Trying to Hold On
~*~Cannot touch, cannot hold, Cannot be together
Cannot love, Cannot kiss, Cannot love each other
Must be strong and we must let go
Cannot say what our hearts must know~*~


The day Carrie left was a bit of a blur to him. And that was 2 months ago. She never really gave a good reason for leaving. She said that things weren�t the same anymore. That he wasn�t the same. He had begged and pleaded for her to stay, but it seemed like nothing he could say or do would make her�

~Flashback to 2 months ago~

She paced the room, chewing on her finger nervously, waiting for her boyfriend to come back from his show. It wasn�t easy loving the world�s most sought out pop-star. All the hate-mail, obscene gestures, clawing fans. It was too much. At first, she thought she could handle it. Anything to be close to Justin. But not anymore. She had been driven to a point where she needed out. As much as she loved him, she was gradually crumbling inside. She didn�t want to tell him his life was the reason as to why she was leaving. She looked over as the key slid into the door. She took a deep breath, knowing he was in for a strong blow.

~*~How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you here in my arms
How does one waltz away
From all of the memories
How do I not miss you when you are gone~*~


He smiled happily as he opened the door to his and Carrie�s hotel room. The show had went great and he couldn�t have been in a better mood. But as he entered the room, his face turned to that of a look of concern. Something was wrong. He knew that much. �Carrie, baby, what�s wrong?� He moved to put his arm around her, but she quickly moved away. He shook his head, puzzled. What was going on? Why is she acting so distant?

He sat down on the edge of the bed, silent, waiting for her to tell him why her eyes held such mixed emotion, and why she had pulled away from him.

She looked at him and seeing the confusion on his young face killed her. He, himself, had done nothing. It was the world he lived in. �Justin, I-I�m leaving. Tonight.� He shook his head. �What do you mean, leaving? Where???!� She looked at him, eyes begging him to be quiet and he was. �I never in my life thought I could live without you, but it looks as though I�m going to have to. Your love means everything to me, but things have changed. It�s not like it was, when we first got together.

~*~Cannot trip, Cannot share sweet and tender moments
Cannot feel how we feel, Must pretend it's over
Must be brave and we must go on, Must not say
What we no longer long~*~


�Things have just gotten too complicated, lately. Please, believe me when I say it�s not you. As much as I�d love to tell you the real reason behind why I have to go, I can�t, because if I do it would lead to unfair results that you or I would want.�

He sat there numbly for a few long tense mintues, while inside his heart and his mind fought a raging battle. His mind knew he should oblige to her wishes and let go, but his heart was telling him to fight for her, to hold on. Finally he spoke. �Carrie, please tell me the real reason you�re leaving.�

She sighed. �Justin, please, don�t make me�� He held up a hand. �Tell me the truth.� Her gaze fell to rest out the window. �The truth? Alright, then. I can�t take the pressure anymore. The strain of being on the road, the hateful words thrown my way from jealous fans, the public hysteria that surrounds you. Screaming girls clawing to get a piece of you, only they miss and get me instead. It�s not fair to ME, Justin. I feel like at any second I�m going to snap and lose my mind.�

~*~How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you here in my arms
How does one waltz away
From all of the memories
How do I not miss you when you are gone

How can I not love you~*~


His heart ached listening to what she was suffering. He knew she wasn�t that strong, but he had no idea how fragile she had become. Deep down, he knew that he had to let her go, to find her own path, her own destiny. And that wasn�t him. As much as he wanted it to be, it wasn�t. He could feel the tears start to brim in his eyes, as he struggled to maintain his composure.

She sighed and came and sat down next to him. She placed a hand on his cheek and looked into his now watery eyes. �You know this is how it has to be, as well as I do. And I don�t want you to have any regrets later on, about how you didn�t �fight� for me. Because I know you did. Internally. I know, because I have too. I don�t want to do this anymore than you.�

He sniffled, knowing he would never feel her tender touch after this moment. �How am I supposed to not love you? I can�t just forget about you, Carrie.� She smiled. �I don�t want you to forget about me, Justin. But, you�ll find someone else, and you�ll fall in love again.� She dropped her hand from his face and clasped his hand. �We�ve both gotta be strong here. When I walk out that door, you have to let me go, understand?�

It felt like his head weighed a million pounds, because he could barely nod. She smiled sadly and kissed his cheek. �Good luck Justin. In whatever you do.� And then she stood, and just as quickly as it happened, it was over.

~*~Must be brave and we must be strong
Cannot say what we no longer long~*~


~End flashback~

He sat on the beach, staring out at the glistening ocean listening to the crashing waves against the shore. He missed her. More than he ever thought he would, even now 2 months later. He longed just to hear her voice. He wondered what she was doing right now� if she found someone new� He sighed and looked up to the stars and closed his eyes, letting his thoughts consume him. He opened his eyes, just in time to see a shooting star. He sat there for a minute, but then smiled sadly. He�d always love her.

~*~How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you here in my arms
How does one walk away
From all of the memories
How do I not miss you when you are gone

How can I not love you
When you are gone~*~

The End!

Home
Hosted by www.Geocities.ws

1