“Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst an intolerable one” says Thomas Paine! Having been a part of the Government for 34 years, I had many reasons to endorse this statement. However, it is not all evil and I had umpteen reasons to laugh at the comical situations it provided!
It is said in Upanishads that just as logs of wood drift along water together for some time, then separate, and float together with another log for some more time and so on…, in Government Service too the transfers toss us from place to place, providing us opportunities to see varied types of people. Among these, the company of some may be palatable, some not so palatable and some comical!
My friend and batchmate, Sri Vishu Saxena, often used to say that in life, one should be lucky to have a good wife and a good boss! While I would say that I was extremely lucky in the former, I cannot venture to narrate the same with respect to my bosses! There were some intelligent, ambitious, tough, powerful, demanding bosses, and there were equally mean, frivolous, selfish and unreasonable bosses. There were quite a few comical types and I would like to write more about the latter, as others won’t be interesting at this distance of time.
One particular boss with whom I had to work twice, once during probation and again in service, (whom I’ll call VJSP) was more school-boyish in his conduct. During my training period he was the head of a big Division having about 1000 employees with its headquarters on Poonamalle High Road, Kilpauk. At that time, the present Queen of England, Elizabeth, was to visit Madras. Terrorism was unknown in those days and she was happy to drive along in an open car, waving to the cheering public. The visit was delayed for some inexplicable reasons. Mr. VJSP, who wanted to have a vantage position to have a closer view of the queen, climbed high up on a tree in front of the office and perched himself on a comfortable branch. Some papers had to be got signed urgently and the orderly from the office came looking for his boss with a pad and a folder. Not finding him anywhere he was puzzled, when he heard a voice from above, like an angel beckoning from the heavens. 
He looked up when his boss summoned him to climb up and bring the letters there. The orderly was embarrassed but had to do as commanded by his boss. The papers had a stenciled letter and so, he was asked to fetch a stencil pen! He had to repeat this Wodehousian operation. The entire office staff who had also come out to see the queen were a witness to these amusing goings on! They were more excited by the activities of their boss than the queen!
The same VJSP came and joined as my boss in Bhubaneswar. I was already in that town for a year when he came. My boss was fond of swimming but there was no pool or river near our houses. Only one temple “Kedar Gowri”, had a clean, neat and well-maintained temple tank which was meant for the temple priests and Brahmins to bathe, and others were not permitted to use it. My boss was neither a priest nor a Brahmin, but he was keen to swim in that tank daily! He wanted me to accompany him to give him moral support. He had a fake 'sacred thread' which he used to put on while entering the waters. While I used to bathe near the steps, he used to swim from shore to shore. The local Brahmins were very strict and I was tense keeping my fingers crossed, hoping that we won’t be found out! After swimming for almost one hour every day, we used to return, he in his half-pant and banian and I in my normal dress. He liked to drop in at some Post Office on the way, so that he can have a good tea. Many officials, who had known me, but hadn’t seen him, were not sure of his identity. He surprised many by such idiosyncrasies as long as he was in Bhubaneswar!
'It is perhaps safe to say that every man, however brilliant he might be, uses during his life not more than one brilliant fraction of his brain', says N.Dubinin, a psychologist. In the case of a Government Servant, it is even much lesser a fraction!
We had one N.V.Srinivasan, a witty and brilliant officer, who one day received a letter from the Audit Office, asking him to obtain the prints of all the fingers of a retired official, in the service book! NVS gave a one-line reply saying that the retired official was no longer alive. Pat came another letter stating that he hadn’t answered to the point and the omission should be got supplied! NVS wrote back stating that it was not known whether the ex-official was cremated or buried! I am sure, the babu, who got the letter would still be wondering on what further action to take!
My first posting was as Senior Superintendent of Post Offices, Dharwar Division after completing my probation and training of two years, in a welcome meeting arranged for my sake the Union leader mischievously remarked that one boy who was teaching in a college had come over to manage 500 senior officials and he didn’t know what to expect of him! In my reply I told them that it was true that I was teaching in a college ‘posting the minds’ with knowledge, and in the reversal of my job of ‘minding the post’, I hoped to do equally well and sought their co-operation. The staff and the local press liked it and quoted it verbatim, welcoming me to their District. I did have an amiable and pleasant relationship with all the staff and the Union!
While I was working in Trivandrum, I and my colleague, V.Balaguru had to share the services of one stenographer due to shortage of staff. A new steno, who had just joined was asked to type out a memo on that! When he brought the office order Balaguru started laughing! He showed it to me later, which read “Mr.X …, the new stenographer, will be ‘shaved’ by both the Directors”! A nice job, at that, in the office!
When I was in Delhi, the Government had already formed a pay commission and we were all eagerly awaiting its recommendations. Two officers from our service were on deputation to it. When they came to attend one of our Association meetings we asked them the reasons for the delay. In reply they narrated this story.
'A crocodile somehow entered a town lake, and the people were afraid to go near the lake! The town committee appointed an ex-army man with a gun, to shoot and kill the intruder! The crocodile surfaced many times, but it wasn’t killed. When his friend who knew that he was a good marksman, asked him for the reasons for the delay, the army man replied that once he killed the crocodile he would lose the job!'
My friends were in a similar predicament. Once they gave the final report, the Pay Commission would be wound up and, as there was no post in Delhi, they would be transferred!
When I was in Bangalore, my predecessor one Mr.RA, had a fascination for the female of the human species and he liked to fill the Divisional office with lady staff, on deputation from the post offices. When a vacancy arose in the Establishment Section, the Gradation list was summoned and he selected one Santha to be posted to the Establishment branch. When that person came to join, seeing a lean, hungry looking male, he was shocked beyond words. He reversed the order. Instead, he posted one Vasantha, ensuring that it was a lady! The funny part of the story was that the Head Clerk and other Divisional Office staff knew that Santha was indeed a man, but didn’t tell their boss purposely!
There are a few similar anecdotes, which I will narrate in the next part of the article
R.Narasimhan
February 2005
