It was a dark and sexy night in the fourth year of the great depression.   A group of Federalies slowly made their way across the desolate and dry landscape of the desert.   The dusty, red-eyed, heavily armed men moved with a supernatural quiet, the sweat beading on their foreheads and leaving streaks in the dirt on their brows.   The darting eyes of each man betrayed the nervousness each was trying to hide from his fellow officers.   They had all heard the stories...the stories of Federalies left lying in shallow graves only to be dug up by animals and have their bones strewn across the desert for the sun to bleach white.

      As the men surrounded a small shack, many of them reached under their shirts to pull forth small gold crosses, and as they look heavenward, muttered an almost silent prayer.   Their leader, a man with a scar across his eye and too many scars upon his heart to count looked down at a crudely drawn wanted poster.   The words "Dead or Alive" stared back at him like cats eyes burning in the midnight air.   After tonight, his nights of leading patrols on the border would be over.   After this capture he would be given his own garrison to command.

      The Captain turned and threw a bag of coins to a skinny man wearing an ill-fitting, dirty tuxedo.   The man gave a toothless smile.   "My brother will not go back to prison alive hmmm?" he asked.   "That's the plan." sneered the Captain.   "Now get out of here, before I change my mind about killing you." he continued.   The emasculated man, giving a deep bow, melted into the shadows cast by the moonlight on the red rocks of the canyon wall.   This Judas brother would be found a week later in the back room of a bar with no name dead from a needle protruding from his arm.   His whore had to cut the small bag of coins open to get her fare because his cold, dead fingers would not yield in the grasp of his ill-gotten fortune.

      A young Lieutenant stumbles on a rock as he tries to quietly make his way down to where the captain is concealed behind a dead tree.   "Captain, should we not have more men?" he asked.   In the next second, the Lieutenant found himself on the rocky ground with pain shooting through his jaw.   "We have the high ground here!" he quietly hissed, "and the the element of surprise. I paid to much for this information to share the glory with another Captain!" he continued.   "Go back and wait with the horses if you are scared of one old man and his whore!"

      In a dirt floored shack wedged between the canyon walls the screams of of a young Spanish speaking prostitute pierced the hunid night air.   A fat midwife tried to muffle her screams with her unwashed fat fingers for she knew the Federalies must be close.   A tall man who had obviously not slept in days peered out a broken shutter looking for any movement.   Behind him, the slender girl mustered the last of her strength for one last pain filled push.   A child was thrust into an unprepared world naked and screaming.   The midwife mused to herself that he would probably leave this world the same way.

      The boy's father left soon after the birth, he had to try and draw the officers away from the boy and his mother.   He knew he would not be back to see his only son become a man.   One thing was clear as well, he could not give the boy his last name...a name that would make him a hunted man.   So, he left him the only thing of value he could...two rather large pistols with more than a few notches carved in the handles.   It would come to pass that with those pistols the boy would make a name for himself.   Today the locals call him "The Dirty Sanchez!"



Coming Soon!

Find out how a one-eyed Indian smuggled the prodical boy to the safety of an old Catholic mission!



Quotes from fellow prisoners:

El Guapo - "He is the kind of man that will stab you in the neck with your own keys...just ask the guard!"

Boutrous - "He liked to trap prisoners in their cell, set it on fire, and then stab them as they ran out."

A. Whitey - "He don't talk about the war much..."

Jefe - "I don't know why he stabbed Brian, he just did.   No one liked Brian anyway."

Some Gringo - "It got so bad the guards wouldn't even let him have a spoon."

Billy - "He would freak out if anyone mentioned tossed salad."

Your Mom - "As a child his teddy bear had bandoliers."

Chuck Biscuits - "I don't know what his problem is, but I'm sure it's hard to pronounce."

Ivan - "He's tough!   He defected into East Germany!"

Juan - "He sold this guy for just three smokes.   The thing is, he don't smoke...he just wanted to sell that guy."



A note to the "Dirty Senioritas":

Ladies, have you ever been arrested?

Have you ever changer a bunker with no paint?"

Have you ever thrown an all night kegger party at your parents' house and then smacked your Mom when she asked you about it?

Do you have more than one tattoo?

If you answered yes to two or more of these questions then you might be my kind of girl.   Please email me at "The Dirty Snachez."



End Note

You tell one dirty joke and your branded for life.   What's funny is, I fucked up the joke!   My nickname should be "Donkey Punch".

You can link to my ass.


Learn more about the T and or B Coporation here!