The Full Disclaimer: All rights and privileges to Shin Kidousenki Gundam Wing are trademarks and property of Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties. The characters of these works are used WITHOUT permission for the purpose of entertainment only. This work of fiction is not meant for sale or profit. Original portion of the fiction included here is considered to be the sole property and copyrighted to the author. C&C is appreciated; flames will be posted to various mailing lists, where they will be laughed at, made fun of, and cheerfully used to roast marshmallows.
'Walk like an Egyptian' likewise does not belong to me, and is sung by the Bangles.
~*~*~*~*~*~
[The sound of a drum beat can be heard, followed by the sound of something shaking rhythmically. A quick guitar intro, then the lyrics begin:]
All the old paintings on the tombs
They do the sand dance, don't'cha know.
[Opening scene: A faded painting, clearly from ancient Egypt, on the side of a wall. Pan back to see the g-boys moving down the street of a quiet-looking desert city, Duo gesturing excitedly at the painting and trying to copy the odd movements of the people portrayed]
If they move too quick
[Duo spins around to get another look, his arms still outstretched in the odd position, and ends up hitting Heero squarely in the face]
[Quatre claps his hands to his chest in distress as Heero chases after Duo, exclaiming:]
"Oh-way-oh!"
They're fallin' down like the domino!
[Duo, backing away from an irate Heero, walks into a fruit stall. The rickety structure topples over, taking out the next stand - which takes out the next, and the next, and the next, while Duo stands staring, his mouth comically agape]
All the boys and men by the Nile
They got their money on the bets.
[Pan back to show the Maguarnacs, following the boys at a discreet distance, exchanging bets on who will survive the latest encounter, while Quatre can be seen trying to stop Heero from strangling Duo in the background]
Gold crocodiles
[Relena runs up, arms outstretched towards Heero, crying dramatically:]
"Oh-way-oh!"
[Heero, spotting her running towards them, is distracted from his murderous intent. With a gleam in his indigo eyes, Duo reaches up, grabs Heero, and kisses him soundly. Mouth agape, Relena trips over a rock and goes flying, landing on her ass.]
They snap their teeth on your cigarette!
Foreign types with the hookah pipes say:
[Camera pans to show Treize, in full OZ uniform, standing casually on a corner with a hookah in his hand. Raising one elegant, forked eyebrow, he comments:]
"Way-oh way-oh oh-way-oh way-oh!"
"Walk like an Egyptian."
[Fade to black]
[Fade in to see Duo, dressed in tight crop top and ripped denim shorts, singing and dancing to the music. The other g-boys stare in amazement as he bops around, braid flying]
The blond waitresses, got their trays
Spin around then they cross the floor.
[Relena and Dorothy, looking very surprised to find themselves suddenly wearing 50's style miniskirts and uniform tops, make their wobbley way across the floor on roller skates, trying desperately to keep their trays from spilling]
They got the moves,
[Relena goes tumbling to her ass, spilling frothy strawberry soda all over her uniform, as Dorothy exclaims:]
"Oh-way-oh!"
You drop your drink and they bring you more.
[Zechs, looking supremely smug, skates up, also dressed in miniskirt and uniform blouse. He stops with a little flourish, and hands the distressed Relena a new soda]
All the school kids so sick of books
[Pan back again to see that Quatre has followed Duo's lead, and is singing and dancing while the others stare in disbelief. The boys are now all dressed in school uniforms, carrying books or (in Heero's case) laptops]
They *mumble mumble mumble*
[The music comes to a screeching halt, as they all stare at Duo. "What was that, Duo-kun?" Quatre asks. "mumblemumblemumble" Duo replies, blushing and scraping his foot along the ground. "Speak up, baka," Heero growls. Duo glares. "I said, 'I don't know what the line is', okay?" "Ahou," Wufei snorts. A loud buzzing sound is heard, and the music begins again]
When the buzzer rings,
[Hordes of teenagers come stampeding towards the Gboys, flinging books and school uniforms in every direction. Running to escape being crushed, Trowa, Heero and Wufei exclaim:]
"Oh-way-oh!"
They're walkin' like an Egyptian.
[The hordes of kids suddenly stop where they are, and start doing the strange looking, Egyptian style dance, with Duo in the lead]
All the kids in the market place say:
[Hirde, Catherine, and Noin suddenly appear, posed in Egyptain style, and cry:]
"Way-oh way-oh oh-way-oh way-oh!"
"Walk like an Egyptian."
[bridge: Whistled version of the chorus]
[Wufei, Heero and Trowa attempt to sidle away from their psychotic friends, whistling nonchalantly. They are pounced on by Duo and Quatre, who pull a screen in front of them to block the audience's view. Scuffling noises are heard, clothes come flying out from behind the screen - and when they emerge, they are dressed in tight leather, denim, and silk, dazed expressions on their faces. Quatre and Duo saunter off, trying to look innocent, and pick up the whistling theme]
Slide your feet up the street, bend your back,
Shift your rump then ya pull it back!
[The hordes of school kids are now following Duo and Quatre down the street, all doing the described moves, as if they were in a demented musical. Duo is still singing as if the world were about to end]
Life is hard you know,
[We see Trowa, Wufei, and Heero, being pulled along by leashes held in Duo's hand. Behind them, Quatre, dressed in leather dom gear, cracks a whip, making them dance with the others. The three cry out:]
"Oh-way-oh!"
So strike a pose on a Cadillac!
[Duo jumps up onto the hood of a passing car, which is being driven by Sally Po. She winks and waves at Wufei, who turns red and screeches 'ONNA' at the top of his lungs]
If you wanna find all the cops,
They're hangin' out in the doughnut shops!
[Several units of OZ and Federation soldiers can be seen in a donut store, laughing and talking amongst themselves. The Gboys saunter in, Trowa and Heero now thoroughly enjoying themselves as well]
They sing and dance,
[Linking arms around one another's necks, the soldiers begin to sing:]
"Oh-way-oh!"
Spin the clock, cruise round the block.
[The party spills outside once more. Hundreds of people are now singing and dancing along, with Duo still in the lead]
All the Japanese, with their yen,
[Relena spots Heero in his sexy outfit, and starts to run towards him. She is trampled into the ground by Heero's new Fan Club, who run to stuff money into his spandex shorts]
The Party boys called the Kremlin.
[A host of new soldiers, led by Lady Une, appear. They are all shouting and swearing allegiance to Treize, who simply puts his hand over his face and shakes his head in disgust]
And the Chinese know,
[Treize has moved to stand behind Wufei, who has managed to free himself from Duo's keeping. Surreptitiously, he pinches the Chinese pilot on the ass, and Wufei yelps:]
"Oh-way-oh!"
They walk the line like Egyptian.
[Moving stiffly, Wufei follows the congo line of Egyptian-posing people, trying to ignore Treize smirking behind him]
All the cops in the doughnut shops say:
[Lady Une joins the soldiers singing in the doughnut shops, proclaiming:]
"Way-oh way-oh oh-way-oh way-oh!"
"Walk like an Egyptian."
[The entire horde begins to move away into the distance, still dancing and singing; schoolkids, OZ, Federation, and G-boys. As they move away, Relena becomes visible, trampled into the mud. She raises her head and mutters sourly:]
"Walk like an Egyptian."
~*~*~*~*~*~
"Ne, Quatre?"
"Hai, Duo?"
"That was fun. We should do it again sometime."
Trowa snickered, Heero laughed outright, and Wufei just shook his head and walked away.
