One thing I found that I thought might help me was the trial of 101 days. I have been thinking about written a journal of what is going on in my life and on my search in Wicca. I will tail you right now my life is a mess right now, like most people. Because my life is what I am going to be talking about and I feel you can�t separate faith from who or what you are.
Over the next 101 days I am going to talk about what is going on in my life and how I feel. Main lee talking about Wicca and my steps alone the path I am walking. When I get there I might find that I am not a Wiccan.
Over the years I have found some things that I never new why I kept them. I have had my chalice for as long as I can remember and it has been by my bed or on my desk the hole time. I also have some deferent stones and crystals that I keep in a small cloth pouch. They have all found there why to my alter. Its one of the strange things I have always done and never new why. These things were never far apart from one another. I even have an animal skin that is about a foot and a half long and about six inches wide. It makes a great alter cloth. When I started reading about the alter it was strange having some of the items all ready. Especially when I had been setting them together as it was.
Well I guess the place to start is my faith as it has been up to now. My father, stepfather, and brother are all catholic. My mother is a Baptist. You would think with all the faith around me I would find my faith in god. I have clamed I was an atheist most of my life because I could not find within me or around me that there was a god. At list the way that is taught what god is. I could never picture an all-powerful god that was all good and all knowing. Not with the way the world is. I have read about many religions. I never found any thing that showed me why the world is the why it is. Out side of what was told to me by some one else what was the truth. I could never find anything to help me believe what they said I should.
With Wicca I didn�t have to look far to see what I had read. Wiccan�s believes that all things have an energy that is part of a whole. It is every thing and nothing. All you have to do is look around you. At the sun, the moon, wind and rain, all the things around you. Even rocks that oil and other forms of energy come from. I don�t know if I have found faith, but Wicca seems to hold to what I have always felt.
I have finally decided to try casting my first circle. I don�t feel right with saying all the long drown out lines I keep seeing. I don�t know why but it just doesn�t feel right. I read some were that just do what feels right for you. So that�s what I did. I simply wrought three words on a peace of paper. Folded it three times and placed it on my alter. Were I had started burning some candle. I closed my eyes and cleared my head the best I could. I simple thought of the words trying to direct my energy throw what I had wrought down.
Peace, harmony, calm.
I felt a little out of it after I had set there for about 15 minutes, but that could have been from meditating on it for so long. Try closing your eyes for that long thinking of just one thing, over all I felt pretty good. I wanted to try something simple and who don�t need some peace and harmony in there life. As for calm I was a nerves wreck.
Well I have done it. I have stopped smoking. Ya I know it has nothing to do with Wicca but I�m telling the world. It has had to be the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I have wanted to stop for as long as I can remember. I just never had the will power. My oldest child even wanting me to stop but it couldn�t give me the strength. Believe it or not it was the lose of a loved one. I have been looking for her all my life. When I found her life changed in so many ways. She has had something change in her life and her path has gone a deferent way than mine. I would give anything to take away her pain. I have finally seen how much life is worth and that gave me the strange to stand up to my habit.
I smoked my last cigarette on October 15 2002. Every day is a battle but I have quit.
With Halloween coming up I want to do something. It would help if I had someone to talk to about this. I keep coming across sites that say, �How to find a teacher.� All they ever say is what to look for and not to look for. Not much help if you ask me. So it�s back to reading what I can and making my own path. As it is the birth of a new year I hope it will be a beginning of a new life. I have had a lot of things change in my life over the last two years. Things change and its up to us to point are lives in the right direction. I have blamed my life on other people for so long. I have finally found that the only why my life is going to get better is if I make it that why. I have had love and dreams but none of it matters if you don�t have a why to keep it. I am going to fight for what I want in life. I don�t want you thinking I�m some nut, I just know it takes work to make life work. Nothing is just handed to anyone. But it never hurts to hope and dream. As long as you put some work into what you want.
Well Halloween has come and gone. I wanted it to be some thing special. Last year I made a big to do. I had dressed up and went out. It seemed the thing to do with the fool moon and all. This year it was deferent. I set at home and some friends came over just to talk. I�m still reading all I can and have decided to write my own opening and closing ritual. I have seen so many and nothing fits. I am going to put them on here so I can look back and see if my why of thinking changes over time and it will give anyone reading this something to think about. The question is are you thinking I�m a nut or something else. I spend time in paganism chat rooms. It bothers me when people come in looking for spells and it seems they only want the magic not the faith. I have never done a real spell just meditated on somethings I want in my life. I want to learn more before I try doing any real spells. I want to know more about Wicca and find someone to help to understand what I am doing. It�s the onething about Wicca that I find hard to believe. I think it�s because of the why I was raised. It takes faith to make dreams happen and I think magic is the same thing. If you don�t believe with all your heart it�s not going to work for you.
You need one green, red, yellow, blue, and white candle
Athame or something to drawl circle
Find a space large enough to place your candles in a circle around you and your altar.
Place the white candle on the altar.
Blue to your right
Yellow to the left
Red to the right behind you
Green to the left behind you
In the shape of the pentagram with the alter setting at the top.
Placing the other candles at each point.
Open
Light blue candle � I call on the spirit of water to send a guardian
Light red candle � I call on the spirit of fire to send a guardian
Light green candle � I call on the spirit of earth to send a guardian
Light yellow candle � I call on the spirit of air to send a guardian
Light white candle - I call on the spirits to form this circle and protect me in my time of need
Drawl circle with athame clockwise
Close
I give thanks to the spirit of water � put out blue candle
I give thanks to the spirit of fire � put out red candle
I give thanks to the spirit of earth � put out green candle
I give thanks to the spirit of air � put out yellow candle
I give thanks to the spirits as they close this circle - put out white candle
(i do not use this opening and closing any more)
I have found a place were I can learn from other Wiccan's. (mscovenschool � MS Coven School Community.) it�s a group on yahoo.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mscovenschool/
I hope to find the answers I have been looking for and some more questions to ask. I have been spending a lot of time looking over the lessons in the school; I have so much to learn. It�s nice to have found some like-minded people. I hope I can make some new friends. I�m nerves and existed all at the same time.
Schools in
(the school has closed, sorry)
I have been trying to get to writing some more on here. With all my studying I have been vary busy. It�s a lot of work to learn so much. I truly feel that I have found my path. A lot of my life right now is still a mess but it�s nice to finely have some faith in my life. I never thought I would say that. I have changed right along with my faith. I hope into a better person. I have always been the all around nice guy as it was (and yes nice guys do finish last.) It�s more in how I see the world that changed. I finally feel like I am part of it not just living on it. The school I found is still being put together, it doesn�t open tail Yule but you can read what they have and talk to people. I�m hoping to make some friends from the school but none so fare. I have found that some people I have nown for years are Wiccan and I never new it. It kind of sound stupid but I don�t feel right talking to some of them. I have seen them in a deferent light for so long it hard to know if they�re real or just talking the talk as they say. My faith is a big part of who I am right now and I want to be careful where I go to learn. Even with the school I try to find other places with the same information. I know that there are deferent paths in Wicca and somethings are deferent between them but the fundamentals are the same. I want to soak it all in and find my own why. I think this is the best why for all of us. It's back to doing what feels right for you.
Well I have time now to work on my studies and my web sit. I�m out of work for now. I was working a seasonal job and its came to an end. That�s life; it�s always changing. I put a new page on my web sit. It�s a Wiccan alphabet. Have fun with it writing what ever you like. I�m going to be adding some of my new poems to my poem page to.
I have made some new friends on line that I can talk to about Wicca. It�s nice to be able to talk to someone and ask questions. So I have found the things I wanted to find, friends and a place to learn. Now all I need is to learn. There�s a lot to do still and I don�t think I will ever stop learning.
Merry we meet and merry we part
Merry we part and merry we meet again.
I think I have found the greatest test of my faith. All the reading and studying �lol
I have been trying to write my own spells. It's harder then it sounds. There are so many parts and I have been trying to pull all off what I have learned together, but I have a lot to learn.
Writing a spell
Were do you get the power?
Self
Non-self / elemental
What elementals do you get the power from?
Air
Fire
Water
Earth
Time?
Day of the week
The phase of the moon
Time of the year
What materials?
Candles
Incants
Herbs
Stones
Colors
Symbols
Then you have to put it all together in words. You have to call on the elemental to aid you in your spell. Use the materials and put it all together and keep it simple enough to remember it all. Sounds like fun ha. I can�t do it yet �lol back to school.
(the thing you truly need to cast a spell is faith and your own mind)
Im sorry for not writing sooner but I have been have computer problems and have been doing my schooling and stuff.
I have been putting a lot of my free time into my schooling and now im thinking about going back to college so real school. I like the abuse.
I have one great thing happen in my life, I have found my witchy name
Keshava
meaning:
Master of the senses and/or long hair.
Its a lot harder to write this page then before becouse i dont want to bore you about the little things I have been doing. I have found my wand, it was cool. I was out helping a friend and he pulled a branch off a sapling and hit me with it. When I grabed it I got a jolt and stoped, looked down and there it was in my hand my wand.
I have been adding to my alter a lot and I feel for now it is complet.
So for being a witch I have a long why to go, so I will be back.
merry meet
i have set up a group and your all welcome
a_home_for_the_green_witch
I want it to be a place were witches and wiccans can go to find ansers to what they are looking for.
To find more links go to my group a home for the green witch.
