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Recently, I read in the newspapers that the coming 31st August will be observed as “International Friendship Day”. That set me thinking about our family tree!! How many members of our families are spread out across the globe in countries like Australia, USA, UK, Singapore, Manila and the Arab nations!! These countries invite our folks with open arms offering facilities of higher education, scholarships, fellowships and further career prospects. They extend their hands of friendship recognizing merit and rewarding talents. For example, my brother, R.S.Raghavan (Raghu) working in Sydney showed me a circular from his boss to all other auditing officers and indicating how an ideal auditing work should be done. This sort of appreciation is unfortunately lacking in our country. The concept of International friendship is so deep-rooted now that the world has shrunk into a global village.
The Internet has also contributed its mite in bringing together people in different nations. This magazine being run by Parthasarathy, on the Internet beautifully links up all uncles, aunts, nephews and nieces spread over the world. Contributions come to it from all directions and from all age groups and it is eagerly read by scores of persons. Another form of international friendship, this!!
International friendship is not given to all of us. A few decades ago even friendship within the district was difficult as communication facilities were totally lacking. My father who hailed from North Arcot district married my mother from South Arcot district in 1934. This surprised the relatives on both the sides and reportedly was being talked about for days and days. Now we find our distant and not so distant kith and kin marrying not only from neighbouring states in India but from neighbouring countries as well. This is more due to friendship blossoming between youngsters, whom chance throws together, into love.
I remember of a close friend of mine,Raghupathy, of my class who was from a neighbouring village to Cheyyar where my school was located. His place was 8 miles away from the school and he was spending 5 hours a day walking up and down to the school. During examination days his plight was miserable.
In those days, my father was working as Inspector of Post Office, Guntur (presently in Andhra Pradesh). My mother was single-handedly running the establishment at Cheyyar, for educating all of us. My grandfather, Sri Sheshadri Iyengar used to join us now and then. I asked my mother’s permission for my friend Raghupathy to stay in our house during examination days. She graciously agreed to it and also fed him along with us. Raghupathy and I did a lot of combined study.
One day as we were absorbed in our lessons a cobra stealthily meandered its way into our house. My sister, Rukku noticed it first and gave out a big shriek. We were all stupefied out of fright and clueless on how to cope with the situation. Raghupathy just asked for a stick. Luckily one, used for drying clothes, was available nearby. Like an acrobatic snake catcher, he pinned down the head of the snake and as it was wreathing pain, beat it with a broomstick. The snake was killed instantaneously. It took hours for all of us to regain composure. But Raghupathy was nonchalant. For us he was almost a hero. Our friendship became thicker and we used to request him to stay in our house oftener.
I remember having read in Thirukkural, that agelessly elegant and universally acclaimed Tamil classic which is considered as Tamil Veda, a kural
“udukkai izhandhavan kai pool aangee
idukkan kalaivadham natpu” - kural – 788
When rendered into English, this would mean,
“ Like the hands that go rushing on to the rescue of the person whose garment slips, a true friendship is known when his friend faces adversity”. This is an oft-quoted Thirukkural, which is as beautiful as it is meaningful.
Thirukkural has 133 chapters of 10 couplets each, on-varied subjects. Its author, Thiruvalluvar has devoted 50 kurals in 5 chapters on the topic of “Friendship” alone. He has not done this to any other subject, which shows the importance that he has given to friendship. Rajaji, the last Governor General of India (and the only Indian Governor General) was very fond of Thirukkural. He has translated all of them into chaste and beautiful English. He particularly liked one kural, which I quote,
"Azhivin avai neekki aaruyindhu azhivin kann
Allal uzhappadham natpu" - kural -787
His translation for this kural is
“ The triple service of friendship is to take the friend out of the wrong path, to lead him into the right path and to share his misfortune”.
This kural reminds me of a friend I had in the chemistry honours course in Loyola College, Madras, in Hubert De La Vittoire. He was a catholic of Pondichery who did his post-graduation in French medium. He could converse with ease in French, English and Tamil. He was also President of All India Catholic Student Union, and he went abroad representing Indian students. We were only 12 boys in our class and Hubert and I became very close to each other.
I was in the hostel as my family was away at Pollachi. The hostel had a common room with facilities for all indoor games. I was particularly fascinated by chess. They had 24 chessboards and 48 players could play at the same time. The college had produced quite a few national chess players like Manuael Aaron. I used to play 4 – 5 hours daily and used to come to my room mentally fatigued. Hubert was noticing this. He was in the habit of coming to the common room only to pull me out of the chess game and drag me into combined studies. He ensured that my chess playing hours were reduced.
For one weekend he took me to his house in Pondy and in the evening guided me to the beach while he gave me a long lecture. He told me of the importance and the difficulty of our course, the long hours of study we require and the need to have a long-term ambition. He wanted to prepare for IAS examination and wanted me also to do so. He advised that I should forget chess temporarily and target on my career development. He even discussed with me on the subjects we should choose for our examination. That trip had a miraculous effect on me. I stopped visiting the common room thereafter. Hubert had a big flask in which he stocked coffee for us to drink in the nights to keep ourselves awake and continue in our studies. It had its effect. We both scored 1st class in the final examination. But unfortunately for both of us we couldn’t enter the IAS as planned. I joined the Indian Postal service while he entered the Life Insurance Corporation of India, as an officer. I have read somewhere that some men realize their unfulfilled dreams through their children. Perhaps I have succeeded that way.Hubert has a beautiful handwriting and writes to me occasionally. He has now settled down in Pondy.
During my college days in Trichy, in St. Joseph’s College I had a friend V. Balaguru, both of us were daily going from Tanjore to Trichy, a distance of 33 miles by train for our studies. Balaguru was a calm, cool and collected person, scholarly and brilliant in his studies. He did Economics honours course and stood first in the university. The entire Tamil Nadu had only two universities then including Annamalai University at Chidambaram. One can imagine the tough competition that he had to encounter in his examination.
Strangely, he and I entered the same department and continued with our friendship. We were practically chasing each other in our postings also. I replaced him as Vigilance officer in PMG’s office in Bangalore. Later we both worked together as the only two Directors of Postal Services in Trivandrum. When I was posted as Assistant Director General, foreign mails, New Delhi, Mr. Balaruru was already there. He was leaving for Tamil Nadu on 2 months vocation and offered his house to my family for my stay until I fixed one for myself. In those days (1972) we didn’t have many official quarters for senior officers. I located a house in Green Park, New Delhi that was cozy and comfortable. I was promoted within 9 months of my stay in Delhi and I had to vacate the house in Green Park. Balaguru liked it and occupied it, thus succeding me even in the house.
Our department was known for its firebrand trade union officials who would pounce on us even on minor issues. I used to get ruffled while Balaguru counseled patience and dealt with the situations tactfully. We worked with unison and it was “Friendship of one mind in two bodies”, as Mr. Mencius would say.
There are a few other aspects of friendship vital to our life, such as between husband and wife, between the teacher and the students and among other members of the family. I would like to dwell upon them in my next article
R.Narasimhan
August 2004
To be continued ……
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