DOWN THE MEMORY LANE

HOW MY UNCLE CAUGHT A THIEF

As we pass through life , we come across thousands of incidents . However , only very few of them stick in our memory . Very funny incidents and very tragic incidents are some examples . This principle has been used by the memory wizard , Harry Lorrayne to develop his entirely novel system of memory training . I purchased his wonderful book , �How to develop a super power memory� in the year 1973 as a birthday gift for my 7 year old daughter , Usha . The methods given in the book for memory improvement , developing concentration etc. were so simple , but at the same time so effective , that I never regretted spending Rs.1000/- (Rs.One thousand only) for purchasing this book , in its American edition . I started reading this book with a great deal of skepticism , as I had a deep seated fixation in my mind that good memory is God�s gift and cannot be improved at all . However , as I read this book , and followed the very simple rules given by the author , I was wonderstruck by the remarkable improvement in my memory and concentration with almost immediate effect . I am not exaggerating at all when I say that I could come first class first in my LL.B Examination of Nagpur University (for which I had joined the evening classes ) in 1974 at the age of 35 , and my daughter Usha and son Mohan , got through with flying colours in all their academic and professional courses by following the methods given by Harry Lorrayne . Now , I am guiding my grandchildren , Divya, Deepti (Usha�s daughters )and Akhil (Mohan�s son )with the same book , which I purchased 30 years back. As pointed out by Harry Lorrayne, very funny and ludicrous incidents stick in our minds for very long periods, whereas normal and usual things are almost forgotten immediately. That is why I am able to recall very vividly as if it happened yesterday only some very funny incidents which took place about 60 years back , while I have forgotten many normal incidents of even last month. The incident took place in Bangalore about 50 years back. My uncle, (later my father-in-law) late C. Chakrapany Iyengar was working as an executive in the popular English daily, The Hindu at Bangalore. Many of the younger generation relatives who might have seen my uncle in the last few years of his life, when he was completely bedridden and dependent entirely on my sister-in-law Malathy for all his needs including toilet, cannot even imagine what a wonderfully smart, handsome and active man he was in his youth. For a small boy like me, he was almost God, dressed smartly in finest suit and riding a motorbike, given to him by his employer for both personal and official use. As I have mentioned in my earlier articles, both my aunt Rukmini athai and my uncle considered me and my brothers and sister as their own children, and showered their affection on us at all times. Therefore, it was but natural that I used to go to Bangalore during vacations ( except summer vacation for which we used to proceed to our village Sulankurichi). Similarly, Kannan used to come to chennai on the slightest pretext. I am happy to say that the close bonds of love instilled in us by my uncle and aunt have taken strong roots and have not diminished with the passage of time. My brothers-in-law, Kannan, Varadan and Raman and my sisters-in-law, Jayam, Malathy and Sumathi always feel very comfortable and homely in my house, while Vijaya and myself feel the same in their houses. Many people have different hobbies. My hobby was playing bridge while Vijaya had the hobby of making beautiful articles out of small bottles. My daughter Usha had the hobby of playing dumb charades, while Mohan's hoobies were chess and carrom. My uncle�s hobby was to change houses and schools of his children. I remember that he changed houses atleast twice every year. I had gone to Bangalore during some school holiday at the time when they had shifted to a new house. One day, the houseowner came to my uncle�s portion and told him that we all had to be very careful as some thefts had taken place in the neighbourhood. When my uncle came from office that evening, he had a stout lathi with him which he had purchased on his way home. My uncle also wanted to purchase an alsatian dog, but my aunt firmly told him that she will leave the house if he brought a dog, and the choice whether he wanted a wife or an alsatian dog was entirely his. After weighing the pros and cons (my uncle was a very systematic man, and always weighed the pros and cons before taking any decision) my uncle opted for his wife. His table of pros and cons looked as follows: Wife Vs Dog Nature of work Wife Alsatian Dog Preparing food and snacks Very useful Entirely useless Bringing up children Very useful Entirely useless As a companion in bed Very nice Very messy Managing the household with limited finances Very capable Entirely useless Exhibiting affection By words only Will jump and lick the face If burglar comes to the house Entirely useless Very useful The landlord came the next day and was pleased to see my uncle�s newly purchased lathi. He told my uncle �Sir, if you are able to catch the thief, thrash him thoroughly with your lathi. You need not wait till I or police come.� He also advised my uncle to start patrolling the street outside the house. After some discussion, it was decided that my uncle will do patrolling duty from 10.00 pm to 12.00 midnight, while the houseowner will take his turn from 12.00 midnight to 2.00 am. When my uncle told him about the idea of procuring an Alsatian dog, he also objected like my aunt. He further boosted his objection with a very convincing argument, he said �Chakrapany sir, why do we need an Alsatian dog when we both are there?� From the day of the visit of the houseowner, my uncle started patrolling outside the house till midnight. For this very important duty, he made my aunt to brew a cup of strong coffee to keep him awake. Needless to say, my aunt kept awake till midnight to make coffee, and could not sleep for some more hours after that. Nothing happened for about a week. After one week, one night, my uncle was loud asleep after his dutiful patrolling till midnight. My aunt was awake for some time after midnight, and was about to fall asleep when she heard some noise from the kitchen. Actually what happened was this. After making coffee for my uncle, my aunt had forgotten to keep the milk container in the shelf (there was no refrigerator in those days). A cat had entered the kitchen and had a nice dinner of the milk. While licking the last few drops of the milk the cat overturned the milk vessel which fell to the ground with a great deal of noise, which was heard by my aunt. She immediately woke my uncle up and said in a whisper �I think that the thief has entered our kitchen.� My brave uncle immediately got up, collected his lathi and rushed to the kitchen. Meanwhile, the cat which heard the loud noise of my uncle getting up and making preparations for catching the thief, prudently made good his/her escape. When my uncle saw that, the kitchen was thief-free, he did not thank his stars and go to sleep again. On the contrary, the conscientious person that he was, he went outside in search of the thief. It was an amasvya day (new moon day) and therefore it was pitch dark outside. At that instant, my uncle heard a faint noise on the roof. Without hesitating for a second, my uncle rapidly climbed on the roof and slowly creeped towards the spot from where the noise was heard. When he reached the spot, he stretched the hand which touched a naked man (with only an underwear) with oil applied on his bare body. When I look back on this incident, my heart fills with pride for my departed uncle. Since he could not catch the thief because of the slippery oil on his body, my uncle did the next best thing. He raised his lathi and showered the thief continuously with about 20 hefty blows before he could even speak or make good his escape, jumping and shouting at the same time �take this, you vile thief, how did you dare to enter the house?�. The thief shouted, �I am not a thief, I am not a thief�. The thief's plea of innocence did not mitigate my uncle�s fury., On the other hand, the strength and frequency of the blows increased along with my uncle jumping and shouting �Every thief says the same thing you rascal, take this, take this�. As my uncle could not catch the thief because of the slippery oil, he expected him to run away after a few blows. However, to his astonishment, the thief stood his ground and after having taken about 30 hefty blows shouted �Stop, you maniac, I am Thimme Gowda, your landlord, I shall make you pay for your impertinence, etc, etc.�. On hearing the identity of the alleged thief, my uncle stopped his jumping, shouting and lathi charging as if struck by a thunderbolt. On confirming the identity of the person whom he mistook for a thief, he started apologizing profusely. But the landlord did not allow him to complete the apologies but went on shouting, �I shall make you pay, you maniac, etc.�. He also did not think fit to answer my uncle�s just query as to why he came to the roof in the bare body and that too with oil applied on the entire body,. They both came down. While my crestfallen uncle came back to our house, the owner went straight to the police station (after entering his own portion for a few minutes to wipe off the oil and put on some clothes).and complained against my uncle for Battery and Assault . When the police came , my uncle told them the whole story from his own view point . He told how the landlord had advised him to thrash the thief without even waiting for him or the police , how the land lord could not be seen in the pitch darkness , and most tellingly , how the land lord was almost naked with oil dripping from his body , and asked the police justifiably whether anyone could expect any land lord to be found on the roof , dressed like this in the middle of the night . When the police confronted the landlord with this strange behaviour , he said , �Sir , I thought it prudent to go in search of the thief like this to avoid being caught by him , and getting thrashing from him�. Finally , the police decided that the charges against my uncle could not stand before a court of law , and closed the case after warning both my uncle and the landlord to be more careful in future. The net result of the whole episode was that my uncle had to vacate that house within a week . My uncle did not mind this at all , as shifting to a new house was after all his favourite hobby!!!! To be continued.... S.Rajagopalan June 2003

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