If I should die before the 15th August 2002 , there are a few things that need to be done for me.
1. The remaining Smirnoff Ice's in the fridge must be drunk before the funeral.
2. List's and MST's will be restored on Fanfiction.net. And while we're on that, Fanfiction.net will be restored cause I've been trying for days to get on there and I can't get passed the first page!
3. Jenny, I still want you to rub miracle grow on Mr Sansomes head because I am convinced it will work!
The Funeral
1. I still refuse to be buried. Tell me why I'd want to be rotting and have my flesh eaten by worms and what not. Now, my ashes, I want part in my bass drum, part glued onto the skeleton in my ex-school's biology lab, and the rest in Bill Gates garden so I can pester him.
2. I want my funeral to be held by my mummy, umm, my real mummy... Sorry mam... This is confusing... Anyway, my real mummy knows that I do not want a formal wassit, and don't want anyone who doesn't know me doing the service, cause that would suck.
3. All Fanfiction and Soupfiction authors, that I know and like, are invited.
4. Distant relations that I barely know and have only met a few times aren't invited.
5. Mammy (Rainbow terrorist) is to read out my eulogy, which will include a slash story called Accident by Sissyneck. All must listen, or they shall be struck down by lightning. I also want mammy's list How to Have Fun at Funeral's read out. At least one of those acts must be carried out. Preferably the one where you tie a piece of string around my middle finger and pull :)
6. No one is allowed to enter the crematorium if they are not wearing at least 10 studs, and have not dyed their hair a weird and wonderful colour. unless of course you're my mummy or dad. But they must have studs. Or spikes, whichever works best for you. No one is allowed to wear suits. You can wear black, but just not suits. They're boring!
7. Right, I have finally decided on my funeral songs.
The Will:
To Mammy (Rainbow Terrorist). My collection of hair dyes has grown, to 3! and possibly more buy the end of the day. You may still have those :) And I'd also like to give you the crappy computer in my room.
My adoptive daughter Laura, my black lipstick is still yours, and TWO bottles of black nail polish. And my mascara is also yours.
My adoptive son Nicholas. You get my spiked bracelet, and the rainbow type beeds I found at a gig. And of course the drum kit shaped watch.
To my adoptive son Einion. You get mmy pink fluffy handcuffs.
To Puppet Master, I give you my plans for world domination, and my collection of poetry :)
Shadow Kiori, you get my body glitter, and my glitter type nail varnishes.
Sonolan Kiori, My fishnet stockings, and my fishnet tights, and please take good care of Mark for me?
My dear sweet Great Godly Short One Kips Hall, You have my growth hormones, my fairy costume (I made the skirt myself ^_^) and Pat.
To the rest of the Kiori crew, My CD collection is yours.
Talia, you can have all my band t-shirts.
Jo, I'm giving you my half length jeans :)
Chrissy, My entire collection of badges is yours to keep.
To anyone I've most likely missed out of the fanfic authors dealy, you can have my plot bunnies. And my hats.
Tom, You can't have my porn magazines, because I realised I haven't got any. However, you can have the message board hanging in my room for all yoour pornographic sketches.
Jenny, I know you wanted Pat, but Kip's need is probably greateer and Pat can fulfill it better. Sorry. Although, Satana would love to keep you company. And she's very handy should you run into some problems. You can also look after Jezebel, Phoenix and Alex. You don't have to do much, just let them live in your head. You still get the condoms in my wallet, and, you can have my chains.
Rachel, my dear, have my video collection, and my necklaces.
Kath! I love you! Have my eyeliner, and my television.
To Sarah, You're wonderful by the way, if I die before the 25th June, you still get my ticket to see the Chili's. Failing that, you can have... my flute.
Huw, because you're wonderful you get all my cuddly toys.
Jake, my earings are your earings. As are my dog collars, even though I know you won't wear them.
Eunice, you can have my collection of pornographic sketches.
Mari, take whatever you want love!
And if I missed out anyone, share it all out between you. and I still need people to look after David and Tammy when I'm gone. Any takers?