Jokes

The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals - a carpenter, an electrician and a dentist were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night.

The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them a chuckle or two.

The electrician decided to wire the bed - with alternating current, of course.

The dentist wouldn't commit himself, but wore a sly grin and promised it would be memorable.

The nuptials went as planned and a few days later, each of the grooms buddies received the following note:

�DEAR FRIENDS,
WE DIDN'T MIND THE BED SLATS
BEING SAWED.
THE ELECTRIC SHOCK WAS ONLY A MINOR SETBACK. BUT BY GOD, I'M GOING TO KILL THE GUY WHO PUT NOVACAINE IN THE VASELINE!�

Bill and Hillary are fast asleep in the First Bedroom, when Hillary wakes and starts shaking Bill.

Bill groggily opens his eyes and says, "Honey, it's 3am. What do you want?"

"I have to go use the bathroom," Hillary replies.

Bill blinks. "Please tell me you didn't wake me up just to tell me you have to go to the bathroom."

"No," Hillary says, "I

wo elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.

One old lady turns to the other and asks, "Do you still get horny?"

The other replies, "Oh sure I do."

The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"

The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."

After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"

A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."

Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."

"No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken."

Top 10 slogans currently being considered by Viagra:

10. The quicker picker upper!
9. One a day, like iron!
8. Get a piece of the rock!
7. You've come a long way, baby!
6. It plumps when you take 'em!
5. Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman!
4. Tastes great, more filling!
3. Viagra, built ram tough!
2. Here's the beef!

And the number one slogan being considered by Viagra:

1. Just do her!

Some honorable mentions:

**We work harder, so you don't have to
**Ten inches long...and growing!
**Viagra, when it absolutely positively has to be there tonight!
**Viagra, home of the Whopper!
**Viagra � now is a great time to be silver.
**This is your penis. This is your penis on Viagra. Any questions

The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day, he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should do. He walked through the open door of the bar and sat down next to the woman.

    "Mrs. Fitzgerald," the reverend said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?"

    "Sure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk. When Mrs. Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to
weave back and forth. The reverend realized that she had had too much to drink and he grabbed hold of her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few seconds, the reverend wound up lying on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.

    The bartender looked over the bar and said, "Here, here, buddy, we won't have any of that carrying on in this bar."

    The reverend looked up at the bartender and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Fuzz."

    The bartender nodded, "Well if you're that far into the game, you may as well finish!"