Chapter 13

Joseph held her tightly in his arms, unsure what to do next. He was now certain his destiny lay with her, in fact, if he was truthful with himself, he’d known that even before she’d told him they had a past together. Doc and Cloud Dancing were right, there *was* a bond between them, something inexplicable and extraordinary, but right now he felt awkward, even afraid of what the immediate future held, and of the expectations which might be placed upon him.

Michaela could feel his body trembling as she held him in her arms. She rubbed his back comfortingly, while trying desperately to control her own tumultuous emotions. She had envisaged this scenario so often during the past couple of days and was honest enough with herself to know that it was not going to be plain sailing from now on, as much as she prayed for that eventuality. She knew that Sully would be uncertain and still hold some resentment over their strange situation. Unless of course some of his memories began to return. That would change the matter entirely. Suddenly she felt him pull back a little. She peered up to see his troubled eyes upon her. His brow was creased in consternation and a nerve pulsed in his cheek. He murmured soulfully, "I … I … don’ know how ta do this Dr Mike …."

She replied honestly, "Neither do I ….." She paused, fondly recalling an incident in their distant past. She smiled and said softly, "There are no maps …. but if you’re willing to go on without one?"

He nodded and gave her a half-smile. "I am."

She took a deep breath of relief and clasped his hand tightly in her own. "Good …. then let’s start by just spending time together …. talking ….. getting to know each other again … alright? We have so much to catch up on …to learn …. or relearn …. about each other…." She began to lead him out of the narrow walkway, into the street. As they reached the main thoroughfare she turned back to him and grinned impishly. "You could start by calling me Michaela …"

At last the troubled furrows in his brow eased a little and he repeated softly, experimentally, "Michaela."

The sound of her name said in just that way made her tingle and she unconsciously stroked his palm with her thumb. "Its going to be alright you know," she said softly. "We’ve been through so much together …. We’ll overcome this too …."

He nodded and stepped forward to walk beside her. He lifted his elbow so that she could link her arm with his and they walked in a leisurely fashion towards the livery.

******************************

Michaela preceded Sully into his workshop and her eyes opened wide at the sight before her. She stepped forward and ran her hands over the topmost layer of books which lined one wall, end to end. She turned questioning eyes on him. "So many books," she murmured.

Joseph shrugged his shoulders self-consciously. "When I was sick for so long …. an’ then hadta take it easy for months …. Doc signed me up with a publishin’ house in New York … best thing he ever did …. Most of the money I make from my furniture goes on 'em ..."

She tilted her head to read some of the many titles and smiled. "Seems your interest lies in the western frontier …"

Joseph walked over to stand close beside her. "Yeah …. not knowin’ anythin’ about myself …. ‘cept where I was …. an’ that I wore some pretty unusual clothin’ …. sorta kindled my interest." He pulled out a copy of Dorothy’s book ‘Song of the Cheyenne’. "I read this one twice …. It kinda stirred me up …." He flicked it open. "Maybe some where deep down I knew ‘bout some o’ this stuff …. Whatdya think?" he mused.

Michaela looked up into his hopeful face. "Perhaps …," she said quietly. "You’re the same man inside as you always were …. even if your memories are lost …. Ensuring a better life for the Cheyenne was your passion …. for so many years …. It doesn’t surprise me that Dorothy’s book struck a chord with you …"

Joseph abruptly turned to face her. "What about her other book?" he asked eagerly. "She said it was about Colorado Springs …. Maybe it’d help me remember things …."

Michaela blushed. "Perhaps," she said quietly.

Joseph watched her strange reaction in puzzlement. "Don’ ya want me ta read it Dr M…. Michaela?" he asked.

She lowered her eyes, unsure as to how to reply.

"Michaela?" asked Joseph again, baffled.

She bit her lip and then said, "Of course you should read it ….but …. well …. Dorothy held nothing back when she wrote that first book …. There are some things in it that caused some consternation amongst the townspeople ….. and …. and ….. there were some very personal things …. about me …. and you ….. our family …."

"Things I knew?"

"Well …. yes …. and no …. perhaps you guessed …."

"You aint doin’ a very good job of puttin’ me off," chuckled Joseph. "Fact is … I’m gettin’ more an’ more interested …"

Michaela reddened.

"Do ya think Miss Jennings’d have a copy with her?" he asked.

"Perhaps," she replied, resigned to the fact that he was not going to be put off. "We’ll ask at supper …. You will have supper with us, won’t you?"

This time it was Joseph who reddened a little. "I … I … guess," he replied uncertainly. "Don’ much like bein’ the centre of attention though …."

"We’ll take it very quietly," Michaela reassured him. "Katie will be delighted and perhaps we could ask Doc?"

Joseph nodded his assent and Michaela turned back to the long line of rough shelving which held several hundred books. On the top shelf was a curious array of carved animals. She picked up one and ran her fingers over the smooth shape. "You made this … didn’t you?" she asked, already sure of the answer.

"Uh huh …. I like workin’ with wood," he replied, again with a touch of self-consciousness.

"Brian used to sit watching you for hours … trying to guess what you were making …. cajoling you into letting him try it …," mused Michaela, her mind going back to simpler, happier days.

"He did?" asked Joseph, a frown suddenly appearing on his face. He abruptly asked, "Michaela … what does Brian look like?"

Michaela chuckled. "Well … he’s about your height …. slim …. has light brown hair …"

"Oh." He sounded disappointed.

Michaela’s eyes flew to his face. "Why do you ask?" she inquired.

He shrugged his shoulders. "Probably nothin’," he replied.

"Tell me … please," she insisted.

"Its probably just one o’ those odd pictures in my mind … mighta seen a little kid like that somewhere ‘round here …"

"Sully!" Michaela exclaimed impatiently.

He gave her a wry smile and haltingly explained, "Ever since the accident …. I like ta sit outside … especially in the summer …. in the evenin’s … an’ carve these things." He picked up a small wooden carving of a robin. "After I’ve bin doin’ it a while …. if I close my eyes … I see a little fella sittin’ beside me …. smaller ‘an Katie is …. straight blond hair …. He’s talkin’ but I can’t tell what he’s sayin’ …. but he’s real clear …"

Michaela’s heart was pounding. She stepped close to him and laid her hand on his arm. She said softly, "You should have said ‘what *did* Brian look like’."

Joseph’s jaw clenched and he turned wide, hopeful eyes on her. "Ya mean?"

"Uh huh …. its Brian Sully …. You were his hero when he was little …. He’d spend hours with you …. watching you …. copying you …. I’m sure its him you remember …" She was smiling broadly at his astonishment.

"Ya mean …. some of the things I think about might be real?! Might really be from my past?!" he exclaimed, obviously stunned.

Michaela nodded and her hand tightened on his arm "Sounds like it to me," she said cheerily.

"So … if those memories are in there …. then the others could come back too?" he continued wonderingly.

A glint of excitement appeared in Michaela’s eyes. "There’s every reason to think so," she assured him. "Tell me about some of the other things that have recurred," she said eagerly.

Joseph considered her question for a moment, his face flushed with excitement. Finally he said, "Some of ‘em are just impressions … feelin’s …"

"Like?"

"Well …. there’s one where I’m in somewhere dark …. kneelin’ down …. There’s a roof over me …. down real low ….. I’m havin’ trouble breathin’ cos its so hot …. an' there's a smell of herbs ….." He shook his head derisively. "Don’ make sense does it …"

Michaela smiled. "Oh I think it does," she said softly. "You should talk to Cloud Dancing about that one …. Sounds like a sweat lodge to me …"

"A sweat lodge?"

"Mmmm …. You’ve been in one many times …. Its an indian custom …. You’d have read about them in Dorothy’s book …." She blushed and then went on, "Actually … you proposed to me in a sweat lodge …"

"I did?"

"Uh huh ….. you’d been ill with a migrum and I was looking after you … we decided to try a sweat lodge when none of my medicine would work …. Your headache eased and suddenly you called me in and proposed …." She dropped her eyes shyly to the ground.

"Doesn’ sound very romantic …."

She smiled and reached out to take his hand, "Oh it was," she reassured him. "Very," she emphasised.

She was startled when he suddenly wrapped his arms around her, lifted her off the ground and twirled her around. She squealed in surprise and delight. "Sully? What are you doing?"

He placed her back on her feet but kept his arms around her. "Think I’m gonna like this talkin’ bit …. gettin’ ta know each other," he grinned. "Do ya realise you’ve called me Sully a coupla times …. sounds strange …"

She peered up at him anxiously. "Do you mind?" she asked. "To me you *are* Sully .."

He shrugged his shoulders. "Guess its alright … long as ya won’t git mad if I don’ answer ya," he said quietly. "An’ don’ expect me ta do everythin’ the same way he did …"

Michaela bit her lip. "*You* did," she corrected him.

Joseph suddenly looked sheepish. "Yeah well …." He took her hand and drew her over to his cot. Her heart began to pound, unsure as to what he might be intending. He indicated she should sit and then dropped to his knees on the floor and bent to tug at something under the bed. He drew out a dusty, square, wooden box. "Maybe ya can explain these things to me," he said quietly, slowly lifting the lid to disclose the few remaining mementos of his past.

*****************************

The shuffling of footsteps and a friendly call of, "Joe?" suddenly brought two pairs of eyes flying to the door of the workshop. A smiling Arlene stepped into the doorway, her expression quickly turning to one of embarrassment when she spied Michaela and Joseph sitting close together on the bed, a book open on their laps. "Um … ah … I’m sorry," she stammered. "Just wanted ta know if ya wanted me ta bring ya some supper …" She began to back away.

Joseph clambered up off the bed and moved towards her. "Arlene …. Its alright …. we were just readin’ ….," he explained with a wry grin. He took her arm and drew her back into the room. He glanced down at Michaela for reassurance and then turned back to his friend. "Um …. well …. I got somethin’ ta tell ya …." He paused and held out his hand drawing Michaela up to stand beside him. "Um … I dunno where ta start …," he apologised, and Michaela squeezed his hand reassuringly. "Ah … ya see …. Dr Mike an’ me …. well …. we’re married," he finally blurted out self-consciously.

Arlene’s eyes opened wide and she put her hand over her mouth. "Married?" she exclaimed. "Ya went an’ got married?! That was awful quick!" She turned accusing eyes on Joseph. "What’s the idea on doin’ it on the quiet like that …. Some o’ your friends mighta liked ta be there." Her stern tone was belied by the light in her eyes.

Joseph grinned and turned to Michaela. "Perhaps you better explain huh …."

She nodded and then said quietly, "We *are* married ….. It was in a beautiful ceremony … more than nine years ago in Colorado Springs …"

The jolly woman’s face suddenly paled as she realised what Dr Mike had just said. "My God …," she murmured. "Nine years?!" The couple standing side by side nodded. She regarded Michaela thoughtfully. "You knew who Joseph was? All this time?"

Michaela blushed. "Yes," she replied contritely. "I needed to become accustomed to the situation … and know how Sully might react …"

"Sully?"

"That’s my real name Arlene," Joseph revealed. He grinned. "Strange aint it?"

Suddenly the woman’s face cleared and she grinned along with him. She shook her head. "I knew there was somethin’ ‘bout you two," she mused. "From the first time I saw ya together …." She grasped Michaela’s hand. "We’re bin waitin’ a long time for someone ta turn up an’ tell us … him …. who he is …. Glad it was someone like you." Michaela nodded gratefully. Arlene turned back to Joseph. "Guess this means you’ll be leavin’ Paynesville huh? We’ll miss ya …"

There was a long silent pause. Michaela sneaked a peek at Sully’s face and was unnerved by the expression of consternation she saw. She took a deep breath and smiled at Arlene. "We haven’t talked about anything like that yet …. Its going to take a while for everyone to get used to the situation."

"I’ll say," agreed Arlene. "Married huh .." She shook her head and then another idea occurred to her. "The little girl? Katie aint it? She’s your daughter?" Joseph nodded and Arlene chuckled. "I knew there was somethin’ familiar ‘bout her …. She’s so much like you …"

"She is?" asked Joseph as if the thought had only just struck him.

"Oh yes ….. hair … expressions …. eyes …. she’s yours alright … an’ she’s a sweetheart inta the bargain …. You should be real proud …," continued Arlene. She suddenly turned and headed out the door. "I gotta tell Ned … he aint gonna believe it," she exclaimed, shaking her head and chuckling under her breath as she shuffled off.

There was silence after she’d gone. Joseph seemed to be lost in thought. Finally he muttered, "Gonna take a lotta gettin’ used to Dr M … Michaela …. Ya gonna haveta be patient …"

Michaela squeezed his hand. "We’re you’re concerned … I’ve waited more than four years already …. I have all the time in the world …."

Chapter 14

Joseph watched Cloud Dancing emerge from the sweat lodge, wrap himself in a blanket against the early morning air and stride across to where he was leaning against the wide trunk of an old, leafless oak. The medicine man’s skin gleamed with sweat from the ritual and his face was serene as if he’d been cleansed of all worries.

Cloud Dancing shivered a little. "The air is still very cool," he remarked, his eyes on Sully.

Joseph smiled. "It aint so bad once the sun dries the damp," he replied. "Course its gittin’ weaker by the day … with winter comin’."

"North of here …. in Colorado …. the winter has already arrived," commented Cloud Dancing.

Joseph nodded, acknowledging the remark. "I wanna thank you for includin’ me today …. Michaela told me a little about the sweat lodge … an’ of course I sorta remembered some things …. Joinin’ ya today helped set things straight in my mind …."

"So you remember more clearly now?" asked Cloud Dancing hopefully.

Joseph shrugged. "I aint sure …. Its sort o’ like a mist …. in my mind …. Sometimes I think its clearin’ an’ I can see things, an’ then the mist comes down agin …. an’ I … I wonder if what I see is just the mind playin’ tricks ….," he explained haltingly. "You bin up in the mountains …. when the mist comes down? Its just like it …"

Cloud Dancing nodded. "I have been in such a situation many times …. The mountains around Colorado Springs are often shrouded in mist. A man must use all his senses if he is not to lose his way …"

Joseph’s eyes narrowed as he contemplated the medicine man’s comment. At last he nodded and said softly, "You’re right …. It aint only the seein’ that’s important is it?"

Cloud Dancing smiled. "You learn quickly my friend," he said proudly. "I would like to stay here …. assist you in your journey …. but Dorothy and I must return home in the next few days …."

"You’re leavin’?"

"We must travel to California very soon ….. and Dorothy would like some time at home before we must leave again," he explained.

"You think of Colorado Springs as home? With all that’s happened?"

"Well … the land nearby at least," replied Cloud Dancing. "It is where my ancestors once lived free and it is Dorothy’s home …. You once told me that home lies where the heart is …"

"I did?"

"Yes …. You were struggling to understand your love for Michaela …. and the changes loving her would bring to your world …" He smiled and regarded his friend intently. "It took you many moons to decide that loving her made your world more rich …. and you would lose little and gain much in following your heart …."

There was a long silence while Joseph digested the medicine man’s words. At last he asked, "You live in town with Dorothy?"

Cloud Dancing’s eyes danced with amusement. "No …. While many have learned to live with my friendship with Dorothy, few would accept our marriage …. Most of the townspeople do not even know we are husband and wife …"

"Doesn’ that make it hard when you’re at home …. bein’ apart?" asked Joseph in bewilderment.

"It is not the way we would have chosen …. but it allows us to be together without too much prejudice …. and we are together when we travel," explained the medicine man. "I have my tipi out at Palmer Creek …. We are able to be together when we wish it …"

"The only home I’ve ever known is here," mused Joseph quietly. "What I know of the rest of the world I’ve read in books … It’d feel strange ta leave …"

"But there is a world beyond this which holds the secrets to your past Sully …. "

Joseph suddenly gave Cloud Dancing a wry smile. "I know," he said. "Ya told me not ta fear what I don’ know …. ta follow my heart …"

The medicine man nodded.

Joseph was lost in thought for a moment and then his eyes focussed once more on his friend. "An’ my heart lies with Michaela," he concluded with certainty. "An’ my family …. in Colorado Springs … right?"

"Only you know the answer to that," replied Cloud Dancing, his smile broadening.

"Well then I guess I’ll see ya again sometime soon huh?"

Cloud Dancing reached out to shake his brother’s hand, "I will be happy if that comes to pass," he avowed, before turning back to dismantle the sweat lodge.

*************************

Michaela’s words were coming back to haunt her. ‘All the time in time in the world’ she’d said, and at the time she’d meant it, but now? For the past few days it had been building up in her, a feeling of impatience, need. It was wonderful to have Sully back in her life again, but she needed all of him, and at the moment he seemed to be holding himself back a little, almost as much as he had when she’d first arrived in Paynesville. They’d spent endless hours together, talking, learning things about each other and their respective worlds, generally in the presence of Katie, Dorothy or Cloud Dancing or sometimes all three, and each time, when they parted, she was left feeling unsatisfied, desirous of more.

With Katie sharing her room there’d been no question of Sully, or Joseph as he still preferred to be called, being with her in the marital sense at the guesthouse, just as there’d been no suggestion she join him in his workshop. To be truthful, she probably would have if he’d asked, but he hadn’t even hinted at it. Sometimes she’d catch him looking at her in a certain way and she’d swear it was the old Sully back, his eyes afire, needing her, but then he’d mask his expression again, stepping back from her in the figurative sense.

With Katie he was totally different. In her presence he relaxed completely. In just a few days they’d re-established the wonderful, close father/daughter relationship they’d had before his disappearance. Of course there were subtle differences. He relied on Katie to fill in the blanks in his life, which she did readily, enthusiastically. In return he gave her his love unreservedly, spending as much time with her as possible, talking, riding, playing games, telling stories. Michaela suddenly felt ashamed, realising she was actually a little jealous of her own daughter’s relationship with Sully. She’d been certain she’d be content to just have him back in her life, but things were moving far too slowly for her liking.

She snapped the text shut in frustration and rested her chin on her hands.

"You … uh … seem a little preoccupied Dr Mike," suggested Doc, sitting in the other chair before the fire, a novel open in his lap.

She reddened self-consciously. "Um …." She sighed. "A little …," she reluctantly admitted.

"Something I can help you with?" the old man asked caringly.

Michaela swallowed and murmured, "I doubt it …"

"I’m a good listener …"

Michaela smiled. "I know," she rejoined. "You’ve been wonderful through all this …"

"But?…."

She lowered her eyes. "Its just that … well …. I don’t know how to put it into words … I feel so confused …"

"Are things not going well with Joseph?" asked Doc with concern.

"Oh yes," she immediately responded. "After four years … you can’t believe what its like to have him back in my life …"

"And yet I sense some reservation?"

Michaela reddened and looked away.

"Dr Mike?" murmured Doc with concern.

"I … I feel so selfish …..," she admitted reluctantly.

"Selfish?" asked Doc incredulously. "Why?"

Michaela clutched her book tightly in her hands and said quietly, "I want things back the way they were …. I want to go home Doc …. I realise now its probably not possible … but I want to resume my life with Sully …. as it was before …. amongst my family … in my own home ….our home …."

"They say you can never go back Dr Mike," advised Doc sagely.

"I know …. Perhaps I was living in a dream world …. one where Sully would regain his memory …. love me as he did before …. I feel like I’m marking time here …. I miss my family … and home … friends ….You see! I am being selfish!" she exclaimed, suddenly standing, hands on hips, to face the fireplace and the leaping flames.

"Not selfish Dr Mike … impatient perhaps," consoled Doc.

She turned back to stare down at him, her eyes troubled. "What if Sully never feels comfortable enough with me to want to take up his old life? What if he never regains his memory?" she questioned soulfully. "What am I going to do Doc? I told him I had all the time in the world …. and now I feel so restless …. so helpless …."

The elderly doctor reached out his disfigured hand to envelope hers. "Patience Dr Mike," he reiterated sympathetically. "Joseph cares very deeply for you …. and he adores his daughter already …. In the space of just a few weeks his whole world has changed … broadened …. He needs time to accustom himself to what is happening to him … and to start looking to the future … remember, with his past a mystery he had no belief in a future …."

Michaela nodded and sat on the edge of her chair. "If only he’d realise how much I need him ….," she murmured. She gazed across into Doc’s kind eyes. "I love him so much," she said softly. "He’s the other part of me ….. I want him to know that …."

Doc smiled. "He knows it Dr Mike …. he has just to realise it ….," he counselled. "And for that he needs time …" He sat back in his chair. "We must all take each day as it comes …. for everything happens in its own good time …."

Michaela shook her head ruefully. "You are indeed a *very* wise man Doc," she said with a smile. "I’ll try to take your advice …. however patience was never one of my virtues …"

Doc chuckled and reinstated his wire-rimmed spectacles on the end of his nose.

A few minutes later the surgery door slammed and heavy footsteps could be heard crossing the anteroom. Then Joseph poked his head into the sitting-room and, after a cursory "Mornin’," directed his gaze at Michaela. "I don’ wanna disturb ya," he said with a smile. "But I was wonderin’ if you’d walk with me this afternoon …. just the two of us? …. Arlene said she’d look after Katie …"

Michaela returned his smile. "I’d love to," she replied sincerely.

Joseph nodded. "Good …. I’ll pick ya up at the guesthouse …. ‘round three?" Michaela nodded her assent and Joseph left as quickly as he’d come.

Doc stared across at Michaela, his eyebrow raised in a query, his smug smile undisguised. She blushed and directed her gaze back to her book, though if anyone had asked, she wouldn’t have been able to tell them a single word on the page.

**************************

Joseph edged a little closer as they walked, and then interlocked his fingers with hers. For the past few days this feeling had been building up in him, this need to be close to her and yet her closeness overwhelmed him, sent his senses soaring and made his thoughts confused. He took a deep breath. "Beautiful day aint it?" he murmured.

Michaela smiled shyly and nodded, her fingers reflexively tightening on his. Awareness of his closeness wrought her, for once, bereft of words.

He slowed his pace and altered his direction a little so that they were heading for a small bank of trees. All at once he felt tongue-tied and her silence wasn’t helping. "Ah … Katie was tellin’ me all about Robert E an’ Grace an’ their little girl this mornin’," he remarked at last. "Sounds like they’ve bin good friends to ya …"

"Oh they have ….," she replied vehemently. "So many of the townspeople have supported me …. the entire family …. the past few years …"

"Like that fella Hank?" the question slipping out before he had a chance to halt it.

Michaela peered across at him, wondering what he was thinking. "Well yes …," she replied honestly. "We’ve had our differences over the years …. but ever since your disappearance Hank’s tried to help in any way he could …"

"Do ya reckon he’s sweet on ya?" Joseph asked with a frown, his voice gruff.

"Hank?!" exclaimed Michaela, astonished.

"Yeah well ….," He shrugged his shoulders self-consciously. "He came all the way down here with ya …. an’ came to see me the day he was leavin’ … just ta make sure I treated ya right when he was gone ..…"

"He did?"

"Uh huh …. an’ ya still haven’ answered my question …"

Having reached the cluster of stunted trees, Michaela stopped to face Sully, her back up against a gnarled trunk. She placed the calico bag she was carrying on the ground, grasped his other hand and looked up into his brooding eyes. Suddenly acutely aware of his insecurities, she said softly, "Since you’ve been gone Hank has been a gentleman …. who’s been concerned for a widow with a family to support …. I don’t believe his feelings go beyond that …. and even if they did they wouldn’t ever have been reciprocated. There was …. and always will be …. only one man who owns my heart." She raised his hands so that they rested under her chin. "Please believe me Sully," she said softly.

His jaw clenched and he took a deep breath. "What if I never feel like Sully …. only Joseph?" he asked in a whisper.

She tilted her cheek to rest her head on his hands. "That’s alright …. as long as you’re in my life," she replied lovingly.

He nodded, accepting her sensitive response, and gently stroked her cheek with his fingertips. "We aint had many chances to be together … just the two us … the last few days, have we?" he asked, his hand tenderly cupping her cheek.

She shook her head and closed her eyes, savouring his loving touch. Her heart was beginning to pound and as he took a step closer and rested his hands on her shoulders she peered up into his blue eyes now ablaze. He stepped so close she could feel his warm breath against her skin. "Ya do somethin’ to me Michaela … somethin’ I can’t explain," he whispered.

She swallowed and murmured softly, "You do the same to me …. you always have …" She raised her hand to place it at the nape of his neck. "Please …," she implored, drawing his head down so their lips could meet.

The kiss was all-consuming, a loving avowal. His arms encircled her, pulling her close and she lovingly caressed the skin of his neck and moulded her body to his. She moaned softly as the kiss suddenly deepened, as they both gave in to all the pent up need accumulated over the past days, weeks. Her response inspired him to clasp her fiercely against himself, almost lifting her off her feet. She was aroused and she could feel his body hardening against her as he too stirred. Their breathing quickened alarmingly and they broke off the kiss momentarily, vainly trying to regain their breath before resuming their passionate explorations.

Joseph was giving way to his emotions, his desire. Even in his aroused state, he was aware of that, but for the moment he couldn’t, didn’t want to, stop himself. He’d never felt like this before! He gently lowered her to the ground, supporting her softness in his arms, cradling her head in his large hand, preventing it from hitting the hard turf. And the kiss continued.

Michaela revelled in his loving overtures and longed to feel his hands on her, touching her, in all the places only he knew. But, while the kiss ignited them to further fulfilment, he cavalierly limited his touches to her exposed skin, arms and back.

Finally, he pulled back a little to lean on his elbow over her, his skin flushed with arousal, his eyes dilated by passion. He was breathing deeply and he closed his eyes momentarily, trying to regain some composure. "Oh Michaela," he murmured. "What ya do to me …." He ran his fingertips lightly over her swollen lips.

In response, she said lovingly, "You said that same thing to me on our wedding night .."

"I did?"

"Mmm …. I’ll never forget it," she said softly, trailing her fingers down his neck and across the skin exposed by his open-neck shirt.

He grasped her hand and brought to his lips. "Michaela?" he asked softly.

"Mmm?"

"Tell me about us?"

"What do you mean? ….. We’ve all been telling you everything we can think of over the past few days …," replied Michaela, puzzled.

Joseph smiled and again kissed the tips of her fingers. "I mean about *us*," he said softly. "You an’ me …. things no-one else would know …"

Michaela blushed and lowered her eyes. "What sort of things?" she asked in a small voice, gently stroking his chest and side through his shirt.

"About us fallin’ in love …. how we were with each other," murmured Joseph, mesmerised by her odd mix of intimate caressing and shyness.

She smiled and her eyes focussed on his lips as she said softly, "You told me that you fell in love with me the very first time you saw me …"

"When was that?"

She shifted her head in his hand and he tenderly caressed her scalp with his fingers. "The first day I arrived in Colorado Springs. The reverend wanted to put me on the next stage home …. I was arguing with him as we walked along and fell face down in the mud …" She smiled up into his eyes. "So you couldn’t have loved me from then could you? All covered in mud …"

"Reckon I could …"

"How do you know?"

He chuckled. "Same thing happened here didn’ it? …. Ya collapsed… an’ I picked you up …still unconscious …. took you to Doc … I knew then …"

She took a deep breath. "Knew what?"

He reddened and unconsciously moved his hand against her hip. At last he said, so softly she could barely hear him, "That I loved ya …"

"You love me?" she murmured, her heart pounding.

"Uh huh …. from the day I first saw ya …"

Tears of joy glittered in her eyes as she muttered, "Oh Sully …" and drew his head down once more so they could kiss.

Several minutes later, when they had again assuaged their need to show each other their love, Joseph gazed into her eyes and said solemnly. "Michaela … I brought ya out here today cos I wanted ta ask ya somethin’."

She stroked his hand and rejoined, "What’s that?"

"Well …. I was wonderin’ …." He paused and took a deep breath. "I was wonderin’ how ya’d feel ‘bout goin’ home …"

"Home?!"

He nodded. "To Colorado Springs …"

She gulped. "Oh Sully …. are you sure?" she asked, not daring to hope.

Again he nodded. "I figure it’s the next step aint it? …. Goin’ back to the place I come from …. goin’ home?"

Trying to be honest she said softly, "It won’t be easy …"

"I know … might even be more frustratin’ than its bin here …. But I wanna meet my family …. friends … see the home I built …" His voice lowered. "Be with you …." He rolled away from her a little and sat up, pulling her up with him. "Whatdya say?"

She grasped his hand. "Its what I want more than anything else in this world," she replied sincerely. "If you think you’ll be alright …"

He pulled her in against himself, his arm around her shoulders. "I’ll be alright … as long as you’re with me …"

"I’ll be beside you every step of the way Sully … you can depend on that," she assured him softly. She eyed the calico bag, laying forgotten by the tree trunk. She drew it towards herself, undid the ties and withdrew the silver-framed photograph. "I wanted to wait until we were alone to show you this … its one of my most treasured possessions." She turned it around so he could view the image of their wedding day.

He immediately reached out to trace the central figures with his fingertips and then turned back to her. "I … I … don’ know what ta say Michaela …. All this time its bin like you’ve bin tellin’ me stories …. an’ then somethin’ like this makes it all real …" His gaze went back to the photograph. "Tell me all about it," he said softly. "The day …. the other folks in the picture …. how we felt …"

Michaela nodded and sidled closer. "Everything Sully …. I’ll tell you everything," she said softly, taking his hand in hers.

Chapter 15

As they reached the guesthouse porch, Joseph tugged her into the narrow walkway between the two buildings and into his arms. "Its gittin’ late," he whispered against her ear.

"Mmmm," she murmured, enjoying his strong arms around her.

"Folks’ll be wonderin’ where ya are … Supper must be nearly over …"

She shrugged her shoulders and snuggled in against his chest.

He kissed her temple and lovingly caressed her back, then chuckled. "Feel like a coupla kids sayin’ goodnight on the front porch," he said softly. "Wonderin’ when her parents are gonna interrupt …"

She smiled. "There are no parents involved here .."

"No ….. but there’s a little girl wonderin’ where her ma is … An’ ya never know who’s watchin’ in a little town …"

She grinned mischievously up at him. "It doesn’t matter you know," she murmured. "We *are* married."

Joseph smiled wryly. "Yeah well …. there are lots o’ folks don’ know that yet …."

"If the looks I was getting at church this morning are anything to go by …. most of them do now," chuckled Michaela. "I’d say we have Arlene to thank for that …"

"She’s real happy we’re married," Joseph remarked. "Took me aside yesterday an’ told me so …"

"She did?"

"Uh huh …. Think she was wonderin’ how much longer we’d be stayin’ here …"

Michaela peered nervously up at him. "And how much longer *do* you think we’ll be here?" she asked, her breath catching as she anticipated his answer.

Joseph appeared to give the matter considerable thought before saying, "Well … I got some work I gotta finish for the Purvis Ranch …. an’ I wanna make sure Doc’s alright … but maybe we could git away in about a week …. How does that sound?"

Michaela smiled broadly. "That sounds wonderful Sully …. I can’t wait to take you home …. the children are going to be so excited … I’ll write tomorrow to tell them …" She looked up at him again and he gave her a nervous smile. She embraced him comfortingly and assured him, "Its going to be alright …. we’ll be together …"

"I know," he murmured. "But its gonna be strange leavin’ here …. It’s the only home I’ve ever know … well that I can remember …."

"And you’ll miss Doc …"

"He’s bin like a father to me," agreed Joseph in a small voice.

"He’s a wonderful man …. I wish he could come with us," mused Michaela. She glanced up into Sully’s sad eyes. "Do you think he’d join us for Christmas?" she asked. "That’s only a month away. The children would love to meet him … and Katie already adores him …. What do you think?"

Joseph tightened his hold on her, almost lifting her off her feet. "I don’ know whether he’ll come," he murmured against her ear. "But I love ya for thinkin’ of it …"

She tilted her head back to kiss his chin. "I’ve only known him for a short while … but he’s a very special man Sully …. I’m so glad he was here for you when you needed him …. So many other times in your life you haven’t had that someone to help you through." He leaned back and regarded her quizzically and she gave him a wry smile. "We have all the time in the world to get to that," she said reassuringly. "You have a lot of catching up to do."

"I sure do," agreed Joseph. "I sure do." He gave her another hug and then reiterated, "You’d best be gittin in …. before Katie worries too much … I’ll see ya in the mornin’." He stepped away from her, reluctantly released her hand, and walked casually down the near deserted street, turning to give her a wave before entering the livery yard.

Michaela watched him go, wanting desperately to accompany him. This artificial situation where he left her each evening to return to his own bed awakened such yearnings in her that she could almost guarantee another restless night. She sighed and stepped up onto the guesthouse porch.

**************************

Katie tore exuberantly around the corner of the corral and across to her pa who was busily staining the drawers of a newly completed chest. She sat herself down cross-legged close beside him and he gave her a quick loving squeeze before going back to his task. The two sat in silence for a little while, Joseph concentrating on the job at hand, Katie watching and occasionally giving her father an adoring smile. Suddenly Joseph humphed as a drip of stain ran down the nearly completed drawer. "Kates, fetch me the cloth from over there …. I’ll see if I can fix this before it dries …," he asked with some urgency.

Katie clambered up and fetched the cloth, handing it to her pa as she once more sat down. As Sully dabbed at the blob of stain, she asked, "Papa …. who’re makin’ this for?"

Joseph continued brushing and replied, "Old man Purvis …. His daughter Anne’s gittin’ married ….. this an’ the bed are their weddin’ presents …."

Katie considered this for a moment then informed him, "Looks kinda like the chest in ma’s room at home …. She told me you made that too …"

Joseph smiled. He was becoming accustomed to these strange coincidences. "It does huh?"

"Yep …. Ya made mama’s bed too …for a weddin’ present …"

"Ya ma told ya that too huh?"

"Uh huh …. Its real pretty …. I asked her if I could have one like it an’ she said there was only one …. cos you were the only person who could make somethin’ like that …. She said I’d haveta have somethin’ different …"

Joseph’s eyes narrowed. "The one for Anne Purvis is leaning up against the wall in my workshop … go take a look an’ tell me if ya like it," he instructed, wondering.

Katie scrambled up off the ground and wandered into the workshop. She was gone several minutes and when she returned sat herself down next to him again.

"Well?" he asked.

She considered her answer before replying, "Its real pretty too pa …. but it aint as nice as ma’s"

"It aint?… Why’s that?"

"Well I like the flowers carved in that one …. But ma’s has a sorta wheel an’ indian feathers … an’ its real big …. Ma says its special cos you made it for her."

Joseph’s mind was whirling. As Katie spoke he could almost picture it …. curved lines, heavy, the carving indian in design …. Was it his mind playing tricks again or could he actually remember it? It’d make sense. Something like that would’ve taken him a long time to make ….. and if it was a special design …..

Katie suddenly interrupted his reverie with a direct request. "Papa …. when we git home …. could ya make me a bed like mama’s? I’d take real good care of it ….," she implored.

Joseph chuckled. "We’ll haveta see won’ we? If it was made real special for ya ma then maybe I could make you something a bit different …. You could help me with the design …. How does that sound?"

Katie leaned across to kiss his cheek. "Oh thank-you papa …. thank-you! …" She clambered up off the ground again. "I’m gonna go git my journal …. start drawin’ designs …. be back in a minute …" She took off at a run watched by her indulgent father.

Joseph absent-mindedly completed the staining of the drawer and put it aside to dry, drawing the second towards himself. He grasped the wet brush and prepared to begin again, only the brush hovered over the surface as he became lost in his thoughts, and those thoughts, as they had for the past few weeks, centred on Michaela. Talking to Katie about the bed had only further woken feelings in him he found hard to reconcile. For four years he’d considered himself devoid of a future, no matter how many times Doc tried to tell him otherwise. Now all of a sudden he was contemplating living with a wife and family in a town far from the land he knew.

The thought of sharing his life with Michaela brought a suffused blush to his skin as it warmed. His heart began to pound. He had no doubt about her feelings for him, nor his for her, but being a husband to her was like entering unknown territory. He suddenly smiled and shook his head ruefully. That’s what he was doing wasn’t it? Entering unknown territory by returning to Colorado Springs, taking up a family life which was a mystery to him? So why should being with Michaela worry him as it did? If he was honest with himself, he was concerned about living up to expectations. He still thought of this Sully fella as someone else …. who’d shared a life ….. and bed …. with Michaela, who knew everything about them and was most of all loved. Could he take that fella’s place successfully? He shook his head balefully. What was he thinking? It wasn’t like him to shirk something. Doc would say you have to face things head on. He took a deep breath. Everything was going to be alright. He just had to rely on himself …. and Michaela … and everything would work out.

He sighed, realised that the stain was drying on his brush, dipped it once more into the murky brown of the tin and went back to work.

****************************

"Colleen?" called Horace, as the young woman stepped up onto the Colorado Springs train station platform. "There’s a letter from ya ma."

Colleen quickened her pace and grasped the envelope from his hand. "Thanks Horace," she said with a delighted smile. "I’ll go tell Matthew an’ Brian." She turned to retrace her steps but the telegraph operator hailed her again. "Uh … Colleen …." She turned back to regard him inquiringly. He stammered, "Um …. I …. I …. was wonderin’ …. Ya ma aint in any trouble is she?"

Colleen smiled. "No Horace … she’s not in any trouble," she replied reassuringly.

Horace smiled self-consciously and then sighed with relief. "We was worried ‘bout her …. takin’ off real quick like she did with Matthew an’ Hank …. then the two of ‘em comin’ back without her …. It aint like Dr Mike ta be away for so long ….. an’ folks not knowin’ what she’s up to …."

The young Dr Cook was torn. The gentle man was genuinely concerned, but until Dr Mike gave them permission to tell of her quest she would just have to stay silent on the matter. She gazed up the considerable height of the telegraph operator and into his brown eyes. "Horace … I can assure you ma’s alright …. There was an emergency came up …. an’ I’m hoping this letter will tell us things are alright now …. You’ll soon know what it was all about …"

Horace looked far from convinced. "Dr Mike’s bin through so much the last few years …. hate ta think of her havin’ more troubles …. though I know she’d never put Katie in any danger …. an’ she *is* down there with her ma aint she?" Colleen nodded. He shrugged his shoulders. "Just wish I knew she was safe …. an’ I’d like ta see her happy …. Aint seen her really happy since Sully ….." He ceased his musings as he suddenly realised he’d probably over-stepped the mark. He reddened. "Sorry Colleen," he murmured contritely.

She returned to the telegraph office window and laid her hand over his. "Its alright Horace …. I’m glad so many people are concerned about ma …. She’d be pleased too …. but she really *is* alright …. She’s where she wants ta be right now …."

Horace eyed her quizzically, considering her last utterance a little odd. "She is?" he asked dubiously.

"Uh huh …. an’ soon we’ll find out what’s been happening." She patted his hand reassuringly and once more turned to move off the platform towards town, her progress watched by the very puzzled and concerned telegraph operator.

Matthew, Colleen, Andrew and Brian sat close together at a table in the caf� while Grace hovered behind them, coffeepot in hand. At last she could hold back no longer, "Well open it!" she expostulated. "The suspense is killin’ me!"

Colleen took a deep breath and opened the envelope, quickly scanning the first few paragraphs. Then she glanced around at the anxious faces watching her every move and suddenly smiled broadly. "They’re comin’ home!" she exclaimed.

Brian reached across and grabbed the paper from her hands. "When?" he demanded. "In time for Thanksgivin’?" He too scanned the letter’s contents. His face fell. "Says here they’re leavin’ in the next few days …. so they’ve got no hope of bein’ here by Thursday ….." He sighed. "It’ll be the first Thanksgivin’ we aint been together since ma came ta town …." He paused, reading further. "An’ Sully still don’ remember us," he added dejectedly.

Colleen patted her brother’s hand. "But now he knows who he is," she said quietly. "An’ he’s agreed to comin’ home …. That’s gotta mean something … something we can all be truly thankful for huh?"

"I reckon it means a lot," contributed Matthew just as quietly. "When I left he didn’ know anythin’ about us …. an’ Katie …. An’ I wondered how he’d take it …. I know ma was real worried too …. but she’s told him …. an’ he’s accepted it …. That’s real important ….."

Andrew, who had been reading the letter over Brian’s shoulder, suddenly interjected, "Says here he has *some* memories …." He looked across at the young newspaper man. "Hey Brian … Michaela says that one of his most vivid memories is of you …. when you were small …"

"It does? …. Really?" exclaimed Brian, again lowering his eyes to the page. After a moment he added, "An he remembers some of the Cheyenne stuff … like bein’ in a sweat lodge …." He pondered the matter for a moment and then turned concerned eyes on Andrew and then Colleen. "You two are docs …. You’d know somethin’ about this amnesia …. If he remembers some things …. well that’s a good sign aint it? …. Means that he might remember others?"

Colleen cast a hopeful look at Andrew who explained, "Colleen and I have been doing a lot of reading since Matthew returned, but I’m afraid that there is so little known of this particular condition and there are many varying viewpoints. The encouraging thing is that he does have some memories …. I’d be a lot more concerned if there were none at all …"

"So he could start rememberin’ lots o’ things?" asked Brian anxiously, hopefully.

"He could," replied Andrew cautiously.

"Look …. whether he does or he doesn’ aint really what’s important here," interjected Matthew. "The change in ma when she saw him an’ could spend time with him is what’s really important …. Ma kept tellin’ me he’s the same person inside whether he remembers or not …. *that’s* what’s important."

Colleen suddenly added excitedly, "I can’t wait to see him … after all this time …. I still can’t believe it! Brian …. does ma say anythin’ else about them comin’ home?"

Brian’s eyes once more fell to the page and then he raised puzzled eyes to the others. "Says here they’re gonna git off the train in Manitou an’ hire a buggy to come the rest of the way … Why would they do that when they can come all the way ta town by train?"

All four young people shrugged their shoulders, baffled by the strange decision. At last Grace, standing behind them, giggled. "Don’ ya git it?! she exclaimed. "What’d happen if Sully was ta git off the train in Colorado Springs after everyone thinkin’ he was dead all these years?! Can you imagine Horace?! I reckon Dr Mike’s got in mind breakin’ it to the town gently …. Besides, the buggy ride’ll be good for Sully won’ it? …. It’ll be through a lotta country he used ta know real well …." She giggled again. "I can’t wait ta see him again …. An’ I can’t say how happy I am for ya ma ….." She began to back away. "I gotta go tell Robert E …"

As she left, Matthew called out, "But no-one else Grace …"

The caf� owner turned back to them, her smile broad. "Course no-one else," she agreed. "Whatdya take me for?" and she continued on, a definite skip to her step.

***********************

Joseph gazed around at the faces of the many friends gathered to see them off and a lump formed in his throat making it difficult to breath. His heart had been pounding from the moment he’d woken this morning and seen his book collection neatly consigned to a large number of wooden crates. Now the time for their departure had come and the nerves had struck full force.

As Todd Simpson, the regular driver on the stagecoach run from Flagstaff to Santa Fe loaded their bags and trunk atop the stage, a smiling, but inclined to be tearful, Arlene held out a basket to Joseph. "Here Joe …. I packed all ya favourites," she said kindly. "Can’t have you an’ ya family gittin’ hungry on the journey." She suddenly reached into her pocket to withdraw an already damp handkerchief and dabbed surreptitiously at her eyes. She turned to Michaela and took her hand. "Dr Mike … I’m real glad you an’ the little one could join us for Thanksgivin’ yesterday …. seemed fittin’ didn’ it?" Michaela nodded gratefully and then gave the woman a hug. Her husband Ned then stepped forward. "You take care o’ yourself lad … an’ we’ll be expectin’ ta hear how ya farin’ …. alright?" He held out his hand. As Joseph grasped it tightly the burly blacksmith added gruffly, "An’ don’t you be worryin’ ‘bout those books …. We’ll send ‘em on to ya soon as we can …" He shook his friend’s hand vigorously and then stepped back.

A steady flow of well-wishers followed, from Roger Lavey the printer, to Becky Reed, her mother Judith and Concepcion the maid all from the guesthouse, to the young Reverend Stewart. Each was obviously sorry to see Joseph leave and impressed upon him the importance of writing to let them all know how he was doing. Somewhere along the line Joseph had grasped Michaela’s hand for reassurance, and knowing his uncertainty she was not going to let go.

At last the only person still waiting to say his piece was Doc. He stepped forward and his grey eyes locked with Joseph’s blue. There was a long silence. The lump in Joseph’s throat had swelled so much he was unable to even open his mouth, let alone say anything. With suspiciously shining eyes Doc finally said quietly, "Joseph …. I …. I …. can only say its been a privilege to know you …. The past four years have been a journey for both of us …. and I believe we are both better men for it …." He reached out and grasped his friend’s hand. "I know you’re worried by what may lie ahead …. but there is little cause for concern …. You’ve faced the future with such courage to this point …. and now you have Dr Mike and Katie beside you …. You are indeed a lucky man …."

Joseph swallowed and murmured, his voice cracking. "I know … you’ve bin tellin’ me that from the beginnin’ … I won’t forget it …."

Michaela, her eyes welling with tears, added quietly, "We’ll see you at Christmas won’t we Doc? ….. You said you’d come …."

Doc nodded. "As long as I’m breathing I’ll be there …. I also want to see the world from whence this remarkable young man came …" He drew Michaela into his embrace and whispered against her ear, "Look after him for me Dr Mike …" Michaela nodded and tightened her hold on her new, but dear friend.

It was Katie who finally put paid to further heart-wrenching farewells. "Come on mama …. papa ….," she exhorted. "We gotta git goin’ or the coach’ll be late …" Friendly laughter greeted her words and Sully assisted Michaela up the steps of the stagecoach. When she was settled he turned once more to Doc. "I owe ya so much Doc," he said softly. "Thanks for everythin’ …. I dunno whether I’da got through without ya …"

"You would have son … you’re stronger than you know ….." Doc smiled bravely. "And I’ll be seeing you in a month …. So off with you now …."

Joseph nodded and turned towards the coach door, only to turn back and wrap his arms securely around Doc’s shoulders. He whispered against the old man’s ear, "Michaela tells me I aint had a pa since I was in short pants …. but that aint right …. I got one now." He hugged his friend tightly and then quickly stepped up into the carriage to take his place beside Michaela. He grasped her hand in his, vainly trying to put on a brave face as Paynesville receded into the distance and they headed for Santa Fe and ultimately Colorado Springs, Colorado.