I WANT TO DIE,
I have only dreamt of dying,
but that was before you,
you ripped my heart away from me,
and you probably won't give back,
I can't breathe without you now for I have learned to love,
but when you say you dont feel the same way I become sick,
sick with myself for loving you when all along you played,
well I am through,
through with you,
through with life,
for there is no life with out love.
Cutting til' I bleed,
cutting til' I bleed,
cutting, carving,
writing into my flesh,
never you here noises coming from my mouth,
because you choose not to listen,
it is not my fault, but when I finally bleed to death,
upon my red stained sheets,
you still shall not notice your own defeat,
I have won,
You have lost,
I am gone into the darkness,
away from you.
I have found my purpose in life,
and it is not one most would like to think,
I think about people thinking and just think,
about how funny it will be when I wink,
and pull the trigger of my new toy at the shrink,
and then I think how you will react,
when I slink into your room,
after your family went to bed to catch some winks,
I will give you a wink,
and no more thinking for me to think,
for the judge will rule guilty and think,
of a way to make me pay,
for the wrongs that seemed right,
now it is time for one last think,
as now I am strapped into the chair,
they pull the lever,
I blink,
no more think.
I cut myself again,
no one cares,
I cut myself today,
no one cares,
I cut myself just now,
no one cares,
I am on my way to your house,
to stare into your eyes,
I will show you how many people care for you,
when I slice you open,
you bleed and scream,
no one cares,
your body is withering,
no one cares,
your dying,
no one cares,
your dead,
I laugh.
I'm through,
I cannot take this pain,
I have died because of you,
and your silly little games,
that you so eagerly play,
I can't take this shit anymore,
it has reached my core,
I am dying from the inside out,
my heart has been stolen,
my lungs are shutting down,
I am on my way to a better place,
where maybe true love can be found.
It is time to run,
run from the pain,
the pain the hides deep within,
deep within my soul,
I have run outta room,
room to run,
room to get away from this pain,
I have nothing I can do,
I am done for,
for this time when the pain hits me,
I won't be able to catch myself,
I will fall into darkness,
the darkness of my life,
I have no control,
I have lost it again,
except this time,
I cant regain the control,
I am now falling,
falling into my darkness,
my darkness,
my darkness I have created for myself,
my darkness,
my darkness has crossed the bounds,
the bounds which were set,
and now,
now it is eating me whole,
from the inside out,
I am dying,
dying from the darkness,
the darkness which I have created,
which I have created and now engulfing me whole,
I am dead now,
no one knows how,
except for you,
you are what set the darkness free.
I am here waiting,
waiting where you said to,
you said to wait here,
so i am,
I am sitting on these stairs,
waiting for you to arrive,
i'm noticing the stars comes up,
the moon is full tonight,
shining brightly,
in the nighttime sky,
burning softly against the black night sky,
the stars are out to,
a million glowing eyes,
watching me sitting here,
waiting for you,
like you said to,
I have been here a while now,
I am going to leave,
you didn't keep your promise to me,
that goes against what we were suposed to be,
you lying bitch,
how dare you lie to me,
I never lied to you,
I was being better to you than I should have been,
I guess I have learned a lesson now,
'bout what to do and what not to do,
this explains alot to me,
about the way you are,
you never really opened up to me,
you were hiding something,
guess what bitch,
I figured it out,
you never really meant what you said when we talked,
I am gone,
I have left,
no more talk between us,
no more touching,
no more anything,
I hate you now,
you must hate me as well,
since you apparently you meant all those nasty things you said,
I will always be here,
but my trust with you,
is gone,
gone for good,
good and dead,
like my heart,
my heart and soul are dead,
dead like I should be,
dead and gone from this Earth.
Nightmare
I want to run away
I need to find me
I'm lost within a darkened forest
shadows of my concious mind
are closing in
I am trapped
inside a cage
made of fleash and disease
somebody free me
I'm going crazy
somebody help me
please let me free
walking dangerous trails
unpaved roads
treacherous falls
I walk against the wall
slowly creeping around
more and more
I am on the edge
breaking point
no turning back now
to far
almost free
Isee the gates
they are set ablaze
my light is fading
flickering out in the breeze
my heart is beating
hands are bracing
feet are pacing
mind is racing
a thousand memories shooting
to and from my sights
making me dizzy
it's hard to see
wahts in front of me
as I continue to walk
toward my light
which is now only a blurr
the ledge is closing in
upon the wall I crawl
if I trip and fall
no telling how far
to far for my liking
I want to leave
find my way back home
I'd get on my knees and beg
if only I could
o god
blood is rushing
stomach is churning
knees are buring
head is whirling
round and round
everything is moving
from place to place
my dangerous scenario is changing
on with the chase
something is there
I can feel it
a new set of foot steps
now growing close
picking up the pace
I slowly get faster
careful not to run
I might trip
and fall into the bottomless pit
adrenilines raising
heart is bursting
legs are throbbing
lungs are gasping
head is spinning
hands are gripping
neck is sweating
spine is twitching
nightmare chasing me
foot steps grow close
I feel its breath
claws are piercing
spine is ripping
muscles tearing
blood is gushing
head is lifted
eyes wide open
still breathing
rigid in bed I sit
my nightmare
is gone.
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