Your Name: Alicia
Email Address: [email protected]
Web Page: http://www.geocities.com/silver_dragon_flame
 
Part II: Character Information
 
Character Position: Sailor Minerva
 

Character Name: Alfreda Oliva DeVito (goes by Olivia)
 
Name Meaning: Alfreda (fem. Of Alfred); supernaturally wise, Olivia; Olive, DeVito; of life-giving, so, um, supernaturally wise olive of life-giving? riiight…)
 
Vessy: I will NOT comment on any gangster related films… *smothers fits of laughter*
 
Birth date and Age / Zodiacal Sign:
 
Age: 17,
Date of birth: November 9
Sign: Scorpio, (Rising Sign 22 degrees in Taurus, Moon 12 Degrees in Pisces)
 
Vessy: ENOUGH WITH THE Scorpio’s! It’s getting so every single character in this RPG is a moldy introverted foreign Scorpio! *laughs*
 
Blood type: AB (proud, diplomatic, discriminating…well, maybe not so diplomatic In her case…)
 
Gemstone: Tiger‘s eye. A stone worn by Roman soldiers for protection during battle, it also symbolizes courage and divination. Olivia just thinks its pretty. If she ever takes the time to find out more about it, she’d be thrilled…
 

Appearance:
 
Oliva stands at 5’7”, and weighs in at 136 lbs. She is athletically built with long, shapely legs, and toned arms, and 18BB chest size. She has deep mahogany hair that falls down her back to her waist in tight ringlets framing her heart-shaped face, and serious deep gray eyes that constantly flitter about as she takes in her surroundings.  She has no piercing whatsoever, or tattoos, and the only jewelry she wears is a thin gold chain on her wrist, with her henshin stone attached to it.
She isn’t one for fashion or makeup and all the primping and styling that are the norm for girls these days, and she keeps her appearance very simplistic. She normally wears a pair of jeans, and a top. She has one or two skirts, all ankle length, a few shorts, and maybe one dress…she thinks….that she keeps in the back of her closet. Four pairs of tennis shoes, one or two sandals, and no pumps make up her shoe collection.  She feels awkward all dressed up and stuff, and anything that makes her feel awkward she avoids like the plague. As far as make-up goes, it takes too much time to apply, and requires too much attention to maintain. And it has a nasty habit of running or smearing when you begin to sweat. The most she’ll ever be caught with is a little lip gloss, untinted. The only perfume she owns is…not really perfume. It’s a body spray called Ocean Mist and she wears it when she wants to fell “pretty.”
She’s quite attractive all on her own, but she doesn’t do anything to accent it or play it up, and for the people who notice her out the rest of the crowd, not many of them approach her because she carries herself so proud and (seemingly) aloof. The ones who work up enough nerve though, or who she approaches herself, are pleasantly surprised.
 
 
Likes:
first and foremost, Olivia likes to be around  intelligent people, or at least someone willing to put up a good argument. To her, one of the best things around is to simply hold and intelligent conversation; feel out another persons views, and then discuss why they believe it. In her opinion, there are few people able to actually do that successfully, and she actively seeks them out. She also values the trait of common sense-- she’s seen some of the brightest things occur from the most average person because they had common sense, and on the flip-side, the most intellectual people make complete asses of themselves. It’s her humble opinion that the world would be a lot better if common sense were more…well…common.
 

She also *loves* olives--especially the tangy black ones. She’s been stuck on them ever since she was three, when she tasted her first one. Ever since then, she eats them whenever possible, straight out the jar if necessary. To her, there is no greater food…versatile, tasty, and bite size. What more can you ask for?
 
Lastly, Olivia loves scented candles, and her room is full of them--all colors shapes and sizes. At last count, she’d topped 40. Her favorite scent is blackberry, and she has eight different blackberry scented candles. Don’t bother asking her why she collects candles, she doesn’t really get it herself. She just knows that they appeal to her for some inexplicable reason, and, as illogical as it is, there’s something relaxing about them. Her father and stepmother harbored some worries about her burning the base down one day, but they figure she‘s too smart to do something that stupid. Her cousin’s sure they’re in some sort of violation of her housing contract, and made her swear not to light any of them--she’s in a nice apartment in an nice part of town, and doesn’t want to lose it because of Olivia’s little obsession.
 
Vessy: So she has candles but doesn’t burn them… o.O
 
Dislikes: Olivia is usually understanding of the occasional personality quirks, or at least, tries to be, but there is one thing she cannot abide by: braggarts. She hates them with a passion. Sure, it’s all well and good to be talented, but there’s always someone better, or equally as good. And the ones who do all the bragging usually have over inflated opinions of their second rate work anyway…Often, when confronted with a braggart, she likes nothing better than to completely humiliate them, or, if it goes on long enough, she’ll likely beat the crap out of them. Especially if they’re bragging over beating her at something…She’s a bit…jealous of her talents, and it irks her beyond belief when anything she does comes under criticism, or someone she considers less talented outshines her. On no less than three occasions, she’s gotten into fights over someone gloating.  Hasty, yes. A bit extreme, perhaps. But it’s not like she struck them down or turned them into a creature, though it does sound tempting. She doesn’t really see what she does as wrong--she just carries out what most people want to do to them, but don’t. Besides, they had it coming…
 
The only thing she hates as much, if not more so, than a braggart is…well…kinda embarrassing. Olivia really, really, really, hates earthworms. -_-;;; Pretty pathetic for sure, but something about them just gives her the creeps…the way they’re all slimy and grimy and pale….how they keep squirming….and no matter how many times you cut them in half, they never die……..ewww. It’s rather embarrassing to Olivia, and she would deny it if ever confronted about it to save face, but it’s most noticeable when she’s actually around them from the way she cringes and turns her head as she steps over them. If it ever got though…she’d likely have a stroke, or beat the living daylights out of anyone who brought it up…
 
Lastly, Olivia *really* hates clowns. There’s just something about her that drives her up the wall. Maybe it’s their sheer annoyance factor, with their weird antics and 3rd rate tricks, or those painted faces, but whenever ones around, they either a.) bugs the heck out of her,  b.) they don’t get around her because she’s evacuated the premises, or c.) suffering because she’s clobbered them.
 
Hobbies: Chess, arguing diplomacy and discussing military tactics and battles with her father, or anybody else who’s willing. She also developed a healthy interest for philosophy, and can often be found toting a worn copy of Plato’s Republic or Sophie’s World somewhere on her. She’s also developed an intense liking for RISK and paintball. RISK gives her a chance to exercise her strategic ideas and newly learned tricks, plus it‘s fun laying waste to someone‘s armies… Her father often accuses her of outright cheating or being in league with the devil every time he loses or she wins what should have been a losing battle. While she claims such occasions are luck, it’s actually a mixture of raw talent combined with the wisdom to take every opportunity she’s presented. She’d never really heard of paintball till two years ago when she’d gone to visit her family in Texas and they took her on an excursion. She got the hang of it rather quickly, and emerged after the round with one or two blue and yellow paint splotches here and there. Her cousins were covered head to toe in red paint. Needless to say, it’s a little guilty pleasure she has, and she looks forward to the visits back home not only for family, but for the now ritual paintball games. She’s also recently taken up embroidery and sewing lessons, but only because her father insisted. He said her step-mother would enjoy the time together. Olivia rather likes her, so she agreed. It bored her to pieces at first, but she’s grown to like it. That, and she‘s surprisingly good at it….
 
Personality:
 
Olivia tends to be quiet, reserved, secretive and, at times, quite difficult to understand. Those who actually work up the nerve to approach her find that she’s quite nice and hardly aloof. She won’t talk much unless it’s a subject that she really likes or worth a debate. Till then, she’s mostly a few sentences here and there. Once you get her talking, she’s a much easier to befriend. The hesitant smiles become more frequent, and the conversation begins to move along more smoothly. She won’t proclaim to the world that so and so’s her friend, and it may take a while for her to actually say it herself, but you’ll know early on whether she likes you or not.  After the initial contact, she’ll go out of her way to say hello or check up on you--even offer advice on odd little problems here or there. She’s not really chatty, and prefers to sit back, listen and observe. Don’t think she’s not paying attention--very few things get by her gray eyes or escape her hearing. 
 
Olivia has extremely strong emotional reactions to most situations, but since her feelings are often very difficult for her to verbalize, she has a tendency to be quiet so as not to embarrass herself- - and broods and thinks a lot. She’s more of a show-er than a teller. (Cheesy, but it’s the best way to put it…) She seldom gets overtly angry, but, when she does…wow. Olivia has a nasty temper once it’s set off. It takes a lot to get her to that point, so whoever sets her off has had it coming for a long time. She’s very resourceful and formidable when she becomes angered or upset about something--usually it‘s because someone‘s offended her, or managed to piss her off (three things guaranteed to do that right off the bat are bragging, teasing her, or hurting someone she cares for). When her temper finally frays, she lashes out at everyone (and thing) around--verbally and physically--till she’s back under control. It’s best to just leave her alone and let her calm herself down for a few hours. After that, she’ll be perfectly polite, apologize for her display, and try to soften the blows she’s dealt out to innocent bystanders.
 
Olivia also hates to be embarrassed, and avoids anything that would seemingly affect her dignity. Hence, she hates to loses, avoids anything she’s not good at, and refuses to be seen doing certain things (like dancing (not that good) singing, (ummm….no), etc…) Because of her reluctance to do some things, she misses out on a lot of fun, if frivolous, parts of life that she would have enjoyed.
 
Olivia’s quietness isn’t to mistaken for shyness--she has no qualms about saying what she wants or doing what she wants. She just prefers to play it lo-key. She’s the sort who’d show up to wild party and hang out on the sofa with two or three people and talk politics or something…if she ever got invited to one, that is…^_^;;
 
 
Vessy: Okay well I really liked that personality, it was nicely written. I would A) like to make note that she’s seriously entering Mary Sue harsh zones. She’s a little too perfect. Secondly I’m also thinking your not quite getting the vibe of wisdom. Wisdom is more cerebral and deeper than just being intellectual or smart. Yes smart is part of it but wisdom goes much deeper. It’s more knowing rather than thinking or learning. Or at least that’s how I think of this.
The way this personality is going, you started out well I guess had an idea then ran with it. But you started off trying to make her nervous and introverted, that nervous introversion is more a sign of seeking wisdom rather than already possessing it. That nervous introversion also clashes with the high emotional reactions in a way.  Wisdom is more temperance, balance and knowing rather than seeking knowledge. Calm and collected rather than research-ey. The are bragging, teasing her, or hurting someone she cares for is fairly typical of anyone with the slightest backbone or ounce of self-confidence.  The history is mildly sob-story-ish in ways and again with book smarts not wisdom. You could be the most book smarts person in the world 13 time ruling champ of jeopardy but it’s knowing when to move on that is wisdom, understanding rather than knowing. Take Hermione from Harry potter year three she takes on like triple the number of courses possible with magical help of course and then she starts to burn out and become stressed and useless. Sure she’s really incredibly smart but she’s not all that wise. Yes she’s young; yes she’s a hard worker. But in that same book is dumbledor. He looks at everything rationally, he knows and understands stuff instinctually rather than by rote. He is wise and in control. So he may not be the best wizard of all time nitpicking skill and form and all that stuff but it’s knowing how to use what you have to the best of your ability that provides that distinction. Now usually introverted shy type people have lower self-confidence or self worth. This isn’t really something I’d attribute as wise, because it’s usually mental boundaries holding them back. There’s a difference between being introverted and secretive or unrevealing. Sometimes the wisest thing you can do is laugh at your own embarrassments. I suggest considering that in revisions.
 
History:
 
5:30 a.m., November 9, a new life entered the world. After she was born, Olivia's mother penned a Dear John letter, and left her in her ex-boyfriend’s bedroom before taking off, never to be heard from again. Her father was understandably enraged by her actions, but decided to keep the child, and tried to raise her as best he could. Right from the start, there was something different about Olivia. Her dislike of the name Alfreda (her mother’s name) was just the beginning. She kept calling herself "Alfwed", and so her father, in exasperation, began to call her Olivia, instead. The name stuck.
 
She refused to play with any of the soft plushy toys her father gave her--
she always played with his numerous books and chess pieces, knocking them about, stacking them... the real fun started when she actually picked up the books and began to try to read them. Being a child, she had no idea what the words meant, or how to pronounce them, but with a little help from her father...two things were discovered: she was a quick learner, and her favorites were books of military history , much to her father's chagrin. True, her father was glad to see her reading at an early age, but...most kids read Doctor Seuss or some equivalent. The histories of Rome and Byzantium were a bit much.
What Olivia couldn't figure out herself, her father read to her. Soon, Olivia was having her father read to her because she enjoyed it, and  not because she needed him to.  At five, the charade ended, and the bedtime stories were replaced with bedtime lectures. By the time she was 7, she could hold her own in a conversation about the rise and fall of the Roman Empire
as well as many historic wars and skirmishes. She was even worse on her toys. She would dissect them to see how they worked, and performed mock biology experiments on her stuffed animals, then complained that they weren't biologically accurate. Eventually, her relatives started sending her books instead of toys, and her room became a miniature library, without a single toy in sight.
 
At 10, Olivia began to follow her father around the base when she wasn't in class. It became increasingly harder for the men her father was training to avoid laughing during PT, when Olivia would often join her father in yelling dire threats at the soldiers-in-training. Deciding to humor his little warrior-princess, he began to take her with him on his morning PT, and let her watch some of their drills. Two times around the track grew into four, then a full circle around the base.  She grew stronger, more healthy, and shamed many of the soldiers by being able to outlast them in every exercise.
 
Her father began to treat Olivia as the son he never had... daily PT before class,  self-defense as well as some hand to hand combat. The one thing that her father never taught her was how to use a gun, and he always warned her to stay away from them no matter what. Her dad didn't want her becoming a statistic, and felt that war was a waste of good men. On a whim, her father introduced her to the game, RISK. Olivia was surprisingly good at Risk. Well, maybe not so surprisingly...She enjoyed smashing her enemies, conquering nations, and commanding grand armies. It made her feel satisfied when she won at Risk. And she usually did. The game grew into a nightly ritual, with the two of them accusing the other of all sorts of things--her father was accused of outright cheating, and she, of being in league with the devil. It was all in good fun…usually. Going to bed angry over some minor loss became a common part of their life.
 
Then, her father met up with the company doctor,  Natale, after a training accident. It was lust at first sight. Olivia had noticed that many of the female officers on base went out the way to speak to her father, and he had a number of lady friends, but she’d never thought much of it (or the implications). As for the doc…her clinic was never lacking a patient or too.  Needless to say, she took good care of him. Yet, lust gave way to more…refined feelings, and the two married a year later. Olivia didn’t have too much to complain about-- Natale was nice enough, and she knew a lot of nifty medical tricks that she passed on. Plus, she was a great cook and put olives in everything. For Olivia, who was still at an impressionable (read, bribable) age,  Natale was a welcome addition.
 
Then she hit puberty. It took a bit for Olivia to realize she wasn’t dying or had down something horribly wrong to be bleeding down there, but, as  Natale explained with strained patience at 1:30 a.m., she was a young lady now. Soon, Olivia began to notice strange things about herself--she felt awkward, was clumsier, her curves were beginning to show, and she was growing breasts. The 13 year old tearing around base in began to attract attention, for different reasons.  Olivia was entirely oblivious to them all. As she grew older, her obliviousness to the opposite sex when it came to love was taken as aloofness, or just plain weird, given her parents’ reputations…
Eventually, she found herself saddled with the reputation of being a prude, and a real ice queen, though it was far from the truth. She just didn’t really care about all that stuff…
 
Then, a few days after her 17th birthday, her father made an announcement.  He had been promoted, and was being transferred to a new military base overseas. Olivia was happy for him, but she flat out refused to move. She didn’t want to be uprooted so late in her life…Her father, knowing full well her stubborn streak, offered her a choice: find a better solution, or come with them. Olivia spent the rest of the night calling her relatives, and the next morning, approached her parents with a modest proposal.
 
To give her credit, they really hadn’t expected her to follow through with it…but then again, she’d never been one to turn down a challenge. She presented them with a fully outlined plan that involved her moving in with her cousin in Rome, finishing out high school, and getting a job.  
Seeing as her cousin was desperate for a roommate, and would be glad to have Olivia, they couldn’t really turn her down. So, three weeks later, she was shipped off to Rome to stay with her cousin, and her father and  Natale to a new base nearly 5 hours away.
 
Vessy: *Is in awe* someone actually finished a real life ARMY brat senshi. *looks out window* Yes yes hell IS! A snow globe! Okay you said her dad was being posted over seas but then you said him and Natale were being posted 5 hours away. 5 hours away is not overseas. Overseas is a term coined in WW1 WW2 when American soldiers were sent to fight in Europe or Asia. Over the seas. That’s more like 10 hours away by plane. 5 hours away would be like… northern Italy. And why was she fighting so hard to not be moved and end up moving to Rome? That’s just kind of odd, I mean if your gonna move why would you leave the life you grew up in/love to a life in Rome where you know no one and lack some of the social skills? How on earth did they manage to last 17-ish years without being transferred? That’s just odd…
 
NPCs:
 
Father:  Sergeant. Paul DeVito: (Aten-hut!) Olivia’s father is a drill sergeant who was stationed on a base about a two hour drive from Rome, but was recently moved to a different base nearly 6 hours from Rome. Olivia loves him very much, and tries her best to be like him--disciplined, intelligent, cunning, and brave. He finds it flattering that his daughter’s modeling himself after her and considers her the son he never had, but he’s beginning to regret letting her go so wild when she was young…she’s tomboyish--too much so for his tastes. Still…she *is* daddy’s little girl…he just hopes his niece can help out…
Stepmother: Dr.  Natale DeVito (This won’t hurt at all…)  Natale is the new woman in Paul and Olivia’s life, and they both love her to pieces. She’s every bit the lady Paul wishes his daughter would be, and then some. For her part,  Natale loves her stepdaughter’s spunk, as she calls it, and encourages it. Yet…she’s still figuring out how Paul got her to give Olivia all those sewing and fashion lessons…She’ll admit that that Olivia is a great sewer--a natural talent if ever she’s seen one, but the fashion lessons are a waste, and the day Olivia wears makeup, the world will end.
Cousin: Liliana DeVito:  Olivia’s cousin and new roommate since she moved to Rome, these two get along. Somehow. Liliana’s everything Olivia’s not--sexy, popular, and a bit…fluffy. At least, in Olivia’s opinion. Liliana’s a very sweet (but, unfortunately, ditzy) young woman who needed a roommate, and Olivia needed a place to stay since she didn’t want to move…the choice was easy. Liliana seems to know how to handle her cousin and seems to be the only one who can really bring her out of her serious persona without trying. Olivia swears it’s because she’s family, but they both know it’s a lie. Forever committed to finding her cousin a boyfriend.
 
Part III: Senshi Information
 
Special Skills:
 
Immunity Aura: Olivia doesn’t get sick--she’s never caught the flu, never had chickenpox, measles, or any other childhood disease, and it doesn’t look like she ever will. The girl has a charmed life, and some of it seems to wash over anyone  in her company for a prolonged period of time. Allergies get a little more bearable, fever’s break, coughs goes away…people just feel better when she’s around. Recently, it seems as if it’s spreading to include animal bites--if they bite her at all, she gets none of the swelling, itching, or rashes that would normally accompany them. Lucky girl…(For reference, this was based on the healing persona of Minerva…)
 
Fan-o-meter: Olivia has an innate ability to know when it’s about to hit the fan…she’s rarely caught of guard. It’s nothing flashy--no pressure on the mind, no “spider sense, tingling”. Just a feeling in the pit of her stomach that things are about to suck…and then they do. (Note: This pre-cog usually covers anywhere from 3 minutes-to the immediate, and a range of 4 yards in any given direction from her. )
 
Mad Fighting Skillz: As a result of all the fighting styles and self-defense her father taught her, as well as random officers on the base, Olivia is a very skilled opponent when it comes to hand to hand combat, and proficient in two forms: kick boxing, and karate. She doesn’t tell anyone about her skills, choosing to let them speak for themselves. By the time she was 15, only a handful of people on the base could really go head to head with her, and she’s only gotten better since then.  Any blow she delivers *really* hurts…and she knows just where and how to land them to make it just that much more effective.
 
Henshin Item: A warm amber stone surrounding her symbol, which is made of metal. She wears it disguised as a stone on her bracelet.
 
Transformation: Olivia wraps her arms across her torso and shouts, “Minerva Deus Power Make-Up!” Her henshin stone flashes, her hair breaks loose of her standard bun, and whips around in the wind. Two gray eyes appear behind her, and strands of lightning bolt sparks out of them, entwining around her from head to toe as the eyes fade out. The lightning bolts continue winding down her body, which now is clothed in a white bodice and panty. When the lightning bolts reach her feet, they spark up, and completely engulf her. After they fade out of existence, she is left standing in full uniform.  On her left arm she bears a round shield and in her right hand she carriers a spear.
 
Color: Dark amber
 
Symbol: a spear entwined with an olive branch
 
Fuku/Costume: Her collar, choker, skirt, and knee length booths are brownish-amber, and her gauntlets, skirt flaps, and chest plate are gray. Her choker bears her symbol inside a tiny tear shaped tiger’s eye that dangles from it. The flaps on her skirt bear feather shaped studs at the bottom, mottled deep brown and white, like an owl’s feathers, and lined in gold.
 

Weapons:
 
Aegis: Her shield, Aegis, is covered with small marbled brown and white scales, with thin warm amber serpents surrounding the hub. The hub itself is well….there’s something vaguely wrong with it. On first glance, it looks like the hub is nothing more than a raised, wrinkled, ugly metal thing.  From a different angle, it looks like it could almost be an engraving of a head…or maybe it’s not. It’s impossible to tell really. It’s just…unsettling. The only who can really look at it for an extended period of time and not be bothered is Olivia herself. Anyone else can take it for a bit, as long as they don’t look directly at it…not that anyone really wants too. It weighs 13 lbs., but Olivia wields it as if it where nearly weightless. It has one magic power, but it‘s only used in her attack.
 
Sapientia: (Latin, wisdom) her spear, which stands about 5’4, and is made of gold, and adorned with ivory olive branches. The tip is engraved with an owl head clutching an olive branch in its beak. It weighs 9 lbs, which she wields like it was nearly weightless. No powers or special abilities. Just a nice looking spear.
 
Powers/Attacks:
 
Horrific Web (Visual): Olivia holds her shield in front of her, and whispers, “Horrific Weave” and the hub on the shield morphs into a more recognizable form, albeit excruciatingly dreadful: the head of the Gorgon Medusa. If her target directly looks at the shield, they are stunned, and can’t move at all. They basically become like stone for a few moments.  While they are frozen, the snakes that make up Medusa’s head come to life, and extend to snare her target in their coils delivering a brief electrical jolt before disappearing.
 
Horrific Weave: (The boring yet necessary technical stuff):  Olivia’s attack is two parts: the first part is a mental(I guess…) attack. The mere sight of Medusa was said to turn the unfortunate onlooker to stone. The attack carries the same effect, only to a lesser degree. Instead of turning a nymph to stone, it completely stuns them anywhere from one to five minutes, depending on the strength of will of the nymph. If the nymph doesn’t  look directly at it, they won’t be stunned, but a deeper sense of revulsion will come over them, that could very well distract them during battle. (i.e. to busy trying to avoid looking at it or overcoming revulsion that they leave themselves open for another attack.)
 
The other half ensnares a nymph in snake coils that have a maximum reach of 3 yards. They deliver a brief yet powerful electric volt throughout their targets body, then disappear. Aegis goes back into it’s normal vaguely ugly mode, ready for the next use.
 
This attack is not very draining on Olivia, and she can use it three or four times before it starts to wear on her. It can’t be dodged or reflected or shielded as you’re stunned, BUT (and boy is it a big one) for it to work, you have to look directly at the thing. Something which nobody really wants to do in the first place, and getting slightly repulsed off a shield and briefly averting your gaze isn’t really major as far as doing battle goes.  Therefore, Olivia relies on surprise or cunning to use her attack, because if they don’t see it coming, they don’t have time to look away.
 
Vessy: Okay, I’m not really sure of your reasoning for this attack. It’s a little go boom-ish,/restrainy for wisdom sphere… I would suggest something along the lines of a mental attack. Like (ah pop culture reference) in “hitchhikers guide to the galaxy” they have this machine where when you go into it you see the WHOLE entire extremely huge universe with a little tiny arrow pointing to the planet saying “You are here” and it supposedly blows the mind with the immensity. I would say something similar-ish would be appropriate.
 
 
Guardian: nah. None of that for her.
 
Part IV: Miscellaneous Information
Why me? Well, that’s quite simple. I’ve brought you lunch--subs with extra…*ahem* lettuce…(yeah, I’ve been watching that Quiznos commercial too much…^_^) Seriously though, I’ve had lots of experience with rpgs, including 3 Sailor Moon ones…I like to think I write well, and I‘m, very creative….erm….I absolutely love Minerva/Athena (my fave goddess…outside of the Egyptian Pantheon, anyway…), and I really liked the concept for this RPG…muy interesante…oh yeah…did I mention the fresh, crisp lettuce? ^_^ P.S. Have mercy on my writing sample…it sux, I know…
 
 
 
 
 
 
Part V: The Writing Sample
 
Olivia stared at the risk board sitting on her table, and picked up the dice to complete her turn. *And thus goes another Friday night, at home, playing yourself at RISK. Congrats…you have no life…* Olivia tossed the thought aside. It wasn’t her fault--she just hadn’t come across anyone worth her time, really, male or female. The only friend she had in the city at all was her cousin…
 
“You know…that games pretty boring unless you have another player.”
 
And speak of the devil… Olivia shrugged. She had to admit her cousin had a point, but sheesh…she had to have something to do, and her father was a couple hundred miles away.
 
“You know, it’s Friday. I’m going out for a  while. Wanna come with?”
 
“What boy are you meeting?”  Olivia asked patiently as she drew a card.
 
“Santa Maria…you assume too much. I just want to spend time with my cousin, that‘s all.”
 
“Who’s the guy?”
 
Liliana stared into her cousins gray eyes, and sighed. No use arguing with her. She knew full well what was up, and where this was headed. “This guy I met yesterday at work.”
 
“Better.” Olivia continued to roll. “And let me guess…he has a cousin or a brother, or some friend, right?”
 

Dammit…it was like she was always a step ahead of her… “Uh….yeah.”
 
“What have I told you about trying to drag me around on these little dates of yours?”
 
“You’re coming.” Liliana said decisively. “You’ve been her three weeks, and you don’t have one friend to show for it, male or female. You need a life, romance!”
 
“I need that like I need an anal probe.”
 
A wicked smile graced her cousins face. “Well, yeah….you could use a good probing.”
 
Olivia shook her head. Classic Liliana… “Shameless…”
 
“Anyway, you’re coming whether you like it or not.”
 
“Huh?”
 
Olivia shrieked as her cousin suddenly grabbed her and dragged her into the closet, lecturing about how she needed a life, and was going to have one, even if it killed her.  She sighed as her cousin ruffled through her clothes, and rolled her eyes. One of these days, she was going to pop her one…well, not really. Anyone else would have died by now, but Liliana…well, she didn’t get it…she could never really argue with her cousin. So, she compliantly put on every piece of clothing she handed her with resignation.
 
“Done.”
 
Olivia looked in the mirror, and sighed. Her cousin had done it again--a sporty pink crop top, a white skirt that rested a few inches above her knees, and white boots. “I can’t go out in this.”
 
“You’re just saying that because you feel awkward.”
 

“Exactly. I’m taking this off, and going back to my room.”
 
“Like hell you are…”
 
“I feel like I’m on display.”
 
“You could be so gorgeous if you would just show yourself off a little, but nooo…would it kill you to where a skirt every so often? A little make-up?”
 
“Ye--”
 
“We’re leaving. I’m running late as it is.” Liliana cut her off, and dragged her out the door.
 
*********3 hours later************
 
“You little battleaxe!” Liliana opened the door of her apartment, and let her fuming cousin walk in past her.
 
“It was his fault.”
 
“You kicked him in the balls!”
 
“He asked for it.” Olivia muttered as she flung herself down on the couch. Stupid jerk…2 hours of going on and on about himself and his precious soccer trophies. Not once in all that time did he even bother to ask her anything about herself except how old she was. All it was him, him, him, and the occasional come on. She would’ve wrung his neck after the first hour if Liliana hadn’t stopped her. She was at her last nerve by the time they dropped them back off in front of their apartment. So when her date, the wonderful Soccer Goalie Alessio leaned in for the goodnight kiss, she kicked him. She hadn’t intended to land it in the jewels, but her boot apparently had a mind of his own. In retrospect, it was rather funny. And he did have it coming…if not her, some other girl would’ve done it.
 
And her cousin seemed to know exactly what she was thinking as she erased yet another name out of her date book. “You are one brazen little bitch…I cannot believe you did that! That was entirely unnecessary. And now you’re smiling about it?! You’re giving me a bad reputation! This is the final straw! Claudio and Alessio were both interns at the hospital! You have effectively destroyed any chance I have of being a doctor’s wife. And you…no man will ever approach you with that attitude! You…you…gah!”  Liliana stormed out and slammed the door to her room.  “Don’t expect me to do anything for you again!”
 
Olivia sighed, and walked back into her room, and changed back into her sweatpants and shirt, and returned to her RISK game. Liliana would be fine in the morning, and by next Friday, there would be another date, and another fiasco. So was her life, and it would likely never change.
 
Vessy: I hate to say it but I found that parts of this writing sample a little vulgar/crude for my tastes, I mean there are other ways of turning down a kiss with force but still not kicking, that sounds a bit childish to me if anything. She could have ducked away; she could have grabbed his chin and turned it away. She could have covered his face with her hand and simply shoved him away, any of which would have fiasco-ish results if you decided to develop the situation more but instead, jewels always the jewels. And what’s with thinking in * *’s? Thoughts can be read equally as well as normal dialogue as it’s presented for the reader in semi-omniscient 3rd. You could simply write with single quotes or italicize but instead * *’s. I’m not a fan of ‘Insert large space of time here’ you could have taken a couple minutes and just written the kiss scene as a continuation of the first scene by starting a new paragraph. Or just focused on one shorter space of time.  Other wise it was well written. I simply think you could work on transitions a little.
 

--------------------------- Overall
 
Vessy: Overall I really like this app! Just a few Minor details I’d consider revising. Mainly the attack is a little go boom ish and not really wisdom related. And a bit of tweaking could be done to the personality. Otherwise of Love it!
 
Verdict: Revise or DIE! Just fix those things and your in!
 
 
 
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