Its been four years since I was last here. I squat down and run my hand lightly over the soft granite. It still feels just as cold as it did back then. Although its fairly warm outside, my whole body feels cold and numb. Some say that time is supposed to heal the pain. But it still remains in me, down deep inside. Soon the pain turns to anger. So many questions I had for him, that run through my mind. So many questions...so little answers.
I still sit here. Four years later. Hot tears stream down my face, but I don't seem to notice. I close my eyes and sit Indian style. My senses become one with the earth, and I let my mind wander. It goes back in time. Back to
when we were together. Back when I was happy. Farther and father. I remember so much. It seems as if it was just yesterday.
His smile. Wow. It could light up an entire room. Straight, even white teeth. His deep yet soft masculine voice. It was so soothing to hear.
I miss him so much. Why did he have to go? Why did he leave me all alone in this big world? Sometimes I want to take my own life, just so I can be with him. See him smile, hear him laugh, feel his body close to mine. But I
suppose that's not the way to go. He wouldn't want me to do that. If I wait until its my time, it'll be more special when I finally get to see him again.
I slowly open my eyes. Letting my senses take in all around me. I lean down towards the ground. Closer.....and closer.....I gently press my lips to it, and stand on my shaky feet.
I placed the single white rose on the tombstone. The tears silently streaming down my face, I turn to leave. But I stop after a couple steps, pivot on my left foot, and look back. One last time.
The wind whispered for me...no words were uttered...
~Until I see you again.... I'll be waiting~
.:In Loving Memory:.
Joshua Scott Chasez
1976-2000
Eternally In our hearts
With that one last look, I left. Waiting until it was my time to go. I know....this time...he'll be waiting for me.
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