DECEMBER 15, 2002-2:51pm

hmm, i've decided that i'm gonna put some poetry on here. ill get it from murg12, but im not putting all of them on here. and then im gonna put some that i never added to murg12. wouldnt that be fun? for some, ill explain some things. the poetry i write is either about love, suicide/depression, or hate. that's pretty.. crazy. my poetry notebook is getting quite massive. i still have a lot of pages left, but theres still a lot used up. i love it dearly. i have a bunch of gay ones that i never added.. i just realized that. or some that have names in them, or are a bit...yeah. im bored. i signed off aim, because it was slowing down the computer. and jimmys not on anyway, so i have no reason to be on.
pokagon is gonna be so fucking fun this year. me and emmo were talking about it on the phone. i doubt mal will hang out with us but that's okay i guess. me and em have already decided that we are gonna film the men's bathroom that's downstairs.. ahh yes, will be fun times. everytime me and em go there, we come back with fifty million new inside jokes. it's great. i love pokagon so much. it's my favorite thing of the year. me and emmo are gonna be so much different this year. we both have changed so greatly. seriously. look at a picture of emmo from 6th grade, and then one from this year. it's fucking weird. it's not as bad with me, but she changed HUGELY. im glad she changed.. :) ha, yeah. i realized that my uncles (mom's side) are obsessed with sports. as soon as they find out im not being in softball, they will be very disappointed. they wont have anything to talk to me about. it makes me sad that my uncle stan forces em to play sports. it pisses me off. she shouldnt have to if she doesnt want to. that's what makes me grateful to have the parents i have. they give me choices most of the time. not all the time, but most of the time. i wish they would give me choices about religion though. that would make me happy. and i wish they would give me the same rights as they give alice. i swear, if i ask the same question she asks, they'll say no to me but yes to her. that makes me angry. they make it so obvious that they think shes a better person.
i'm listening to "comedown" by bush. that song reminds me of the mid 90s. ah yes, the good old 90s. so much fun. i miss my brother. :( how sad. i miss my sister too. damn, i doubt anyone even comes here.
i have an ortho tomorrow morning at 7. how funfilled. im getting my bottom braces on. how VERY funfilled. that means i should eat all i can now. muahaha! i rule. hmm. i was really depressed last night. you can see it in my poems. ;) why did i wink? hmm.. im confused. i confuse myself. I can't wait till pokagon, it's gonna kick so much fucking ass. im glad our family PLUS emmo go on friday night instead of saturday morning. i love pokagon.
alice just left. see, she's allowed to leave whenever she wants. but if i were to just walk out the door and say bye, they would kick my ass. i was outside last night for about an hour, and they didnt even notice. that makes me sad. you know what's a good movie? meet joe black. anthony hopkins. fuck yeah. i'm writing a lot today. i'm just so bored... hmm.. im gonna get online and see if jimmys back yet. i doubt he is. well he's not. he told me he would probably be home at 5. hmm.. ill be at church by then. damn, church sucks. i really dont wanna go this week, since emmo wont be with me. the last two sundays i have been sitting in the very back not participating at all. for some reason i hope alice isnt back in time to go to church. i wanna be alone. that's how it always is.. usually i either want to be alone, or want emmo to be with me. because emmo's company is almost the same as my mind's company. shes not too obnoxious and shes not annoying. but to tell you the truth, i always want jimmy to be with me. i enjoy his company greatly. he makes me smile.
im afraid to be alone with so many people. such as james and tim. i dont like being alone with them, although i never am. im not afraid to be alone with a'rew, matt, or jason, just james and tim. im certainly not afraid to be alone with jimmy. damn, i hate girls. they piss me off so bad. ill say something i told someone the other night, they end the friendship if you dont write them back. they make little issues into HUGE issues. if they cant find their shoes, they scream at the top of their lungs and FREAK out. it's fucking annoying. just little things about that gender make me so fucking pissed off. guys are way more fun than girls.
the people of america are getting so dumb. using words like funner and stupider. you know what? most of us read this in science class, but the average american eats 60 pounds of potatoes in a year. 60 fucking pounds. and i bet 90% of that 60 pounds are fries. amazing.
well, this entry is the longest by far i think. that means i should end it. i doubt anyone will read this whole thing, but they probably scrolled down to the end to read this part. well you know what? they cant. im gonna make this paragraph massive so people dont read it. i just have to keep going. and not stop and stuff. it's not very hard to stop. i want to stop right now. but im not going to. hi friends. my mom put a fucking santa clause on the clock. thats scary. i wish she didnt crush my dreams about santa. she told me she wasnt gonna sign as santa anymore. psh. what the hell. i wish i wouldnt have used up all our money this year.. i want a normal christmas...

ha, later.

-3:23pm