing with her. She knew full well what was up, and where this was headed.
“This guy I met yesterday at work.”
“Better.” Olivia continued to
roll. “And let me guess…he has a cousin or a brother, or some friend,
right?”
Dammit…it was like she was always a step ahead of her…
“Uh….yeah.”
“What have I told you about trying to drag me around on
these little dates of yours?”
“You’re coming.” Liliana said
decisively. “You’ve been her three weeks, and you don’t have one friend to show
for it, male or female. You need a life, romance!”
“I need that
like I need an anal probe.”
A wicked smile graced her cousins face.
“Well, yeah….you could use a good probing.”
Olivia shook her head.
Classic Liliana… “Shameless…”
“Anyway, you’re coming whether you
like it or not.”
“Huh?”
Olivia shrieked as her cousin
suddenly grabbed her and dragged her into the closet, lecturing about how she
needed a life, and was going to have one, even if it killed her. She
sighed as her cousin ruffled through her clothes, and rolled her eyes. One of
these days, she was going to pop her one…well, not really. Anyone else would
have died by now, but Liliana…well, she didn’t get it…she could never really
argue with her cousin. So, she compliantly put on every piece of clothing she
handed her with resignation.
“Done.”
Olivia looked in
the mirror, and sighed. Her cousin had done it again--a sporty pink crop top, a
white skirt that rested a few inches above her knees, and white boots. “I can’t
go out in this.”
“You’re just saying that because you feel
awkward.”
“Exactly. I’m taking this off, and going back to my
room.”
“Like hell you are…”
“I feel like I’m on
display.”
“You could be so gorgeous if you would just show yourself
off a little, but nooo…would it kill you to where a skirt every so often? A
little make-up?”
“Ye--”
“We’re leaving. I’m running
late as it is.” Liliana cut her off, and dragged her out the
door.
*********3 hours later************
“You little
battleaxe!” Liliana opened the door of her apartment, and let her fuming cousin
walk in past her.
“It was his fault.”
“You kicked him
in the balls!”
“He asked for it.” Olivia muttered as she flung
herself down on the couch. Stupid jerk…2 hours of going on and on about himself
and his precious soccer trophies. Not once in all that time did he even bother
to ask her anything about herself except how old she was. All it was him, him,
him, and the occasional come on. She would’ve wrung his neck after the first
hour if Liliana hadn’t stopped her. She was at her last nerve by the time they
dropped them back off in front of their apartment. So when her date, the
wonderful Soccer Goalie Alessio leaned in for the goodnight kiss, she kicked
him. She hadn’t intended to land it in the jewels, but her boot apparently had a
mind of his own. In retrospect, it was rather funny. And he did have it
coming…if not her, some other girl would’ve done it.
And her cousin
seemed to know exactly what she was thinking as she erased yet another name out
of her date book. “You are one brazen little bitch…I cannot believe you did
that! That was entirely unnecessary. And now you’re smiling about it?! You’re
giving me a bad reputation! This is the final straw! Claudio and Alessio were
both interns at the hospital! You have effectively destroyed any chance I have
of being a doctor’s wife. And you…no man will ever approach you with that
attitude! You…you…gah!” Liliana stormed out and slammed the door to her
room. “Don’t expect me to do anything for you again!”
Olivia
sighed, and walked back into her room, and changed back into her sweatpants and
shirt, and returned to her RISK game. Liliana would be fine in the morning, and
by next Friday, there would be another date, and another fiasco. So was her
life, and it would likely never change.
Vessy: I hate to say it but I found that parts of this
writing sample a little vulgar/crude for my tastes, I mean there are other ways
of turning down a kiss with force but still not kicking, that sounds a bit
childish to me if anything. She could have ducked away; she could have grabbed
his chin and turned it away. She could have covered his face with her hand and
simply shoved him away, any of which would have fiasco-ish results if you
decided to develop the situation more but instead, jewels always the jewels. And
what’s with thinking in * *’s? Thoughts can be read equally as well as normal
dialogue as it’s presented for the reader in semi-omniscient 3rd. You could
simply write with single quotes or italicize but instead * *’s. I’m not a fan of
‘Insert large space of time here’ you could have taken a couple minutes and just
written the kiss scene as a continuation of the first scene by starting a new
paragraph. Or just focused on one shorter space of time. Other wise it was
well written. I simply think you could work on transitions a little.
--------------------------- Overall
Vessy: Overall I really like this app! Just a few Minor
details I’d consider revising. Mainly the attack is a little go boom ish and not
really wisdom related. And a bit of tweaking could be done to the personality.
Otherwise of Love it!
Verdict: Revise or DIE! Just fix those things and your
in!