There once was a girly named Donna
Said David, "I want to get on ya!
Though your face looks like Scooby
You have such large boobies
I bet they'd fall off in the sauna."
--Matt
Noah came as Dylan's replacement
The expression on his face: cement.
Yes, Noah can't act
And when Dylan came back
They should've thrown Noah in the basement
--Matt
Matt slept with Kelly on a whim
But his paycheck was a little too slim
So he moved into Casa Walsh with her
And funny, just like Noah Hunter
He'd never met Cindy and Jim
--Matt
Brandon gives all his money to bookies
And Donna won't give David no nookie
But Laurel's the best
She beats all the rest
'Cause she gave me chocolate chip cookies
--Matt
There once was a rebel named Dylan
Who spent all day surfin' and chillin'.
Just like the Byronic hero,
This badass is no zero
Though compared to altruistic Brandon he's a villian.
--Laurel
There once was a boy they called "B"
Who reveled in his virginity
But one night this bro'
Lost it to a girl from Minneso'
But she's better than the ho from Buffalo!
--Laurel
There once was a player named Steve.
Suicidal stalker actresses were his pet peeve.
But this wild man became tame;
And gave up his game (Oh what a shame!)
Janet and Maddy he will now never leave.
--Laurel
There once was a detective named Jonesee
Who had a casual flirtation with Val Malonesee
Though he was always in a drunken stupor
And did indeed make many a blooper
This private eye was better than Keyser Soze.
--Laurel
Brenda and Dylan had sex at the Spring Dance
Steve wanted Kelly to give him another chance
Andrea wanted to go with "B,"
Donna was the lamest date she could be
And David Silver wore big pants.
--Me
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There once was a guy named Spelling
Who wrote scripts that were best selling
He has this son Randy,
Who resembles rotten candy
His life was real good, but now it's depressing
--Rajesh
After years of her self-righteous cries
Donna thought to have sex would be wise
But 'twas Ryan Sanders shouting "hooray"
When to Donna's dismay
David announced he only liked horse-faced guys
--Matt
There was once a boy named Randy
Who was an Oscarian dandy.
He looked like a piece of shit
While sitting at the Peach Pit.
Killing him would be nature's candy.
--Laurel
There once was a vamp named Val
She was a very naughty gal
She fucked everyone in sight
(And she was known to bite!)
But poor Brandon never got in her love canal.
--Laurel
There once was a girl named Clare
Who appeared to Brandon bare
She handcuffed herself to the bed
But got on Steve instead
And David Silver also got his fair share!
--Laurel
Jackie Taylor used to do coke
The kind you snort, not smoke.
It made Kelly mad,
The fashion show was bad,
I wish Mel Silver would choke.
--Me
Donna went on a condom crusade
And Andrea was at her aid.
They said "kids are curious,"
Which made parents furious
Felice wanted Donna neutered and spayed.
--Me
There once was a girl named Kelly
Who took diet pills to slim her belly.
But then she got knocked up in real life
And poor Jennie became the wife
Of a lad named Peter Facinelli.
--Laurel
There once was a bitch named Brenda
Who had many a fenda' benda'
She was such a little brat
And pale as an albino rat
That she was kicked off the show's agenda.
--Laurel
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