February 5, 2004 9:25pm - I haven't updated this in a very long time. I don't know if things have changed. I think I've changed. I change all the time. Things are just.. there. I mean, I'm not as good of friends with Em anymore. It seems like she has other things/people, so I just leave her alone. She's at the height of her life, I think, so I'll just leave her alone. I'm still great friends with Jimmy, of course. And I don't think that will ever change. I feel very close to him, closer to him than anyone else I've ever met. It's like we have this unspoken thing. Even if we don't talk a lot, I feel extremely connected to him. I love talking to him... about everything. I can talk to him about anything. He always listens. I love it. I love having someone that I can always turn to--no matter what. I love him so deeply. I dream about him all the time. Not necessarily sexual dreams, but I dream about just talking to him. Or just sitting with him on a couch, cuddling. It's not all about appearance, and that makes me so happy. It has never been just about physical attraction. I love having that kind of relationship with someone. He's my best friend. Honestly, he is. I know he'll never betray me. I love that. I love him so much. I don't think he really knows how special he is to me. I would never take him for granted. He's the greatest person that has ever come into my life. Okay.. moving on, because I could write about him all day and I'm sure no one wants to read about this,.. I'm still good friends with Chelsey. She's like a sister to me. It's sort of cool. She usually understands me and I understand her. I like having that. I like having her to talk to. She's the only person in my class I can stand ALL THE TIME. I mean, sometimes I just want people to fuck off, but I never feel like telling her to fuck off. I don't know. I guess she's just like a sister to me. I like having good friends instead of a million "friends" that I can hardly stand. School is weird. My grades are slipping because I don't try AT ALL anymore. Seriously. I've just been reading all the time, or sleeping, or writing. But I never do anything for school anymore. I mean, I do it, but I don't spend time on it. I think I'll start doing that. I want to start focusing on school and reading. I don't want to talk to anyone during school. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of talking to people that I don't really like. I like talking to Chelsey. And sometimes I like talking to Summer, Lauren, Alyssa, Kelly, and Katey... but I really don't like any guys in my class AT ALL. I wish someone could understand and realize that. I like reading so much better than socializing with people. I'm really tired. I sleep a lot now. I dream a lot now. It's great. Life is great. I just hope nothing goes downhill. I hope everything stays like it is. Actually, if things change, I want them to get better. I think I'm done with this update. I hope everyone is happy with their life right now.
