IMAGINE... A MIND THAT NEVER RESTS.
IMAGINE.....HAVING A THOUSAND THOUGHTS AT ONCE ALL THE TIME.
IMAGINE....WANTING TO SLEEP BUT BEING UNABLE TO.
IMAGINE....WANTING TO GET UP AND BEING UNABLE TO.
IMAGINE....FINISHING A BRILLIANT WORK OF ART AND BEING DEPRESSED.
IMAGINE....BEING LOST IN SPACE ALL THE TIME.
IMAGINE....FORGETTING EVERYTHING, FROM WHAT YOU ARE CURRENTLY DOING TO WHERE YOU PUT SOMETHING.
IMAGINE....HAVING BRILLIANT IDEAS BUT BE UNABLE TO EXPRESS THEM.
IMAGINE....HAVING TO DO MORE THAN ONE THING AT A TIME.
IMAGINE....NOT BEING ABLE TO FOCUS ON THE MOST MUNDANE OF TASKS.
IMAGINE...NOT BEING ABLE TO GET TO THE POINT WHEN DISCUSSING ANYTHING.
IMAGINE...BEING SO FOCUSED ON ONE THING THAT THE WORLD CAN EXPLODE AND YOU WOULDN'T EVEN NOTICE.
    

 That is a little of what it's like to be me. I have spent most of my life wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Why can't I remember anything? Why can't I focus on anything. Why do I get depressed when I finish some creative endeavor (or any endeavor) for that matter? I would have all these brilliant thoughts but when I tried to get them out....I could not. If I tried to have a serious conversation about anything, I could not focus on the topic at hand....a million ((un)related?) thoughts would be running through my mind at the same time and I could not pick just one and run with it. Writing this is incredibly difficult.....my brain is wandering even now.

  If you are not ADD it is impossible to explain how incredibly frustrating it is. Boredom drives me insane. I have to be doing something even when I am doing nothing. I cannot watch TV without doing a crossword (which has to be challenging or forget it), or reading, or crocheting, even playing gameboy. I love to read. I am lucky in that I can read fast and comprehend what I read, however I probably read each page two or three times, because my mind wanders constantly. Like it is right now. 

 A sample of what goes thru my head at any given moment goes something like this:
              Oh....need to add a picture to my website.....need to work on some graphics for it....wonder what I did with that book.....ugh can't remember the name......(stopped to watch ER for a second) ......need to dust my mandolin......I need to tune it too....wonder what I did with my tuner?.......Oh sh** forgot to put that load in the dryer....(tv grabs my attention for a second) Oh nuts Christmas is just around the corner......wonder if Mom's coming in from California......wish I was in Hawaii right now.....hmmm (day dream about Hawaii for a minute).....need to clean my bike......cover it for winter......oh need to repaint those bike parts......forgot to get the paint for those stools...........
 Well you get the picture!

 I was beginning to think I was totally nuts. Why can't I stay on track long enough to accomplish simple household chores but I can sit for hours working on a painting. Why can't I finish my work on time? Why do I put off until tomorrow what I can do today? Why am I frustrated all the time? Why can't I say what is in my head? Why can't I get from point A to point B without first stopping at Q and K? Why do I have a thousand hobbies? Why don't I ever finish anything? and if I do why does it depress me so? Sometimes I'd get into a depression so deep I didn't think I'd make it out. I always knew that depression wasn't the problem but the symptom of something greater but I had no idea what.

 Then one day I was having a conversation with an incredibly intelligent Harvard Grad. (I mention that because he is ADD and proof that we can accomplish anything) We were discussing philosophy, spirituality, and quantum mechanics and how they are related and I was having a hard time focusing on each topic (they would all send me off on tangents). He finally stopped me and asked me a few questions like what kind of student was I, all the usual of the top of your head questions you might ask someone you suspect has ADD. Then he asked me the magic question "Have you ever been tested for Attention Deficit Disorder?" Of course I say no, I am not a hyper person. I can't just sit and do absolutely nothing but I am not hyper. And of course he explains to me that not all ADD'ers are hyper. Well, I filed that information somewhere in my head and promptly forgot about it. Later I heard a commercial asking questions like "are you disorganized" etc. It was a commercial soliciting ADD people for a new drug therapy. That brought it to my attention again and decided to do a little research on the web about it. And Lo and Behold, I started reading my life story on these web pages. Of course, I had the profound AHA!!!!! moment! Yes!!! there is a name for my insanity!!!! I'm not alone!!!

 And so the story goes. Now, I have to learn what my good points are and use them fully and learn what all my bad points are and try to learn how I can fix them or work around them, or whatever. And try to remember to do that everyday. Which is not easy!!! But no one ever died from trying.