Duo scrawled his signature on the postcard of the Parthenon then tossed the thin stack into Heero's lap. "I didn't mention Quat's party; wasn't sure whether you'd made up your mind yet or not..." he remarked before adding another small branch to the campfire.
Heero grimaced faintly as he scribbled a few words on one of the postcards. "I haven't," he admitted. "If it was just going to be the five of us..."
"Yeah," Duo sighed. He knew exactly what Heero meant. Quatre had offered to pay for their trip to attend his New Year's party then fly them back to wherever they wanted to go next. But neither of them was entirely sure that it was a good idea to go.
Heero was ready to resume contact with the other pilots again � they'd been in touch through mail and e-mail for a while now � but Duo knew that he wasn't so sure about facing the questions that some of the other party attendees � like Une � were likely to ask. Neither of them was any too sure that they wanted to return to Preventers at all, let alone do so back in the same city, and Une would doubtless be wanting to know just that.
'And then there's damn good odds that we'd have to face Relena herself. Quat doesn't know exactly what happened so there's no real reason for him not to have invited her. Far as he knows, Relena just got a little too fresh one time too many and, coming on top of the stress of a couple of frustrating months of nothing but security detail, Heero decided that he needed a break. Heero doesn't want to tell anyone the whole story and I don't blame him. It's too damn personal.'
"I'm telling him that we have other plans," Heero said abruptly, frowning slightly as he signed the last postcard.
Duo snickered, "Oh we do, do we? Might I inquire what they are?"
"To be far, far away from Une and everyone else who might ask questions that we don't have answers to just yet," Heero replied with a perfectly straight face. He scowled a bit as he added darkly, "And even further away from Relena."
Blinking in surprise, Duo inquired cautiously, "Dare I hope that you've finally admitted the whole fucking mess was her fault, not yours?"
"It still seems as if I should have noticed *something* was wrong..." Heero said slowly as he leaned over and tucked the postcards into the backpack, ready to mail in the morning. "I trusted her and she betrayed that trust... So trusting her in the first place was obviously a mistake..."
"But?" Duo prompted.
"But you're right." Heero sighed and drew his knees up to his chest. Propping his folded arms on them, he stared into the fire reflectively as he continued, "She chose to abuse my trust on that particular occasion; there was no real reason for me to be suspicious of her before that. And probably one of the reasons that I didn't realize that she was a threat was that she wasn't one, not exactly. I mean, she didn't really *intend* to hurt me. She's guilty of bad judgement and she had no right to assume that she knew what I 'needed' to 'fix' me - but she didn't intend to cause harm.
"But I'd still rather not ever have to *see* her again..." he finished in a disgruntled mutter.
"There's a whole lot of shit I could say about how you need to face her in order to have closure and all that other crap but I don't entirely buy it myself," Duo said with a shrug. "It's over, it's done with, why dig it all up again?"
He might have felt differently if Heero was still having nightmares. But it had been weeks since the last time he'd been woken by the first signs of Heero having one and it had only taken a few softly murmured words to soothe Heero back into restful sleep even then. Though he was still waking up in the morning with Heero wrapped around him, and he wasn't about to mention that their shared sleeping arrangements probably weren't necessary any longer. Heero was as well aware of that fact as he was and if Heero still wanted to sleep with him, he sure wasn't objecting. He enjoyed the intimacy despite the fact that they were *just* sleeping. It was a little bit bittersweet and sooner or later he would almost inevitably end up revealing the fact that he *would* like it to be more � but he could get by for one hell of a long time just enjoying what he *did* have.
Enjoying simply being with Heero � being his best friend and traveling companion, listening on those still-rare occasions that he truly *needed* to talk, sharing memories of the past and hopes for the future, trading massages after a long day, seeing Heero happy and content, being part of his life in so very many ways... Duo might not have everything he wanted but it was pretty damn close. Watching the firelight flicker across Heero's peaceful face, Duo thought contentedly, 'It's enough...'
_-_
Looking across the sands separating the city from the hulking bulk of the ancient pyramids, Duo suppressed a shiver. It wasn't the pyramids themselves that bothered him. It was the desert surrounding them that had such negative connotations for him. Deserts would forever be linked in his mind to those terrible days after Heero self-destructed Wing.
He hadn't been in love with Heero at the time � or at least, he didn't *think* he had � but he *had* loved him as a friend, the best friend he'd had since Solo. He'd been mourning his best friend and furious at pretty much everyone � Une and Oz for creating the situation, J for issuing the order he had, Heero for obeying the order in that particular way. Quatre deserved a medal for putting up with his dark moods and darker anger during that time they'd spent hiding out in the desert with the Maguanacs.
Remembering all of that now, knowing just how much he loved and was in love with Heero, remembering how much it had hurt losing him then and imagining how much worse it would hurt now... Well, that was one trip down memory lane that he'd really rather not have taken. Duo wrapped his arms around himself and shivered again despite the heat of the afternoon sun.
"Duo?" A cool hand pressed against his cheek. "What's wrong? You can't possibly be cold... Too much sun? Heatstroke?"
The definite concern in Heero's voice dragged a reluctant smile to Duo's lips. "Maybe," he prevaricated. He didn't want to lie to Heero but he wasn't about to explain what was really wrong right here and now in such a public place.
"We'd better go back to our room; we can explore the city another time," Heero said decisively, sliding a supportive arm around Duo and steering him through the crowded streets.
"Okay," Duo agreed quietly, letting Heero guide his steps and soaking in the feeling of Heero, alive and well, pressed against his side. 'Don't be such an idiot, Maxwell,' he scolded himself silently. 'He's here with you. He didn't die. Stop thinking about "what-ifs"...'
Back at their room, it didn't take long for Heero to have him seated on the wide windowsill where the slight breeze made the heat more bearable. One of their chipped mugs was pressed into his hand and Duo wrinkled his nose at the unmistakable odour of Gatorade. 'Yuck...' "Heero, I'm okay. Really," he protested.
"If you were 'okay', you wouldn't be shivering in the heat of the afternoon," Heero said drily, rummaging through their packs. "Now that we're out of the sun, you should put something lighter-weight on, lower your body temperature gradually. Don't you still have a clean pair of shorts and a T-shirt?"
Tempting though it was to just let Heero fuss over him, Duo couldn't let the misconception go uncorrected. "It's not the heat, Heero. It's just..."
Heero stopped digging through the baggage and prompted, "Just what?"
"Quatre and I hid out in the desert after you..." Duo made a vague gesture with his hands, nearly spilling the Gatorade. "Being here just � reminded me. That's all. Made me think how much more it would hurt to lose you now..." He hunched his shoulders a bit in an attempt to disguise the involuntary shudder that accompanied his words and took a hasty sip of the revolting sports drink to hide his expression. "Ugh, this stuff is *gross*..."
"Duo... Look at me..."
Knowing that he'd said more than he'd intended to, Duo was reluctant to respond to that quietly insistent demand. His belated attempt to conceal his feelings was useless. He knew that the moment that he raised his eyes and met Heero's intent gaze. And in that same moment he knew that it didn't matter that his heart was on display. Not when Heero was suddenly at his side and Heero's mouth was capturing his with such tender yearning.
Duo retained just enough rational thought to set down the mug he was holding. A moment later, he was distantly aware of a thump and splash as Heero lifted him from the windowsill but he couldn't bring himself to care about the mess they'd undoubtedly just made. He just clung to Heero's shoulders and returned Heero's kiss with all the love and desire that he'd been keeping in careful check until now.
Heero's face was full of wonder as he lowered them both to the bed to lie facing each other. "You love me..." he breathed softly.
It was a statement, not a question, and Heero didn't give Duo a chance to respond anyway. He captured Duo's lips in another kiss instead. Duo parted his lips eagerly, encouraging Heero to deepen the kiss. He had no reservations about Heero's own feelings or intentions; Heero's actions told him everything he needed to know. He would never have kissed Duo if he didn't return his feelings; Duo knew that Heero cared for him too deeply as a friend to hurt him like that.
Time blurred, became unimportant. The kisses and caresses that they were exchanging were all that mattered; lips and fingers conveyed wordless promises to love and cherish.
There was no awkwardness in their exploration of each other's bodies. The intimacy of their sleeping arrangements over the past months and of the massages that they'd both become so accustomed to eliminated all chance of that, even as clothing was peeled away and hands ventured into previously-unknown territory. There was no rush, no sense of urgency. Not at first or for however long that first, tender investigation lasted. It could have been minutes or hours, Duo didn't know and he didn't care.
But eventually, yearning blossomed into hunger. Bodies slick with sweat and precum slid together, slowly at first, then faster, pressure building, urgency increasing, until finally, cries of release smothered in each other's mouths, they came.
"We're gonna regret it if we don't get cleaned up," Duo mumbled after a while. He couldn't really bring himself to care enough to actually *move* though. Despite the fact that he was very hot lying tangled up with Heero and they were going to end up being quite literally stuck together if they didn't wipe up at least the worst of the mess.
Heero however *did* stir and roll over, managing to snag the strap of a backpack without actually getting up. In a few moments, he'd produced one of the disposable wipes that they'd learned were indispensable for camping and was tenderly cleaning Duo up. Duo gave him what he suspected was a distinctly sappy smile. "Thanks," he murmured as Heero finished the task and pitched the wipe in the general direction of the trash can.
After grabbing another wipe, Heero deadpanned, "Anytime," then smirked as Duo choked on a laugh.
Snatching the wipe away from Heero, Duo kissed the smirk off of his face before taking his own turn at cleanup duty. "Thank god for these things," he observed. "Next place we stay, we get a room with a private bath, not one way the hell down the hall and shared with the whole damn floor." He tossed the soiled cloth towards the trash can and ignored the fact that it ended up joining the other one about two inches short of its goal.
Heero chuckled slightly. "Agreed."
Ignoring the oppressive heat, Duo willingly let Heero pull him back into his arms. "I know you already know this but I need to say it anyway... I love you..." Duo murmured softly.
Heero's eyes darkened with emotion and his arms tightened around Duo. Duo could see the struggle taking place; emotions were never an easy thing for Heero to talk about. It wasn't exactly a control-thing; it was just a Heero-thing. A product of Heero's own very private personality in combination with all the training he'd been subjected to and all the things he'd experienced.
Duo laid a finger against Heero's lips. "Shh... When you're ready, Heero. We wouldn't be lying here like this if you didn't love me. I know that. If and when the time's right, if and when you're ready, I will be delighted to hear those words. But you don't have to say them for me to know that they're true. You love me; I love you." He removed his finger and replaced it with his mouth, kissing Heero tenderly and reassuringly. "Okay?" he breathed softly when the kiss ended.
The deep, loving kiss he received in response was all the answer that Duo needed.
_-_
"Japan next?" Duo asked, settling back on his heels after adding some wood to the fire.
"It's too early in the year to climb Fuji," Heero objected. "Plum festivals and cherry blossom festivals, those we could see right now. But the climbing trails on Fuji won't officially open for another couple of months at the very least." He stood and moved slightly away from the fire.
"Okay, so maybe we should pick up Australia next instead?" Duo suggested, watching Heero thoughtfully. They still had plenty of places left on their "gotta get there someday" list but they both seemed to be running out of enthusiasm for being tourists. A chance at a ride with one of Duo's Sweeper acquaintances had taken them straight from Egypt to New Zealand without either of them being the least bit disappointed at skipping all the other African locales for the time being. Now they'd been in New Zealand for a full month and had visited all of the sites in the country that were on their list. Going by their previous pattern, it was time to move on. But Duo had a feeling that their previous pattern was about to be broken. He just had to get Heero to come right out and say what he wanted.
Heero shrugged slightly and said, "I guess so."
Moving to stand behind Heero, Duo slid his arms around Heero's waist and leaned his forehead against Heero's cheek. "You don't sound very eager, Heero. C'mon, buddy, what do you *really* want to do?" Duo coaxed gently.
For a few minutes, the only answer he got was a sigh as Heero leaned back against him. Duo waited patiently, his eyes following Heero's gaze out over the park that they'd been camping out in for the past week.
"I don't want to leave..." Heero finally admitted softly. "It's beautiful here. And I'm tired of traveling. Of living in tents and rented rooms. I want a place that's *ours*. Somewhere that we can make love whenever we want, wherever we want, without worrying about the lack of privacy.
"And I'm tired of just drifting aimlessly. I needed this break from everything. But now... now, I want to feel... *useful* again. To do something that makes a difference. Not just � security detail for political functions," he grimaced.
"Okay," Duo said simply.
Heero pulled away slightly and turned to face Duo. "Just 'okay'? No questions about what we're going to do or why here or anything else? You don't want to go back home?"
"Yep, nope, and nope." Duo chuckled quietly at the disbelieving look Heero gave him. "Hey, we'll figure it out. There's always jobs for experienced pilots. Or we could join the local law enforcement." He shrugged, genuinely unconcerned about the whole thing. "Hell, we could go back to school and become firefighters or paramedics or � well, whatever. Finding a job's a minor detail. And we should have enough funds left in our accounts to cover a down payment on a house and still have enough to live on while we figure the rest out. If we don't..." he shrugged again, "...no big deal. We both pick things up fast and neither one of us is afraid of a little manual labour; we just get whatever jobs we can to pay the bills while we figure out what we *really* want to do.
"As for why here � why not? You like it here, I like it here, we're both tired of traveling. That's more than enough reason for me.
"And as for going home..." Shifting his arms up around Heero's neck, Duo brought their lips together in a lingering, tender kiss. Breaking it off momentarily, he murmured, "I told you before � home's a feeling, not a place. I love you. Home's wherever *you* are, Heero."
Heero's arms tightened around him convulsively. "You loved me all that time and never said a damn thing... I still don't understand how you kept it a secret..."
Duo shook his head and smiled softly. "I didn't. Not really.
"I didn't come right out and *say* that I loved you � that I was *in* love with you � the minute that I realized it � but I didn't really try to hide it either. And you already knew that I loved you as a friend or you wouldn't have let me help you. Wouldn't have trusted me so much." He stroked Heero's cheek tenderly.
"I didn't say anything about being in love with you because the time wasn't right. You had enough crap to deal with; you didn't need me springing another surprise on you. You trusted me to just be there for you; that was enough for me then. And when the time *was* right, you figured it out for yourself." 'The clues were there before that; Heero just wasn't ready to see them. Once he *was* ready - he knew,' Duo acknowledged silently. His reaction to the memories stirred up by their trip to the desert had been the catalyst for Heero's realization but � once Heero was ready to put things together � it could just as easily have been something else.
"You're my home too," Heero whispered urgently. "You know that, don't you? That I love you..."
Duo *did* know, even without Heero saying it. And he had known that, when the time was right, Heero would find the words. Naturally, easily, without forcing them. He kissed Heero deeply, letting the kiss express all of his love and faith and trust and thankfulness.
"I know," Duo murmured long minutes later when they were finally forced to come up for air. "And I love you. Wherever you go, that's where my home is. Where I'll be." A half-forgotten Bible verse came to mind as he spoke and he recited softly, "Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge..." A smile quirked the corner of his lips and he added, "Not exactly the usage that Father had in mind when he made us memorize that particular bit of scripture, I'm sure, but it fits..."
Heero made a strangled sound and buried his face against Duo's neck, clutching him tightly. Duo just hugged him back and waited. When Heero finally lifted his head, he gave Duo one of those still-rare � though not as rare as previously � beautiful, genuine Heero-Yuy-smiles. "Thank you," he said simply.
Hearing all the many things those simple words were meant to convey, Duo smiled back and replied just as simply, "Anytime, love. Anytime..."
