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As Vijaya completes 60 years today, I thought that I shallwrite an article about our married life of about 40 years.
Vijaya and myself are cousins, and in our society this relationship gives an inherent right to marriage.( Murai payyan / murai penn).As I had mentioned in anearlier article, Vijaya�s brother Kannan and myself were great friends, and Iused to visit Kannan�s house very often and stayed in his house frequently.
After I got my B.E degree and got a job as Technical Assistant in Indian BureauOf Mines at Nagpur in 1963, my mother started the talk of my marriage. It was mygrandfather(Sulankurichi Thatha about whom also I have written in earlierissues) who said that he would be very happy if I married Vijaya. Kannan and myuncle came one day to my house and talked with my parents. When I was summoned for the talks to find out my opinion, I asked my uncle whether Vijaya had agreed for the proposal. My uncle said that the matter had earlier been fully discussed
in their house. My aunt had pointed out to Vijaya my various good qualities, my high education and my security of service in a central government job. She had finally clinched Vijaya�s opinion in my favour pointing out that a known devil is better than an an unknown angel. I immediately agreed for the marriage for 3 important reasons:-
1. I was in the age of Gadhe Panchvisi(A marathi term
meaning that to a man at the age of 25, even a female donkey will look
beautiful).
2. I was becoming bald prematurely and was worried that after some time no girl may agree to marry me.
3. Vijaya was really a very beautiful and smart girl, and was not an optical illusion of Gadhe Panchvisi.
Things moved very fast after this, and the marriage date was fixed for 26th May 1965.The proposal and the negotiations took place in the last week of April 1965, when I had gone to Madras for a brief visit. So there was hardly one month available for making preparations for the marriage. I cancelled my remaining leave and went back to Nagpur to come back for the marriage in May.
In those days, there was no time limit for booking for Railway Reservation and people used to book months earlier for going south, especially during summer vacation. Therefore the first thing I did on landing back at Nagpur was to join a very long queue for train reservation. When my turn came after about 12 hours in the queue, I was told that no seats were available. The booking clerk took my name for giving telegram to Delhi as Nagpur quota was full. He also very
cheerfully informed that there was absolutely no hope, but I could try my luck in the train in case of any remote chance of last minute cancellations.
As I had exhausted almost all my earned leave(which itself was not much as I joined service in 1963 only and as per rules could start earning leave only after first year of service), I could only get the maximum 7 days casual leave for my marriage. I came to Nagpur Railway station on 23rd May 1965 for catching Grand Trunk Express which was the only available train to Madras in those days. I had an unreserved ticket in my hand and lot of hope in my heart . The train arrived exactly on time which was a very rare occurrence as it was usually late.
I saw some Railway staff running towards the driver with a garland for his punctuality. When they reached him and were about to garland him, he squirmed with uneasiness and told them that actually it was the previous day�s train.
In those days, the TTE of the G.T. Express was a real VIP who was always
surrounded by scores of fawning passengers. As the TTE came out of the
compartment, the waiting passengers immediately surrounded him with their
tickets extended in their hands. Needless to say that I was also one in this crowd. The TTE was continually saying Train is full, go to unreserved compartment. At that time, final whistle was blown and the TTE got into the train and sat in his seat. The crowd melted away to try their luck in the unreserved compartments. I still did not lose my hope, and once again approached the TTE with the real story of my impending marriage the day after next day. The story, though a very moving one did not move the TTE even an inch. But what I did as a last resort moved him so much that he got out of his seat and offer that seat to me. What I did was to take out a hundred rupee note (which was a huge amount in those days) and dangle it in front of him along with my unreserved ticket. He then told me, � Sir, I am really moved by your plight. As I have a daughter of marriageable age, I can understand what a shock it will be to the girl and her parents if the bridegroom does not reach the place on the day of marriage. So I shall try to help you.� He then offered his seat to me and told me to occupy his seat and promised to find whether any last minute vacancy is there, and being a very conscientious official, went away on his duty of checking the tickets. The TTE came back after about an hour, beaming broadly. He said, � Sir, you are really lucky. There was only one last minute cancellation and I am allotting it to you. Please hand over your ticket for preparing Rerservation ticket. I paid the required legal amount for the reservation for which he gave me a receipt. I also slipped in the hundred rupee note as per the unwritten agreement, at the same time profusely thanking him and showering praise on him for his humane qualities.
After I reached my house, my uncle and Kannan came to see me and discuss some matters with my father. At that time, a telegram arrived. This was from one of my colleagues named S.R. Balajee, who was the reincarnation of King Midas. He had calculated that the house address being shorter, he could save eight annas in telegram charges if he sent the greetings telegram to my house address.He shut up his protesting conscience which pointed out that the telegram will reach two days earlier instead of on the date of marriage, by asking it, �what difference will it make if it reaches on the day of marriage or two or three days earlier?� After reading the telegram, I showed it to my father and would-be father-in-law. On reading the telegram, my father-in-law was ecstatic with joy
and told me, � When you go back to Nagpur after the marriage, thank your friend on my behalf�. When he saw that I was obviously puzzled by what I felt was a over reaction to a simple telegram , he told me , � This telegram is the very first one to reach us and is from Balajee. I feel very happy as if our family Deity of God Balajee of Tirupathi himself has blessed the impending marriage, and feel this as an auspicious omen for the marriage function as well as a happy marriage for both of you. Now, looking back on the forty years of my marriage, I realise how prophetic he was. Except for some occasional tiffs which are part and parcel of every marriage, our marriage has been a smooth one throughout
these thirty nine years. I got my first promotion of my career in June 1965, just within one month of my marriage. This unexpected promotion firmly established in my mind that Vijaya was the Mascot bringing me luck.
The marriage went off very smoothly. In those days, there was neither Video nor colour photographs. Most of the newly married couples took a Cabinet size photo at G.K. Vales Studio in Mount Road . Accordingly, the day after the marriage, we proceeded by Bus No. 21 to Mount Road for taking the marriage photograph. I can understand the surprise which may be felt by my children and grand children when they read this and come to know that we went by bus for taking the photo. Yes, I do not find any shame in acknowledging that money was very scarce in those days
and we never thought it below our dignity to travel by bus instead of by taxi. There were also very few taxis and autos. While travelling in the bus, just for making conversation, Vijaya asked me about Nagpur and my job. After I answered her queries, she asked me what was my salary. I told her that the total salary was Rs. 250/- and after deductions, I got a Take Home salary of about Rs. 200/-. Vijaja�s reaction was instantaneous. She exclaimed, � Phoo, Rs.200 only? My mother told me that you were a big engineer earning huge salary.� As I mentioned earlier, I got an unexpected promotion within 15 days of our marriage, nearly doubling my income. When I see my grand children flying to Dubai or Jakarta for their holidays, and my children earning good salaries and enjoying good things in life, I am naturally happy and proud. At the same time, I request them to understand why I am very hesitant to spend money unnecessarily which they may feel is showing a miserly character.
Vijaya and I acquired things like cooking gas, table fan, cooler ,Washing
Machine, TV, Fridg etc. one by one after much debates and always on instalment basis. We never could see Rs. 1000/- on any day except salary day. Our routine for acqiring things was always same. We used to purchase some thing like Fridge on instalment basis. As the monthly instalments used to reduce our Take Home Pay, we used to draw loan from GPF (General Provident Fund) and pay off the balance remaining on these household items. This vicious circle of taking things on instalment basis, and then taking loan from GPF to pay off the balance continued throughout my career, till a few years before retirement when Usha also started earning in 1985.
I can see my readers raising their eyebrows on my using the word �we�, when referring to taking salary, GPF etc. This was not due to oversight. I drew my salary on pay day from office and on coming home handed over the full pay packet to Vijaya. This practice continued during my entire service period. I shall tell you now how this practice started.
Immediately after the marriage, and after our G.K.Vales visit during which Vijaya came to know that I was not a Tata or Birla, but a very meagre salary-earner, Vijaya and myself had a very frank discussion on how we were going to manage our affairs. Being a male chauvinist, I firmly told Vijaya that in the household, I shall be the boss and whether she liked it or not, she had to accept this fact. Seeing my determination, Vijaya meekly accepted my terms and told me, � Yes, I fully agree with you. From today onwards, all major decisions
will be taken only by you, while I shall take very minor decisions only. You will take decisions as to who should be the prime minister or president of India, what should be the budget allocations in the state and central budgets, what should be income tax rates, and exemption limits for income tax, whether India should go nuclear or not, which players should be selected for the test matches etc, etc. I shall take the very minor decisions of household income and expenditure, whether we should purchase Fridge or not, etc, etc. I was very much touched by my bride�s simplicity and loyalty to allow me to take all major decisions, while taking very minor decisions herself. From that day onwards, I scrupulously brought home the unopened pay packet and gave it to Vijaya for taking decisions without my interference. Vijaya on her part
allowed me to write letters to the Editor expressing my major decisions on matters of utmost importance and never interfered with her suggestions.
S.Rajagopalan
1st February 2004
TO BE CONTINUED
Editor's Note:-Click here for a special card made by us for Vijaya's 60th Birthday
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PART I- HOW I GOT MARRIED
