CHAPTER THREE: THE
TEMPLE OF BACCHUS & INTERLUDE
Ravenwind
Dawn stretches its rosy fingers across the sky over the towering pillars of the Temple of Bacchus. (Okay, so it's literary plagiarism; sue me! ) Those first fingers of light competed briefly with the shimmer of a planar gate opening, and any observers would have heard a thump as a body hit the flagstones. Then a groan. A red-haired woman sprawled on the shattered flagstones, her cloak burned through in many places, links of her chainmail fused together in others.
Ravenwind pulled herself off the ground, and stared around in admiration of her companions' handiwork. Pillars lay in chunks all around, and a large hole, perhaps blown there by a fireball spell, gaped in the roof. Birds sang in the treetops outside as she carefully checked each of the dead bodies on the ground to be sure that all were priests, and not companions.
A snore broke through the birds' song, and the battered woman realized that somehow, Giselle had managed to sleep through an entire raging battle.
Slowly, painfully, she picked her way over the rubble to the secret exit the companions had used, pausing every now and again to smile as she found a backstabbed priest here, a fallen golem there. It was nice to work with people who knew their business.
Not knowing where else to go, she made her slow and stumbling way back to the tavern where it had all begun. . . .
Palladium Muse
Another hole opens in the air about twenty feet above the ground. There's a spitting sound, and Palladium Muse comes falling out to land in a sprawl. She's in good condition, the plate no more scuffed than it was previously, but as she shakes her fist at the rapidly closing portal, she rubs her bum.
"MAN, this sucks. I got snatched away and could NOT make it BACK due to the evil Bellsouth Pantheon, allied with the evil Gods of Bandwidth," she says to herself, surveying the carnage. "Hopefully someone managed to get the info from Captain Morgan first."
Staggering to her feet, she manages to stumble through the wreckage, catching a glimpse of Ravenwind in the distance, obviously the worse for wear, and tries to catch up, but the pain in the arse doesn't allow her any great speed.
Che
Che returns from the local fighters college where he lectures about the times of yore. Unaware of the day's activities he merrily skips into the tavern. One of his daughters rushes to him.
Daughter (D):"Oh Papa, we're so glad that you've returned."
Che (C):"Calm down little one, tell me what 'as a happened."
C: "Father, we had Noobers and hedgehogs about the tavern."
C: "Hedgehogs! Probably lookin' to hook up with those vermin 'amsters. Are they still about?"
D: "No papa, they are gone, and we've almost cleaned up their droppings."
C: "What? You mean these aren't peanuts?"
D: "No. Giselle took all of our peanuts."
C: "She did? Did she leave a gratuity?"
D: "Yes father. A fair gratuity that we promptly accepted."
C: "Good. Good. What else 'as occurred 'ere?"
D: "Well, Ravenwind returned with two Kuo Toa which the orcs have stored in the cellar along with the Sahugin."
C: "When Ravenwind returns, please pass along these two packets o' gold along 'ith me thanks."
D: "The strangest thing did occur father, bernard the Brave entered the tavern three times and each time falling down the basement stairs."
C: "Aye, that does not surprise me. He is a little on the clumsy side. A word of advice dear, don't ever dance 'ith him."
D: "Yes father. Oh, and the Gods of Bandwidth seemed to be present. I know not what that means father, but it seemed to cause some confusion."
C: "Confusion, eh?"
D: "Yes father. Many of the adventurers left to seek the Eternal Spring of Tequila."
C: "Aye, I 'ave heard of such a place. But me thinks that me own spring of tequila in me cellar shall continue to flow for a long time."
Che contemplates all that he has heard. Turning to one of his orcs,,,
"Me brought a sign to post out front o' me tavern. She says "The Rusty Sword" across her. Go and fix her sturdy for all to see. And please boys, make a sure she's no upside a down."
Che thinks to himself...."I wonder if those adventurers that left can still bring me that Greater Wyrm that I still need. Don't want to lose Dravin to starvation."
Dravin
*Dravin growing quite thin in his bout of hunger calls to one of the tavern wenches!*
"Wench!"
"Yes?"
*Dravin reaches into a fold in his robe and takes out a letter.*
"Give this to Che."
The Note Reads:
Dear Che,
In case you happen to be having a hard time gathering the Greater Wyrm, and because of the fact that
I am starving, I will let you in on a family secret... Greater Wyrm can be replaced with the livers from 5 Koldbolds.
Yours Hungrily,
Dravin Arahman
Che
Che takes Dravin's note to peruse.
"Aye, me can get the kobolds from the local fighters college."
Che scribbles another note and hands it to an orc, telling him to rush to the college and retrieve 5 kobold carcasses. The orc leaves.
Che then goes downstairs to the cellar and unsheathes his rusty sword. In a great display of expertise he draws and quarters the 2 Sahugin and the 2 Kuo Toa. Carefully, he removes the inards and places them in a great cauldron. The orc returns with the kobolds. The process is repeated with them. The inclusion of pheasant was the final ingredient. Che includes many spices and herbs but no salt (must watch his blood pressure).
"Oh, 'his is a gonna be a fine bit o' grog!"
Gesturing to one of his daughters he orders her to take a bowl of his concoction to Dravin.
"'urry me girl, before the wizard boy whithers up and blows away."
The daughter sets the grog in front of Dravin, cautiously handing him a spoon. Dravin tenderly takes the spoon and begins to taste what is in front of him. Che peers in from the kitchen entrance awaiting some reaction. Dravin looks sternly at the serving wench.
A moment of terror fills Che's heart. He envisions an angry wizard again hurling fireballs around his tavern that was so hard to rebuild. Dravin finally speaks.
"Not enough salt."
Che runs from the kitchen with a small tumbler of salt and hands it to Dravin.
"Oh please, flavor to ye heart's content."
With a few shakes of the tumbler, Dravin casts the white crystals upon the grog. His spoon slowly stirs, and then lifts an ample amount to his lips. Dravin pauses as he swallows, then...
"Yes this will do. Bring me another bowl."
Che's wrinkles of worry turn to ones of laughter.
"Me never 'ad any worries ye no like me grog. Glad to be o' service young Dravin. And remember all gratuities accepted. Drinks for everyone!"
ArchMage Alexander
*Blinking in surprise at the bar Alexander looks at the cat on the table*
"It's the next day, yes you've been studying a BAR for 24 hrs!" says the cat, "Meanwhile I've run out of milk."
*Shrugging, Alexander orders another bowl of milk for the cat and glances at Dravin, curious as to what he is studying*
Che
Che returns with a bowl of fresh goat's milk. He places the bowl in front of the cat who promptly laps at t.
"Nice 'ittle kitty. There now, 'ou be a happy one eh?'
Che turns to Alexander, nodding in Dravin's direction.
"Me's not know either what a keeps his attention so attuned."
ArchMage lexander
*The cat rolls its eyes at Che and begins to lap up the milk*
*Meanwhile, Alexander walks over and sits down at Dravin's table. Patiently waiting for him to look up, nowing it is stupid to interrupt someone studying a spell.*
Ravenwind
Ravenwind stumbled into the tavern, hair singed, cloak burned, and the links of her chain mail fused ogether. She collapsed into a chair beside an archmage, gave a nearby cat an absent scatch on the head, and put the two pieces of her riven helm down on the table. "Barkeep, do you have whiskey?"
"Aye, that I do."
"Do you have coffee?"
"Aye," Che sounded puzzled.
"Please put one inside the other in a cup, and keep 'em coming." The servant of Torm put her head down on the table.
One of Che's daughters came by with her order. "What happened to you?" the girl asked with some horror.
"Planar rift. Suddenly, I was in a strange world. There were fighters there, involved in a great holy war, but they thought I was strange, for I carried a sword. Their womenfolk could carry a spear, or become sorceresses, but naught else." Ravenwind gulped down her first drink. "Thank you--might I have another?" She paused. "There were undead there--skeletons and zombies, such as I have seen before--but when I called upon Torm's holiest power to drive them back into their defiled graves. . . .nothing happened!" She swallowed a sob. "And there were no priests to heal us in battle, and people died all around me, but anyone with one of these," she flourished a scroll, "fighter or mage, could resurrect anyone else, so we died and we rose and we died again. . . ." The woman put her head down on the table wearily. "I thought I was in hell, but they said that would come later. . . ." The cat studied her, and then began to lick itself clean.
Raeython
*The first clue the patrons of the pub have to the imminent arrival of Raeython and Skippy is the strumming of a lute and a merry ditty by Skippy:*
Skippy: "Raeython ran away. Raeython he ran away away. When danger reared its twisted head, Raeython quickly turned and fled. Raeython ran away away."
Raeython: "I did not, well I never..."
*Looking into the frazzled eyes of Raeython, you can see he is on his last nerve with the flamboyant bard. Raeython walks up to Che*
"Two whiskeys please," then lowering his voice, "make mine a double and Skippy's a triple".
*Raeython then notices the battered form of Ravenwind. Raeython downs his newly arrived drink, signals for another, then sits down next to Ravenwind.*
"What happened to you?" *Raeython inquired of Ravenwind*
"Where did you get to?"
Palladium Muse
PM walks into the bar and heads for Raeython and Ravenwind's table, catching the end of her tale.
"I was trying to catch up with you, but an unfortunate, um, wound wouldn't allow me. Be you well?"
"As well as I can be," Ravenwind replies, clearing her face. "And you?"
"I was asking the same," Raeython told her. "Sit a spell and see if we can set this confusion right."
"Same problem as you, Ravenwind, got wisked away, but to limbo this time, there was nothing there at all, and I could not leave. Raeython, that is the best idea I've heard to date." Looking to the barmaid, she asks, "Have you knowledge of a beverage made from...potatoes?"
"You mean vodka?" the wench asks. "Well, duh, of course. Bottle or glass?"
"Both," PM says as she pulls out a chair. "Definitely both. I be not here for long today, but at least I have warning this time. It is little known when I will return, but I will do my best, as is certain."
Reaching out a hand, she attempts to scratch the cat under the chin.
Ravenwind
Ravenwind raised her head from her whisky-with-coffee in it, and replied darkly, "The Gods played games with my soul, yeastereve, my friends," and quickly recapitulated what she had told the barmaid earlier. Fortunately, the amount of alcohol and caffeine in her system at that point cushioned her against the darker memories, so she did not once again descend into hysteria.
She then positioned herself to listen attentively to the Muse's words. Seeing the Muse suddenly go misty and pale, and knowing that the good woman would be back when she could, Ravenwind then dropped a jingling purse (given to her by Che) on the table to cover whatever tab she and her friends would undoubtedly run up. "I'm off to the Adventurer's Mart--all of my equipment save my best sword is scorched and marred. But don't go anywhere without me," she added with a grin to Raeython and Skippy. Then she hastened out.
Palladium Muse
PM watches her go and solemnly raises her glass in a salute. Then she feels a familiar tugging.
"Damn, I hadn't expected it so soon. Hopefully, I'll return anon. Think fondly of me while I'm gone!"
She leaves a hefty gratuity at the bar, walks to an unoccupied corner, crosses her arm, taps her foot, and sure enough, the planar winds sweep her away...
Raeython
*Raeython is not sitting alone at the table. Skippy is still playing his lute but, fortunately for Raeython (and probably Skippy too knowing Ratython's current mood) the alcohol is affecting Skippy, and he has switched songs to a more mellow tune. Raeython places his chair to where he can clearly see the door, leans back against the wall, lowers his hat over his eyes, and promptly falls into a light slumber.
Raeython trusts his keen senses to wake him when needed.*
Ravenwind
After a lengthy shopping trip, Ravenwind bounced back into the tavern in a MUCH better mood. A spiffy new helm on her head, a blue-glowing shortsword at her left to match the golden-glowing longsword at her right, and shiny new splintmail--not to mention new boots. Raeython's slumbering figure immediately caught her attention, as she noticed that Skippy had nodded off as well. Nose-down in his whisky.
Tip-toeing in armor is not easy, but she crept up behind the ranger and shouted "Boo!"
While Raeython glowered at her, Ravenwind picked up a scrap of paper off the table and smiled.
Aivanther was perhaps the best thief she'd ever seen. When he chose to hide, it was if he wasn't even there, but yet he'd still dropped off the map leading to Captain Morgan--or whoever might hold the secrets to the Bounteous Tequila Spring.
Raeython
*Raeython, keeping his mock glower going, gives the signal to Skippy (who was already sneaking up behind Ravenwind). Now, giving somebody a wedgie (how the heck do you spell that?) who is wearing armor can be tricky, but Skippy has perfected the process. Ravenwind lets out a startled "Eep" as both Skippy and Raeython are rolling on the floor laughing.*
Shadowstrider
“I am your god. Your feeble Eeeep's cannot harm me!”
Raeython
*Raeython notices the entrance of Shadowstrider. As Shadowstrider is spouting off, Raeython can't help but wonder what condition he was in when he dressed himself this morning, as Shadowstrider is standing there half dressed. From the waist up he is wearing normal clothes and a leather vest, but he must have forgotten his pants as he is standing there from the waist down in his skivvies.
Palladium Muse
PM looks around the room, seeing Ravenwind dancing around in a spanking new outfit, which seems to not fit so well, Raeython grinning smugly, and Skippy chortling, and a man in an interesting pair of short pants which bears the sigil of the mysterious figure "Joe Smiley"in their midst.
"Hey! It's the Scooby Gang! What's new? Sorry I keep vanishing on you, I am geased by the three mighty entities of Rugratvia, and I cannot resist their call."
Ravenwind
*OOC: I'm tempted to slide in something to the effect that the new armor she'd purchased was in fact
the fabled "Stoogeshroud"--THACO +5 against all wedgie and noogie-type attacks. . .but I'm guessing I'm outclassed here.
__
Gathering the tattered remains of her dignity, Ravenwind subtly moved her armor back down, and sat to study the map. She only hoped that someone around here could help her decipher it; it appeared to be marked in Old High Waterdhavian.
Shadowstrider
shadowstrider looks down to see what everyone is looking at, and immediately grapples with his manhood. Runs out the door screaming " Note to self: DO NOT TAUNT GOD!"
Palladium Muse
Stares after Shadowstrider.
"Um...okay..."
Moves behind Ravenwind and studies the map. "Oh, okay, I know a quickie spell to help with this."
Much to the amazement of others, she does not remove her armour, but simply intones, “Eezamalambosheemandambo!"
And everyone can read the map.
The map is a map of the 667th plane of the Abyss.
"This is not good."
Raeython
*Raeython, stomach still smarting from the humorous events of the past few minutes, orders a round of drinks for all the patrons in the tavern (after having checked all possible hiding spots [including the privies] and looking outside for freeloders). He then sits down with Ravenwind to study the map.*
Ravenwind
"The ABYSS!"
Ravenwind's mood sank right into her new boots. "I've mucked about in the first twenty or so levels, killing imps, slaying minor demons and the like, but the six-hundred and sixty-seventh level!" In her consternation, she hadn't quite registered the Muse's rather astounding feat of casting while wearing armor. "Prithee, I beg of you, assure me that this is a red herring!"
She sighed. "Of course, it never is. I assume we'll need to assemble the components of a STABLE planar gate to get there--with the usual impossible ingredients. Or do you know the location of such a gate?"
Che
Che stood in the kitchen doorway watching the frivolity of wedgy attacks amongst patrons in his tavern. He had to hold back the orcish cooks who wished to enter the laughter and excitement.
"Nay, boys. Me patrons are allowed to prank and play as long as no one a gets hurt. But our service to 'em be not to join in."
Che eyes suddenly burst wide open as if to explode. One of his daughters astonished by her father's sudden change in spirit asked, "What is it father?"
"Just succumbed to a damn wedgy infiltration upon me own person."
The orcs laugh and stumble over each other as they attempt to exit the rear of the kitchen. Satisfied with their playful attack on their boss, they don't wish to experience any repercussionary wrath from Che, either playful or not.
Palladium Muse
" Anyway, back to the Abyss. Never been there meself, seems like a bad place. Anyhoo, aren't those gate coordinates in the upper right hand corner? Or is that an ale smudge?"
pure_ultima
Ultima enters the bar out of breath. He walks over to the band of adventurers studying a map.
'HMMMM... The Abyss...' he tries his hand at a spot of foreign languages "'t'will be une piece de peche!" he says, and sits on a chair. He places his sword and shield by his side and awaits for the next adventure.
Ralphy T. Worm
Ralphy T. Worm, magically increased to the size of a St.Bernard, slithers into the bar. He makes squirmy noises and starts to shiver at the sight of all the wedgies. You get the feeling that this is a tequila worm's version of laughing. Could it be that he is laughing so hard becuase he knows he is immune from any possible wedgie retribution? It is impossible to tell.
Ralphy jumps up onto the bar and begins perusing the alcoholic contents. He spots a newly brewed bottle of tequila, wraps his lower body around it like an anaconda, and wiggles over to the table next to the questors. With a hop, he lands on top of the table, miraculously without breaking the bottle. This is quickly changed when he drops the top of the bottle onto the table, thereby breaking it. He then dumps the contents of tequila on himself. He begins to squirm around in pleasure. Then he wiggles into a rattlesnakish position and bobs his head up and down in greeting to the questors.
Che
Che stands behind his bar washing the multitude of spotted glasses. One the orcs saunters from the kitchen and tugs on Che's arm.
"Look, boss. Ralphy is here. Wouldn't he make a fine addition for Dravin's grog, he, he, he!"
Che looks over at Ralphy pondering the orc's suggestion.
"He would a fill me cauldron 'ith o' plenty to chew on."
The innkeeper then shakes his head violently and negatively waves his arms.
"Nay. Nay. Nay! As long as he is a payin' customer, there'll be no a talk about 'ow he can fill our bellies."
"By the way, my orcish fellow, Ralphy could be a valuable addition for the adventurers."
Raeython
*Raeython starts thinking about the gear that they will need in such a place. He knows he will have to forgo his normal studded leather for something with a little more protection...perhaps his prized dragon scale armor. His weapons will both be fine, but the whole party must have weapons with enough potency to fend off any demons or fiends they may encounter. Probably be a good idea to exchange his ever present hat with his magical helm as well. His mind snaps back to the current discussion...
Ravenwind
Ravenwind hands Ultima a cup of Palladium's fine vodka, and studied him intently, looking for signs that he might be an avatar of some sort. Seeing no signs of such, she returned her attention to the map, and scrutinized the smudge that had been pointed out as potential coordinates.
"Eew," she concluded. "Why do gates to the Nether planes always have to be in swamps?"
Raeytheon, ranger to the core, immediately challenged her, "What's wrong with swamps?"
"They usually have jellies in them," she replied, making a face. "They tend to stain one's boots after been squished."
Palladium Muse
Suddenly ten men in wine colored robes burst through the door.
"THERE THEY ARE!" one of them shouts, five draw maces, the others begin chanting. They don't seem to be discriminating, they're going after anyone and everyone in the bar.
Ravenwind
Taken aback by the entrance of Ralphy, whom she had originally taken for Giselle's familiar, and even more stunned by the entrance of the robed men, she falls back on type, and draws her swords. "To arms!" she shouts.
At least three of the robed men, however, immediately slip on something Che’s daughter’s haven’t managed to clean up yet and fall, knocking themselves unconscious.
Palladium Muse
PM, obviously impressed by Ravenwind’s stoicism in the face of attack, whips out her sword and begins chanting herself, though it doesn't seem magical in nature.
Ralphy T. Worm
Ralphy spies the wine-coloured men, and quickly begins to rattle his tale. For the first time the questors notice a necklace wrapped around the worm's posterior. Ralphy flicks his tale and the necklace, clearly magical, lands on the map. With a bob of good will, the worm disappears.
pure_ultima
Ultima is about to take a gulp of Ravenwind and Palladium's fine vodka, when he falls off the back of his chair at the sudden burst of robbed men that enter the room. He quickly apologizes to Ravenwind, and then heaves the bottle at one of the attackers and picks up his sword and shield. He smiles as he hears the yell of pain and sound of tinkling glass!
Aivanther
*A very disheveled and angry Aivanther stalks into the room not even bothering to sneak. Kicking the confused priests out of his way, he stalks over to the bard and grabs a bottle of tequila leaving a bag
of gold on the counter*
*Tipping back the bottle and taking a swig he says, "@#%%! Guess what happened to me. I was waiting to take out the following priests, and what do you know, they summon a ALE elemental! I never would have expected how tough those things could be. Finally, I managed to escape it due to another #$@# existence failure. I've got to speak to a priest of a mage about that." Takes another swig and sits down.*
Ravenwind
Seeing the bottle of vodka crash into a million splinters ignites all the fighters into a frenzy. Ravenwind screams, "Justice! Justice and Torm!" and vaults forward over a table, distracting one of the men just enough that his spell-casting falters. Her glowing shortsword--Kaltseax--interrupts the spell and burns away the fringes of the magic weave that had begun to form, and pierces through the man's throat.
Glancing back over her shoulder, she sees that one of the spells has landed with effect: Raeython, her friend and companion, had a glassy, mazed look on his face as he mumbled something about dragonscale armor.
Palladium Muse
More robed men burst into the room (they're the bursting types), immediately followed by a blinding flash of light, and an Ancient Amber Dragon!!!
Che: Dravin! Dinner time!
PM: Holy s***!!! It's the legendary Beer Dragon! I'll go for reinforcements! And she bolts out the door.
Everyone save vs. dragon intoxication (Beer Dragons find Fear beneath them).
Raeython
*Raeython figures he must be caught in a temporal wave, as he seems to be running a few minutes behind the rest of the party. He reaches into his belt pouch and pulls out a @#$%Composite Longbow???@#$%, and begins to shoot 'arrows' of energy at any of the attackers who are attempting to cast spells. He figures his capable friends can handle the rest of this bunch.*
Mikhail
He-he, reinforcements arrive...
A noble Paladin at your service.
Ravenwind
(Ravenwind: fails save)
Ravenwind swayed uncertainly, wondering why the room was spinning. "Hic!" she remarked. Spotting Mikhail, Champion of the Order of the Radiant Heart, and First among the servants of Torm, she cringed, most unwilling to been seen in such a condition by one of such high standing.
Che
Che walks gingerly to Dravin's table, cupping a bowl of grog he places it in front of the wizard. One of his wench daughters huddles near him.
"Papa, there are pies and drinks and broken bottles on the floor. Do you want me to clean up?"
"Aye, Of course me dear, 'tis your duties."
Che whispers to Dravin, "Aye me daughters be a mighty fine to look at, but there's a no much a intellect workin' there. Me's thinks they get that from their mothers."
Che gestures to another daughter to listen.
"My dear, go tell the orcs to arm themselves 'ith me fancy crossbows and hide in the rafters. Tell 'em not to do anything unless me gives them direction."
"Yes father. Shall I also return with your armour and weapons of artifact."
"Nay, me first must 'ave a word 'ith Paladium."
Ralphy T. Worm
Ralphy the Tequila Worm suddenly appears in front of the Amber Dragon. The Amber Dragon begins to cast its spells of intoxication on the wriggling worm and then is taken aback (a tequila worm, obviously, cannot be intoxicated, its home being a vat of alcohol).
Ralphy takes up a rattlesnakish position and begins to rattle his tale. Miraculously, the dragon diminishes in size to a psuedo-dragon. Ralphy shimmers with laughter, bobs his head in good will, and promptly disappears.
ArchMage Alexander
*Stands and begins to cast a spell*
*Laughs in amusement as hedgehogs appear; these hedgehogs, however, happened to be 6 feet long and angry at priests of Bacchus...*
Aivanther
"Okay, I've dealt with priests all frigging day. I was angry before, but now I'm really P.O.ed!!!!!" Hurls two daggers straight at the dragon, saving vs. breath, and swallows a potion of invisibility. "Hehe, backstab time."
The pseudo-dragon explodes as the irate Aivanther backstabs it.
Che
Che looks around for Paladium, but is told that she has run off. He instead thanks Ralphy for his deed. Looking for some appendage to shake, Che says,"Me thanks ye greatly Ralphy for what 'ou 'ave done to that wretched dragon."
Ralphy acknowledges Che's sentiment but points to him the concern of the hedgehogs. Che gasps in disgust and points in the direction of the hedgehogs and picks his nose.
"Why are you picking your nose father?" asks a daughter.
"Me's not pickin'. Me's rubbin' it."
One of the orcs in the rafters whispers to his commrads, "I think that is the signal."
Suddenly a hail of magical bolts rain from the rafters, killing the brood of hedgehogs. One of Che's daughters asks,"Father...."
"Yes, me dear. You 'ave to clean that mess up too."
Che
"Me thanks to you too Raeython and Aivanther. Help yourself to any scales that me be upon this beast. And 'eres a bottle o' me freshly brewed tequila."
Ravenwind
Still stunned from the intoxication attack, Ravenwind can only watch in amazement as the dragon shrinks, and then is backstabbed by an obviously angry Aivanther, hedgehogs pop into existence and viciously gnaw on the dismayed priests, and then are mowed down themselves by crossbow bolts from the rafters. Obviously, the patrons and staff of the Rusty Sword take their drinking seriously, and will take no guff about it, short of Bacchus himself.
"Hic!" she says, swaying gracefully into a chair. "Now, about this map, and these coor--co-or. . ." she shakes her head sharply, "coordinates. If I read it right, I think the gate is in a shwamp not far from here. . . " She trailed off, and slumped in the chair. The red-haired warrior was going to have to sleep this one off.
Che
Pouring a drink for Raeython, Che remarks, "Ye be a fast one Raeython. Me's thought me saw yer famous somersaults in action but nay. Me guess is that ol' Che was just caught in the excitement o' riddin' the tavern o’ the hedgehogs."
"By the way, would ye like a bowl of Dravin's grog. A bit chewy it be, but quite tasty. But ye must salt to taste. And remember all gratuities accepted."
Che then accosts the robed men who burst into the bar.
"All right then, boys, if ye no be with the band, and I don't see no instruments, then ye's better be off. Unless of course ye have some gold ye wish to spend."
The 'bursting' robe gentlemen look at each other, knowing that their pockets are empty, shame-facedly leave. Che then yells to the rafters...."Well don't a be 'angin' in the rafters lookin' down me daughters blouses, get back to the kitchen."
"Humph"
ArchMage Alexander
"Amazing things you can learn while your drunk. Though, I'm going to have to figure that spell out, the hedgehogs aren't tough enough. hmmm..."
"Ahem, maybe you should get rid of the mess they left," remarks the cat.
"Oh yeah," waves his hand and the body parts disappear.
Aivanther
In a way disappointed the his chance for revenge on the priests was lost, Aivanther picks back up his bottle of tequila and drinks it, frightening the barmaid, as Aivanther was still invisible.
Raeython
*Well, there's one thing that the temporal 'slowing' put on Raeython can't affect; Raeython hands 20
gp to Che and says:*
"Just keep them coming, and toss me in a room upstairs when I pass out."
Palladium Muse
Palladium strides into the bar, a party of thirty enormous barbarian types with her, and twenty robed figures. Stopping, she looks around, shrugs, and says to the group, "Okay, don't need you after all."
One of the robed figures approaches her and whispers.
A look of annoyance ripples across her face. "No, you are not going to get paid! Keep the deposit, that's all you'll get!!!"
Heads drooping, they leave.
Taking note of the various patrons, she makes her way to the bar, nimbly avoiding the various busily cleaning barmaids, and orders another bottle of vodka.
Che
Che grabs one of his finest bottles of vodka and pours an ample serving for Paladium.
"Ah yes, 'tis the recipe me's got from me friend Mikhail. Goes down a kinda smooth don't she?"
Palladium gulps the generous serving and nods in agreement gestering the odd silent cough.
"Tell me deary, those brawnish fellows you keep a 'burstin' in here with, there're a not too bright are they?"
Palladium again nods in agreement and points to the empty glass. Che greets the bottom of the transparent container with another splash of vodka.
"Aye, it would be a shame to all kind if your blokes hooked up with me daughters. A mindless set of offspring would ensue that me no would a be proud of. But I digress. Me's 'ave an offer of sorts for ye.
Only if ye be interested."
Palladium's eyebrows rise, seemingly attuned to the sudden cessation of blabbering.
Palladium Muse
Blinking her eyes, for some reason she's seeing vapour trails everytime someone moves...she manages to keep her voice steady as she says, "Sure! Always interested before I hear what it is. Can't guarantee continued interest though. Depends on what it is. And the fellas I keep bursting in with, well, the wine-colored robed ones were from the Temple of Bacchus, it seems they irritated my companions and my companions took steps to eliminate the irritation."
Che
"Thanks fer hearin' out an old man."
Che leans slightly closer to Paladium so as not to arouse the suspicious eyes of his daughters.
"Ye see that daughter o' mine. The one poking at Dravin, she's in a very sad state. Me six daughters each have a different mother. Aye, I know what yer a thinkin' but believe you me, there was a day when Che's sword wasn't that a rusty."
Che swaggers in pride as if he had the attention of the whole city, but reality re-enters and he continues with his audience of one.
"Me loves me daughters awfully and have always taken a good care of them and their mothers. But that one's mother is a missin' and it saddens both me and the 'ittle one."
"I have half of a set of magical gauntlets, the mother has the other half. The use o' magic is needed to bring the two together. The lady that me's a looks for and meself long ago made an agreement that if we ever lost contact 'ith each other the gauntlets were to be used to find each other. Well I know a where me's at, but not a her. Me's not know 'ow to use the magic needed to find her. This is a where you a come in. Either by yerself or 'ith a wee bit o' help could yer locate me daughter's lost mother. This would make her and 'his old man 'appier souls."
"Do yer 'ave any suggestions?"
Palladium Muse
Imperiously (well, as imperious as she can be when she keeps getting fascinated by sudden movements...) she says, "Bring me the gauntlet."
Then she chuckles to herself for no apparent reason and refills her vodka glass. "Yup, know just the spell, yup yup yup..."
Che
A smile broadens across Che's face as he runs to the back of the tavern to fetch the gauntlet. He returns with a look of puzzlement.
"Palladium Muse, me dear, I do wish to be a 'onest with ye. The mage which a conjured the set of gauntlets did warn me that something unexpected may occur if the set became whole again. He was not a one of evil orientation, and at the time was a friend, so it befuddles me to why the warning. Any ways me dear, here is the gauntlet."
Che fills Palladium's palm with the gauntlet which seems to quiver when grasped.
“Good a luck to ye."
Palladium Muse
All silly intoxication aside, Palladium Muse closes her eyes and concentrates, slipping into the warp and weft of the magic that went into the spell of the gauntlets.
After a few moments, she opens her eyes, fills her glass to the brim with the vodka and takes a vicious gulp.
"Where--" she grunts as the vodka burns its way down her gullet. "Where did you get those, man? I've never seen the like!"
ArchMage Alexander
*Finally, tired of waiting for Dravin, Alexander glances around, noting the conversation between Che and Muse. The cat walks over to him and whispers in his ear, relating the conversation between the two. Catching Muse's eye Alexander says, "If you require any assisstance, I am available. However, I believe you are competent enough to handle this yourself. But still the offer stands."
Che
Che turns to Alexander.
"Me's always been fascinated 'ith the working o' magic. But at 'his moment me's can't tell if the magic's a workin' or the vodka."
ArchMage Alexander
The cat snorts in amusement, while Alexander walks over and sits down next to Muse. "May I? I happen to have some experience in tracing spells."
Palladium Muse
"I'll gladly accept your help, but it's not the vodka, I can assure you. God-forging went into this, take a look. I wouldn't tinker with putting these two back together until we've got more information, that's for damn certain."
ArchMage Alexander
*Intrigued, Alexander concentrates on gauntlets. "Fascinating..." he murmurs. As his face sets into an even deeper look of concentration, the cat springs to the table yowling. Before anyone can react, an electric bolt arcs from the gauntlets and hits Alexander dead in the chest, hurling him accross the bar.
"Ow." he says as everyone stares at him in shock.
Palladium Muse
Seeing Che help the man sprawled on the floor, she tends to his familiar.
"Be you well?" she asks gently. To Alexander, she queries, "What did you do?"
Che
Che runs to the aid of Alexander helping him to his feet.
"What yer all gawkin' at? As if none o' yers ever been unexpectedly endin' up on yer keester."
ArchMage Alexander
Looking more intrigued than hurt, Alexander exclaims, "WOW! It's definitely God-make. Admittedly, I shouldn't have done that. I was probing the individual magical threads making up the enchantment, unfortunately I underestimated the enchantment. Oh well, no harm done. Anyway Che, do you know ANYTHING more about these things? They're not what you'd call ordinary."
Then the cat exclaims, "You IDIOT! You'd think someone with your intelligence would know better than to probe a powerful artifact, but NO! I'll tell you which cat will be killed first from curiosity!"
"Ok, ok. We all do something stupid every now and then. But anyway I think the first thing we need to know is which God made this."
Palladium Muse
"Agreed. We need to know every scrap you know about these, Che. We're messing about with dangerous things, and I'd rather not go to the 667th level of the Abyss until I'm good and ready. Lolth and I are just not on that good of terms."
Che
"Well me friends, the wizard man that propagated these gauntlets was one o' those transmuters. Always a changing this or that to make things right. Maybe his Harper upbringin' 'as somethin' to do 'ith it."
"Oh yes, he also said it would take two, a man and a woman that were... um,,,"
The Muse and Alexander, in chorus, reply, "Yes?"
"..well on an intimate state of being of sort."
Che closes his eyes expecting the worst.
"Does this 'elp any?"
ArchMage Alexander
"Okay, that eliminates a few of the Gods. Hmmmm, I'm not sure I have any local harper contacts in the area. I sincerely doubt it's a transmuted artifact; that would have killed him. Do you have any ideas, Muse?"
Palladium Muse
*Exchanges a look with Alexander.*
"Actually, that does help some. It means that there's sex magic involved, which leaves out quite a few gods. I didn't feel any curse on the item, but if it's god-forged, I might not, a neutral cleric or necromancer might do better in that area.
"What of this Transmuter? Ties to the Harpers, you say? That leaves out even more gods. Particularly evil ones. And I don't think any of the traditional pantheons of the Realms fit the description, either.
"However, by my way of thinking, there are one of two pantheons that may well be involved, Babylonian and Greek. Babylonians had Ishtar, the goddess of love and war, who would use this kind of magic and also make items of war. The Greeks have Aphrodite, who is the goddess of love, and she's technically married to Hephaestus, the god of smithying."
Looks to Alexander. "Or am I just leaping to conclusions?"
ArchMage Alexander
"It depends on the other enchantment's on this thing. If it has some other defensive or offensive capabilities, I'd say Isthar. Otherwise, Aphrodite is more likely. A cleric would be of great help."
Palladium Muse
*groan* "Not another temple...if only Ravenwind were available...Although somewhat new to this realm, I do have contacts in a temple dedicated to a new god, a god that could most likely help us. The god's
name is Elrick the Greater, and he is a god of magic. Mayhap we can all go there. Che, you need to come, too."
Che
"Got me's rusty sword and a few other goodies. Me's a rarin' to go. Just one moment though."
Che walks over to the stoic Dravin.
"Dravin, lad could ye keep a watchful eye on me tavern whist me away. Ye can double dip in the grog if ye wish, but not a the tequila."
ArchMage Alexander
Nodding at Che, he bows to Muse saying, "Lead the way. Wait!" Turning towards Che, he hands him a ring, "Wear this, though you've had your days of glory, I'd say you could use all the help you can get. This will protect you."
Palladium Muse
Nods at the exchange.
"Come, it's not far."
*She leads the way through the city, to a small section in the Dream Quarter, where all the temples are found.
Stopping, you find yourselves in front of an incongruous building, a dark, almost plain structure amidst
the carved marble and glistening quartz-rock. However, upon further inspection, the seemingly simply building appears to have been grown from living rock directly out of the ground. The simple symbol of a staff adorns the front door.*
"They hold to no particular formalities, so long as you're courteous."
*Opening the door, she walks in, taking you to a large chamber. Obviously, spatial magics are at work, as the chamber is a great deal larger than the building. An elf greets you, about 6 feet tall, shoulder-length brown hair, and large, wise brown eyes. He's muscularly built, from what you can see through the shape of the robes he wears, but his gait is odd, as if walking is somewhat painful for him.*
"Welcome to the Temple of Elrick," he says in a soft, but strong voice. "I am Braxis, how can we serve?"
Che
Che lumbers forward displaying an anxious display of rudeness.
"Me name is Che. But me friends call me Che. I've a lost one o' me wives and there is some kinda' magic in this 'ere gauntlet that will bring her back. But we no know 'ow."
ArchMage Alexander
"We require the services of a priest to divine the nature of a very powerful artifact we have. We are willing to pay you in almost any way you require. Whether deed or money." replies Alexander with a smile.
Palladium Muse
"I see," says Braxis gravely. "Well, the foyer is no place to discuss it, in any case. Please come with me to my study, where we can at least be comfortable." He takes you down several hallways and into a comfortably appointed room, a roaring fire in a huge fireplace. It's tidy, for a mage, rows of bookshelves and a neatly appointed desk.
Gesturing for you to take seats in the several plush chairs near the fire, he makes another motion and you are offered an array of refreshments, borne on trays by unseen servants.
Braxis takes his own seat in the chair closest to the fire, and it's a few minutes of shifting for him before he speaks again.
"I am sorry to hear of your loss," he says to Che, sipping at a goblet of claret. "I take it that she died. I am sorry, but when it comes to magic, one must be precise." The slight, self-deprecating smile belies the priggishness of his words.
Che
"Nay, she is a-lost?"
Che ponders the words that he has heard. The thought of death falling upon one that he loved never occurred to him. His tone changes to one of a somber inclination.
"Me 'as lost contact 'ith her. Me wife not be a home fer the last seven moons. Her daughter 'as asked friends as to 'er whereabouts, resulting in nothin'. Me's thinks something evil 'as befallen 'er. Maybe that be death or somethin' else. We 'ere tend to find out."
"Could you please 'elp?"
Palladium Muse
"So long as I am not asking my god to tread on the toes of Anubis or Utu, assuredly, I can help you," Braxis says with a true smile. "Where is the artifact you wish me to identify?"
Che holds forth the gauntlet. Braxis looks at it, and his eyes unfocus and it seems that he's looking through the gauntlet, an expression anyone around mages can recognize.
"Very interesting. It's been a long time indeed since I haven't recognized something," he says. "Can you leave it here with me, just for the night? It can be in no safer house, save your own."
Che looks to Palladium Muse, who nods. With great reluctance, he removes the gauntlet and hands it to Braxis, who gingerly takes it.
"I will begin praying immediately. Please, finish your refreshment. When you are ready to leave, simply use the door through which you came in to this room, and it will take you wherever you need to go. As far as payment...the only payment we require of those in need is to spread the word of magic. Magic makes this world, and should it go, the Realms will unravel faster than a loose thread. Not to mention," he adds with a wink and a grin. "It's good for business."
After a slight bow to the three of you, he disappears through a curtained doorway.
"I, too, must be taking my leave," Palladium Muse says. "Che, if I may get a room from you?" she asks gently.
"Wot? Oh, ye be wishin' a room, do ye? Verra well, deary. Take whichever one 'ou wish, be sure to tell me daughters it's all right by me."
"Many thanks," she says, and placing her glass on a tray, leaves through the door.
pure_ultima
Ultima sees the adventurers leaving the temple. 'I heard your conversation in the Rusty Sword. So what did the priests say?' He falls patiently in step with them.
Raeython
*Raeython gestures to Che*
"Zaths enough fer toenight, shee ya in ze morning."
END CHAPTER THREE