if you don't want to read this whole entry, just read the underlined part.

i opened my window. hopefully it will be cold in my room. i just got done watching out of order on showtime. what a brilliant show. sometimes i take a step out of my shoes, and look at myself. am i actually someone to be proud of? why do i have the friends that i have? what makes them keep me there, and not just DROP me? am i honestly a good friend? i've lied so many times to different people. i have not lied to my best friends. the last time i seriously lied to one of them was about cutting. which was a long time ago. forgotten. forgiven. my other friends on the other hand, i lie to them. only about myself. am i just FULL of lies? no. i'm not. what am i getting at? as i sat there, staring at my hands, i felt myself start to give in. give in to what? i don't know why i just wrote that sentence.. it just came to me. I KNOW WHY I SAID THAT. i know why i said that..fully. but i don't want to give in. it's not true. it hurts to hear it, though. i don't know what i do to set that off. i don't do anything that i know of. maybe it's just..the truth on their mind just spilling out. what they really think. i hate that i'm starting to doubt myself over that. it shouldn't matter to me. i need reassurance. i need to know... what do my friends.. best friends.. honestly think of me? why are they friends with me? if you see this, sign the message board and tell me, in detail, what you think of me. also, tell me why you're friends with me. i need to hear good things about myself, rather than bad things... i'm starting to doubt myself, and i don't want that to happen. when i doubt myself, i'll be discontent again. i don't want that to happen. i want to be happy. happiness is worth it. it's worthy of life... but.. am i worthy of happiness?

i laid it down for all to see @ 1:14 AM