It’s the colour of the leaves as they swayed around me in the wind. It’s as if they are afraid to let go. Let go and fall gracefully to the ground in a heap. My knuckles turn white with my hold on the branches. I wish with all my might that I could let go.
“Amy get down from there, you might fall.”
I blink opening my eyes, and glancing down at my auntie. She stood at the foot of the tree, looking up. She had always been the graceful one, the elegant one, the one that could always put a smile on anyone’s face with just a simple look.
“No.” I frowned.
Green
It’s the colour of my aunties’ ribbon in her hair. She use to tie my hair up in a pink and white spotted ribbon when I was little. I wore it everyday until my cousin told me it looked stupid with the orange and purple one I wore with it. I punched him down, until he gave in. His mother wasn’t too happy with his blackened eye. My auntie and uncle laughed giving us a knowing smile. I frowned wishing I could understand why.
“Please, it’s about to start.”
I closed my eyes, shutting them tightly. Wishing I could have wings to fly away. Fly so high they I could be with my mother in the sky. Daddy always said she was able to fly. Daddy could take away all my pain with just a hug. My auntie once told me that my mother and daddy use share something, you could only dream about having in a lifetime. Their friendship always came first.
“Amy, everybody’s waiting.”
Green
It was my mothers’ favorite colour. My uncle use to tell me stories about her demanding he paint his boat green. He would always chuckle, saying just because people can tell you what to do, you don’t have to listen. Be your self Amy. Be happy first. He never did paint his boat green.
“I’m coming.”
I quick smile graced my face, glancing down at her. I dreaded everything about today. Everybody was stuffy and uncomfortable to be around. They all asked the same questions. How are you holding up dear? It’s a terrible lost isn’t it? As if I didn’t already wanted to be remembered of the fact that he was gone, their pity didn’t help much.
I clamped down the branches of the trees carefully, knowing my auntie wouldn’t want me to rip my pretty dress. She held her arms out to me, for me to fall into at the bottom. I wrapped my arms around her neck, hugging her tightly. I closed my eyes again, wishing for everything to go away. She stroked my back, silently hugging me back, as we moved over to the crowd of people. People, who were family, people who all had the same purpose in mind. Letting go.
“Hey Pacey.”
I could feel his presence. My auntie could always feel his presence, even if she didn’t want to. He rested a hand to my back, where her hand had just been. I slowly turn to look at him. He’s standing close, an arm around my auntie, watching me. Sadness shining in his beautiful blue eyes, blue like the ocean. Blue like the sky. I wish I could fly.
“Sweet pea.”
He only murmurs before locking eyes with my auntie, silently talking to each other. He knows not to ask stupid questions, because he can tell how I’m feeling. He’s feeling it too.
Green
It’s the colour of my uncles’ shirt. Three buttons undone, showing a few hairs on his chest. I could tell he hadn’t done the choosing of his outfit, because he hated the colour green. He swore to my auntie that he wouldn’t wear it, just because she bought it. I guess she proven him wrong. She had always had the ability to do that. They would laugh about it sometimes.
“Maybe we should grab our seats before Andie has a chance to come over here?”
I bit lip at my auntie’s suggestion, I trait a picked from her my daddy always told me. My uncle nodded looking around, spotting her walking towards us. He ushered us towards the white plastic chairs, arranged in rows in the middle of the crowd of people. I know that none of my aunties are blood related to me, but love is thicker than blood. I know my auntie doesn’t mean anything by her comment, other than Andie asks the uncomfortable questions, and my auntie would only want to minimize my suffering, my uncle too. It’s the kind of people they are.
“Joey. Pacey. How’s my niece holding up?”
I guess they weren't fast enough to their seats. Andie bends slightly to look into my eyes. I close my eyes again, turning away from her, burying my head further into my aunties’ neck. Just looking at Andie reminds me of daddy. I want to be anywhere but where I am.
“As well as to be expected,” He frowns. I know without looking he would frown.
Green
Andie’s dress is a lime green colour. It’s smart and sophisticated, fitting her small frame perfectly. She makes me think she’s out of place, like she’s in the wrong place. Looking over the other people crowded around talking, they look slightly relaxed in causal attire. As relaxed as you could be today, I suppose.
“Pace could you take Amy, here. Find us a nice seat. I want to talk to Andie a moment.”
My uncle gently lifts me out of my aunties’ arms, she smiles at me, kissing my forehead softly when I relax into his comfortable arms.
“Come on sweet pea.”
Green
Sweet peas are green. My uncle stayed calling me sweet pea when the only thing I would eat when I was sick was sweet peas. My daddy use to laugh at how well my uncle knew me. I smiled snuggling further into his arms, wrapping my arms around his neck.
“Don’t take too long, sweetheart!”
He murmured into my aunties’ hair, kissing her there, before he started to walk us away. He found us a seat near the front, but not the front because I hated being the centre of attention. Being in the front row made you the centre of attention, my uncle knew that. He sat down, forcing me to sit up so we could look at each other. His blue eyes still shown sadness but he smiled anyway.
“Did I ever tell you the story about the daffodils?”
I shook my head. I had always like daffodils because they were green and yellow. Green for mother. Yellow for daddy. Daddy would always smile when he saw daffodils, his smile was secretive, but I knew he would be thinking of mother when he did.
“Well Jen, your mother I mean…. She had always been fascinated with daffodils. They were one of her most favorite flowers. She would twirl the stem around in her forefingers, when she was bored or irritated. She used to tell me that just by watching them it seemed to relax her. Your daddy didn’t hold the same interest in the daffodil flower as your mother did, he would tease her about it. They would laugh. But your daddy knew the secret to your mother was daffodils. When ever they had a disagreement over something, major or minor, he knew with just a single daffodil left on her pillow for her to wake up to, that he could bring a smile back to her face. But you know what I think. I think just because they aren’t here with us anymore, it doesn’t mean we have to forget them. They love you very much, to the ends of the earth and back. Don’t forget that, okay.”
I bite down on my lip again, and nod my head, trying to smile. He smiles too, leaning forward to kiss my forehead gently. A moment later my auntie joins us, leaning her against my uncles’ shoulder. She smiles, intertwining her fingers with my uncles, he kisses them contently.
After the ceremony, my uncle moves to stand up with everyone else, but my auntie grabs his sleeve, stilling the movement.
“Wait a moment. Can we just stay a while longer? Be with them a while longer.”
I watch silently as my uncle nods, understanding without a word. He relaxes back into his chair, pulling me against him, I close my eyes. My auntie rests her head on his shoulder again. And I listen to their voices in the wind.
