If I die before the 21st June, there are a few things I want done:
1. Tom Stacey, please set fire to my school for me.
2. RainbowTerrorist, I'd like you to assassinate Tony Blair for me.
3. Suzi, rub some miracle grow on Mr Sansome's head and see what happens...
My funeral:
1. I want to be cremated for a start. I refuse to be worm food! Bleh! and I want my ashes scattered underneath Beckenham theatre centre so I can haunt them forever! woo! And I want some of my ashes left in my bass drum.
2. I will not have a mosque service! No way in hell am I gonna do that! I'm not a muslim so what do I want someone to go on about how good a muslim I was? Yuck, no thank you.
3. All fanfiction.net authors are invited.
4. Distant relations aren't.
5. I would like my adoptive mummy to read out a eulogy, which would include my favourite slash story, which is a Sum 41 slash written by Sissyneck, called... er... me forgets but it's not the one that's Cone's Manly Journal. :) And everyone must listen! Or else I shall set fire to them all.
6. While I'm at it, no one is allowed to attend if they are not wearing at least 10 studs/spikes, and have dyed their hair an unusual colour. And blonde doesn't count. Anyone wearing suits will be turned away.
7. The music I want played at the funeral is: At Your Funeral by Saves the Day, Heart Attack by Sum 41, Family Reunion by Blink 182 (that's the very short one with a lot of swearing :) ), and Commercial for Levi's by Placebo. There's a bunch of other songs I want played at my reception, but way too many to list them all here. Let's just say they're very offensive in some places. Wehee! and I want Reckless Abandon by Blink 182, and Strength Through Wounding by AFI, to play when my coffin is heading towards the fire. Why? because it's right!
8. If anyone dares to play garage, house, dance, pop, or any crap like that, make sure they are decapitated with a spoon please?
9. I want to be cremated in my anarchy baby doll t-shirt, my illustrated jeans, my necklaces, and I want my lip pierced if I haven't done so before death.
The Will:
To my adoptive mother Rainbowterrorist, I leave my collection of hair dyes. Okay I only have two, but they're lovely blue and purple! And they mix!
To my adoptive daughter Coffee Fiend, I leave my black lipstick, and black nail varnish.
To my adoptive son Dragonbane, I leave my spiked bracelet and drum kit shaped watch.
To Puppet Master, I give you the plans to my secret plot for world domination. I think you'd make a far better president than anyone. Failing that, I give you all my bracelets.
To Shadow Kiori, I leave my body glitter. To Sonolan Kiori, I leave my fishnet stockings (which double as sleeves). To Kips Hall, I leave my growth hormones, and my fairy costume. To the rest of the crew, I leave my CD collection.
To any other authors I've most likely missed out, I leave you my plot bunnies, and my collection on hats.
To Tom, me giveth you my porn magazines.
Suzi/Jenny, you get to look after Pat, and you get the two condoms in my wallet.
To Rachel, I leave you my video collection.
My dear Kath, Take my eyeliner.
Sarah, you get my ticket to go see Red Hot Chilli Peppers.
Huw, You can have all my cuddly toys :)
Jake, ummm me giveth you my earings and whatnot.
and everything else that I've missed out you can all share between you. Because I'm luffly like that.
I'm done now!