Go home 7-14-03
I hope every show on Animal Planet is cancelled.
By Predator
Okay, so there was absolutely nothing to watch on TV today, so I flipped through channels, eventually (and unfortunately) landing on Animal Planet. Guess what was on? The show worse than The Pet Psychic! That's right, World's Funniest Animals. JUST HOW FUCKING FUNNY ARE ANIMALS, ANYWAY? THEY'RE NOT. Hell my cat is rolling around on the floor next to me right now, and that's funnier than the shit happening on this show. If the lava lamp next to me were to fall on the cat, those fuckers at Animal Planet would have wondered why I didn't fucking tape it. The worst part of this fucking show is the host. HE'S NOT FUNNY, HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A REAL AUDIENCE. It's obviously fake, because not even old Jewish women would laugh at the fucking bullcock that happens on the fucking show. The host sounds gay too. His voice is really high-pitched and fucking annoying, as if he had Bob Saget's cock wenched down his throat. Hell when I think about it, Bob Saget is funnier than this fuckmunch. I'd like to mail some anthrax to this host's house and let him open it up, hopefully the spores would go down his throat and make him sound more like a man. Or better yet, cyanide should go into his chest cavity and fill it up with harmful vapors. Eventually he would be on this fucking show with the cameraman (the only audience member) and he would start COUGHING UP BIG CHUNKS OF HIS LUNGS. The cameraman would be some big, fat guy laughing at him, watching the assfuck host puke up piles of lung and blood. Then I would come on stage out nowhere and take a big long shit in his mouth after I consume twenty pounds of Carl's Jr. Since Carl's Jr. is breeding grounds for E.Coli and Salmonella, I would die. But not after getting some cyanide up my exposed asshole and shitting out pools of blood and colon. Hopefully I would die.

But back to the topic, Animal Planet makes me appreciate Malcolm in the Middle, one of the shittiest shows on television next to Friends and Maury. The Pet Psychic, for example, is the shittiest excuse for entertainment ever. That stupid bitch, I don't give a fuck what her name is. Her tits are too saggy and she could use a couple facelifts. So could her career. Hell, I'd seduce her if I could just to get rid of the fucking Pet Shit. All she does on her fucking show is invite retarded guests on stage with their pet. These stupid mother fuckers actually think she can read pets' minds. I'd like to educate them with a baseball bat. Fuckers. The Pet Bitch will say retarded shit, and there will be a conversation like this:
PSYCHIC SLUT: Welcome to my fucking gay ass show. Let's see, your dog likes to eat shit and go outside and fuck other dogs.
RETARD GUEST: How'd you know he like's to go outside? That's fucking amazing! I hope Colin Farrell comes over to my house and fucks my sister.
PSYCHIC SLUT: Your dog says that he wants Colin Farrell to stick his Irish cock into your dog's ass. He also says that you feed him and give him water and shelter.
RETARD FUCK: Holy fuck, how the fuck did you know that? You're such a good bitch.
PSYCHIC SLUT: Too bad I'm going to be cancelled.
Suddenly I come in and kill the ugly looking, hairy mut. Then I'd kill the dog. ;) Yeah go fuck yourself stupid smiley. Anyone stupid enough to believe the Pet Psychic should be shot in the balls with a blowgun.

Animal Planet is full of other shit. Such as that one show that takes place in Detroit and all these dogs and cats are getting fucked by hobo's and other shit. I think some pet detectives (no not that shitty movie with Jim Carrey) come in and try to stop the abusers of the stupid fucking dogs. One time there was some bitch who was complaining about the neighbor's dog and how it came and pissed and shit in his yard. If a dog came and shit in my yard, I'd shoot it in the face. Fucking idiots. Then the bad guy always gets caught and charged. He's not a bad guy people! He's just trying to defend his yard from those fucking, stupid shitting machines we call dogs. I wish I lived in Detroit. That way I could start abusing dogs and when the pet police fuckers came, I would ram a car up their asses. And oh no, the car was actually a Ford Explorer with Firestone tires that blow up whenever driven on! Someone call Betty White. Stupid fucking global corporations.
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