"We won’t be able to do this much longer," mused Michaela, as she sat swinging her legs over the water’s edge.

"What? Throw stones into the creek?"

"No, of course not," she said indignantly, and then turned in time to see Sully’s teasing smile. She sat up straight for a moment, her hands on her hips, and then good-naturedly shrugged her shoulders and smiled too. "We won’t be able to walk down here in the late afternoon," she conceded. "Its nearly fall Sully … can you believe it? Soon the evenings’ll be closing in again …. We’ll be lighting the fire as soon as we get home …..I’ll have to unpack the children’s winter clothes to see what still fits them." She chuckled and added, "Probably very little. Brian’s almost as tall as me now and Katie’s continually growing out of everything."

They both sat for a moment in silence, pondering the passing of time. It was yet another glorious late summer’s day. For the past week or so, since Michaela’s nausea had eased (although riding in the wagon still had its negative effects), they’d taken to strolling down to the creek in the afternoons whenever they could, sometimes with the children and sometimes alone. The walk in the clear, warm air brought a glow to Michaela’s cheeks, and spending such time with his wife delighted Sully.

"Do you really think the spirits told Cloud Dancing about the baby?" asked Michaela suddenly. "He’s not been into town lately …." Earlier that day Cloud Dancing and Dorothy had arrived at the clinic to take Katie for the afternoon and evening and it was then that Cloud Dancing had congratulated them on the expected addition to the Sully family. "Sully?"

He smiled and replied, "Well Michaela …. the spirits’ve been right in the past. He knew ‘bout the train before anyone told ‘im …. An’ that we were gonna be married. So maybe the spirits *did* tell ‘im." And then he added mischievously, "Or maybe it was a little spirit named Dorothy." He sidled over and wrapped his arms around Michaela’s shoulders. "Either way it don’ matter much. But those herbs he brought ya might do some good."

She nodded. "I’ll start using them straight away," she agreed. "I’m glad Brian decided to go with them today. He and Dorothy have formed quite a friendship over the last few years, and of course he thinks the world of Cloud Dancing …. always has," pondered Michaela.

"Well speakin’ of the kids bein’ with Cloud Dancin’ an’ Dorothy, we better not forget we got company comin’ for supper …. better be headin’ back," suggested Sully.

Michaela turned to look into his eyes. "We *are* doing the right thing … aren’t we Sully …. for everybody?" she asked nervously.

"Michaela we’ve bin talkin’ ‘bout this for nearly two weeks …. We’ve considered it from every angle ….. now we gotta see what the others think … right?"

She nodded her head uncertainly.

Then he cautioned, "But Michaela …. We gotta be prepared for them to see it differently to the way we do … maybe not appreciate what we’re suggestin’ ….. even say no straight away …..alright? Now come on, we gotta check on that joint slow roastin’ in the oven, so’s we’re ready when out guests arrive." Sully stood and brushed the loose grass and leaves from his buckskins and then drew Michaela to her feet and into his arms. "Even if it don’ go the way we want," he murmured against her ear. "It aint gonna be the end of the world."

Michaela reached up to gently cup his face with her hand. "Thank-you," she said softly. "For not letting me get too excited …. too wrapped up in my own plans …. Now just make sure that I don’t do that this evening alright."

Sully gave her a quick kiss of affirmation and they set off towards home.

Michaela had just lit the candles on the dinner table which had been set with the best china, when there was a loud knocking on the homestead door. Sully threw it open to admit a smiling Colleen and Andrew.

"Evenin’ ma …. Sully," Colleen greeted them cheerfully.

Sully took her fashionable cape from her shoulders and hung it on the hook beside the door and then turned to shake Andrew’s hand. "Evenin’ Andrew …. Come on in."

"Oh ma," exclaimed Colleen. "I got somethin for ya." She handed Michaela a small, round tin of candy. Michaela smiled and began to thank her daughter, however Colleen interrupted. "I had a friend at college ….. she used to travel from Pueblo to Denver each term … an’ ridin’ on the train made her really sick to her stomach. She discovered that if she sucked on these during the trip she didn’t feel nearly as bad …. They’re barley drops ….. I asked Mr Bray to order them for ya from Denver." She paused and then added with guile, "Maybe you’ll be able to travel out to the Chateau for supper some day soon."

Michaela blushed and gave her daughter a hug. "Thank-you for thinking of me Colleen. I’ll try anything that might help ….. and we’d love to come out for supper … as soon as I can manage it."

After their delicious supper had been eaten and the dishes cleared away, Sully and Michaela surprised the young couple by suggesting that they all sit at the dinner table as there was business to discuss.

Colleen and Andrew exchanged puzzled looks and sat down side by side at the table.

Michaela glanced nervously at Sully for reassurance, cleared her throat and began. "Andrew …. Colleen ….. Sully and I, during the past two weeks or so, have been discussing the clinic, and the fact that it won’t be long before I’ll once again have difficulty running it on my own." She blushed a little and her hand unconsciously moved to her stomach.

Sully reached out to lightly grasp her hand in his.

She took a deep breath and, turning to Andrew, she started again. "We know that it must be difficult for you at the moment out at the Chateau. With Preston deciding to take legal action to retain rights to some of the facilities and operations out there …. and the Senator unable to spare the time from his work in Washington to come west to fight the action …… things must appear very uncertain to you at present. I know I asked you to stay on at the Chateau clinic until things were sorted out … or until you and Colleen went to Philadelphia ….. but the legal actions are moving so slowly that this uncertainty could continue for many months to come. I also feel guilty that I am unable, at this stage, until the Senator’s able to take over the entire management and finances of the Chateau, to offer you a retainer … salary …. to remain there. I know that you’ve developed a small patient list of homesteaders and people from town…. but they can hardly be providing enough for you and Colleen to get by. After all, the Chateau *is* a long way out of town for people to journey to see a doctor."

Colleen and Andrew both nodded in silent agreement. Their curiosity had been piqued and they were both guardedly anticipating her next words.

"And we want you to know that what we’re about to propose is in no way supposed to detract from any plans you may have already made ….. especially if they involve going to Philadelphia sometime soon. We’ll understand if your answer is no …. we want to assure you of that ….. alright?"

Fighting the urge to tell her to get on with it, Sully said quietly, "Maybe ya better let ‘em know what we’re thinkin’ now …. hmmm."

"Well ……" She was suddenly hesitant to continue.

Sully gave her hand a gentle reassuring squeeze.

"Well ….. Andrew, I wondered if you’d be interested in entering into a partnership with me at the clinic," she proposed with a rush. "I know that you may not be staying here … in Colorado Springs …. for very long …. but if you *have* decided to stay ….. for a while …. would you consider it?" Her face was flushed and she was gripping Sully’s hand so tightly her knuckles were white.

Only Sully was fully aware of how momentous Michaela’s decision and spoken proposal to Andrew was. For more than six years she’d strived to develop a credible medical practice in a town which had not been receptive to the concept of a woman physician. Her skills and perseverance had finally won the majority over, and now, having finally achieved what she’d always wanted, she was putting a proposition which would change the way that practice was run forever.

There was a long pause as both Andrew and Colleen took deep breaths and then Andrew asked tentatively, "How could I enter into partnership with you if it was to be only for a relatively short period of time?"

Michaela looked across at Sully who answered for them both. "Andrew …. we’d be askin’ ya to stay for one year …. We know that might not fit in with plans ya might have for Colleen to go to medical college …. an’ we’d understand an’ accept that …. neither one of us wants to stop that happenin’ if that’s what ya both want …. but we would need ta know that you’d be stayin’ for a full year. Michaela’s gonna need a reliable partner for at least that long. If you’ll agree to that …. then that’s the only commitment we’d need from ya right now."

Michaela continued, "Of course ….. if you decided to stay longer than that … then I would honor my side of the commitment to a partnership. Colorado Springs is growing quickly … so quickly that I’m having difficulty keeping up ….. especially now ……"

Andrew gave his young wife a long look and then turned back to Sully and Michaela. "I’m going to speak candidly here Michaela, Sully. One of the reasons why Colleen and I chose not to go to Philadelphia this fall, was that when Preston’s bank crashed I lost my savings …. my earnings from my work at the Chateau. Added to that is the fact that I never received my salary for the two months before Preston had to sell. And yes …. you’re right….. trying to operate a medical practice in a near deserted resort several miles out of town *is* difficult. But there are so many things we would have to consider before accepting your offer." He sat back in his chair, his mind obviously racing with both possibilities and drawbacks.

"We’re not expectin’ an answer tonight … or even tomorrow Andrew," said Sully quietly. "We know that you an’ Colleen will wanna talk …. me an’ Michaela bin doin’ that for nearly two weeks." He smiled reassuringly at the young couple.

Colleen suddenly mused, "We’d have to move into town …." She looked up at her ma and said sincerely, "Ma ….. me an’ Andrew decided that we’d haveta wait a while before I can go to medical school, cos if we haveta live in Philadelphia for two years … then we need to be able to set up Andrew’s practice …. and pay my college fees. And savin’ for that is gonna take some time. I know our decision’ll probably disappoint you … but I haven’t given up on becoming a doctor ….. an’ I don’ think I ever will." She turned to Andrew. "Being a partner in an established practice would sure help us along …. wouldn’t it?"

Andrew nodded in agreement, his mind still obviously racing.

Sully interposed, "Me an’ Michaela got an idea ‘bout the movin’ into town part."

Two heads swivelled towards him and two sets of eyes waited impatiently for an explanation.

"See …. We were thinkin’ that ya could live at the clinic ….. We could build on a new kitchen an’ livin’ room …. at the back. Whatdya think?"

Again there was silence as the possibilities were mulled over but there were now two faces alight with interest, even excitement.

Michaela frowned and said, "Of course the rent wouldn’t be cheap."

Two faces fell.

She continued with a smile. "I’d expect that if there were patients in the recovery rooms then the two of you would tend to them during the night …. And also if there was an emergency then Andrew you would have to take care of it. It won’t be long and I’ll be in no fit state to go tearing off to see patients on outlying ranches or to sit up during the night tending to them. And a few months from now I’ll have two babies needing me." Then she added with a rush, "Of course that doesn’t mean that I’ll, in any way, be shirking my responsibilities at the clinic …. I hope to maintain a full caseload ….. be an equal partner."

Colleen’s eyes were shining as she pondered, "It’d be like a hospital ….. not just a clinic…. with us livin’ there an’ all."

"Well …. a very small hospital Colleen," chuckled Michaela.

Sully suddenly intervened. "Well I reckon that’s given ya both enough ta think about. I’m gonna put the coffee pot on." He stood and began to move towards the kitchen. Then he turned and grinned and added temptingly, "Course …. if ya interested ….. I got some drawin’s I did of what we could build onto the clinic …….."

But Michaela had the final word. "Andrew …. I know that when you elected to work for Preston you said that the clinic in town was *my* clinic and always would be. I’m also aware that you’ve been unhappy with the type of practice you were expected to conduct at the Chateau. During the past two years I’ve learnt to respect you as a physician and a friend, and I believe that it would be only a matter of time before you established a sizeable patient list of your own. It would be *our* clinic for as long as you decide to stay."

Andrew was speechless. He slumped back in his chair and reached for Colleen’s hand. There was so much to consider …. to weigh up!!

"What do you think they’ll decide Sully?" Michaela asked, as she curled up in his arms after he’d extinguished the lamp by their bed.

He wrapped his arms round her and said warily, "I dunno Michaela …. I reckon they’re real interested …. but we gotta give ‘em time to think it through …. It took us long enough."

"Mmmm ….. and there are still times when I wonder if it’s the right thing ….. it took me so long to establish the clinic," she murmured tearfully.

"Michaela there comes a time when we gotta move on …. make decisions that are gonna change our lives ….. an’ this decision’s sure gonna do that …… but we got a real good reason for makin’ this change. No regrets Michaela ….. the decision’s bin made an’ we’ve put our offer …. now we gotta look to the future." He gently tilted her head up to claim her lips with his, his hand trailing down her body to rest lovingly over her stomach, so protective of the much wanted child cradled within.

"I’ll get her Michaela," offered Sully, flipping the bedclothes back, and then scrambling into his buckskins.

Within moments he was back with a sobbing Katie cradled in his arms. "She must’ve slept through a lot of it," he said over the beating of the torrential rain against the window and on the roof. "Looks like she just woke up."

Michaela reached for her daughter and tucked her securely in under the covers against her breast. Putting on a brave face as another flash of lightning lit up their room like a summer’s day, she said, "I guess I’m going to be late to the clinic today. The only consolation is that I can’t imagine any of my patients getting there in a storm like this either."

Again the thunder crashed above them and Katie cringed and whimpered, curling up even closer to her ma and covering her ears with her hands.

"Shhh …. its alright," soothed Michaela. "Its noisy …. but it won’t hurt you sweetheart. Hush …." She lovingly ran her fingers through Katie’s fine blond hair and then gently rubbed the little girl’s back. "Just think Sully," she said. "If Andrew and Colleen were living at the clinic, I wouldn’t have to worry about my patients at times like this at all …. there’d be a doctor on hand if needed."

"Don’ git ya hopes up Michaela …. We gotta let ‘em make their own decision."

"I know …. But now that I’ve finally decided to go into partnership .… I’m really hoping it’ll be Andrew."

Another crash followed by more torrential rain put paid to further conversation for the moment. Sully climbed back into their bed and wrapped his arms protectively around his wife and daughter. They would sit it out, wait for the summer storm to ease and then survey what effect, if any, it’d had.

By eleven o’clock it was difficult to believe that such a furious storm had been raging just a few hours before. The sun was shining brightly, the air was warm, and the rain-washed foliage on the trees glistened. The only obvious evidence of the storm was the thick mud which churned up as the wagon wheels turned through it, and the occasional splintered tree branch which had come down across the road.

As anticipated, there were no patients waiting on the bench outside the clinic door when Sully drew the wagon to a halt. He squeezed Michaela’s knee reassuringly and then unthinkingly jumped down off the wagon into thick, oozing mud. Lifting his feet gingerly out of the quagmire, he looked up at her a little wryly. Second guessing her, he chuckled, "The boots’ll haveta come off before I can go inside huh?"

Seeing Sully’s predicament, Brian took a giant, brave leap from the side of the wagon onto the clinic porch, staggering to his knees in the process, but remaining mud-free. He turned and chuckled as Sully reached up and lifted a giggling Katie down, placing her on the clinic porch, and then returned for Michaela who he lifted and then swung effortlessly into his arms, holding her against his chest.

"Sully!" she exclaimed.

"Can’t have ya gittin’ muddy can we," he laughed as he placed her too on the porch step. "Now," he said. "How’re ya feelin’?"

Michaela had been sucking Colleen’s barley drops all the way into town, though there had been mock protests about eating candy so early in the day, and of course demands for equal rights from Katie and Brian. Now she stood still and considered just how she *was* feeling. "Well….," she pondered. "I do believe they worked. My stomach’s still rolling a little but nowhere near as uncomfortably as usual."

"Good …. then I reckon we can say that they’re a success. I’ll go over to Loren’s later an’ make sure he gits a supply in ….. don’ want him runnin’ out," grinned Sully. "Now you go in an’ git settled. I’m gonna take the wagon over to Robert E’s. I want him to check on the harnessin’. Some of its gittin’ a little worn." He clambered back up into the wagon and was just about to flick the reins when a young voice could be heard shouting frantically in the distance. The voice quickly got louder as the rider rode full pelt down the street towards the clinic.

"Dr Mike …….. Dr Mike …….," the boy screamed wretchedly. He drew his horse to an abrupt halt so that it wheeled around, almost tossing him out of the saddle.

Michaela stepped forward as Sully leant across and grasped the reins of the boy’s sweating horse.

"Dr Mike …..," he called loudly and desperately. "Its ma …… she’s at the creek at home …… bank collapsed …… she’s hurt …. ya gotta come……please."

"Of course I’ll come Patrick," she instantly responded. "How badly is she hurt?"

"I dunno …… she’s buried under the mud an’ rock …. pa’s tryin’ to git her out." By this time the boy was crying, tears coursing down his cheeks. "Ya gotta come," he repeated.

As Michaela nodded and then turned to hastily unlock the clinic door so that she could put together some supplies, she heard Sully urgently questioning the boy about the creek bank collapse and how severe it was. As she quickly added bandages, morphine and carbolic acid to her medical bag she heard her husband hail Hank who’d been standing sleepily in the doorway of the Gold Nugget, and then instruct Brian to fetch Robert E and Jake. Her heart sank, it sounded as though it was serious.

It wasn’t until they were more than a mile out of town that Michaela realised she was about to undertake her longest wagon ride in months. Aidan Darcy’s farm was a good five miles further than their own homestead. Sully grinned at her as she hastily leant forward, searching with her fingertips for the tin of candy on the floor at her feet. Once located, she popped two of the sweets into her mouth and silently prayed that their effect would be long-lasting.

Sully drove the wagon along at a fast clip and yet Robert E, Jake and Hank quickly disappeared into the distance ahead of them. By the time they arrived at the Darcys’, the three men were nowhere to be seen. Sully halted the wagon momentarily beside the homestead and then they heard loud, anxious voices further down the slope some hundred yards away. He urged the horse forward, eager to bring the wagon down as close as possible to the creek. As they neared the site of the accident, all that was visible above the creek bank were the heads of the men bobbing up and down as they worked. Sully leapt down from the wagon meaning to circle round to lift Michaela down, but she was on the ground, her medical bag in hand, and scurrying towards the creek before he’d even reached the rear of the wagon.

Following closely behind her, his heart leapt into his mouth as she squatted down, edged her feet over the bank and then slid out of his view.

Michaela was appalled at what confronted her when she reached the creek bank. Swollen by the early morning torrential rain, the creek was at least a foot higher than usual, the muddy water rushing southwards at a terrifying and dangerous rate. Aidan Darcy was on his hands and knees at the water’s edge, frantically digging into the mud and stone with his hands. Beside him was his wife Rachel, laying prostrate in the water, the lower half of her body buried in the toppled bank and a section of the stone dam he’d erected early in the summer. Jake and Hank were about three feet out into the creek, working feverishly, lifting the largest of the stones and passing them to Robert E who was heaving them as far as he could onto the bank.

Michaela hurried forward slipping dangerously in the thick mud at the water’s edge. She immediately waded into the rushing water to drop to her knees and to cradle Rachel’s head in her lap, desperate to keep the woman’s face above the level of the water. The coldness of the water was numbing!

Rachel was close to unconsciousness. Her face was ashen, her auburn hair floated lankly in the muddy water, her skin was cold and clammy and her arms and hands were turning blue from prolonged exposure to the freezing water. Michaela immediately felt for a pulse, which was weak and slow. She glanced anxiously upwards, seeking Sully’s reassurance, but what she saw numbed her even more than the water had!

Following Michaela’s lead, Sully rushed to the edge of the bank and then suddenly froze, his face abruptly losing all colour, his feet refusing to take one more step. He saw Rachel Darcy lying in the water, her head barely above the murky surface, her long red hair floating out around her face, and her skin the colour of parchment. Even after Michaela had waded into the water to cradle the woman, the scene before him seemed not to change. The loud, anxious voices receded into the background, the only sound registering in his consciousness the fierce and omnipotent rushing of water, battering at the body of the woman submerged in its depths. He closed his eyes, willing his pounding heartbeat to slow, fighting the nausea which threatened to overwhelm him. He raised his arms high, linking his fingers, bending his arms, and wrapping them around his head.

In shock, Michaela watched her usually implacable husband as he stood frozen to the creek bank, unable to move forward. Her brow creased in fright and concern, and tears sprang to her eyes. His blue eyes were staring straight ahead, unseeing, his face had paled and his arms were held tightly against his head like a frightened child. She opened her mouth to scream his name but no sound would emerge.

"Sully ……. Sully!!"

Somehow Robert E’s voice penetrated his consciousness. His eyes flew to his friend who was watching him in shock and concern.

"Sully …….. we need ya *here* ……. *now* ……," urged Robert E, aware that something was seriously wrong with his friend, but compelled by the dire emergency they were confronting to bring Sully’s thoughts to the present. "We gotta shore up this bank … ‘fore it collapses some more," he ordered, knowing that for the first time in living memory, Sully was incapable of assuming responsibility for organising a rescue.

Sully’s eyes fixed on the worried, dark brown eyes of his friend. His heart was pounding as if it would explode and his head was spinning sickeningly. Instinctively he moved forward as Robert E had instructed and automatically began to utilise the stones at the water’s edge to support the dangerously unstable creek bank.

For nearly two more hours Rachel Darcy lay in the freezing water as the men worked frantically around her. Mercifully she lapsed into unconsciousness not long after the townspeople arrived. As time wore on, the cold seemed to penetrate into Michaela’s bones as she sat up to her waist in the rushing, muddy torrent supporting the woman’s head and shoulders. As Hank and Jake finally removed the last of the heavy stones, Aidan, Robert E and Sully began to work away with their hands and pieces of wood at the mud and clods of earth which still held Rachel captive. Finally Jake moved around behind Michaela and gently grasped Rachel’s arms and shoulders in his hands. Attempting to move out of his way, Michaela discovered that her legs wouldn’t hold her, forcing her to crawl to the water’s edge. There was a cheer and she turned in time to see Jake topple backwards as he pulled Rachel free.

The next few hours went by in a blur for both Michaela and Sully but for different reasons.

Finally provided the opportunity to administer medical care to Rachel, Michaela was shivering violently and experiencing difficulty controlling her legs, arms and hands which were paralysed with cold. Someone appeared with a blanket and insisted that she remove her saturated, heavy skirt and gradually the sun warmed her limbs enough that she could run her hands over the woman’s limbs and torso, searching for wounds or breaks. A badly crushed ankle, a broken femur and severe bruising, especially to the ribs, constituted her diagnoses, and Rachel was then carefully lifted into the back of the Sully wagon. The greatest cause for concern though, was that the woman was suffering from severe hypothermia. Michaela could only hope that her condition had not deteriorated beyond treatment back at the clinic.

Sully had watched the goings-on as if in a dream. He was oblivious to his saturated clothing, his bleeding hands and, for probably the first time in six years, Michaela’s safety and well-being. He was gripped by a fear that held him in thrall, that shook the breath from him and left him detached from all that was happening around him. He sat away from the others, turning his back on the urgent proceedings, looking out across the swollen creek and yet seeing nothing.

"Sully ….. Sully ….. we’re ready to go."

Again, Robert E’s voice penetrated his daze.

He swivelled around to see Aidan Darcy supporting his bundled up wife in the back of the wagon, Michaela in the wagon’s seat, and Jake, Hank and Robert E mounted on their horses ready to leave for town. He shook himself and stood, but as Rachel Darcy, lying lifeless in the back of the wagon came into view, his stomach heaved and he turned away, vomiting into the thick grass which lined the creek bank.

As Michaela hurriedly stood up in the wagon, preparing to go to her distressed husband, Robert E stopped her. "Dr Mike," he said gently and with concern. "I’ll take care of ‘im. You gotta look after Rachel."

Michaela hesitated.

"Jake," called Robert E. "You come drive the wagon. Me an’ Sully’ll follow on the horses."

Michaela was torn. She didn’t understand what was going on. She was terribly afraid and yet Rachel’s life was in peril. She took one more despairing look back at Sully as Jake climbed up, flicked the reins and they set out for Colorado Springs.

Alerted by Brian and Dorothy that they might be needed, an anxious Andrew and Colleen met the tired and dishevelled rescuers as they finally arrived at the clinic. While Andrew immediately strode to the back of the wagon to oversee Rachel’s removal and carriage into the clinic, Colleen eyed her ma worriedly. Michaela’s clothes were still damp and smeared with mud as were her face and hair. She was too pale and the hand she put into Colleen’s to be assisted down from the wagon, shook visibly. "Ma?….." she inquired softly. "Are you alright?"

Michaela did not have the energy to reply and leant heavily against her daughter’s shoulder. She walked forward, through the clinic doorway, the urge to tend to her patient an almost reflex action.

Catching Andrew’s eye, Colleen gently steered her ma away from the examination table and towards the recovery rooms. "Ma …. We gotta git ya cleaned up and warm agin. Andrew can take care of Mrs Darcy for now." At the bottom of the stairs she paused and turned to Michaela to ask, "Ma ….. where’s Sully? Is he alright?"

Michaela’s weary eyes locked with her daughter’s for the first time. "I don’t know ….." she whispered, her face crumpling and her pent up tears finally falling.

Sully couldn’t remember the return trip to town. Nor could he recall anything Robert E said to him before they left or during the ride. He was unaware that Robert E had, in the end, virtually lifted him up onto Jake’s horse and then shouted at him to follow.

He now sat, knees drawn up, outside a recovery room, on the upstairs verandah of the clinic. He was totally oblivious to the glorious colour spreading across the sky with the dawn. Inside, Michaela was sleeping restlessly, as she’d been doing since finally surrendering to her exhaustion somewhere around ten o’clock. Not that he’d been a witness to that. Andrew had told him. Michaela didn’t even know he was there.

He vaguely remembered arriving back at the clinic and being greeted by Brian who’d wanted to hear all about the day’s dramatic events. He couldn’t remember what he’d told him. He knew he’d sat in the darkness on the bench outside the clinic for a long time, reluctant, no …. afraid …. to enter. He’d desperately wanted to sleep, but couldn’t close his eyes. He still couldn’t! When Colleen had finally come out looking for him he’d remembered to ask if Michaela was alright and was told that she was finally sleeping after working for hours with Andrew. He’d come up to her room, sat beside the bed and watched her for a long time, and then thrown the outside door open and come out onto the verandah where he’d been sitting ever since - his eyes always open but unseeing.

Michaela awoke, aware of a dull ache in her head and soreness in the muscles of her back and legs. She lifted her head and realised that she was upstairs in the clinic, and then remembered with terrifying clarity the previous day’s happenings. Her heart began to pound as she rolled to her right hoping to find Sully. Her heart sank - he wasn’t there! In fact the crispness of the sheets indicated that he’d not been there all night. She was suddenly deeply afraid again.

Cloud Dancing strode down the middle of the quiet, empty street towards the clinic, compelled by the spirits to visit with his close friends. His eyes were inexplicably drawn upwards to his brother seated, lost, on the wooden floor of the verandah. His steady stride faulted and his brow creased with concern. He took a deep breath and continued resolutely onwards to the clinic, where he was greeted at the door by Colleen who seized his hand worriedly and drew him inside, calling her ma as she did so.

Hearing her daughter calling her, Michaela put her hair brush down and slowly descended the stairs, reluctant to begin this new, uncertain day. When she saw Cloud Dancing waiting for her she moved forward into his comforting arms.

"Ha ho my friend," said Cloud Dancing quietly, stepping back from Michaela to look into her tear-filled eyes. "You are troubled."

Her eyes dropped to the floor. "Its not me who’s troubled Cloud Dancing," she whispered. "Its Sully ….. and I’m so worried about him ……I don’t even know where he is ….. have you seen him?"

"I have seen him," the medicine man replied. "He is not far away …… Although he is in a dark place, he stays near you." His eyes drifted upwards.

Michaela frowned in puzzlement, following the direction of his eyes. "Upstairs?" she asked in astonishment.

"Outside …on the porch," Cloud Dancing explained. "But now I must tell you why I have come. The spirits have shown me in a dream ….. two hawks ……"

"Bad fortune!" exclaimed Michaela, tears again springing to her eyes.

"No ….. I do not believe so …… red-tail hawks …… birds of courage and strength," he explained solemnly. "One hawk hovers, uncertain, over much water, unable to land. The other, its mate, stands on a small rock, the only safe ground for many miles. This hawk must use all its courage and strength to help the one which fears being alone, and yet cannot land to stand beside its mate."

Michaela gripped her friend’s hand tightly. "I don’t know what to do Cloud Dancing," she murmured despairingly. "I don’t know what’s wrong. Will you speak to him? Please?"

"It is not me he needs now. It is you," he assured her as he let go of her hand. "Now I will visit with Dorothy before I go back." The wise man walked slowly towards the door but turned back to stare into her frightened eyes. "Help him to land Michaela ……" he said quietly, as he walked out the door.

Michaela turned slowly towards Colleen who had been standing, listening to this exchange in silence. Their faces mirrored each other’s - fear, compassion, despair, understanding, anxiety. Colleen took a hesitant step towards her ma. "Whatever it takes ….. whatever you need ma …..," she uttered softly and sincerely.

Michaela stood in the doorway which opened onto the clinic verandah, unsure of herself. After Cloud Dancing had gone she’d hastened up the stairs, incredulous that she’d been so worried about Sully’s whereabouts when he’d actually been sitting just a few feet from where she’d been sleeping. He *was* where the medicine man had said, and yet he wasn’t. He was staring off into space and, if he was aware of her presence, he didn’t acknowledge it.

"Sully?" she called softly. And again, "Sully."

He turned reluctantly toward her.

Her breath caught in her throat. His eyes were red-rimmed with fatigue, his face was lined with pain and his skin was uncharacteristically pale. But his eyes? They were remote, as if he didn’t really see her. If the eyes are the window to the soul, then these windows were securely shuttered. She took a hesitant step forward and then squatted down to rest her hand on his shoulder. "Sully …. ," she said quietly. "You haven’t slept have you?"

He shook his head silently.

"Then come inside …. and rest….. please."

He whispered despairingly, "I can’t…"

Tears springing to her eyes, she rubbed his shoulder reassuringly. "Just lie down then. We’ll leave early this afternoon ….. we need to recover from yesterday…… relax a little …….be together."

His head dropped forward so that his forehead rested on his knees. "I’ll stay here," he said quietly. "Let me know when ya wanna go home."

She stood and gently rested her hand on his head, running her fingers through his long hair, but she fought the urge to pressure him to come inside. The fact that he had agreed to coming home with her later would do for now.

At home he was no different. Instead of coming inside to rest, he spent hours feverishly chopping enough firewood and kindling to do them for weeks. When he at last came into supper he was quiet, detached, not even responding to Katie’s usual playfulness. Brian watched him worriedly, often catching his ma’s eyes, seeking reassurance, reassurance she was unable to give.

Retiring early for the night, Sully and Michaela made their way upstairs, Michaela with high hopes of somehow breaking through this so far impenetrable barrier he had erected around himself. But it was impossible. He wouldn’t talk to her, sitting in front of the cold fireplace before excusing himself to once more go downstairs. She’d seen this type of behaviour before, in men returning from the horrors of the war, but she was at a loss to know why Sully was acting this way. She changed into her nightgown and climbed into their bed, hoping that he would come back up to her. Eventually she fell into an exhausted sleep, alone in the bed he had so lovingly carved for her. She woke in the middle of the night to discover that he was still not beside her. She donned her robe and quietly ventured downstairs. She found him sitting in one of the wingback chairs, his eyes open, again unseeing. She debated with herself about whether to approach him but in the end merely sighed and ascended the stairs again. Many sleepless hours later, she had devised a plan. Now she had to hope that it would work!

Early in the morning, as the family roused to face a new day, Sully took himself off upstairs where he remained while the others breakfasted. Eventually he did come back down, in a change of clothes. He rounded the chimney and registered that there was a collection of goods standing by the front door - full saddlebags, bed rolls, blankets, food hamper and so forth. He swung around to Michaela, something akin to dread in his eyes. "Michaela!" he exclaimed.

Immediately seeing Sully’s panic, Michaela replied, "Its alright. We’re going away for a few nights … that’s all."

"We?"

"You and I Sully. Colleen and Andrew are coming to stay with the children. Oh and you’d better bring your bow …. we’ll need supper."

He eyed her quizzically but stopped short of asking any further questions and Michaela heaved a sigh of relief. She’d been expecting him to object, to ask to be left alone.

As they headed off in the wagon, Sully asked, "Where’re we goin’ Michaela?"

She gave him a reassuring smile. "I thought we’d return to somewhere I’ve been wanting to go for a long time."

"The waterfall’s too far for you to be travellin’ in a wagon," he said softly.

"Its not the waterfall Sully ….. somewhere much closer."

As they drew up Sully looked around in puzzlement. "This is one of my old lean-tos," he murmured.

"Uh huh. Don’t you remember Sully? …. This is where you proposed to me."

Sully surveyed the old site with little interest, leapt down from the wagon and then surprised Michaela by coming around to lift her down - the first time he’d touched her in two days. He placed her on the ground and then walked across to his lean-to, one side of which had collapsed.

"You’ll need to fix that Sully …. in case it rains tonight."

For the remainder of the day Michaela kept Sully busy, repairing the lean-to including its roof being reinforced (what if they were to have a storm similar to the other morning), building a fire and ensuring that there was enough wood for the entire night, hunting for their supper. She even insisted that they both bathe in the stream where he reluctantly let her wash his hair. Throughout the day Sully did as she requested, but showed little interest. The physical exercise only exacerbated his numbing fatigue, but Michaela silently perceived the tension in his face and body ease, the pain in his eyes lessen.

Throughout their near silent supper, Michaela had been gradually sidling closer and closer to Sully so that now she sat leaning against his knees. Both were staring into the flames of their campfire lost in thought. Sully absent-mindedly rested his hand on Michaela’s neck and then ran his fingers through her long coppery hair. Michaela trembled at his loving touch - finally a connection made, however slight. She turned to look into his tired, troubled eyes and then moved his knees so that she could sit between them.

She remained like that for some time until again she felt the tension in his body ease. She slowly turned around to sit on her heels facing him. She reached out and tenderly cupped his face with her hand, resting her thumb under his chin, lifting his eyes to meet hers. She said quietly, "Sully …. tell me about Rachel …. please."

His eyes immediately dropped to the ground and he turned his head away to stare into the twilight.

She tried again, a little more persistently, "Please Sully …. tell me about Rachel."

She felt him shudder and take a deep breath. Then he said in low monotone, "She went away ….."

Michaela’s brow creased in puzzlement at the unexpected utterance. "No she didn’t Sully …… she’s at the clinic …. she’s going to be alright ….. its going to take a long time but ……"

"She went away," repeated Sully as if he hadn’t heard her. "She took a bundle of clean laundry uptown. I watched her walk up the street an’ then I went to a neighbour … Castle ….. she kept tellin’ me I should call him *Mr* Castle ….. but everyone called him Castle ….. he was makin’ new harnessin’ for some fancy carriage ….. he let me polish the leather …."

Michaela was mesmerised by Sully’s voice which was barely above a whisper and low, as if it was having difficulty emerging after years of disuse.

"He sent me home when he got called for supper ……. but she didn’t come back." Tears were now welling up in Sully’s eyes and as Michaela reassuringly grasped his hands in hers she felt his trembling. "I waited all night …… an’ in the mornin’ a policeman came …. said they’d found some woman ….. wanted Castle to go see ‘er ….. He said he wouldn’t …. didn’t like them places …… so they took me."

Michaela’s heart was pounding. She suddenly understood all too clearly where this was leading and was almost as afraid as Sully to go there.

"It was real cold. She was layin’ there on the stone …… her skin was so pale she was almost blue, her dress was wet an’ dirty from the river …. an’ her pretty red hair was all tangled an’ muddy ‘round her face ….." He trailed off as uncontrollable sobs overcame him.

Michaela kneeled up and took him into her arms.

"I was just standin’ there lookin’ at her …… an’……an’ they were sayin’ she probably jumped …… why were they sayin’ that Michaela ………?" he sobbed over her shoulder.

She was rocking him back and forth in her embrace, holding him as tightly against her breasts as she could. Tears were flowing unchecked down her face. "I don’t know Sully …… I don’t know ….," she whispered.

A dam had burst in Sully, one which had built up and remained hidden for over two decades. He clung to her as a terrified child clings to his mother.

And Michaela held him and rocked him, desperate to have him know that she loved him, that she was there for him.

Gradually the sobbing eased and at last he murmured, "I wasn’ enough for her Michaela …… she still had *me* ……. but she went away …….."

Michaela took a deep breath, unsure what to say, what he needed to hear. "Sully …. we’ll never know what really happened to your ma all those years ago ….. we’ll never know what she was feeling …… you were only a ten year old boy …… you couldn’t have been aware ……… But I’ll tell you one thing *I* know, as surely as I know that the sun will rise tomorrow …."

His eyebrows arched in a query and his hands tightened around her.

She said with all the sincerity she could muster, "That she loved you."

"How can ya know that Michaela? …. Maybe she did jump …… wanted to leave me …," murmured Sully.

"I know because you couldn’t be the man I love today if she hadn’t loved you. She taught you to be gentle and loving …… to appreciate poetry and books …. to care for people ….. all people ….. A man doesn’t grow up like that if he lives in a house where those things are not important. If there’s one person in this world I’d dearly wish to meet …. its your mother …. because she gave me you ….. the way you are…. the way you’ve grown to be …"

Michaela sat back on her heels to see better what effect her words of love were having. Sully’s eyes were still red-rimmed, tired and moist with tears, but the coldness, remoteness was all but gone …. Searching for, and finding, the truth in her eyes, he was now looking at her in a way which made her heart pound, her blood race.

She continued her gentle, sensual loving - stroking his skin, running her hands through his hair, placing loving kisses to his mouth, neck and chest. She fumbled with her own clothing for a moment and then moved in closer, placing her legs outside his, before raising herself up and then gently settling herself in his lap. She sighed, wrapped her arms around his neck and shoulders and breathed against his ear, "We are one Sully .…. two hawks ….. together for life ….." She kissed him fervently again and then leant back a little to whisper in an echo of the past, "I will love you all my days."

As his arms came up to encircle her, to pull her in as close as possible, he covered her mouth with his, and gave a low moan as his senses stirred further, came alive. He began to nuzzle her neck, to caress her through the fabric of her blouse.

As they began to move rhythmically together, she moaned softly, grasping him more firmly, and crossing her legs at back of him.

Their breathing quickened with the intensity of the fire between them, a fire which was rapidly burning out of control, a fire fuelled by a love, a need, which could never be extinguished. And as they each reached the pinnacle of giving they clung together, holding each other tightly, their bodies communicating what their hearts were saying.

They lay together beside the fire, still entwined. Michaela stroked his brow, brushed his hair back off his face and whispered, "Sleep now Sully ….. you must sleep."

He drew her closer and said, "I see her whenever I close my eyes."

She soothed, "I’m here with you …… its alright Sully ……. I’m right here with you."