Quotes and Jokes!
Valentine's Day Joke!
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she
woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace
for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".
From: Unknown
Just Jokes!
Deja Vu!
You've
probably heard of "deja vu," the illusion of having previously
experienced a situation that is happening now. Here are some related
expressions.
Feel like I've...
...milked this cow before: deja moo
...seen this strange animal before: deja gnu
...smelled this bad odor before: deja phew
...visited this menagerie before: deja zoo
...scared this person away before: deja boo
...read this mystery book before: deja clue
...been in this courtroom before: deja sue
...felt this bad before: deja rue
...felt this sad before: deja blue
...expanded this way before: deja grew
...seen this slime before: deja goo
...learned this stuff before: deja knew
...waited in line before: deja queue
...eaten this dinner before: deja stew
...pursued this person before: deja woo
...forgotten this your name before: deja who
...had this feeling of deja vu before: deja too
...seen these twins before: deja two
...been on this airplane before: deja flew
...came up with this innovation before: deja new
...fed these pigeons before: deja coo
...sketched this portrait before: deja drew
...ended this relationship before: deja through
...felt this ill before: deja flu
...sheared this sheep before: deja ewe
...munched on this gum ball before: deja chew
...played in this wet grass before: deja dew
...admired this scenery before: deja ooo
...lost it under the bed before: deja shoo
...exposed the real facts before: deja true
From: www. arcamax.com
Cat Dictionary!
Aquarium:
interactive television for cats.
Catatonic: a feline medicinal drink.
Caterpillar: a soft scratching post for a cat.
Cat Scan: to look for a new cat.
Dog: a cat's device for running practice.
Door: something a cat always wants to be on the other side of.
From:
www.arcamax.com
Fast Old Ladies!
Sitting on
the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car
puttering along at 22 M.P.H. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous
as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the
car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide
eyed and looking like ghosts.
The driver obviously confused said,"Officer, I don't understand, I wasn't
doing over the speed limit!, What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer said, "you should know that driving slower
than the speed limit can also be dangerous". "Slower than the speed
limit? NO SIR! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said
proudly.
The officer containing a chuckle explains that 22 was the route number, not the
speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned, thanking the officer for
pointing out her error. "Before I go Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone OK?
These women seem badly shaken and haven't uttered a word all this time"
"Oh! they will be alright in a minute, Officer, we just got off Route 142.
From: www.arcamax.com
Sea Level!
Working on
a cruise ship, I was demonstrating to a group of young passengers how the ship
manages to stay level at sea.
Do you know what level means?" I asked my 6 to 8 year-old charges.
One boy replied immediately.
"A level is something you need to pass in a video game to get to a harder
screen."
From: www.arcamax.com
The Truths About Life Learned By Kids
1. No
matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3. If your sister hits you, don't hit back. They always catch the second person.
4. Never ask your 3 year-old brother to hold a tomato.
5. You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6. Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
7. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
8. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a breath mint.
9. Never hold a vacuum and a cat at the same time.
10. School lunches stick to the wall.
11. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
12. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts - no matter how cute the
underwear is.
From: www.arcamax.com
This is kind of a poem but whatever it's still funny like a joke! lol!
Memory
My
forgetter's getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke
For when I'm "here" I'm wondering
If I really should be "there"
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer!
Oft times I walk into a room,
Say "what am I here for?"
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero, is my score.
At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!
When shopping I may see someone,
Say! "Hi" and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, "Who was that?"
Yes, my forgetter's getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it's driving me plumb crazy
And that isn't any joke.
From: www.arcamax.com