You Know You Have
Played Too Much Magic If…
(Female Problems Edition)
For some reason, so many of the ways to tell if you play too much Magic deal with the female of the species. Perhaps the player is lusting over the females depicted in the artwork. Perhaps they have problems with their significant others and the fact they play Magic. Here is the special list devoted just to the fact that females and Magic make strange bedfellows.
You know you have played too much Magic if…
1) …you dream of Hanna posing for Playboy. (cbc)
2) …you wonder what Jeska’s phone number is. #
3) …you have a girlfriend called Akroma. (cbc)
4) …your girlfriend says her jewelry was stolen, and you think how you didn’t know she had Moxes. (cbc)
5) …you tap your girlfriend to activate her “special abilities”. #
6) …and you realize that doing the above has no mana cost, but definitely requires sacrifices. (cbc).
7) …your girlfriend calls you to bed for intimate relations, but you are too busy building a deck to do so. (cbc)
8) …you refer to your girlfriend as your Serra Angel.*
9) …you think your mother is the Mother of Runes. (cbc)
10) …you propose to your girlfriend using an Aladdin’s Ring. #
11) …you mother says she had a Nightmare, and you offer to buy it. #
12) …you refer to your ex-girlfriend as the “Infernal Spawn of Evil”. (Guilty!) (cbc)
13) …you give your girlfriend a Mox for her birthday. #
14) …you refer to females as “common”, “uncommon”, and “rare”. #
15)
…you pick your girl based on
how much she does/doesn’t look like Akroma
or Exalted
Angel.
16) …your first words to your girlfriend upon waking up are "Play/Draw?"
17)
…you tell your friends your
girlfriend finally "Sinkholed"
your "Urza's
Tower."
18) …your mom asks you to mow the lawn and you tell her that you have Protection from Green.
19) …you think of Magic when you’re making out with a chick.
20)
…your girlfriend starts
looking like Serra
Angel, and you don’t even have a girlfriend.
21)
…sometimes you think it would
be better to break up with your girlfriend because it would give you more time
with Magic.
22)
…someone tells you a certain woman has nice curves you ask, "What
type of deck is she running?"
23)
…you cancel dates to go to booster drafts.
24)
… you try picking up a girl by saying, “Did it
hurt when you fell from heaven, because you are MY Fallen Angel.”
25)
…you also use the line, “Babe you put me in a Daze.”
26)
… your ultimate pick-up line is, “I Counterspell
your Evasive
Action; now can I have your number?”
27)
…you can't see the hot
girl staring at you because you can't stop looking at Serra Angel.
28)
…you start "checking
out" Selenia, Serra Angel and Reya Dawnbringer.
29)
…you draw nude pictures of Braids.
30)
…you invent a way to genetically turn your cat into Mirri, Cat Warrior because you think she’s so hot.
31)
…you hold a beauty contest between Braids, Akroma,
Reya, and the other girls of magic.
32)
…after during the previously mentioned beauty contest a fight breaks out.
33)
…you don't blush while telling a girl you'll show her your equipment.
34)
…you compliment girls by saying thing like “You've got Serra's Embrace.”
35)
…a friend is checking out a girl and says, "I've love to tap
that..." and you're thinking something completely different.
36) …you choose drafting over sex.
37) …your wife asks you to fix the deck over the weekend and you reach for the cards.
38) …that actually WAS what she meant.
39) …your girlfriend tells you she's got Herpes Simplex Type 2, and you ask how it does against Ravager.
40)
…you're right into a dispute with your wife and
suddenly you tell her that if she doesn't stop screaming, you'll call over a
41)
…your girlfriend start's to play
42) …your friend’s girlfriend calls you to tell you she hates your F'ing guts for teaching her boyfriend how to play Magic and then proceeds to cuss you out some more.
43) …when somebody says "Nice rack" you think he's referring to a mint-condition Antiquities Rack.
44) …when your friend’s girlfriend ask for advice concerning their relationship, your only response is: 'Learn to play Magic”.
45) …you call your evil sister Phage and your good sister Akroma.
46) …your Serra Angels and Akromas have strange white spots all over them.
47) …you would rather go to the Magic night at your shop than on a date.
48) …your girlfriend asks "Does this make me look fat?" and you reply without looking "no, and people won't be able to target you either".
49)
…you meet a girl and ask her for her
50)
…you have
a centerfold of Akroma in your room.
51) …you have ever compared your girlfriend to Serra Angel and thought you were the smoothest guy ever.
52) …you buy your girlfriend a Mox Diamond for her birthday, and get her a Black Lotus for Valentine’s Day.
53) …you've ever, EVER, drawn on Serra Angel (you know what I'm talking about).
54) …you trade your wife for a case of Alpha.
55) …you have a sexual dream of a Magic lady card.
56) … your girlfriend can tell people your whole strategy because you talk about it so much.
57) … your girlfriend tells you "magic or me: you decide" in a very sensual tone and you stop rifling through your newly traded rares long enough to say "magic".
58) …you have posters of Jeska in your room instead of Britney Spears.
59) … Paris Hilton wants to see your stick and you show her Isochron Scepter.
60) …you have naughty dreams about the invasion Elvish Champion and your girlfriend.
61) …your girlfriend likes the idea.
62) …your girlfriend wakes you up, and tells you that you said "I need more mana" in your sleep.