Soldier Part I: Player Information
Name: Kelsey
Email Address:
[email protected]Web Page: Bishoujo Senshi
Sailormoon Apocalypse (
http://bssma.deep-ice.com/)
Part
II: Character Information
Position: Sailorcupid
Name: Kyla
Quirke
Dissy: My guess is you meant for her to be Cara Quirke
and not Kyla Quirke after reading on a bit.
Name
Meaning: Cara - Latin for "beloved"
Quirke - From a
Gaelic word meaning "heart", also reminiscent of the word
"quirky". ^_-
So her whole name is
Beloved Heart...
Vessy: Names don't match, please pick
one and stick with it... I sense foreigner... *sigh*
Birth date: July 3
Age: 15
Zodiac Sign: Cancer
Vessy: Well a cancer is certainly
original I've never considered Cancer for a cupid love element. They tend to
lack self confidence and are extremely sensitive and have strong mood swings.
Try reading the astrology profiles on http://astrology.yahoo.com/yastro/
Physical
Details:
Hair - Shoulder-length, golden-blonde curls, the
kind you typically see on little girl dolls. ;P Tendrils of shorter curls frame
her face, even on the instances where she pulls the rest back, and she doesn't
have any bangs. Her hair is generally very shiny and
bouncy.
Eyes - Bright sky blue. She has long, dark
eyelashes.
Vessy: I don't get Aryan descent from
someone Italian born and bred? And if her dad is Irish how is he Aryan? I don't
get Aryan from Irish descent? Why is everybody Irish or American? There's a
million and one other countries in Europe that foreigners could come from WHY
IRELAND? What about Russia? or Pakistan? or even Greece?
Features - The word "cherubic" is a very apt one in
describing Cara. She has a tiny nose, tinier ears, and a dimple in each cheek
when she smiles.
Skintone - A healthy shade, not quite
tan, but not pale either. Rosy cheeks.
Vessy: If she spends so much time outside how can she
NOT be tan?
Voice - Definitely soprano. Cara has a high, sweet,
girlish voice that can rise to amazing octaves when she's upset and/or out to
get something.
Build - Cara is a tiny girl at barely five
feet, which only enhances her childlike appearance. However, her body type is
not skinny (she weighs 120 pounds), it is one that is prone to either muscle or
fat. Because she enjoys swimming, Cara has broad shoulders and pretty good
muscle tone overall. She's got curves and a definitely there bust, and yet she
still looks the part of the adorable child. Don't ask me how this works... it
just does, even in real life. ^_^; Maybe it's the height?
Vessy: Okay what exactly is a "definitely there bust"?
is that like a b cup or something? elaborate We need to know what it is, not
what it isn't
Physical Strength - Cara swims laps for fun, so
she's got to have SOME strength, especially in her upper body. She's no body
builder, but she can pass all those physical tests in gym.
Carriage - Cara carries herself very properly, with her back straight and head
looking straight in front of her. She keeps her arms at her side when she walks,
unless making one of her many gestures to punctuate her conversation. During a
boring class, however, she will slump forward with her elbows resting on her
desk. She enjoys reading in very odd positions -- with her feet hooked over the
back of an armchair while she lounges on the seat, for example.
Vessy: She doesn't swing her arms at
all when she's walking? weird...
Typical Attire - Cara dresses herself relatively
fashionably, although she doesn't follow a trend she doesn't like. She likes
bright shirts with some kind of design on the front and flare-leg blue jeans or
khakis. (I don't know if they wear those in Italy, but Cara *does* spend a lot
of her summer in America.) She also likes plaid skirts paired with solid-colored
tops. Clunky shoes/sandals with 3" heels are a must.
Bloodtype: O (Cheery, outgoing, and athletic)
Dissy: O types are stereotypically workaholics,
insecure, and emotional too if I remember correctly
Gemstone: Ruby (For passion ^^)
Vessy: Hooray for NOT using a
diamond!
Likes/Hobbies: (Topics merged because most of Cara's likes ARE her
hobbies... ^^;)
Swimming - Cara has an absolute passion
for this sport, and with an in-ground pool at home, she can swim daily. She
enjoys it so much because she doesn't have to work as a team with anyone else
and, unlike every other sport, you don't sweat in swimming. =P
Dissy: So true ^^;; now could you just clarify for us
if this hobby is connected to her deity, or if this is a “just because”
thing
Vessy: well ya do it just gets washed
away tho...
Reading - When she's not outside, Cara will most
assuredly be curled up in an interesting position, reading a book. She enjoys
fantasy, especially books by Tamora Pierce. She also enjoys reading collections
of fairy tales from around the globe, but is getting rather discouraged at how
similar most of them are.
Dissy: *gags* ACK!!! Tamora /Peirce/? Gomen nasai, I can’t stand her
writing, but I’ll just leave it at that.
Vessy: Why do all these senshi people
always like fantasy books? That's my question? what's wrong with trashy love
novels or historical fiction, or even biography, historical books?
Music - Cara needs some kind of background music for
almost everything she does. She likes a little bit of every kind of music, from
classical to heavy metal, although her parents don't approve of the latter. She
enjoys The Cranberries, Sarah McLachlan, and Natalie Imbruglia most of all. (All
English-speaking, I know, but at least The Cranberries are Irish and she
could've heard of them from her dad. ^^;)
Vessy: instead of listing English
bands why don't you look up Italian music, or even a mix of European music,
there's some great stuff out there. A little re-search pays off and you may find
something you like. http://dir.yahoo.com/Regional/Countries/Italy/Entertainment/Music/Artists/By_Genre/ there's
a ton of bands out there and mosts of the sites are in English. Same with books.
A little research usually pays off.
Musicals/Plays - In sharp contrast to her generally
childlike image, Cara *loves* her Shakespeare. She also adores musicals. Despite
being an Italian, she has yet to see an opera... but she's working on it.
Dislikes:
Being disliked - Cara wants, above all
else, to be loved. She can't understand why anyone wouldn't like her and is very
hurt if someone doesn't.
Vessy: Now that is true cancer
style... maybe I pegged her wrong...
Stereotypes - Pigeonholes are something Cara loathes
more than anything else. No one she knows fits into any stereotype, therefore
she refuses to believe that any label applied to someone else is true. Her
opinion sometimes has the effect of making her unpopular on *both* sides of the
clique scene -- snobs don't like their classification of everyone else as
"losers" to be interfered with, and rebels don't like their idea of every
popular person being an empty-headed conformist
challenged.
Math - Math either comes very easily or with
great difficulty to Cara, which is why she doesn't like math even when it's
easy. Above all else, she abhors word problems and their ability to confuse
her.
Boredom - Boredom is the equivalent of torture for
Cara. Her grades typically drop a great deal in classes she doesn't find
interesting simply because she can't bring herself to concentrate on something
she finds so dull.
Dissy: Well as a senshi she sure as hell won’t be
bored ^^;;. My only concern here is the lacking of explaining the connections to
her as a person. If she has a certain like of hobby, you should tell us if it
has anything to do with her deity or if it’s a “just because”
thing.
Personality: Cara is generally a very cheerful, upbeat person, always
laughing and joking around. She is childlike in her openness and willingness to
make friends and play nice with everyone. She can't understand why some people
find her bouncy personality and laughter at the absurdities of life irritating,
becoming very hurt to the point of tears when she is disliked. Cara has an
overwhelming, driving need to be loved by everyone, but she won't change in
order to have more people like her because, quite frankly, she CAN'T change.
Cara will always be the sort of person who loves freely with hands and heart
open wide.
Vessy: Okay now I'm getting the
cancer influence. makes sense now
Although she's not as innocent and sweet as her
appearance makes her seem, Cara is rather naive about the bad points of life.
She was raised in a wealthy home by loving parents, never subjected to any major
social ostracization, and generally has a very healthy, happy life. She also
likes to avoid thinking about horrible things going on in everyday life and
focus on the positive ones, a trait that works both for and against her. It
enables her to see the best in everyone, but she's also gullible and easily
taken advantage of.
Cara has a wide circle of friends and
acquaintances, all of whom she adores. They may not return her affection with as
much whole-hearted devotion, but Cara *is* very easy to love. Cara worries over
them like a mother hen and is quick to attack any perceived threat to a friend's
well being. Her love for her friends will override her warm personality and she
will go for the jugular, verbally at the very least, physically if, say, some
insensitive jerk has reduced a more sensitive friend to the point of tears.
Seeing a tiny girl performing a flying tackle on a six-foot male is QUITE an
interesting sight. ^_^;
Vessy: Quite a bit shorter than I like to see but it
covers the necessary's, I personally would like a little but more development
but hey...
History: Born and bred in Rome, Italy, to a family
rolling in cash. :P Well, not quite rolling... But enough so that Cara has
always lived in a very spacious, pleasant 3-story house complete with an
in-ground pool.
Vessy: Okay is this one of those tall
skinny attached three stories or a free standing? and they would have to have
alot of money to have an in ground pool and a free standing 3 story (is one
story a walk out) I'm rambling, this is unimportant I just like knowing these
things...
Cara is a first-generation Italian; her father is Irish and her
mother Italian-American. Donovan and Rosa Quirke moved to Italy a few years
before Cara's birth because Rosa wanted to "rediscover her Italian heritage".
They fell in love with the country and only leave for the yearly family vacation
to Florida and/or Ireland in order to visit relatives.
Cara was always a cheerful, loving child, even if she was always doing continual
battle against the neighborhood boys for slighting one of her many friends. She
inherited her love of swimming from her mother and has known how to swim almost
as long as she could walk. Her father, determined to keep her inside for at
least a few hours in the day, taught her how to read at a very young age. Cara
fell in love with books but much to her father's dismay, simply carried them off
outside to read.
Academically, Cara did well, except the
occasional B- in math or an excruciatingly dull class. She was well-liked
overall and fit in pretty well. No tragic past here. ^^;
Right now, Cara attends Romulous Public High School, and is generally friends
with the slightly-less-than-popular-but-still-not-losers crowd, if that makes
sense. Her closest friend is Pamela Lofaro. She has some popular and unpopular
friends for the sake of variety, but is wise not to attempt to mix the two. She
also has the ability to win over upperclassmen, much to the envy of some people.
It's the tiny, cute exterior. ^_-
Vessy: This History is very
ho-hum, I mean I'm not saying make it a total sob story. Just some more
interesting stuff might be interesting? Was she ever attacked by geese as a
young child? How is her home life? are her parents un happy? Happy? Do they have
any relatives that live nearby? do they come over? any friends of the family?
Who was her first kiss? has she had any boyfriends? I dunno anything like that
at all.
NPCs:
Rosa Quirke (Rose
Heart) - A pint-sized (5'1") woman with a towering personality, Rosa rules the
household with an iron fist, albeit one gloved in velvet. She makes all major
household decisions and if Cara or her father gets in trouble, it's Rosa they
have to answer to. Rosa has her daughter's love of swimming and makes a point of
swimming at least a few laps every day. She is a housewife in that she doesn't
have a job, but she certainly doesn't spend much of her time in the house! When
the cleaning is done, she will go off on extensive window-shopping trips or
strolls in the park. This woman likes to be outside constantly. Physically, she
tans easily thanks to her Italian heritage, and she has boyishly short, curly
brown hair and blue eyes. She has the same body type as Cara and dresses in
flowing, pretty clothing like long skirts or dresses.
Donovan Quirke (Dark Warrior Heart.. I think...) - Cara gets her blonde hair
from him. In addition, Donovan is blue-eyed and fair-skinned, about average
height and weight for a man of his age (45), and he dresses in jeans and
T-shirts. He's an intellectual introvert and a genuine, bona fide literary
genius, which is where the family's money comes from. His novels are best
sellers. As a father, he is a good one, if a bit quiet. He is content to let
Rosa run the household while he concentrates on hammering out another book.
Donovan is quite glad that Cara has an appreciation of the literary arts, but
wishes she would spend a bit less time outside and with other people.
Vessy: Most novel writers even
say stephen king don't make a huge pile of money and definitly not enough to
pay up a three story house in Rome. Big time authors make their money
writing their books and getting them made into movies. or writing for tv. How
to/self help people make money doing conventions etc. Maybe a little
bit of a re-thought would be in order. is some of their money inheritance? and
if he's irish why is he over Aryan
decent? Pamela Lofaro (All
Sweetness Light House) - A slender, graceful 15-year-old, standing at 5'5".
Pamela wears her black hair in two buns, one on either side of her head. Once
let down, it goes to her shoulder blades. She has VERY dark brown eyes, deeply
tanned skin, and generally looks the part of the southern Italian. She likes
long skirts, sandals, and tank tops in pastel shades. As a person, Pamela is a
quiet, gentle girl with an equally quiet, gentle sense of humor. She shares most
of Cara's loves: swimming, reading, and plays and musicals. She goes to Romulous
High with Cara and is in most of her classes. Cara and Pamela have known each
other for about ten years and have been best friends for the same amount of
time. Cara likes Pamela for her sense of humor and sweet personality and vice
versa. ^_^
Tomas Lofaro (A Twin Light House) - Tom is
sixteen, 5' 9", and looks very much like his sister. The only real difference
between them is height, body shape, and Tom wears his hair cut like... hmm...
Kairi of the manga Peach Girl would be a good example. (
http://www.bewitchingchild.com/peach/gallery/pic77.jpg
-- Here's a piccy. ^^ No, Kairi's not the girl...) Tom is also the torment of
Cara's life. He's constantly teasing Pamela and her, which wouldn't be so bad if
he didn't seem to like Cara at all! Tom treats Cara like an annoying little
girl... poor Cara. ;P Tom is a soccer junkie and when not annoying others with
his flamboyant sense of humor, he will be kicking a ball around.
Vessy: couldn't you just describe his
hair as about 2-3 inches long and really messy-all over the place. and I'm
unclear does he or doesnt he like Cara?
Part III: Senshi
Information
Special Skills: Cara's foremost "special skill" is passive
and she has no idea how to control it or even that it exists (at first). She can
inspire love (not romantic love, though) in others for her, provided they are
compatible with her personality and her magic. No one really knows what makes
some compatible and others not, but it will work on anyone with this quality,
which seems to be MOST of the people around her.
Dissy: My guess is this has some connection to the
whole cupid’s arrow thing. But again, a special skill is not typically a magical
ability (ignore Flora’s profile for a second here.) and is generally a talent
that the youth has which is what made them the perfect choice for the god/dess
that chose them. In Sailor Cupid’s case, maybe she’s an excellent match maker,
or maybe she has a talent for being able to tell when someone has feelings for
someone, even when they hide it very well. These talents can then be magically
increased when their god/dess merges with them, but it is simply a normal skill
in every other case. In Dissy’s case, she’s already a klutz, when Discordia
merges with her, it just gets worse.
Cara is pretty strong and completely unhesitant about defending those
she loves. ^^; Beware!
This isn't really a power, but MANY people
underestimate her because of her tiny height, innocent appearance, and cheery
personality.
Henshin Item: A round, reddish-pink jewel encased in silver.
She wears it in the center of a choker made up of round silver links when not in
Senshi form.
Transformation: "Cupid Deus Power Make-Up!" Cara removes her
brooch from the necklace, holds it up to the sky, and shouts her henshin phrase.
It emits a rosy light, which becomes reddish-pink ribbons that wrap around her
body. At the same time, silver-white angel wings made of light form on her back.
She places the brooch on her chest as the ribbons solidify into her shoes,
wristbands, collar, bodice, and skirt. The wings fold inward onto her chest,
growing smaller and smaller until they form silver armor patterned like wings,
with the brooch in the center of the two wing tips. A final reddish-pink ribbon
spirals around her waist, forms a second skirt for a brief instant, and then
pulls apart into the leather straps. The symbol of Cupid appears on her forehead
as she poses with one hand on her hip, the other upraised as one finger plays
with a stray curl, her symbol glimmering reddish-pink behind her.
Vessy: I like that henshin, that's one of the first
classic henshins I've seen in a long while good times!
Color: Deep reddish pink
Symbol:
A heart with an arrow through it, the symbol of a heart enpierced by
passion.
Fuku/Costume: Sailorcupid's fuku follows the standard Pantheon
fuku with only a few variations. Her skirt is deep reddish-pink and the straps
are a translucent pink. (I know that leather isn't really translucent, but...
call it magic. ^_^) Her wristbands are of the same material and go from her
elbows to the base of her middle finger, but don't have fingers. The bodice is
white and the collar, choker, and symbol the same deep reddish-pink. Her armor
does not go over one shoulder like other Senshi's; it is more of a breastplate.
It is silver, patterned to look like two wings folded over her breasts, with her
henshin brooch in the center. Her shoes are reddish-pink and are knee-high,
heeled boots that lace up with black cord.
Dissy: Ish…I’d rather you stick to the standard armor.
what wouldn’t be a problem would be if you chose to give her some little
decorative wings because cupid is depicted as being a little cherub. Another
thing that would be incredibly cool would be if she was blindfolded but could
still see through it because cupid is also depicted as being blind or
blindfolded, thus the saying love is blind.
Vessy: Or a tatoo that appears on her back or the
picture of wings painted on the back of her shirt in shiny silver paint. I like
the altered henshin but I agree with Dissy that there are other ways. oh oh! and
perhaps the straps could instead be made out of that clear plastic Gelly stuff
with shiny sparkles. *gets strange looks from everyone around her* or
not...
Powers/Attacks:
"Flames of Passion!" Sailorcupid shouts "Flames!"
and places her right hand over her heart as reddish-pink tendrils of fire stream
underneath her palm. At the cry of "Of!" she withdraws her hand, holds it
straight out in front of her, fingers outspread and palm facing the target, and
brings her left hand next to the right, posed in the exact same position. When
she finishes with "Passion!" reddish-pink fire blazes forward and strikes the
target, causing it to be so consumed by its own desires that it bursts into
flame. (Ideally, at least.) This attack can be dodged by a quick enemy, blocked
by an energy shield or water, and doesn't work if the target doesn't have any
passions/emotions. Although you can see the fire, what you're seeing isn't
actually fire, more like the aura that passion has... if that makes sense. ^^;
Sailorcupid can perform this three times, and then she's too exhausted to make a
run for it, much less do it again.
Dissy: Er…more go-boom-ish than I would like. What if they fell madly in
love with whomever they laid eyes on and would sacrifice their own life to
protect them. Then when someone blasted at the beloved, then the person would
take the shot and thus, die. That would be a cool cupid
attack!
Weapon: The Wings of Desire
This weapon pretty
much IS Sailorcupid's secondary power as a Senshi. The armor she wears is
patterned like wings for a reason; when Sailorcupid is, say, falling from a
great height, the metal armor wings will glow bright silver and then unfold,
becoming two silver wings. This isn't as useful a power as it sounds, though.
^^; Sailorcupid can't control this power, can only use it under extreme stress,
the transformation of armor to wings leaves her chest vulnerable, and flying
tires her a great deal, especially if she's toting another person. If she
rescued a fellow Senshi, she'd only be able to carry her as long as she could
carry her normally in her arms, on the ground. Sailorcupid might learn to
control her weapon with time, but for now she can't.
Dissy: Oooooo vera kewl……………….
Vessy: I think that is very neat, but
see comments on armor and alter accordingly. If you used the shiny paint on
shirt or tatoo idea they could get all sparkly and sprout into shiny white wings
that were sort of translucent and were there but sorta not.
Guardian: Nope
Part IV:
Miscellaneous Information
Why you: Why me? Because I feel I can really
contribute something to this RPG, and I'd have a LOT of fun doing it. ^_^ I
enjoy writing and RPGing a great deal, and what's more, I'm good at it, too. I
don't spam or flame and I know my Netiquette. ;P As for miscellaneous stuff... I
hope you don't mind the wing armor thing. ^_^; I just wanted Sailorcupid's
powers to have more to do with Cupid as a god, and seeing as she couldn't shoot
arrows, I thought, "Hey, wouldn't wings be nifty?"
Dissy: I’m curious as to why she couldn’t shoot
arrows….I’m lost on this one. You shall have to explain this to little stupid
me.
Vessy: I think she didn't want to use a bow/arrow idea
because I already used it with dustin and it's sorta cliche, Plus we're on the
exact same team so it'd kind be like a firing squad.
Part V:
The Writing Sample
Some dozen songbirds were having a
free-for-all outside of Cara's window one bright, sunny Saturday
morning.
"Shut UP," moaned Cara, glancing at her alarm
clock, which read 8:13 A.M. "Evil denizens of unholy hours..." She flung the
covers off of her bed, stomped over to her window, and slammed it shut with a
glare and the resolve to never, never buy birdseed again.
Irrevocably awakened, she pulled on a pair of blue jeans and a white T-shirt
with a red strawberry decorating the front, and then slipped on her red
flip-flops. On her way downstairs to fix herself breakfast, she attacked her
deceptively pretty blonde curls with a hairbrush, and then pulled them back into
a ponytail.
"You're up early," Rosa Quirke said with some
surprise, glancing at Cara as she began rummaging through the pantry in search
of cornflakes. "What's the occasion?"
"Birds," muttered
Cara. "Lots of birds."
"..."
Appetite sated, Cara decided to swim in the evening rather than the morning, and
biked over to Pamela's house. Resting her bike against the garage door, she used
her key to unlock the door, all the while crossing her fingers in hopes of not
running into...
"Pipsqueak! This could be considered
breaking and entering, you know."
Making a face, Cara
looked up at the tall, dark-haired young man sprawled across the couch. "Your
family doesn't mind," she answered, with another inward prayer that Tom would be
nice to her just this once.
"I'm a member of this family,
and *I* certainly mind," he replied calmly. For all his serious tone, mischief
lurked in his eyes and the barest hint of a smirk was visible on his face.
"Although you're really much too tiny to be much of a threat as a burglar,
Pipsqueak."
"Shut up, Tomas!" Cara fumed, resisting the
urge to give him a swift kick to the groin. He *knew* she was sensitive about
her height! Why was he always such a jerk? "I -- I *despise*
you!"
"Ouch, Pipsqueak, that hurts," was the laconic
reply, laced with an underlying mockery. Tom turned his attention back to the
soccer game on TV, having gotten in his daily (more like hourly) dose of
teasing.
Silently thanking heaven for the brief reprieve,
Cara bolted upstairs to Pamela's room, where she found Pamela contentedly
flipping through a literary magazine, looking disgustingly bright-eyed and
cheery.
"Don't you ever sleep?" Cara demanded, flopping
down on the bed. "This is a highly unnatural hour for an adolescent to be up, I
hope you know."
"I'm an abnormality," Pamela replied with
a smile, placing the magazine on her desk and turning in her chair to face
Cara.
"It's your stupid brother that's an abnormality.
He's a conceited jerk and I hate him!" Cara ranted, launching into one of her
most-used speeches. "He's cruel and arrogant and he's NEVER nice to me, no
matter how hard I try to be nice to HIM!"
Pamela sighed,
recognizing the familiar rant on her brother's various negative qualities. "I
think he has a crush on you," she said unthinkingly, then winced and put her
hands over her ears.
"A CRUSH ON ME?! Since WHEN do you
show affection for someone by INSULTING THEM?! THE VERY IDEA IS LUDICROUS AND
DISGUSTING AND... EEEEEWWW!!!"
"I think he's just
embarrassed by the crush and doesn't want anyone to know about it!" Pamela
hollered over the din of Cara's indignant shrieking. Tom wasn't going to be very
happy with her for giving his little secret away!
"Yeah,
right," Cara scoffed, pacified by the sight of a dusty book lying on Pamela's
bed stand. "Is this what I think it is?!"
Pamela nodded
the affirmative, smiling at her friend's enthusiasm. "Yes, it's a copy of Romeo
and Juliet in English. I was hoping you'd read it aloud to me to help me learn
English better. Mr. Kent's class is *really* tough." She sighed. "You're lucky
you learned it at such an early age."
Lost in the wonders
of Shakespeare, Cara only nodded her assent.
-----------------
Dissy: Hm…all in all she’s a pretty run of the mill
character. Sorry, but she just seems very Mary Sue-ish. Also you didn’t really
portray her as the loving, kind person you say she is in the writing sample. She
came out as more of a cranky bitch, excuse my French. I do like the character
but in all reality she didn’t scream out “CUPID!!!” at me. Also there’s the
little issue of the uniform, sorry but I wish to be picky about the armor, and
the attack was definitely a go-boom attack. Lastly there’s a little problem
called clarification up in the likes/dislikes/hobbies section. If it is just a
hobby she has for no particular reason, then you should still say so.
Dissy’s
Verdict: Reject, revise
Vessy: I liked the app but as Dissy said it was very
ho-hum. it needs more jazz more life and more detail.it's a good start but it's
rather cliche, I don't like the aryan appearance that could use a change, I mean
could it hurt to just make some people actually LOOK italian? Come on people!
Perhaps do a little research into the Italian music and authors and maybe a
slight career redirection for her dad might be a nice idea, like he could be an
engineer with a dream of someday writing a best selling novel or something like
that. That way you could still have the novel enthusiasm with a bit more of a
less mundane twist. maybe scale down the house and perhaps make her a
neighborhood pool junkie. Just take what you have and put some interesting
twists in it instead of rich popular-ish girl who's really hyper and likes to
swim, she could be middle income family with a chlorine addiction fighting her
way through the battle that is highschool. I assume she learned english at home
but perhaps you could state that. how did her parents adjust to the culture
shock? do they speak italian well? mediocre? horribly? Give it all more
ZING!
Vessy's Verdict: Revise or die!
---------------------
Final Verdict: Revise of Die!