Looking in her casket, seeing her eyes shut, the way her chest didn't rise and fall with breath. He felt the tears he'd held back for the past 2 days fall down his cheeks. He didn't try to stop them. He hated the world. He hated the way he was waiting for the heavenly father to come take him to be with her. He hated everything for ruining life for him. He had loved her damnit, and he hated every moment he couldn't be with her. He had to get out of there. He ran out of the building, tears streaming down his solid cheekbones, down to his jaw, where they mercilessly fell toward the cement. He hopped in his car and drove. He didn't know where he was going, nor did he care. He just had to leave.
He drove for what seemed like hours, but actually was just a few minutes.
Before he knew it, he was down by the lake. This is where he had come to realize that he had loved Lydia. This is where he came for peace, solitude. A place to repent his anger. He sat down on the rock he had sat for the past 5 years of his life, and he cried. The tears couldn't seem to stop. He leaned over and brought his feet up to his chest, and buried his head into his strong, masculine hands. He screamed up to the high heavens, cursing them for taking the person that meant most to him. He sat there for what seemed like forever. Just crying for her, crying because he had waited so long. He wanted her to know.... but he couldn't bring himself to tell her. If he hadn't been so damn chicken she might know! The sun settled behind the trees across the bank. Slowly the day faded into night, still he sat there. Still unable to
stop the tears that overflowed from his eyes.
He finally brought himself to stand from the rock, and tell himself he had to go home. He got back in his car and drove the 15 minutes to his house. The house she had stayed at so many times. The house where she had sat and ate breakfast with him, the house where her clothes still hung in the guest bedroom closet. The house filled with memories and unfulfilled dreams. The house where he vowed to tell her his feelings but didn't.
Getting out of the car was the easy part. Walking up the stone pathway was where it all began to sink in. She was really gone. Lydia was taken away from him. No more weekend visits to the movies, no more fingers running through his curls while they laid on the couch and watched an old movie together. No more late night phone calls. No more hearing her voice, seeing her smile. He walked up the cement steps and sat with an exasperated sigh on the porch swing. What would he do with his life? How would he go on? Could he just sit here waiting to be with her again?
He looked around. He noticed how the leaves blew from the trees falling and scattering about. The way their colors changed from a green to a red, an orange or a brown. The way that she had loved to step on the ones that crunched under her feet in the fall. He breathed in deeply and looked around the porch and noticed something he hadn't known was there before.
He walked over to the railing and picked up the crisp white envelope. He turned it to the back and noticed that it wasn't sealed. He opened it with caution. What was this? Who had left it for him to find? He took out the sheet of white paper that had been enclosed. Unfolding it from its creases, it read.....
Forgive-
Forgive the sun who didn't shine
The sky had asked her in to dine
Forgive the stars that heard your wish
The moon prepared their favorite dish
Forgive the rain for its attack
The clouds have tears, they can't hold back
Don't hate the birds cuz they are free
Don't envy all the things they see
Don't block the wind, but hear its cry
Or else that wind will pass you by
Forgive the storm it means no harm
Could not resist to show its charm
Forgive the earth that never turns
Don't hate the sun cuz too much burns
Life intends to not cause pain
The flowers bloom from all the rain
The storm will come and it will pass
The sun that shines, it grows all the grass.
The wind it cannot help but cry
The stars at night light up the sky
Forgive the world in which we live
We'll all find peace if we forgive
(c) Danielle Rosenblatt
-Justin, don't hate everyone or everything because I am gone. That is no way to go through life. It was my time Justin. I had to go. Please understand, that it is not the worlds fault, nor is it the doctors because he said I had more time to live. I am still here. All around you. Can you feel me? Feel the wind blow around you Justin, picking up the leaves? When the sun rises in the morning, when it sets and the beautiful stars come out? That is me. Im here. All around you. I won't ever leave. Don't forget me Justin. But live a life. Don't worry about me. Im doing just fine. I want you to go on, and when its time for you to come I'll be right here, right here waiting.....
Love, Lydia
Justin looked up at the moon, silent tears falling down his cheeks. "I Love you Lydia!" he cried his devotion to the stars, knowing she was there. And he swore he could hear the wind whisper..... Right here waiting..........
The End!
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