My apologies for all the hack-and-slash editing I’ve done. The original post, “I Challenge Anyone” had a LOT more expository material before the point where I start the story; however, not much of it bears any relevance to where the story is now. If anyone wishes to revisit these often hilarious, yet mostly chaotic posts, here’s a link: . Otherwise, I’ll summarize some of the events in the intro. I’ve also taken the liberty of moving some of the posts around in terms of order; this will become more needed as I hit the later chapters. Some people’s posts have been cut entirely from the story; either they only posted once, and never followed through, or we were double-posting and triple-posting originally, and things just did not make sense. So, without further adieux, I give you: The Rusty Sword Adventures.
________
Once upon a time (a beginning,
though used, which is not without merit), there was a tavern in a town on
Faerun. It wasn’t much of a tavern; in
fact, it didn’t even have a name. But
the clientele liked it, and kept coming back—mostly, perhaps, because there
were no bouncers and there was no cover charge.
Of course, the clientele bring
adventurers, there were mishaps. Fallen
paladins faced off against noble rangers.
The paladins died. A mage
fireballed the place; they rebuilt it.
The adventurers drank and sang and danced. Then another mage fireballed the place.
Perhaps out of a sense of responsibility, or perhaps just wanting to settle down, dwarven adventurer and alcohol purveyor Che, also known as Thi, rebuilt the tavern one more time, and laid down the law. No more fireballs.
More and more adventurers flocked
to the still-nameless tavern as its tequila and customer service gained a
reputation for excellence. Eventually,
those adventurers turned to one another for quests and companionship. These are their tales.
CHAPTER ONE: THE GATHERING
Che
Che rises and walks behind the tavern bar. Grabbing an ale-soaked towel, he washes the sleep from his eyes. "Time to do me rounds."
Che tiptoes upstairs to the room where Giselle rests. He slowly and quietly opens the door and it met with a chorus of thunderous snoring interrupted by the occasional gurgle. The door is closed.
"Me's thinks that fine lass may sleep through the Rotting into the Drawing Down. Best let her be."
Che walks down the stairs eyeing who is in the bar. He stumbles on the last step.
"Argh!"
Che hears giggling from the corner of Calious. Righting himself, Che squints a gaze at Calious.
"Humph!"
Che waddles over to the table of Dravin, who is still intent on his scroll. Pulling up a chair to Dravin....
"Aye young Dravin, may I have a moment o' your time"
Dravin is motionless.
"Ye see, I've got me a wee problem. The past few days you've been enjoyin' me fine ale. Got not a quarrel with that. But ye culinary tastes require me to have a supply o' moose to satisfy ye. Sad to say that moose is out of season and rarely do they wander to these parts. I'd be more than 'appy to accomodate ye with some other meat. Say hamster. Oh yes the hamster is a fine delicacy. Kinda tastes like chicken."
"Let me a know sometime what we can do to appease, and remember, all gratuities accepted."
Che rises from the table of Dravin, unsure if he was heard. The retired fighter shrugs his shoulders and steps towards the kitchen.
"Boys. Whip me up some o' yer eggs. I'm a mighty 'ungry today."
Dravin
*Dravin stops studying his scroll and takes out a piece of parchment, which he begins to scribble furiously on.*
"Wench!"
"Yes?"
"Give this to Che, and bring me some mead for a change."
*The Wench takes the note, and goes into the kitchen.*
The note reads:
Dear Che,
"Okay, If I must I will refrain from ordering moose heart, but I wonder, you wouldn't happen to have a supply of pheasants would you? Because if you do, I would love to have some stuffed pheasant tarts.
*Recipe follows, it seems to include a number of organs from rare animals, and a fair number of monsters.”
Master Wizard, Dravin Arahman
Che
Che's daughter is frantically looking for her father to give him the parchment. She finally finds him in the cellar, brewing a new batch of tequila.
"Papa. Papa! That magic man in the tavern wished for me to give you this."
Che grabs the parchment and questions, "What took you so long, my dear? You know I was down here."
"Twas the strangest, father. It seemed that something bumped me whilst I look for ye."
"Anyway, let's see what the lad 'as to say."
Che slowly reads Dravin's request, at times raising his head to look out the window. A small frown crusts upon his face.
"Me should 'ave just substituted hamster for moose. Nay, me thinks that angering that wizard would 'ave brought a great singe upon meself."
The great contemplation that followed, brought stares from Che's orcish minions and his daughters. After many blinks Che grabs a plank of wood and begins to chisel a sign.
"Most 'o what Dravin requests can be done by ourselves. But I'll a need a wee bit o' help in gathering these sweeties."
Che finishes the sign, beaming with pride for his craftsmanship, but concerned with his spelling.
"Should 'ave read more books on the road."
"Boys, bring this in front o' the tavern."
Four of Che's orcish henchmen carry the carved sign to the front of the tavern. They position it up against a railing. The illiterate four proceed to argue upon the positioning of the words. A passing farmer yells to them, "Upside down!"
They right the sign and finally spike it firmly in place. They stand back to admire their accomplishment. The sign reads:
bOunTy 4 fREssh cARkus of
oNe Kuo Toa
oNE Sahugin
OnE gReAter wERm
cee PrOprIetor iNSidE
Dravin
*Dravin barely notices the Ogres who have entered the tavern as the he puts the scroll into a case.*
Dravin: "I will pay 50 gold to the winner of an add-hock arm-wrestling championship!"
*Everyone looks at Dravin as if he were insane*
Raeython
*Raeython is deeply surprised to find himself heading, once again, towards a certain tavern. This is a mater of some concern to the normally stoic ranger. He realizes that he has spent more time at this tavern in the last few weeks, than he has spent in cities as a whole in the last few years.
He is forced to admit that he has becoming lonely spending so much time in the wild. After some consideration, he feels that it is probably a good thing. It's one thing to prefer the clean living offered by the forest, and quite another to reject humanity all together. Feeling much better, he decides to have some 'strong dwarven ale'.
When he reaches the tavern, he sees the sign Che posted and it causes him some concern. His initial reaction is one of anger, but he remembers Che to be a decent sort, and decides to check this out first. He enters the bar and walks over to Che.*
"I've noticed the sign you've posted with the bounties on certain animals. I'm just curious what you are needing them for."
Giselle Moonwitch
*Giselle sleeps, oblivious to all matters, snoring loudly. At one point her snore reaches a quite resonant octave, waking her up from her sound sleep.*
"Eh, *snort*, er, hey?"
*Giselle clears her throat and looks around the hotel room. Her head throbs, so she wiggles her fingers toward her eyes, and amazingly the throb ceases*
"Magic! Gotta love it!"
*Giselle jumps up, scratches her head, and tries to recall her current situation. She can't remember how she got to the hotel room, but she does remember quite a bit of dancing and mayhem from the previous night, although some of it is a bit foggy. She smiles happily, considers her wallet and her dented helm, and decides its time for a bit of adventuring to refill the coffers.*
*After a hot bath and some magical cleansing, she treads down the stairs and into the bar. She notices
Dravin still perusing his scroll, and shrugs her shoulders. He looks a bit busy at the moment.*
*She walks out of the bar and notices the sign offering money for various dead monsters. A quick and easy way to make a few coins, she thinks.*
*Taking a quick once-over of her moonblade, she nods approvingly, dons her dented helm, and goes off for some monster hunting*
*After about a few hours, Giselle pops back into the bar with a small sack weaving to and fro from one hand. She looks around and wonders where Che, the proprietor, ran off to. Seeing one of his daughters bobbing between the tables with a tray of drinks, she saunters over and gives her a triumphant smile*
*I've got a worm here in this sack! I believe Che is offering gold for this here monster*
*The busy waitress takes a doubtful look at Giselle, then an even more incredulous look at the tiny sack.
Thinking that she has a bit of a screw loose, but not wanting to deal with the matter just now being VERY busy, she mumbles...*
"Er, yeah, ummm...er, okay, I'll let Che know."
*The waitress turns, roles her eyes, and then goes off to serve the drinks weighing heavily on her tray.*
*Giselle takes off her VERY dented helm, and cheerfullly sits her tokus down on a vacant bar stool. She begins to hum a catchy tune.*
Ravenwind
A stranger in the shadows coughs politely. "Pardon me, but did you really need to go so far for one of those, m'lady? Yon emptied tequila bottle has a prodigious specimen--why not turn that one in for the bounty as well?"
The stranger slips back outside before the bearer of the moonblade can reply. . . .
Giselle Moonwitch
*Giselle, unknowingly humming the tune to King Creole, glances over at Che's daughter who seems to be skillfully going about her duties, dodging the occasional pinch of unsavory patrons. She seems completely oblivious to Giselle.*
*Giselle frowns and wonders if she's being ignored. Her fingers begin to tap irritably on the bar. With a sigh, she takes off one of her shoes and upends it. An amazing stream of sand flows out onto the floor of the bar. The busy waitress spots this and gives Giselle an evil look. Giselle smiles brightly and begins to take off her other shoe with a giggle.*
*Her eyebrows dance up and down, and she chuckles to herself. Suddenly the sack begins to shake
ominously.*
*Slightly irritated, she bonks the sack hard onto the bar. The sack goes quiet again.*
Ravenwind
The stranger pops her head back in the door briefly, and salutes smartly to Giselle in apology and appreciation. "Have you any notion where an adverturing lass might find a kua, um, er, koa, er, croatoan?" she asks, peering at the sign.
Giselle Moonwitch
*Giselle opens her mouth to reply when suddenly the sack starts contorting, alternately expanding and shrinking, growing gradually larger with each expansion.*
*Giselle looks at the sack disgustedly, and mutters absently...*
*DAMN Shai-Huluds!"
*Giselle begins a little tap dance on the sanded floor, wriggling her fingers madly.*
*Suddenly a teleportion gate appears showing a shimmering desert wasteland. Giselle hops through with her heaving sack and the gate closes leaving nothing but hot air in its wake*
Raeython
*After trying to get Che's attention for quite some time, Raeython decides he is either under the influence of a magic spell, or in some self-induced trance. Since he appears to be fine, albeit immobile, Raeython decides, for now, it must be the later.
Just so Che knows Raeython is looking to speak with him, Raeython hangs his cloak over one of Che's stationary arms. Raeython then walks over to the bar, and notices Giselle.*
"You look the worse for wear, though not so bad as you did the other night. I don't know about you, but I had a great time. You might want to watch your tequila intake in the future, though I suppose I'm not really one to talk. Can I buy you a drink?"
Che
Che returns from his private distillery in the cellar. His minions are bottling the fresh batch of tequila.
Che's arm is calmly grabbed by Raeython, who presents a couple of questions. Che momentarily eyes
Raeython, attempting to decipher his intent.
"Aye Raeython (hic), I do require the freshness of those listed outside. You see my good man, I wish to venture me bar to cater to those of an adventurous sort. In me endeavor me's wish to stuff the carcasses to be displayed. In turn me's hope that many a adventurer may spin tales of yesteryear to amuse each other as they recall the days past."
Che pauses briefly to gather if Raeython is buying his yarn, but then realizes that the presence of tequila in his blood may lend some truth to his story.
"Yes, yes, Raeython (hic) can you see it now. Many great soles gathering in one spot, me tavern, to 'ear about the great triumphs of one so great as yourself. You see (hic) the display of a few monster carcasses can only better the merriment of all."
Raeython is mute but in deep thought.
Che excuses himself and walks behind the bar and notices Giselle tapping her fingers.
"Ah lass, welcome back to the land of the awake (hic). I trust me sleeping quarters were of great comfort."
One of Che's daughters nods to her father and points to the sack. Che picks up the sack and looks inside.
"Oh, we've got a wee wyrm here (hic). I may be able to use this for me recip...for me display. But to be honest, me dear, I do require a carcass of some fortitude. This may do for now, but somethin' o' more substance would be greatly appreciated, as are gratuities (hic)."
Che excuses himself briefly and returns to the kitchen.
Raeython
*Raeython can tell that Che is not telling him the whole truth. However, as far as Raeython can tell, these creatures are all evil, and they don't seem to be tortured, so everything appears to be fine. Thinking that it is time for him to go back on patrol, he asks Giselle if perhaps he can buy her that drink some other time. Raeython then leaves the bar with some type of urgency*
Ravenwind
The sun slowly sank below the rim of the world, and darkness sank over the land. Since time seemed to be passing rather seriously, Ravenwind stepped back outside and mounted her horse. "Kuo toa or Croatoan?
Hmm, both sound rather dampish." Setting her heels to her horse's sides, she made for the coast. She glanced over her shoulder to see if any of other patrons of the inn were following.
Palladium Muse
A tall silver-haired woman walks into the bar, eyeing the tapestries and furnishings appreciatively, but curling her lip at the piles of sand on the floor and the seeming abundance of rodent feces.
A strange symbol over the battered plate mail she wears, she pulls the bow and quiver off and sets them down next to a table, which she promptly sits down at, and ponders the strange sign which seemed to be asking for bounties hung outside the tavern, which had no name...
Shrugging, she signals to a serving wench and orders mead, surveying the other patrons of the bar.
"I wonder if there's anyone interesting in here to talk to," she muses to herself...
Che
Che ran in with two daughters in tow.
"I told yers before, me wants the sand outta me tavern. And getta rid o' that hamster dung."
Handing brooms to the daughters, Che follows with a sobering grunt. "And be quick about it."
Che then notices Palladuim Muse sitting at her table. He spits on his hand and streaks back his greying
sideburns.
"Ah, welcome, lass to me wee tavern for the adventurer. Beggin' me pardon for the slight mess o' the floor.
If there is anything that I kin tend for ye, just ask and me will personally attempt to please. And remember, all gratuities accepted."
Che returns behind the bar to divide Xzorgoth's bag of gold into more manageable packets.
ArchMage Alexander
*Alexander walks in and glances around the bar*
*spotting Che, he tosses a small bag at him*
“Here's a sahugin. Be careful, it's a magic extra-dimensional bag. Oh yeah, there are actually two in there, you didn't say whether you wanted male or female so I got one of each"
*waits for his money*
Che
Che takes the magical bag from Alexander and peeks inside. A beaming grin wrinkles across his face. Handing the bag to one of his orcish minions, he tells him to store the carcasses in the cellar for now.
"Yer've made an old man a happier man today, Alexander. Those what ye've brung me will do justa fine. Justa fine indeed."
The orcish sot returns with the empty bag. Che returns it to Alexander plus two smaller ones with gold.
"I'm a sure this shall be fine compensation fer yer. Plus let me open a fine bottle o' tequila (hic) fer ye, on the house."
Che's daughters finish their cleanup chore and gaze at their father for direction.
"Well don't be standin' gawkin', serve me customers."
Che then slowly leans toward Alexander...
"Would there be a chance that the rest o' me sign's request be filled by yer? Let me know if ye can help out. Meanwhile, please enjoy the comforts o' me tavern. All gratuities accepted."
ArchMage Alexander
*nods and begins to drink tequila*
"Dang, it's good to have something other than wine! It's been a while"
*Begins to look a little tipsy*
Xzorgoth
Neeber and Noober show up.
"Hi, ya!"
"Heya!"
You can take care of the gory details
Aivanther:
*appears out of the shadows behind Noober and begin to strangle him with his bare hands*
“$#%@ you, Noober! I thought I killed you in Nashkel!!”
*Neeber screams pathetically*
ArchMage Alexander:
Pulling aside one of Che's daughters Alexander slurs, "Here missy, get me cat sum melk, I mean me familiar,"
*hands her some coins. *
"You’re drunk," says the cat sitting on the table.
Alexander shrugs, then sees Neeber. Begans to chant a spell; however, being drunk for the first time in a long time, he slurs out the spell. Suddenly, a dozen angry hedgehogs appears and begin to attack everyone in the bar. "Aw, darn! Wrong spell!"
Dravin:
*Dravin stands up and begins muttering something at Neeber, There is a blinding flash and then there are
two of them.*
"Oh, crap! Here, let me try that again."
*Dravin begins to chant once again and suddenly the number of Neebers doubles to four.*
"Uh... Ah... Oh... I think I'll stop while they are outnumbered."
*Dravin sits back down and begins to sip on a mug of mead.*
Xzorgoth:
*squints eyes*
Neeber 1: “Your cloak looks cool!! Can I wear it?”
"DRAVIN!!!! Look what you started"
*Swings his arms in a strange manner. Then throws a flurry of punches at Neeber 1*
Neeber 1: “Hi ya.”
"I'm a mage. What you expect!!"
Ravenwind
Ravenwind wanders back in, this time on foot. Battered and weary, she tosses two large bags towards Che. "The first is a couple of koa tua; I would have brought more, but my horse died on my way back. The second is a bushel or so of limes. Give them to Giselle when she gets back in; she'll know what to do with them."
She turns from the bar and flinches at the numbers of Noober-kin in the room. "Heya!" they chorus.
Shaking her head, she takes one by the arm. "I'm afraid there has been a violation," she explains gently.
"You have been illegally cloned. I suggest you and your, er, siblings, take this up with the paladins of the Radiant Heart--two blocks down, turn at the corner of Justice and Hanged Man roads. Can't miss it."
With a nod of satisfaction, she watches them meander out, bumping into patrons as they go.
Dravin
*Dravin breathes a sigh of relief.*
"Glad that's over!"
*Numerous patrons glare at Dravin*
"What are you all looking at!"
*The patrons return to their drinks.*
"At last, peace and..."
*A portal opens, and an angry battle-axe wielding fighter steps through.*
"Guess I spoke too soon."
Palladium Muse:
*Pops back into existence, cursing and swearing at the fickle gods who boot her out of a place and won't let her get back in because of planar congestion despite the fact she pays handsome donations to the temple each month for the privilege of being able to connect to this particular part of Faerun any time she wants to.
*And immediately gets attacked by a swarm of hedgehogs. With a yelp, she leaps up on a table and begins swatting at them with her bow, attempting to draw her sword at the same time.
*Failing miserably, she falls off the table and onto the bar, spilling several flagons of ale on the angry axe-wielding fighter who promptly becomes apoplectic with fury.*
“Uh-oh. Oops?"
Giselle Moonwitch
*Giselle saunters into the bar. She is wearing a new shimmering silver robe with a shiny, bright helm emblazoned with a crescent moon. Humming happily, she jingles and jangles as a large sack filled with coin jiggles from a jaunty, ebon belt.*
*Giselle notices the mayhem, nods approvingly, and sits herself down at a nearby table. She opens the sack, pulls out a few coins, and then tugs at the sleeve of one of Che's daughters as she dodges through
the drunken patrons.*
"Ahem, I would like a bottle of tequila, please."
The waitress nods absentmindedly, and turns to go. But Giselle tugs at her sleeve again.
"Oh, yes, and could you bring me a slab of cheese, please"
The waitress looks down, and mutters abstractly, "Yeh, sure" and turns quickly.
However, Giselle is quicker, and tugs at her fleeing dress.
"Er, yeah, and some peanuts. I like me peanuts. Ye know, the roasted kind, with a bit of salt on em."
*The waitress looks down at Giselle with raised eyebrows. Giselle lifts her eyebrows back innocently. The waitress waits a full 5 seconds, and then races off.*
*Giselle looks around interestedly, sees the fighter with his axe, and giggles. She wiggles her fingers and suddenly he is brandishing a large umbrella*
Palladium Muse
*Tries to raise her bow to deflect the oncoming axe and stares in amazement as the expected sound of metal thwacking against wood is replaced by a dull "thunk!"
Full well into a beserker rage, the fighter does not seem to notice the change in his weaponry and keeps attacking with a flurry of blows."
"What, are you freakin' nuts? That's an umbrella, you moron."
*With disdain, she makes her dexterity check and reaches out, pushing a button, and the umbrella pops open, which causes unexpected air resistance and the fighter falls to the floor. Finally able to draw her sword, she beats him about the head and shoulders until he is rendered unconscious and sheaths the blade, dusting off her hands in satisfaction.
*Looking around, she sees the lady in silver robes watching.*
PM: "Did you do that?"
Giselle: *chuckle* "Yep. That was me, all right."
PM: "Let me buy you a bottle of tequila, a slab of cheese, and some salty roasted peanuts as thanks."
Giselle Moonwitch
*Giselle takes off her helm. Unbelievably, her locks fall around her face, every hair in perfect place. Giselle admires the helm, and laughs brightly*
"Worth every penny!"
*Suddenly a hedgehog jumps up onto Giselle's table. The rodent tilts his head and considers Giselle, then begins to wash his face with both paws.*
*Giselle giggles. The waitress arrives with the cheese and peanuts, plops it on the table with the bottle of tequila, grabs the coins, and runs off.*
*Giselle begins cracking peanuts and throwing peanut shells onto the bar room floor.*
Giselle Moonwitch
*Giselle takes a swig of tequila, and sighs with pure joy. She smiles and offers the bottle to the Muse.*
“Care fer some? I'm afraid I'm a tad bit short on mugs. Ye'll have to take it straight."
*She considers the Muse, then offers her some cheese as well.*
"I've already paid, but you can leave a tip for Che for me. Gratuities are always accepted," she intones in a deep voice. Chuckling, she cracks another peanut.
Palladium Muse
"Mugs? We don't need no stinkin' mugs!" PM replies as she gladly accepts the bottle and takes a swig. Snagging the already irritated serving wench, she hands her a small sack which jingles. "Give that to your
da, would you?"
*Sitting down at the table, she props her feet up on a nearby chair and also crumbles off a piece of
cheese.*
"So, you work with umbrellas often?"
*Sees the hedgehog on the table.*
"AGH! That's the one that instigated the others into attacking me when I managed to get back here! DEATH TO RODENTS!"
She draws her sword.
Ravenwind
Ravenwind taps her foot impatiently. She has been awaiting payment for the koa tua for quite some time now, but being a lawful sort, cannot in good conscience simply lift one of the inviting packets of gold from the bar. Noticing that Giselle has made her entrance, she comments, "Oh, by the by, I left some limes for you with Che; feel free to use them as you see fit."
"Does anyone know if that axe-wielder was supposed to take part in that arm-wrestling contest? I would have liked to make some bets. . . "
Giselle Moonwitch
*Giselle, suddenly afraid as PM strikes at the hedgehog, begins to shout rapidly...*
"Er, wait, stop! That's a magical construct! STOP!!"
*Too late, the rodent is cloven by the sword and suddenly explodes. The table is split in two, and Giselle
is covered in soot and rodent parts*
*Giselle begins to laugh*
Palladium Muse
"Ewwwwwww." *picks herself off the floor AGAIN. "Shazbot. This tavern is NOT the typical rest stop I thought it would be. Did I spill the tequila?"
To Ravenwind, "Nope, don't know about the fighter. But he's still alive, just unconcious until he can play nicely with others."
Dravin
* Seeing that the axe-wielder has been disarmed, grins widely at everyone in the bar.*
"Hey! Guys, look at this."
*And before anyone can stop him Dravin opens a portal to another plane and calls for an angry 'Greater Tequila Worm'*
"Doh! That wasn't supposed to happen."
*Dravin begins to chant, there is a big flash, and to everyone’s surprise there on the floor instead of GTW lies a small glass bottle.*
"Hey! I got it to work! Good thing to, because if I had messed up the creature would have enlarged by 56.345435%"
*Dravin wipes the sweat of his brow and takes a sip of his mead.*
Ravenwind
Ravenwind found herself on the floor, knocked there by the force of the hedgehog explosion. Picking the singed bits out of her hair, she sighed, rather envious of Giselle's well-kempt locks. (How DOES she manage it? she wondered.) "Well, if I'm not going to get paid here, I really need to be moving on. I have an urgent need to raise a large amount of coin--do you have any IDEA how much the temples charge to resurrect an elf who's managed to get himself killed for the third--no, fourth--time?" She shrugged. "Frankly, I'm thinking of giving whatever coin I raise to his widow, and letting her decide on whether it's a resurrection or a consolation fund, but--does anyone here know of any sort of lucrative quest?"
Giselle Moonwitch
*Giselle, agreeing that this is by far the most important factor, looks around worriedly for the tequila. She finds it smashed on the floor, a few hedgehogs lapping up the leaking contents*
*With a look of pure sorrow, she glances at the Muse*
"It's...*gulp*...gone!"
*With a tear in her eye for the fallen liquor, she turns to Ravenwind*
"Arm-wrestling?" *sniff, sniff*
Palladium Muse
*Deeply and bitterly ashamed of the party foul she has committed, PM clears her throat and announces,*
"Yes! I have a quest! The Quest to the Ever Bountiful Tequila Spring! The way is dangerous, and the Spring itself is but a legend, but I believe it exists! And the rewards of such a venture would raise any number of death-prone elves or console any amount of widows!!"
Ravenwind
Ravenwind's hands began to tremble. "Is there truly such a thing?" she gasped. "What a wonder! I have heard of the consolation of philosophy, it is true, but the consolation of tequila surpasses it by far. Where shall we find this miraculous spring? Does it lie in this world? Or on some far-flung plane, perhaps beside the fabled Brandywine River?"
Giselle Moonwitch
*Giselle looks up with immense admiration at the animated Muse*
"An everflowing tequila spring?! Truly! By the Gods, could such a miracle exist?!*
*Giselle's feet begin to dance from side to side, rodent parts fall to the floor and miraculously disappear.*
"YES! YES!! A noble endeavor, a quest of inconceivable greatness!"
Ravenwind
Clearing her throat, and distrustful of the way the planar winds seem to shift whimsically within the
confines of this inn, catching the words from people's lips more effectively than any silence spell,
Ravenwind ventures a tentative, "Ahem? Tequila Spring?" Shaking her head, she then repeats her initial thought. "By Torm, I have heard of the consolation of philosophy, but the consolation of tequila surpasses it by far! Where must we venture to find this most sacred spring of Agave?"
Palladium Muse
*Hitting one ear with the heel of one hand to get the soot out of it.*
"Damn planar winds, they always make me slow one way or another...Yes! The Bacchus blessed Ever Bountiful Tequila Spring is real! Granted, I have not seen it with mine own eyes, but those who have...well, they don't remember real well, but I believe them!
According to legend, the Ever Bountiful Tequila Spring (or the EBTS) exists in another plane, a plane of surpassing beauty and form, where exists also the fabled Eternal Twinkie Tree and the EZ Cheez Geyser. It is rumoured to be in the planes where the gods do truly party down. But those with a strong heart, stronger constitution, and great tolerance can surely make it there and reap a great harvest of Tequila indeed!"
Palladium Muse
NOW THOROUGHLY FED UP BY THE WHIMSICAL ATTITUDES OF THE PLANAR WINDS AND THEIR CONTINUAL BLOCKING OF HER VOICE, PALLADIUM MUSE PICKS UP THE NEAREST TABLE AND HURLS IT ACROSS THE ROOM.
*And then sighs as she realizes that not only are the planar winds playing tricks on her, they're making her
echo and trying to see how far they push her before she has a psychotic episode...
Takes out another jingling bag and tosses it onto the bar.*
"Sorry about that. Hope this'll cover it."
Giselle Moonwitch
*Giselle stares at Muse with utter fascination as she relates her tale of endless wonder. Truly the Gods must be looking down kindly on her, to bring such a fighter of endless wisdom to her midst. Is it possible
that her tale be true? Dare she hope? And TWINKIES? TWINKIES?! Her palate begins to salivate, imagining all those cream-filled pastry concoctions!*
She begins to hum under her breath, "te-kill-ya! te-kill-ya!" and her toe begins to tap.
*She looks at PM and Ravenwind hopefully*
Raeython
*Raeython is innocently strolling back into the tavern (for just one more mug of 'strong dwarven ale') and, as he approaches the bar, out of the corner of his eye he sees a forein object (is that a table) flying towards him. As the table approaches Raeython, the table seems to slow down and starts leaving a trail, like the wake of a ship at sea. With an incredible display of dexterity, Raeython contorts his body, bending over backwards and cartwheeling his arms, to avoid the table. The other patrons in the bar seem to see the whole thing in slow motion, until the table is past, then time resumes its normal course. Raeython chuckles to himself:*
"Never a dull moment."
*Raeython then turns toward the end of the bar the four legged projectile came from to find out what is going on this time.*
Ravenwind
Dodging the airborne table, Ravenwind deftly catches the peanuts (lightly salted) and the slab of Cheddar sent flying by the explosion of temper. "Provisions for our journey?" she inquires, tossing some of her meager supply of gold pieces onto the bar. Snatching up her sack of limes (for they may be needed), she asks, "where shall we turn for direction to this heavenly plane and its abundance of food and drink? There's
a sage down on the corner of Justice and Hanged Man Square, but I fear a flock of Noobers may be in the area, so we durst not ask questions of that particular sage!"
Palladium Muse
*Applauds Raeython's display of incredible dexterity and temporal control before returning to the subject at hand.*
"Verily, I know of a great and wise one at the Temple of Bacchus, who is knowledgable in the Planes of Festival. Let us hence to see him! And yes, let us avoid the Noobers at all costs, I'd have to kill 'em. Or throw tables at them..."
bernard the brave
At that moment, Bernard makes his dramatic entrance.
In keeping with his tradition, he bounds through the door, booming "BEHOLD, MOONWITCH, I RETURN TO THY CAPTIVATING BEAUTY"
Unfortunately, at the end of his leap are several pieces of exploded hedgehog and a small pool of tequila.
Bernard slips and skids across the floor, somewhat gracefully considering the shocked look on his face,
before flying down the stairs into the basement.
A loud crash is heard below.
Raeython
*Raeython is distressed by the malvolent malady that has overcome him. He can't see, hear, smell, or feel.
Everything is in darkness. He tries to yell, but doesn't know if he succeeds or not, because he can't hear or feel his bodies' response. Without a doubt, this is one of the most terrifying things that has ever happened to the seasoned veteran, and he just hope he pulls through.*
OOC:I hope this board comes back up soon.
Ravenwind
After an interminable period of darkness, swept away by the cursed planar winds, Ravenwind suddenly reappeared in the tavern, a demon's head in one hand and a flaming sword in the other. "Souvenirs of a sojourn best not discussed," she reported crisply, tossing the demon's head in the general direction of the kitchen.
__
OOC: It's up! for the moment.
Palladium Muse
"AH! I see I am not the only ones accosted by the accursed evils that accrue in this place!"
*Stops for a moment to admire her alliteration...*
"A toast to whatever is left and is drinkable to this small victory of good! Now, if we can just keep this victory GOING maybe we'll actually get to do the damned quest."
*Grabs up a pitcher of ale from the bar and pours quickly for everyone before anything else can go wrong.*
Ravenwind
Accepts a mug of foamy dwarven ale from the Muse with thanks, and toasts gratefully, "To Bacchus and Torm!"
"Do we three, between your bow, my sword, the Moonwitch's magic, and our plentitude of wits, possess enough power between us to find and take the fabled spring? Or shall we seek others to aid our cause? Is there any here bold enough to aid their hands to ours?"
She tosses her slightly singed red braid back behind her shoulder, and sheathes the flaming sword at her side.
Palladium Muse
"Assuredly! Let any who feels they can contribute might and valor to the quest (and ways to carry said tequila) join in our hearty band!"
Takes a sip to wash away the soot.
"But first, I think I need a bath. Ick."
ArchMage Alexander
*Wakes up from his drinking the night before and looks around*
"#@#$! My head HURTS!!"
"Told you you should have avoided the tequila, you're don't have very good tolerance for it," said the bemused cat watching sitting on the table.
"Shut up," says Alexander as he drinks a healing potion, "Ah, that's better."
*Seeing the remaining hedghogs and the hedghog parts he casts a spell that causes all the hedgehogs to wink out of existence*
"Well at least Neeber was taken care of."
"Yes, great ArchMage, you took care of the evil Neebers slaying them with your vicious hedgehogs."
“Shut up!"
Aivanther
*Comes back to the bar after a long night trying to dispose of the Noober corpse*
"You would not believe how hard it is to dispose of a Noober corpse! I tried burning it, but there's an ordinance against burning Noober corpses. Then I tried to feed it to some rabid wolves, but they refused to touch it! I finally thought I'd send it to the Abyss and let the demons deal with the corpse, but the demons threw it back out before the portal closed! So I had to take the corpse out to sea, which cost me a pretty penny to pay the captain to let me bring the corpse on his ship, and dropped it along with several rocks into the ocean."
*Tosses a couple coins to a waitress and requests a tequila*
"So what happened while I was gone," eyeing the table, or lack there of, and the three making a toast over some quest.
Ravenwind
Ravenwind stares around, somewhat confused. A sudden feeling of deja vu assails her: this is the same tavern in which she has spent the entire morning, and yet it is not. "Someone really should notify the local wizards about these distortions in the space-time continuum," she muttered. "Anyhow. . . who's for looking up the sage now, hmm?"
The axe-wielding madman, who had slept through this all, sat up groggily. "What? Huh? Where am I. . .?"
Palladium Muse
*Surveys the bar in satisfaction."
"Hopefully that'll clear up the planar wind problems that seem to plague this place. It's nice knowing a Spatial Mage or two. Anyway, I believe we were discussing rounding out our party or making it a Girls Quest Out."
*Refills mug.* "Bath after the drink, most definitely in need of a bath..."
Aivanther
*looks around in a disturbed manner*
"What the heck are all this multi-planar jumps doing to my head?" While surveying the identical but somehow different bar.
"Sure I'll come, that is if you're accepting men."
Raeython
*Raeython approaches the celebrating table and warily pulls up a chair. He fixes a steely stare at Ravenwind.*
"I couldn't help but overhear your exuberant toast\challange and I must admit that it intrigued me no little bit. I have been out patrolling the forest for quite some time, and I think it could be time for a change. Depending on what you are questing for, and if you could use a Ranger extraordinaire, I just might be interested in a good quest; allowing, of course, you would have me in your travelling troupe."
*Raeython waits expectantly for an answer.*
Ravenwind
"As Mielikki guides your hand, Raeython, so does Torm guide mine," Ravenwind replies. "I have no objection to your joining us, if the most noble Muse has none--and if Giselle does not, either," she adds. Lowering her voice to a whisper, "One could not help but notice how you gaze on her so often, after all."
Giselle, in the meantime, seemed fixated by the faint cries for help still coming from the cellar. .
Raeython
*Subtle laughter dances around the corners of Raeython's eyes.*
"Ahh Ravenwind, tis true that I sometimes glance towards the glamorous Giselle, but that is just because she is a very interesting person. We shared a little drunken humor together, and perhaps a dance or two. Besides, I am already promised to another; but enough on that topic.
If you are interested in a quest companion, my blades, bow, and wit(such as it is) will be at your disposal My lady."
*Raeython deftly takes her hand (while bowing) and kisses it. He then walks over to the bar to give them a moment to consider his proposal.*
Aivanther
*Annoyed at being ignored, Aivanther takes the more confronting approach. Taking a place at the table he says, "I am a very talented assassin, and the prospect of unlimited tequila interests me. I would greatly desire to join you, will you accept my assistance?"
Ravenwind
Ravenwind's eyebrows rise at the sudden onslaught of applications. She had only ever read in the Book of Torm of a portion of the Abyss known as the "HR Department;" suddenly, this tavern seemed to have become a small segment of it. Desperately, she glanced at the Muse, "Is it traditional to keep things to six adventurers, or are we going to need an army?" she asked.
Palladium Muse
*PM has discovered a fondness for the word "verily" it seems. She pours more ale for the newcomers.*
"Verily! Well spoken, Ravenwind! I would welcome such hearty wayfarers in my company! However, ye must accept the sacredness of this quest in all it's seriousness. There has been a severe shortage of Tequila on fair Faerun for quite some time now and not only are we to find the holy fount dedicated to the Order of Jose Cuervo, we must find the evil that has stopped the flow of such ambrosia and smite it!"
*Looks hopefully to the bar, wondering if Che will be able to come soon so she can get a room, or if the planar disturbances have swept him off to some other realm...Then looks to the fighter on the floor.*
"I guess you can come too if you want, but no more beserking except on specific orders, and lose the stupid umbrella."
"Oy!" *she groans" "’Twould seem that the planar winds are not done toying with us poor mortals. My replies in this conversation seem to be behind...anywhich, as this is far from a traditional quest, verily I would invite any and all with talents to lend along. You never know whom the planar winds and other concerns will allow to be along at all times."
Ravenwind
Ravenwind listens to the conversation, then announces, "Well enough. All who would follow now to the Temple of Bacchus are indeed welcome, as the good Muse has said. Even those of you of a thiefly persuasion," she adds, narrowing her eyes slightly. "So long as you abide by the oaths you have taken. I actually personally have nothing against backstabbing; it's when it happens to me, or to people I care about that I tend to get. . .cranky." (Lays a hand to a sword hilt and smiles reminiscently.)
"Enough with this idle chatter! To action, anon!" Strides for the door, then pauses, head tipped quizzically. "Did someone just say I had to gather my party before venturing forth?" Shakes her head, and shouts towards the kitchen, "Innkeep, you brew a vicious tankard of ale!"
Palladium Muse
*Muse leaps to her feet.*
"Yes! Let us away to the Temple of Bacchus! We are to consult a wise man there, who was upon a time in the pirating trade, but has since learned a better way. Now he serves Bacchus and leads others down the road of Inebriated Enlightenment. Yes! Let us to Captain Morgan!"
*Joins Ravenwind at the door.*
"For those who would like to join us, the Temple is just down the street, turn left, immediate right, but you have to all the way down to the bottom of the street and leave that way in order to get to this part of the city. If you try to go by another street, you'll end up somewhere else."
Raeython
*Raeython knows of the infamous Temple of Bacchus, and knows a shortcut there. He walks out the back door of the tavern, and heads to the nearest sewer entrance. In this part of the city, you can use the sewers to get around and still manage to keep yourself clean, if you know the trails.
“I guess I will meet up with them there,” he muttered, before sauntering off.
ArchMage Alexander
*Looks around at the suddenly vacated bar. Shrugs and begins to study the magics involved in the Trans-planar conversion to make the new bar*
"Any day you learn something new is a day not wasted"
Palladium Muse
*Palladium Muse, huffing and puffing, runs into the bar, sticks a note on the door, and runs right back out.*
Said note reads:
"Hail to thee of might and valor, should you be interested in joining us in the Quest for the Ever Bountiful Tequila Spring, please join us forthwith at the Temple of Bacchus, on Off Topic Street, at any point in time!
By my hand and seal,
PM”
SkippyDumptruck
Skippy awakens from his hibernation and wanders downstairs. He glances around the bar, noticing that things are different, yet the same. Completely used to this strange feeling after over-indulging in the drink, he wonders where everyone has gotten off to. Remembering something he had heard about a great Cheesemaster being in town, he skips out the door, brimming with questions. However, as he is leaving the bar, his attention is caught by a piece of parchment affixed to the door, flapping in the wind. After taking it down and studying it intently for several minutes, Skippy turns it right side up and learns that there is an adventure brewing at a temple, somewhere. Grinning, he casts the spell Xerox's Minor Copy ( 10¢ ) and runs off, directions in one hand and lute in the other.
END CHAPTER ONE