(2 1/2 out of a possible
4 bathroom trips)
Shit type: 1 suspending bowel movement, 1 floater, 1/2 of one was diarrhea
Prince of Persia couldn't even be considered a game. It's more like a humping walls and trying hard not to fall off and fucking die session. Seriously there is maybe 20 minutes worth of combat in this stupid game, and the combat is completely boring. The enemies just stand there and let you kill them, every once in a while they will strike at you with their hard on even though you know that they are fucking moving in slow motion and you can practically walk up to them and drive a dildo into their nose. I swear that sword looks like a dildo.
This game is fucking stupid. And still it is getting all sorts of awards from gaming sites and magazines around the world. I can't believe it. Do the developers think I'm dumb enough to think that everything in the world has to glow? Every fucking light in this game has been programmed to blind you and cause you to miss your jump and repeat the whole fucking process of swinging from one pole to another over and over again! What the fuck. The Splinter Cell lighting effects just don't work for this game because it's a stupid piece of shit. The graphics look blurry and shitty like you're in a dream or watching a soap opera. I must be dreaming, alright. No way a game developer could release such a grabass title like this.
Every level has some sort of sex trinkets. Whether it's an erotic statue shaped like testicles or a staircase that resembles a vagina. I was aroused by the staircase but when it came time for me to prance around it, jumping from one section of the level to another, I became insulted. Who the hell comes up with this shit?
Oh you can rewind time too. WHOOPDY FUCKING DO. Half of the time you will forget about being able to do that, and when you finally remember about it and want to rewind time to fix your jump, YOU HAVE TO START THE FUCKING LEVEL OVER. And the dumbass Richard Simmons character you play as says something like "No no, that didn't happen." I wish I could rewind back to a point when HE didn't happen. If life was anything like this game, we would all be dancing around on dildos and going in slow motion and rewinding time. I hope to rewind back to the point when the developers were making this and shoot them in the kidneys with a Desert Eagle. Then as the janitor was cleaning up the mess resulting from a section the size of a basketball blown out of their sides, he would look at this game's plans and wipe his ass with them. I wish I had that satisfaction when I took all those shits from this pathetic pile of ass!!
Game developers like putting me in pain on the toilet. I say, fuck them. We need to make a game where everyone can kiss my ass.