But she saw it. She knew it. She lived it. His soul was her soul and her soul was his. At least that's how it was supposed to be. Her soul belonged to him, it always has. But a wall surrounds his now. The wall hasn't always been there. Over the last few months, each day was a new brick placed in front of her, keeping her from remaining too close. She
backed up. She had to. The bricks would crush her if she tried to stay that close. His life with music got the best of him. Late nights, big parties? It was too much. Too many secrets clouded his mind like the drugs he took. He hid too much from her and fearing he would hurt her with the truth, he backed up. He had to. The stones he was piling up around himself and in his head would bring her down too. He knew the end was coming. So did she.
He stared at his love, his life, and his soul as she traced his name on the wedding invitation framed on their wall. An air of tension surrounded him. She knew he was watching her, but refused to acknowledge his presence. She wasted too much of her own breath trying to get him to open up to her. She couldn't try anymore. She wouldn't try anymore. As much as she loved him, she had to tell him. She knew he stood there, watching her with hopeful eyes.
He wished she would try one more time to reach out to him. Every time he put up part of his wall, she broke part of it down. He would just put the broken bricks back up without a moment's hesitation. He begged her silently to try and love him again. To try and crumble the defenses he put up. One more time and that was it. She just couldn't take it anymore. She wasn't sure if she even wanted to. No one could ever want to deal with what she had to. Being shut out from the one person that could make your life perfect. The one person that fills your thoughts every day. That one person that makes everything worthwhile shutting you out while you're scratching and fighting to get back in.
Taylor couldn't take it anymore. Justin's heart broke as he saw that look on her face. That tiresome, pained looked that crossed her face when she though about something painful. He knew he was the cause of her pain. That is what hurt him the most. Knowing Taylor was hurting from his actions. The silence hurt him also. He couldn't stand silence but that is what surrounded him all the time. To him, silence meant that someone was upset.
Maybe that is why music appealed to him so much. People could express their hurt and feelings in a way that seemed easier than lashing out. They could let their feelings be known and understood in a universal language. Breaking the quiet stillness, she spoke.
"Why do you do this?"
Her voice didn't have the same caring tone as it did from times before. It had an edge to it, almost like she was disgusted with him and his actions. Justin remained silent and Taylor continued. "What he have is special. We grew up together, were best friends and soul mates. Now what are we?" She avoided his eyes. Justin didn't say a word. His solid expression angered her. "Dammit Justin how did you become so selfish?" she paced the room, never once looking into his eyes which had lost their luster. He wanted to cry out to her and apologize for being an ass. He wanted her to tell him to let her in. Just one more time. He didn't speak up. "I thought you loved me." She told him softly. Her eyes remained fixed on the floor, as if counting how many grains were in each tile.
He nearly choked as he heard her words. He wanted to shout out to her that she was his everything. That she was the only reason he came out of his room. Her face captured his mind from the start. If only she knew that she had his heart, his soul, and his mind. If only she knew. Justin finally got up the courage to speak.
"I do love you." He whispered as his eyes begged her to look at him.
To his surprise, she laughed. A cold laugh that proved to him that she wouldn't
be offering her help to him. He had lost her and they both knew it.
"Love was the greatest thing wasn't it? Love was what we had that no one else had or could ever have. And you were a genius and I was your whole life. I was your partner and your little black flower. Slop, Justin. Love is just another dirty lie. Love is ergoapial pills to make me come around because you were afraid to have a baby? Love is my insides all messed up. It's half catheters and half whirling douches. I know about love, Justin.
Love always hangs behind the bathroom door. It smells like Lysol. To hell with love." Taylor took a deep breath. She said what she needed to say. She reached over to the mantle and turned their wedding picture down onto its face. Then, she picked her coat up off the floor and left. Justin didn't say a word.
The End!
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