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Part I: Player
Information
Your Name: Brenna
Email Address: [email protected]
Web Page: sheryl_angelfate.tripod.com
Part II: Character
Information
Character Position: Sailor Cupid
Character Name: Cecilia
Rosalind "Rose" Kerensa Dulcinea Archer
(People call her both Cecelia and
Rose)
Name Meaning:
Cecilia-Latin, Blind
Rosalind-Spanish,
Beautiful Rose
Kerensa-Cornish, Love
Dulcinea-Spanish,
Sweet
Archer-What it says
Cupid is often depicted as a baby archer,
blindfolded and ready to strike.Roses are the favored flower of Venus, Cupid's
mother. As for the "Sweet" bit...Well, love has been considered a sweet emotion!
What do you give your s/o on St. Valentine's Day?
Vessy: Okay new contest. Prize for longest name in a character
apps!
Birthdate and Age / Zodiacal Sign: 10.04 /
Libra.
(Daydreamy, artsy, impatient, indecisive. She would have been a Pisces
but I thought that was just a little too obvious)
Vessy: We need an age here people, I see no age. How old is she? Huh? You
can't tell me? You don't know? HA! that's cus she has no age! and for the record
most people choose Gemini for Love/romance related senshi, so it wouldn't really
ahve been that ovious being a pisces, in fact it's not very obvious at
all...)
Physical Details:
Hair: Rose's hair is dark red, almost
black, and hangs to her waist is soft Botticelli curls and waves. She ties it
half back with a few unruly locks escaping to hang by her face. Most of these
strands are remains from trying to cut herself bangs.
Eyes: Rose's eyes
are almond-shaped and wistfully colored smoky gray. Long black lashes ring her
eyes, giving her a "Victorian Penny Dreadful Heroine" look.
Vessy: HOORAY! She's NOT Aryan (blonde hair blue
eyes)
Face: Her face is a sweetly molded oval with a high forehead
and cheekbones. Full, rosy lips make a pixish pointed chin look even more fae
and her long slim neck gives it a ladylike air. Her cheekbones are freckled to
add to the cuteness.
Build: 6'0" and 187 pounds (I think...) and sort of
chubby, in a cute/fertility goddess way (Think Marilyn Monroe). Her long,
muscular legs make her look more athletic than she is and she's quite proud of
her slim arms and long fingers.
Vessy: Now if she
were a guy that build would be healthy but 187 is getting into the severally
over weight/obese category. okay this is a good chart for height/weight it only
goes up to 5'11" on womens but just transfer over to mens 6'0" medium frame on a
womens would be small on a man large on a women would be medium on a
mans.
http://healthfullife.umdnj.edu/editor/METROLIFE_table.htm
But seriously dude she's freakishly tall. I mean I'm pretty tall
and I'm 5'7" perhaps you'd want to scale that ratio down there a bit. Plus i
don't see the relation in the fertility thing. Cupid is the god(dess) of love
and romance not fertility/birth/pregnancy or anything like that. That fertility
stuff is nona/decima in the tria fata.
Carriage: Rose hold herself
with modesty and quiet confidence. She walks like she's trying to get someplace
in a hurry, with long strides that make her just a tad clumsy. Other than that,
Rose is very graceful. She's just not a dexterous person.
dex·ter·ous
adj.
1.. Skillful in the use of the
hands.
2.. Having mental skill or adroitness.
Why the random note there?
is she like clumsy or just not good with her hands? In which sense did you mean
dexterous?
Clothes: When
not in the St. Tarcisius uniform, she wears rather romantic and brightly colored
clothes mixed with equal parts typical tomboyish geek fare (Ex: Stylish-for-1996
Retro Blue Jeans and a black t-shirt reading "DIE ORC" with chunky heeled combat
boots and smiley face hair clips or a frilly poet shirt with black jeans and
fire-engine red sneakers). Rose adores all jewelry and wears a ton of it every
chance she gets. People regret playing her favorite songs after being smacked in
the face with a necklace battalion or a dragon's horde of
rings.
Bloodtype: AB-Diplomatic, indecisive, picky
Gemstone: Rose
Quartz
Vessy: Why rose
quartz?
Likes:
D&D- She was brought up on Tolkein, Lewis
and McCaffrey. It was only a matter of time before Rose became Kerensa, 5th
level Half-Elf Cleric of the Goddess of Love with a +3 Shortbow of
Spellstoring!
Pop Music- She wanted to be just like the other girls, long
ago. But she likes it for her own reasons, now.
Vessy: What are her reasons for liking it now? As far as I know
there are very few people my age that like pop music. and I sure as hell don't
*shudders*
Classic Rock- It's the non-conformist in her. Besides,
Queen's got some kickass harmonies.
Archery- Great exercise and her one
chance to emulate Legolas!
Scifi and Fantasy-The two genres she can lose
herself in.
Vessy: I don't know exactly how much
excercise you get from doing archery, it works your arms and maybe walking to
the car would be excercise but seriously there's no real cardiovascular work out
there. Besides every person i know who does archery does something
cardiovascular-ish as well (like martial arts or
swimming)
Dislikes:
Rap- Filthy
stuff, bad messages and bloody unoriginal.
Vessy: Not
all rap gives bad messages, there's a fair movement of christian rap (ha! now
there's an oxymoron) and it basically sends out the same messages alot of other
types of music are just in a unintelligable way.
Bodice-Ripper
Romance Novels- "Yeah, yeah. Pant, pant, ravish, ravish. BOOOORING!"
Spiders-
"OH MY GAWD!" **Smashes the offending creature with a Beijing Telephone
Directory** "PLEASE keep those useful but DISGUSTING creatures out of my
SIGHT!"
Vessy: Okay um. WHY doesn't she like spiders
and romance novels? WHY? looking for reasons here people
:)
Hobbies:
Gaming- Nothing is more exhilarating than reliving favorite
stories by rolling dice and commanding armies of little plastic
miniatures!
Vessy: Umm... how do you relive a story
based on a game based entirely on chance? you have no real control over where it
goes. *doesn't understand TT RPG's in the
slightest*
Reading Fantasy
Novels- Fairy Tales for Big Kids! Full of adventure and
romance.
Fortune-telling- Her ancestors were gypsies, somewhere in there.
It's kind of in the blood. Besides it's mystical and romantic.
Vessy: What kind of fortune telling? Tarot cards? Medicine cards?
runes? I ching? scrying? palm reading? What kind(s)? Why does she like it. you
can't just throw something in because it's mystical and romantic it needs a
reason, Just because somewhere in her past a couple of her ancestors were
gypsies isn't really a reason. Why didn't u include it in her likes section or
is it something she just does. Where'd she
learn?
Personality:
Rose is a hopeless eccentric romantic, the
kind who goes to see action films and cries over romantic scenes between the
token woman and hero (later, she'll grumble about how the girl should have beat
the living daylights out of the villain). Any fantasy novel that passes under
her nose gets read the moment she can grab it. Rose is a gaming queen. She
spends her Saturdays at her friend, Vincenzo's, and rolls dice like an addicted
gambler with one day left to live. Rose has earned herself the nickname,
"Redshirt", because the other clerics have to keep resurrecting her. It's not
that her character is weak or that she's a bad player. It's just that Rose is a
LOUSY dice roller. Rose is a very sympathetic ear. She listen to a person's
troubles and comfort them with a dry shoulder and her phone number, in case of
other troubles. Usually, her awkward grace and bizarrely cheerful attitude are
enough to brighten her friends. If that fails, she will turn everything
upside-down to make a frown, a smile. The worst flaw of Rose's sweet personality
is her temper. It isn't hot, per se, but it is fierce and slow to forgive. The
last person to treat her unfairly won themselves a cold shoulder and a witty but
frigid remark, as well as a nasty ding on their fancy black car from an
anonymous red scooter. Rose is amazingly domestic for a geek. She sews, she
cooks, she knows 153 herbal remedies. The only thing she can't do domestically
is clean. Her room is a pit that wild pigs would shy from and yet she can locate
things it it. She doesn't consider her room as important a cleanup job as Planet
Earth.
Vessy: Okay here personality is a little one
dimensional here and alot of things just kind of ended at dead ends in there.
You say she's a hopeless romantic but the only example of that is that she cries
over love scenes in action movies. In fact the only thing you really expanded on
at all was her gaming addiction. I don't get the feeling that i know her very
well at all. More like a friendly aquantance than someone i'm really good
friends with. I feel like i could buy them a christmas present but nothing very
personal. Beside that fact is the point that her personality is really short and
on that side note i just don't get the cupid empathy that is vital to apps. Your
character needs to almost resonate with the god it's created after, i get no
resonance I don't even really feel an overlapping in the energy
spheres.
History:
It was heartbreaking for the Archers (Daniel
and Sofia) when they lost their first child, Valentine Catherina.
Vessy: Why did they lose their child? Miscarriage? car accident?
what?
They prayed that their second child would live and prosper.
Their prayers were answered. October the next year brought with it a premature
and slender but lusty and rosy baby girl. Sofia (a devout Catholic) named her
child Cecilia Rosalind Kerensa Dulcenea, for the patron saint of musicians, a
Shakespearean heroine, her Cornish ancestress, and the imagined lady love of Don
Quixote. Cecilia, fondly called "Rose" or "Rosey Posey", was very precocious and
had a very active imagination. Her father had to take The Hobbit away from her
when she was 5, because she had nightmares.
Vessy:
Okay i don't care how friggin intelligent this kid is i can't honestly see a
five year old reading the hobbit. It just doesn't happen. 7-9 year old MAYBE but
a five year old has barely learned to read. For you kid to be able to read the
hobbit when they were five they'd have to have an un-measurable iq level. No
way.
School was always socially difficult for Rose. The other
children wouldn't play with the somewhat eccentric girl and often Rose would
play on her own or read on the playground. Instead of making friends in school
named Bobby or Katie, her friends lived in Middle-Earth and were named Frodo and
Eowyn. In Junior High, Rose fell in love with modern fantasy novels, like Isle
of View and Dragonsong. By this time, she was becoming pale and overweight and
kids her own age shunned her even more. In 8th grade, Rose had an epiphany,
ironically in her most despised class. One spring day in Gym Class, the
instructor handed out ancient wooden bows and arrows that fell apart if you
sneezed on them funny. From the moment of Rose's first shot, she was in love.
Her aim was impeccable and she was swept away with the romance and power of
archery. While Rose's parents were planning to send her to Italy for school, she
was losing weight from walking to the archery range and the summer sun was
turning her skin healthy freckled colors. She was becoming less of a girl and
more of a woman. In the last week of July, Rose was prepared for Italian life
and high school by Nona Venetzia, a Half Spanish Sicilian Strega (Christian
Witch), who stayed at the Archers to learn more about her grandchild. August
1st, 1995, Rose was brought to Rome. For a while, Rose stayed with her
grandmother, helping out with her fortune-telling business and getting
assimilated. But, at the beginning of the school year, she was planted in an
apartment with Nona's godchild, Lucretia Anmerati. Rose allowed herself to
become Italian. She bought a red scooter, learned to drink wine (well, fake it,
at least. She HATES the taste of alcohol) and mastered the fine and intricate
martial art of Scrotal Withering Verbal Abuse (from Grandmaster Venetzia
herself). But, in admittance to homesickness, desperately wanted a pet to
(temporarily take the place of her pure-bred Siamese, Arwen). So, one day, Rose
went out and bought a cute little white rabbit that she named Eros. Unbeknownst
to Rose (but knownst to us), Eros was no ordinary bunny rabbit. But for the
moment, Rose is still naive and leads an ordinary, if eccentric, life as a
"respected" Gamer Girl/Geek.
(Note: I KNOW the "i" in naive is accented. I
can't get my P.O.S. Keyboard to do that!)
Vessy: Okay
since you make referances to Italy and being sent there i assume she's foreign
and that's a BIG NO. We have stopped accepting foreigners altogether Unless
their REALLY REALLY INCREDIBLY GOOD which I'm afraid to say yours
doesn't qualify as (no offense,). Secondly why was she sent to italy? I see
no reasoning. There are a couple possible reasons but none of which are stated.
But basically no on the foriegner thing. Again on the not seeing Cupid anywhere
in this app. all im getting is a rather pale overweight and anti social little
girl who grew up into a slightly overweight geek archer of a young woman. Why
were they sending her to Italy for school that's not really a reason, i mean it
has possibilities but NO. As for the Nona chika who's grandmother is she? I
assume she's Rose's but that's never actually stated. Again what KIND of fortune
telling and she's got to do more than just fortune tell cus' there's no way that
that alone is gonna pay the bills or even pay for a trip over seas. does she own
a curio shop or something? Okay and as for buying the rabbit from a store i
don't quite see the relevancy of that? I mean how would he be all buy me not
those other guys buy me because I'm your gaurdian. I'm sorry but I just don't
see the relevancy.
NPCs:
Lucretia Anmerati - (Rose's Roomie) 18
years old and incredibly worldly. A professional beautician, Lucretia wants
desperately to turn Rose in to a fashion plate. Tall, slender and bottle blond
with dark eyes.
Domenica Fransisco - (Best Friend) 16 and the most
vicious Female Boxer seen in Rome in a while. "Nikki" also plays D&D with
Rose on Saturdays. Short, dark, and built like a bulldog.
Vessy: Okay um... what the? most boxers aren't built bulldog style
their tall and lean and wirey especially in female competition. (see any boxing
movie ever made for referance on that) Dark how? what color is her hair/eyes?
dark could mean alot of things dark blue/blonde combo or like Black hair, black
skin, black eyes?
Garrett Clark - (Significant Other) The
15-year-old son of expatriate Americans. A bashful romantic who worships Rose
and her girly eccentricities.
Vessy: What does he
look like? what girly eccentricities? I see a little bit of classic homemaker
stuff but other than that she's pretty geeky in the non-girly
way.
"Nona" Teresina Venetzia-75 and tough as hickory. Nona
Venetzia supports Rose off of a rather prosperous fortune-telling
business.
Vessy: okay what is her relation to Rose?
You still don't tell us grr... what type of fortune telling? what does she look
like? What's her personality/soft spots? Okay come on we need a little more than
just a sentance for your NPC's here. I mean seriously! although i must say i'm
getting a better idea of the characters of some of these people than I'm getting
from rose's whole app.
Part III: Senshi Information
Special
Skills:
Matchmaker, Matchmaker- Rose can tell when a pairing was meant to be.
Any blind date she sets up tends to go well and ends up in the two in question
(same sex couples included) becoming romantically involved.
Vessy: *sigh*
Hook, Line and Sinker- Rose is a
charmer. Her Clara Bow-esque sweetness and allure make her the perfect bait for
a girl-crazy villain.
Rose: WHY am I always the damsel in distress?
Other
Senshi: Because your a person magnet! Now, shut up and scream!
Rose: Can I,
at least, henshin first?
OS: No.
Vessy: if she's a
charmer how come kids shunned her in elementary? how come she's so anti
social?
Henshin Item: Cupid's pink transformation jewel is
disguised as the clasp of her beloved homemade messenger bag (See
Miscellaneous).
Transformation:
Cupid Deus Power, Make-Up!- Pink
ribbons spiral around Rose and wrap around her torso. They flash and become her
Fuku. More ribbons entangle her head, arms, legs and throat, becoming her tiara
and earrings, gloves, sandals, and choker. A brilliant flash radiates from her
back and become her wings. She poses, right foot out, right hand open and at her
right temple in a "howdy sailor" position. Her left hand is out at her side and
open, with her head tilted and winking. The Cupid symbol sparkles in the
background.
Color: Rose Pink (**Rose groans about it not being HOT
Pink**)
Symbol: A heart on it's side nocked with an arrow, like a
bow.
Fuku/Costume:
Sailor Cupid's
uniform is, for the most part, unremarkable. The leather is pure white, however,
and soft as doeskin with golden armor. A pair of medium-sized white feathered
wings sprout from her back. Whether or not they work is unknown, but she doesn't
dare fly with them at first. Her shoes are strappy sandals that tie at the
ankles with chunky, two-inch, gold heels. At her choker is a small gold heart
with a small pink diamond set in the center and her earrings are dangly gold
hearts. The finishing touch is the traditional tiara set with a heart shaped
pink jewel.
Vessy: *sighs* wings. I mean i can see
the significance to the character but come on this is turning into AOC just a
little bit. Wings are not really part of it I mean there are cases and cupid
might be one of them but I'd rather not have wings seeing as their so
incredibly cliche.
Powers/Attacks:
Romantic Bolt-Cupid
nocks her bow and closes her eyes. She twirls twice rapidly and fires. A bolt of
pink light shoots from her bow and flies to her enemies (one at a time). This
bolt can be blocked, dodged, and redirected. IF you can outrun it or see it
coming. It's a VERY fast attack, although somewhat underpowered. Cupid can do
this several times as long as she has her bow.
Vessy:
this is a go boom attack, cupid isn't really a god boom element. There are
elements that are best served as go boom attacks love really isn't one of them.
I think a love attack could be like shooting someone with a shiny sparkly arrow
and then they have that shiny happy mooshy lovey feeling inside and their all
like "AWww! Everythings so pretty" for a little bit which would give the other
soldiers time to attack or something. Not a go boom attack that doesn't seem
very affectionate now does it?
Weapons: A pink shortbow, much like
Fuu's from Magic Knight Rayearth, but with engraved white roses twisting up it.
The vines appear to sprout from beneath the wings on the grip. The bow fires
pink energy arrows and, therefore, needs no ammunition.
Dustin: That's ALOT like my attack/weapon
btw...
Guardian: A dwarf rabbit named Eros. The brown-eyed, white
rabbit (not albino) is much hardier than your average bunny. Nothing fazes Eros,
except missing an episode of Jeopardy. Eros is quite fond of Rose (whom he
refers to as Milady Rose) and is willing to disguise himself as a simple pet for
her sake. Eros was once Cupid's advisor and was reborn in a pet store in Rome.
Rose bought him to replace her beloved cat, Arwen, that she'd been forced to
leave in America.
Vessy: Well he's really cute but
umm.. WHY does she need a gaurdian? and what's with everybody applying with
rabbits? I think this is our second rabbit gaurdian app... and why a
rabbit?
Power- Empathy. You can't lie easily to Eros. He feels the
emotions of others like he feels his own and knows when another
senshi-particularly Cupid-is ill or injured. This usually isn't useful unless a
senshi is missing or a Nymph is lying to the senshi and they can't
tell.
Part IV: Miscellaneous Information
Why you: Because I consider
1996 to have been the BEST year of my life, I'm a darn good writer, IMOHO, and
Rose is the girl I wish I was.
Vessy: You wish you
were antisocial and shunned as a child? Why?
Miscellaneous:
The
Bag- One of Rose's many domestic skills is sewing. The Bag was made when Rose
was 12 and is nothing more remarkable in fashion than a simple, many pocketed,
messenger bag. It's only distinguishing features are the cloth and decoration.
The outside is red and white quilting cotton patchwork, trimmed in pale pink
satin ribbon. The lining is black cotton (to hide any stains). The only place
where the crafting fails is the clasp. Recently, it was replaced with her
transformation jewel after the cheap plastic closure was smashed in an
overenthusiastic fling into a wall (Rose had just had a rather rotten game
session).
Vessy: I like the bag that's cool!
Girls should include things like purses in their apps, it's
important!
Rose's Theme- "Lovefool" by The
Cardigans
The song fits
Rose's girlish nature and bouncy demeanor. Plus, it's a love song. It fits like
a glove!
Part V: The Writing Sample
"C'mon, c'mon! Mama wants to
live to see next level!" Rose pleaded as plastic jewels rattled impassively in
her cupped hands. She blew on the dice, kissed her hands, pointed to the sky and
threw the dice. Hopefully, she scanned them and cringed. "Ow." She whimpered,
"Natural '1'." "Aw, too bad, Rose." Said the GM, a senior named Vincenzo. "The
dragon proceeds to use Kerensa for Kleenex." The miniature cleric was knocked
over gently. The party's other cleric slipped a note to Rose about ressurection
and Rose nodded fervently. Kerensa was her favorite character and, until 3rd
edition reared its mysterious and elusive head and showed her something better,
she was staunchly a "Cleric". "We'll have to pick up next week, guys." Vincenzo
said with a glance at he clock. The six gamers packed up and wandered out. As
Rose was stowing her books and dice into her trademark messenger bag, Domenica
"Nikki" Francisco approached her. "What's up, doc?" Rose asked her muscular
friend. Nikki blew a lock of dark hair out of her eyes and queried, "Did you get
the new issue of 'Knights of The Dinner Table'?" "Yeah, Nikki, I got it. You'll
get it when I'm done with it." Rose put on her helmet and pulled out her keys.
"Want a ride home, Nik?" She offered. "Nah." Nikki declined, "That dang red
bullet makes me seasick. I'll get a ride from Renata and Alejandro." Rose
shrugged, "Please yourself." She hopped on her scooter and waved a friendly
farewell as she rocketed towards
home.
----------------------------------------
Vessy: Overall i didn't really like the app. I'm sorry but it just
didn't have the feel of a senshi of love. I'm not saying the senshi of love
should be the stereotypical venus-ish type character but i needs a certain vibe
that i just don't get from this character at all. Plus she's a foriegner (I
THINK) plus nothings really clear in the app at all. alot of stuff seemed tossed
in and random and alot of stuff had promise but went no where. The writing
sample was kinda random and didn't really show your writing skills as well as it
possibly could, if you re-apply i'd suggest try writing something along the
lines of the fortune telling or working in the fortune telling shop. It might
give you more scope of imagination and better show your skills. Basically I'd
suggest you try re-applying with a different character because while you are a
good writer and you show promise i think you were trying to do something
original with the senshi of love but went in an awkward direction that didn't
QUITE work.
Verdict: Reject, revise, try again with a different character
please :)
Dissy: Okay, from what I read there was not nearly enough descriptives or
details for me to even really comment. I don't really have a problem with wings
as far as the fuku goes, because they are relevant, however I'd rather not see
working wings. Maybe something like little iridescent wing purely as decoration.
It'd be cute. I don't think there's enough info there on the guardian for it to
even qualify as enough to accept even just the guardian alone. As a tip for how
much detail we like to see, check out some of the profiles and try to see if you
can make your sections as long and as together as theirs without going off on a
tangent or going around in circles. The attack is very go boom-ish and more to
the point doesn't really relate to cupid so much.
Dissy's Verdict: Reject,
revise (a whole lot)