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Among the various types of friendships that we discussed in the previous articles, we have not touched on the most fascinating friendship that is required between the husband and the wife. It is a very enduring relationship for the family.
During Hindu marriage rituals one would have noticed a mini-yoke being placed on the head of the bride and the bridegroom being asked to chant certain mantras while holding it! It is a symbolic act to signify that we are like two bullocks tied to the same yoke and hereafter we will function together in bearing the burden of the �samsara� and run together in the course of life, appreciating each others mind. It is a friendship forced on them by the society and they are ordained to be together until death parts them. When they cultivate an eternal friendship and live in harmony the whole family benefits. They are not to compete with each other but are meant to complete and complement each other�s personality. When they bring out the best in each other�s life there is beauty in their lives and their children�s. Their loving hearts and unselfish minds entrance and enthrall everyone around them.
If we analyse the families around us that have prospered steadily, we will notice a symphony in the thoughts and action of the husband and the wife of each family. Such couples have no false ego between them and they leave a fragrance of happiness around them.
It is distressing to note the rising trend of divorces nowadays among Indian couples. It is more due to imperfect knowledge about one�s partner and immature handling of events and situations in their inter-personal relationship. Proper counseling on the need for amity and understanding between them can only remedy such situations.
There is a proverb in Tamil
When the son (or daughter) grows above your shoulder he or she should be considered as a friend only! I recall my father treating all of us as his friends only. He never imposed his views on anyone. We hardly heard a rash word from him. He gave importance to our feelings and aspirations and taught us at the same time to be disciplined and well-behaved. This upbringing by our parents helped us to round off the corners in our personalities and put us in the proper mould for the future. I think as children, I and my siblings follow the same path as our parents and ensure that the next generation gives out good citizens to the society. Bringing up children is like walking on a razor�s edge. It demands constant vigil and awareness of responsibility of the parents. By sheer observation the children imbibe the traits of the parents. It is, therefore, necessary to cultivate in them broad-mindedness and absence of any trait of jealousy. The families which treat their children as friends do stand out in contrast by producing a series of achievers.
Next in importance is the friendship that should exist between the teachers and the students. The families which are covered by this Newsletter has produced three generations of teachers! I and my wife had been teachers. My sister-in-law, Kumuda is a teacher for over 30 years. My son Prasad and my brother�s son Rahul had been teachers in USA to many during their studentship days. Parthasarathy's father was a teacher for over 30 years. Parthasarathy was a professor in Baroda for six years and his wife Amritha (my sister) worked in SIET college before her wedding. My brother-in-law, Kannan is in the teaching profession for over 40 years- first as teacher, then as headmaster and now as correspondent. Geetha, my nephew Madhu's wife, is teaching to budding CAs and has won awards for her teaching. Therefore we in our families are aware of the teacher�s role in the society. We study under hundreds of teachers and the teachers also come across thousands of students. But rarely does friendship between the teacher and the taught grow. I had a unique case.
I was fortunate to have a Tamil teacher Mr.R.Deivasigamani, who had a special affection for me. In the 8th standard, he taught us to write poems in Vennba, a 4-liner poem with alliterations conforming to certain grammatical requirements. In the class room, I composed the first poem on him which ran as follows:
It translates: As a teacher of Cheyyar High School (in which I studied) you worked tirelessly! You are an exalted person. You never showed any anger towards us. You teach us with love, Shri Deivasigamani, may you live long!
This composition was correct as per grammar. My teacher was much impressed with this maiden attempt and presented me with a book on the spot. He called me up to his house. He gave me special tuition in Nannool (�.) and Tholgappiam at his house and helped me to write more poems. With this background, I could enter in college competitions as well and get some prizes.
Mr.Deivasigamani continued to be in touch with me after I joined the college and even subsequently when I entered service. He visited me in all the places where I worked. He rose to the rank of head master and continued to teach even after retirement. He taught for 50 years in all.
With the help of a few of his students, I could organise a felicitation function for him at the German Hall, T.Nagar. He died when he was 76 years old. He left a note to say that I should be called to attend his funeral and I did go to Vellore to attend the funeral. It is a rare case of teacher student relationship. The Guru-Sishya relationship of yester years was perhaps a little more deeper than this. Teacher�s profession is indeed, the noblest of all jobs.
Having spoken all these on friends and friendship, there are certain types of friendship which we should carefully avoid. Thiruvalluvar in his Kurals, devotes 2 Chapters 20 couplets in all to caution us against �wicked friends� and �false friends�.
Unworthy friendship of the selfish, who had received help from us in prosperity but offer no protection in adversity, he warns, should never be acquired!
There are some others who seek to befriend us at home, but in private, they either mock at us, or attach us behind our backs. A shrewd person has to avoid such friends. There are a few who feign great friendship, but are full of hatred inside. Our cleverness lies in severing such friendships. The success of friendship lies in filtering the bad from the good one.
One�s life is made richer and more purposeful by securing and cultivating friendship; that will be long-lasting and beneficial to one�s soul. It will indeed be a blessing if one is bestowed with genuine and supportive friends.
R.Narasimhan
December 2004
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